If your ex is pushing you away because she scared of getting too attached to you and doesn’t want to get too close, then make sure that you avoid the following mistakes.
1. Apologizing for making her scared and promising to take things slow from now on
Apologizing once is fine, but don’t go overboard with it and promise to take things slow so she isn’t scared of getting hurt.
The reality is that women who act ‘scared’ of getting hurt, secretly hate it when men believe them and then follow along with her little ‘pity me’ game.
She’s done it to other guys in the past, they believed her, became soft towards her and she then lost interest and moved on.
What she’s looking for is a man who doesn’t take her fear of getting too close so seriously, or a man who can make her not take it so seriously (i.e. get her to laugh at herself for being so serious, worried or fearful when it comes to having feelings).
So, a mistake that some guys in a situation like yours is to be extra sweet and supportive to towards their ex girlfriend, even though she doesn’t need it or want it.
What she actually wants is to feel excited, open and confident about being in love, rather than having a guy fan the flames of her unnecessary fear.
Additionally, if her ex boyfriend is being extra nice, sweet, soft, gentle and supportive towards her, then she’s not going to feel attracted to him because of that.
As you may know, nice guy behavior doesn’t make women feel attracted and turned on.
Nice guy behavior gets guys rejected when they’re trying to pick up women, makes women feel bored and turned off in a relationship and makes women feel unmotivated to get back with an ex after a break up.
If you want her back (and for her to stop acting like she is scared), then you need to have the balls to laugh at her, or get her to laugh at herself when she is acting like she is too scared to get back with you.
If you can’t do that, then she will feel as though you’re too weak (emotionally) and can’t handle a woman like her.
If she feels that way, then she will absolutely keep pushing you away because she won’t want to get back into a relationship where she knows she will continue to feel turned off.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Never really understanding what attracts a woman on a primal level, which results in you getting rejected by her and other women you really want
There are certain personality traits and behaviors that automatically attract women (e.g. confidence, emotional masculinity, assertiveness, purpose and direction, being a bit of a challenge) and others that turn them off (e.g. insecurity, neediness, being too nice).
The more attractive traits you display when interacting with women, the more they feel attracted to you.
Likewise, the less you display, the less they feel attracted to you.
How about you?
Are you aware of some of the attractive and unattractive traits you’ve been displaying to her?
Are you willing to improve, adjust and make some quick changes so you can begin displaying a lot more attractive traits when interacting with her, so she then becomes open to giving you another chance?
Unfortunately, a lot of guys who are trying to get an ex woman back are willing to improve, but they just don’t know what to do.
As a result, a guy might think that his ex will stop feeling scared to commit to him if he:
- Tells her how much he loves her.
- Is extra nice, helpful and generous towards her.
- Becomes a shoulder to cry on and is ‘there for her’ as a good friend.
- Tell her that he is willing to wait as long as it takes for her to feel comfortable about being with him.
Yet, when a guy uses that approach, it doesn’t turn his ex on at a primal level.
She just sees him as a nice guy and may even appreciate that about it, but she won’t much or any desire to be with him sexually and romantically.
In many cases, she won’t want to admit that though (i.e. because she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, or cause him to plead with her to give him a chance to make her have feeling for him again), so she will push him away whenever he tries to get too close.
So, if you want your ex to stop feeling scared and pushing you away as a result, you need to get clear on what aspects of the attraction experience were missing in the relationship (i.e. Did she want you to be more of a challenge? Did she want you to stop taking her fake drama so seriously? Did she want you to stop acting like her savior from the big, bad world out there? Did she want you to stop entertaining or encouraging her repeated stories of how she was abused by a previous boyfriend, or has issues from her childhood? Did she want you to have the balls to get her to laugh at herself for being such a drama queen?).
Guys in your situation often fear doing anything other than being nice to their ex girlfriend who is apparently ‘scared’ or has issues.
Yet, women like that are secretly looking for a man who has the balls to laugh at her (in a loving way, of course), or get her to laugh at herself and stop being such a pain in the butt.
You can realize that now, start doing it and re-attract her back into a relationship, or you can continue being afraid to be like that and then realize it many years later, when she has settled down, married and started a family with another guy.
I say that because I know from experience that it takes some guys years to eventually realize the truth about their ex girlfriend and what kind of attraction experience she really wanted.
Don’t let that happen to you.
Understand what she really wants and start doing it today.
3. Trying to explain yourself in long emails, texts or social media messages
Long messages from guys (especially ex guys) turn women off for the following reasons:
- It makes the guy look desperate. If a guy isn’t desperate for a girl, he won’t go to all the trouble of writing long, emotional messages to her. Additionally, if he is confident in his attractiveness to her (this is what your ex wants you to be and what other women want you to be, by the way), then he keep messages brief, relaxed and playful. He won’t feel the need to write long, emotional messages to her.
- It makes a guy look feminine (like a girl). Girls tend to rant and write long messages because they get caught up in the emotions of things and just go for it. Yet, just because girls do that, it doesn’t mean guys should do it too. You should always make yourself different to a girl by being the more masculine one. If she feels as though you’re writing like a girl, she simply won’t feel attracted to you.
- It can seem selfish to her (i.e. he is talking about his feelings and expressing what he wants her to understand, what he wants from the situation, how much he cares for her, how much she means to him. It’s really about him trying to get her back and nothing else).
- It can make her feel more disappointed by the fact that no matter how much he tries to write, she still doesn’t feel attracted to him.
So, what can you do if your ex refuses to talk to you on the phone, or meet up in person and you’ve got is text or email?
It’s fine to text, email or send social media messages, but just don’t use it as a way to explain yourself.
Instead, use the interactions to make her feel attracted to you.
When she feels attracted to you, she will then care about losing you and as a result, will open up to talking to you on the phone (audio or video call), or meeting up with you in person so she can explore her feelings further.
Then, when you see her in person, be prepared to make her feel more respect, attraction and love for the new and improved you, so she feels as though losing you would be her loss.
When she touches on that feeling of potential loss and regret, her guard will naturally come down and she will stop pushing you away.
4. Continuing to chase until she fully closes up emotionally and possibly even blocks your number
If she gets the sense that you are only after one thing (i.e. a committed relationship) and are going to keep pushing for it, don’t be surprised if you eventually scare her off completely.
Unless she has strong feelings for you (i.e. she is very attracted to you, or in love with you), being pressured back into a relationship just isn’t going to feel right to her.
She’s going to start to get the sense that you are trying to control her, or push her into something that she doesn’t want.
Women don’t respond well to that approach.
So, what you need to do instead is focus on making her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you whenever you interact with her on the phone or in person.
Let her see that she really does feel differently when she interacts with you now (i.e. she feels more drawn to you, she feels comfortable opening up to you without you reacting too eagerly and causing her to go inward again, she likes how you’re more of a challenge now, she feels worried about losing you).
When she feels that way, it just won’t feel right to her to leave you and try to move on because she has found what she has been looking for all along.
That elusive, hard to find feeling where she is in love, open and doesn’t want to lose you, no matter what risks are involved (i.e. potentially getting hurt down the line).
She doesn’t care about that and just wants to be with you.
When you approach it that way, you will see that she suddenly stops being so worried about getting hurt, or getting too close and instead, wants to open up and get as close as possible with you before she loses you.