Here’s how to convince your ex that she will be happy if you and her get back together:
1. Tell her that you and her don’t have to commit to getting back together forever
A good way of getting your ex to relax and not get so worked up about the idea of getting back together again, is by not pushing her into making a definite decision right away.
Instead, put her mind at ease by suggesting that you and her only need to give the relationship a shot for a week to see how you feel.
For example: The next time she says something like, “I just don’t know. I’m too scared that if we get back together, I’m going to be unhappy again. I don’t want to have to go through all that again,” you can respond by saying, “Hey, I understand that making a big commitment to stay together for life sounds like way too much. I agree. So, let’s not talk about getting back together forever. Instead, let’s simply agree to give our relationship a shot for one more week. Then, if things go well and you feel happy about being together, we can decide then about making a longer commitment. On the other hand, if you hate being back together and feel miserable, I will accept that and we can part as friends and go our separate ways. So, let’s just commit to one more week and see we both feel.”
In most cases, giving a woman the option to break up after a week makes her feel safer, so she will be more inclined to agree and give it a try.
Then, once she agrees, you must use the week to reignite her feelings of respect and attraction for you, so she can reconnect with her love for you and feel happy again.
One of the ways to do that, is to…
2. Focus on making her smile, laugh and feel happy with you from now on
When interacting with your ex, it might be tempting to want to repeatedly reassure her that things will be different this time.
For example: A guy might regularly apologize to her for his past behavior and explain why he behaved the way he did.
He might tell her how much he regrets hurting her and say things like, “I know that things were bad between us, but I promise you this time it will be different. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. I am completely committed to this. You mean everything to me. I just want to make you happy. I promise you. You have my word on that.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
She doesn’t need to keep hearing about it.
To get her back and keep her in a relationship, you need to focus on making her have feelings for you, rather than constantly trying to reassure her how serious you are about fixing things and making her happy.
So, simply focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you again.
If you do that, she will naturally feel happy to be back with you and won’t need you to try and convince her that things will be different.
Focusing on making her smile, laugh and feel good doesn’t mean you have to act like a clown, make jokes all the time or be silly and frivolous around her.
Instead, it’s simply about not being so serious about things and not harping on and on about the past.
When she’s smiling, laughing and enjoying being in your presence, it becomes difficult for her to keep thinking, “I’m scared that I will be unhappy again if we get back together again.”
Instead, she thinks, “I never expected to be able to feel this good around my ex after how badly things ended between us. I’m actually feeling exited again. I love him again. I wonder if it is possible for us to have a happy, lasting relationship this time?”
So, if you want to get your ex to relax and open herself up to the idea of getting back together, make sure that you try to make every interaction with her a happy one.
It’s not about trying hard to suck up to her and do whatever she wants.
That doesn’t work.
Instead, it’s about being a confident, emotionally masculine man who has the balls to joke around and make her laugh at times, rather than being on your best behavior and taking everything so seriously.
The more she enjoys talking to you, interacting with you and hanging out with you, the more open she will be to giving the relationship a real chance.
On the other hand, if you are mostly making her feel stressed out or turned off (e.g. because you’re still making the same old mistakes that causes her to break up with you before), then she’s not going to want to spend time with you or give the relationship a real chance.
Instead, she will say something like, “Sorry, but I’m just too scared that I will be unhappy again of we get back together. I think it’s better if we let it go and move on.”
3. Stop saying and doing the things that have been secretly turning her off
After the break up, some guys don’t know how to behave around their ex anymore.
For example: All he knows is that he wants him ex back more than anything, but she is saying things like, “No, I’m not interested,” or “No. I’m scared that I will be unhappy of we get back together again,” or “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore.”
As a result, he feels like he is losing her forever and that all hope is lost.
So, instead of saying and doing the types of things that will relight her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him and make her want to get back together, he says and does things that turn her off.
For example: He starts…
- Being insecure and self-doubting, instead of being confident and emotionally strong.
- Begging and pleading with her for another chance, rather than taking a few days to improve on the things that caused her to break up with him in the first place.
- Trying to make her happier by being nicer to her, instead of being a man that she can naturally feel respect for now.
- Complaining about how difficult things have been for him since the break up, as a way of making her feel pity for him, rather than showing her that he is confident, happy and emotionally strong.
- Giving her more power in the relationship (e.g. letting her call the shots), instead of being more emotionally dominant by taking the lead and guiding her back into feelings of love, respect, attraction and happiness.
Here’s the thing…
If you continue saying and doing things that turn your ex off, she’s naturally going to keep giving you excuses (e.g. that she’s scared that she will be unhappy again if your get back together) to avoid giving you another chance.
So, if you want to get her back, you’ve got to start saying and doing things that actively trigger her feelings of respect, attraction, and love for you.
For example: If you had become insecure in the relationship and stopped being manly, you need to quickly become very confident and start talking, feeling, behaving and acting in a more manly way.
You’ve got to let her see that you get it now and have already changed.
Note that I said, “Let her see.”
I didn’t say, “Tell her and try to explain to her that you’ve changed.”
There’s a big difference.
Women don’t like it when a guy desperately tries to convince her that he has changed things about himself just to get her back.
On the other hand, women like it when they interact with an ex and feel a surprising, renewed sense of respect and attraction for him because he has already changed.
You interact with her and she feels sparks of respect, attraction and love and knows that you have changed, without you needing to tell her all about it and look a little bit desperate in the process.
When you let her feel and experience the changes, she automatically stops being so defensive and begins to feel attracted to you again.
This happens without her having to do anything because attraction is a natural, automatic reaction that humans have to each other.
When you display traits that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confidence under pressure, emotional masculinity, humor in moments where others are too afraid to use it, charisma), a woman doesn’t have to think about whether she feels attracted to you or not.
It happens automatically.
This natural rule of attraction applies to your ex, even though you might see her as being unique and different to other women.
Yes, she is different, but she is still a human woman.
If you behave in an attractive way, she will naturally feel some attraction for you, whether she wants to or not.
Her mind might be telling her, “Stop! Remember that he made you feel unhappy before and he might do it again,” but her heart will open up to you again, even if she tries to fight it.
Remember: Attraction is an automatic reaction.
Your ex’s thought process will be influenced by the amount of attraction she feels for you based on the traits and behaviors you are displaying.
As a result of feeling attracted to you, she will find reasons why she is suddenly looking at you in a more positive light (e.g. “Maybe he is the one” or, “Maybe this means that we’re meant to be together” or, “I thought I was over him, but my heart is telling me otherwise. It’s a sign!”).
4. Make her feel attracted to you in new ways
Imagine that a guy was controlling in the relationship with his ex.
For example: He prevented her from seeing her single friends, checked her phone/e-mail/social media to see who she was interacting with, insisted that she wear only the types of clothes he approved of and tried to control her behavior around him and others.
To get her back, he might make the mistake of saying something like, “I’ve changed. I promise that you can do whatever you like and I won’t try to stop you anymore.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that when he’s nagging her about getting back together and saying things like, “Don’t be scared. It will be okay this time. You have nothing to be worried about. Things will be better. Just believe me” she will look at it as him continuing to be the controlling guy that he was in the relationship.
So, what can he do instead?
He can turn his past controlling behavior into something they can laugh about together and as a result, attract her in a new way.
For example: If she says, “I’m scared that I will be unhappy of we get back together again,” he can say in a joking way, “What are you talking about? You mean you didn’t enjoy being locked up in my dungeon and fulfilling my every need as a slave? Now you tell me! All this time I thought you loved being my little minion,” and have a laugh with her about that.
Obviously, he wouldn’t have locked her up in a dungeon and he is simply exaggerating and getting her to imagine a much worse guy, so his behavior doesn’t look so bad in comparison.
Additionally, by using humor to laugh at himself and his past behavior, he’s showing her that he now understands where he went wrong.
He’s also making her feel attracted by responding differently to the way she’s expecting him to (e.g. she would have most likely been expecting him to get angry, try to control her or blame her for making him behave in a controlling way).
By joking around about the past, it takes the pressure off getting back together right away and allows her to enjoy talking to him again.
She then begins to think to herself, “What’s changed? He’s not trying to control me anymore. He also understands what made me want to break up with him. I can’t believe I’m thinking this, but I think I kind of like him again. Why am I feeling this way? Maybe we can make things work between us after all.”
As long as he continues to make her feel attracted as he talks to her on the phone or in person in that moment, she will drop her guard and open up to potentially being with him again.
She might be a little resistant initially, or she might dive right back into a relationship with him by hugging, kissing and having sex with him.
Each woman is different, which is why you need to make sure that you maintain your confidence at all times throughout the ex back process.
Some women make it easy and some women play hard to get to test your confidence and see how you are going to react (e.g. are you going to get upset and angry like you used to, or do you know have the emotional maturity and confidence to guide a potentially difficult conversation back to love and laughter?).
Part of the reason why a woman does that is to see whether or not you have leveled up as a man, or are still stuck at the same level you were at when she dumped you.
If you can now attract her in new ways and you’ve learned from your mistakes, she will have reasons to want to give the relationship another chance.
5. Help her to stop taking things so seriously and just enjoy spending time with you
Most women create drama in a relationship purely as a way to test a man’s confidence and to see where his breaking point is.
A woman may not even realize that she’s doing it and might even feel offended if you point it out to her, but it (i.e. creating drama to test your confidence) is a natural and very common thing that women do.
This is why taking your ex’s comment about being ‘scared’ too seriously is a bad move.
If she’s just messing with you and seeing how much BS you will put up with from her, then she’s going to be disappointed that you are taking it all too seriously.
To avoid that from happening, a better way to respond is by using humor to help her see that the situation is not as bad as she’s making it out to be.
For example: The next time your ex says, “I’m just too scared that I will be unhappy again of we get back together,” you can turn it into something to laugh about together by laughing and saying, “Ooooh, how scary. Getting back together for a week to see how we feel. Wow, that’s so scary.”
Initially, she might act shocked that you’re not taking her that seriously anymore.
However, even if she doesn’t openly admit it, she will actually be feeling a huge amount of respect and sexual attraction for you for having the balls to guide the interaction back to laughter and love, rather than getting sucked into her drama.
From there, you just need to continue making her laugh and smile and feel good, so you can build on her initial feelings for you.
The more respect and attraction she feels for you, the more she will enjoy interacting with you again.
Slowly, but surely, her fears will be replaced with happy feelings.
As a result, she will naturally get back with you, feel happy about it and you and her can then enjoy the great times ahead together as a couple.