Here are 4 tips to get your ex back after being needy.
1. Want Her Back, But Don’t Need Her Back
There’s a big difference between wanting to get her back and needing to get her back.
If you focus all your energy on how much you need her back to stop the emotional pain that you’ve been experiencing since the break up, you will remain stuck in a cycle of neediness, which is what made her break up with you in the first place.
Before you try to do anything else to get your ex back, you first have to believe and know that you don’t need her in your life to be happy again.
Sure, you want her back, but you don’t need her back.
If you need her back because you are in emotional pain without her, then you’re not ready to start re-attracting her.
She will sense your neediness and it will turn her off.
It doesn’t matter if you try to hide it by acting like you’re totally fine without her. She will sense it based on the subtle differences in your body language, conversation, vibe, attitude and reactions to her.
If you want an ex back after getting dumped for being needy, you really have to start being less reliant on her for your sense of emotional well being and happiness.
When you allow yourself to feel happy, content and emotionally fulfilled without her, the idea of not being with her in a relationship starts to feel okay and your neediness begins to go away.
Neediness can’t have a place in your mind when you are busy getting on with other important things in your life, having a good time with friends, enjoying the things that you’ve been putting off and even meeting new women who are attracted to you and want to be with you.
Here’s the really cool part…
When you get to the point where you still want your ex back, but you sincerely, honestly feel good about yourself even if you don’t, something strange happens…
You suddenly become more attractive to her.
When you interact with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person) and she gets a sense that you are confident and happy and getting on with your life without her, she begins to see you in a new light.
You seem more attractive, appealing and likeable now. She feels drawn to you in a way that she hasn’t in a long time, or probably hasn’t ever.
Women are naturally attracted to the emotional strengths in men (e.g. confidence, self-belief, the ability to cope with difficult situations in life, drive and determination) and repelled by the emotional weaknesses (e.g. insecurity, self-doubt, neediness, inability to handle what life throws at him).
So, when your ex realizes that you’re now an emotionally strong man without her, she automatically feels attracted to you…even if she doesn’t want to.
Attraction is an automatic reaction that humans have to each other. A person either displays attractive traits or they don’t.
If a guy displays attractive traits to his ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife, she can’t help but feel attracted.
It happens automatically.
She can’t also stop herself from beginning to look at you with a new, more positive perspective because you are now behaving like the kind of man that she can actually look up to and respect.
2. Become More Emotionally Independent
When an insecure guy happens to get lucky and attract a hot woman into a relationship by luck, he will often make the mistake of focusing way too much attention on her and might stop caring about other important parts of his life.
For example: A guy might stop hanging out with all his old friends because he wants to spend all his time with his new girlfriend.
After a while, he might also give up any hobbies and interests that he had before he met her.
He might have a big dream or passion that he wanted to pursue throughout his life, but he will hide from it behind the safety of being in a relationship with her.
At the back of his mind, he might try to convince himself that he’s doing the right thing by saying, “My ambitions aren’t important to me anymore. She’s the one. Without her, my life would have no meaning. I just want to do whatever it takes to keep her happy and show her that nothing else matters to me as much as she does. She is what my life is about now.”
Yet, even though he might seem to be behaving the way that a good boyfriend (fiancé or husband) should behave, becoming emotionally dependent on a woman is the fastest way to lose her respect.
Although a woman loves to be in a relationship with a guy who is loving, attentive and devoted to her, most women understand that a real man is someone who can love her, without needing her to be his main purpose in life.
So, if your neediness caused your ex to break up with you and not want you back, you must show her that you are now man enough to have your own dreams and goals in life, which are completely independent of your relationship with her.
How can you do that?
By focusing on doing all the things you’ve been putting off because of your relationship.
If you’re unsure about what those things are for you, now is a good time to find out.
Answer the following questions:
- What is your purpose in life? Do you have a big dream that you want to accomplish, and what are you doing about making it happen? If you don’t have a big dream or ambition, now is a good time to find one, and then take the necessary action to make it a reality.
- What have you always wanted to do/see? Think about the things you’ve always wanted to do in your life that you’ve been putting off (e.g. go traveling, challenge yourself by trying something that you really want to do) and start doing it now.
- What are the things you’ve been avoiding in your life? If you’ve always wanted to go to university, do it now. If you’ve always wanted to learn something new (e.g. how to cook, fly an airplane, sail a boat, rock climb) start learning now.
- Have you neglected your friends because of your relationship? Now is a good time to re-kindle old friendships, or make new ones.
Once you’ve answered the above questions, you might realize that you’ve been letting a lot of good things pass you by in your life due to being so focused on her.
When you have a life purpose, ambitions, goals, dreams, interests and friendships that are separate from your relationship with a woman, it is less likely that you will ever feel needy, because your relationship is not who you are; it does not define you.
I know this because my purpose in life is The Modern Man and even though I have a hot, young wife (she was 20 when I met her and I was 35), nothing that she says or does ever makes me feel needy or lost.
She knows that she is the most important person in my life, but the most important thing to me is The Modern Man.
She knows that I would never let anyone, not even her, get in the way of the work that I want to get done here at The Modern Man to help guys succeed with women.
As a result of that, she has always respected me and looked up to me. She also respects and admires the hard work that I put into help men succeed with women and is proud that she has a man who is doing his best in this world.
She also loves the fact that she is loved, wanted, respected and cared about, but that I would never, ever let anyone take my focus away from following through on my purpose in life. Nothing that anyone could ever say or do would stop me from working on The Modern Man and following through on my purpose to help men succeed with women.
When you stay focused on your biggest, most important goals and ambitions in life that are separate to your relationship with a woman, you are the kind of man that a woman can continually look up to and respect.
In your case, you are the type of man that your ex can look up to, respect and feel attracted to.
Rather than her feeling like you’re smothering her with your neediness and that she has to mother you because you’re a lost boy in this world, she will feel lucky to be with a man who has so much going for him in his life, yet still has time to be a loving and devoted boyfriend (fiancé or husband) to her.
3. Show Her That You’re No Longer the Needy Guy She Broke Up With
Actions speak louder than words.
So, rather than tell your ex, “I’ve changed. I’m really not needy anymore,” which she’s not going to believe, you need to show her that you’re not the same guy that she broke up with.
How do you do that?
You show her via your behavior, what you say, how you think and the way you respond to what she says.
Most guys can overcome their neediness in days with help, but if a guy doesn’t get help, he will try to mask it by acting like he’s no longer needy.
Yet, when a guy is only trying to mask his neediness, rather than quickly fixing it before he contacts his ex, it continues to come through in subtle ways when he communicates with her.
For example: When a guy interacts with his ex, he might put on an act of being confident around her and pretend that he doesn’t want to get back together with her.
However, in most cases, a woman will pick up on the act and she will then test him by showing interest and then pulling back to see how he reacts.
She might say something like, “Hmmm… you seem different now. I was wondering… maybe we can get back together again. I don’t know…”
If he then jumps at the idea and says something along the lines of, “Yes! That’s what I’ve been wanting all along! You know you mean everything to me. I want us to get back together again more than anything else in my life! I’ve been trying to hold back from saying it, but it hasn’t been easy” she will know that his confidence and emotional independence has only been an act.
Another way she might test him is by telling him about how great her life has been without him, to see if it hurts him.
For example: She might say something like, “I know that I probably be saying that I’ve missed you, but that would be a lie. I’ve been having such a great time being single. I’m sorry to be honest, but I just feel so much better as a single woman. My girlfriends and I have been clubbing all the time. It’s just so much fun!”
If he then looks hurt, gets upset or angry, she will instantly see that he hasn’t really changed anything about himself and that he’s still at the same level he was when she broke up with him.
The best way to show your ex that you’ve moved to a different level from the one you were at before your break up, is to show her via the way you talk and interact with her.
For example: How do you currently react to what your ex says to you? How do you behave when she ignores you, talks to other guys, pretends she’s not interested in getting back?
When she sees for herself that things are different, she will begin to feel drawn to you again.
She will enjoy talking to you and interacting with you because it feels good to her.
4. Stop Discussing the Relationship and Start Having Fun Together
If you really want to get your ex back after being needy, what you need to do is use every interaction that you have with her (e.g. via text, on a phone call, or in person) to spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
However, if every time you interact with your ex, the only thing you’re doing is going over what when wrong in the relationship, you will never be able to move past that and start a new relationship with her with a clean slate.
For example: When on a call with his ex, a guy might say, “I really messed up. I’m so sorry I was so needy. I know that I made things really difficult for you, but I can change. What do you think I should have done differently? Just tell me and I promise that I’ll do anything you want. I will change whatever you want me to change. I promise!”
Yet, that’s not what a woman wants to hear.
In fact, begging, pleading, apologizing and asking her what he needs to do only turns her off even more. Why?
A woman doesn’t want to be a guy’s teacher in life and have to teach him how to think and behave like the man that she needs him to be.
If she tells him what he needs to do to be considered a real man, it will put her in the position of being a mother or big sister figure to him, which will completely turn her off.
A better way to get your ex back would be to forget about what went wrong in the relationship, and focus instead on having fun, and getting to know each other in a whole new different way.
For example: You might say to your ex on the phone, “Just for a minute, let’s pretend we’ve only just met and that there’s no bad history between us. We can then get to know each other all over again without all the negative stuff. That way, you can like me or dislike me based on who I am now, rather than us constantly focusing on my past mistakes.”
From there, every time you interact with her (via text message, on social media, on a phone call, and especially in person) focus on making her smile, laugh and feel happy to be with you.
Show her via the way you think, talk and behave that you’ve moved beyond the level you were at when you were together, and make her feel respect, attraction and love for you all over again.
Initially she might be a bit hesitant and she might say, “I don’t know… I’m not sure I can forget about the way that you used to be when we were together.”
However, no matter what she says or does, you need to stay relaxed and keep guiding her into deeper feelings of respect and attraction for you.
As long as you keep making her feel respect and attraction, her guard will come down and she will open up to being with you again or will actively try to get you back herself.