The best way to find out how much your ex cares about you and the relationship is by doing these 4 things…
1. Reactivate Her Feelings and Then Tell Her That You Miss Her Sometimes
If a woman has lost respect and attraction for her boyfriend (fiancé or husband), she will usually avoid him and try to move on, rather than calling him up to tell him how she feels about him and what he needs to do to get her back.
So, if you want to know how much your ex cares about the relationship, don’t sit around hoping that she’s going to be the one to make the first move and get you back.
As the man, you have to be the one who takes the lead and actively re-sparks her feelings of respect and attraction for you during interactions (especially over the phone and in person), so that she will want to tell you how she feels.
If you don’t reactivate her feelings for you first and instead rush into telling her that you miss her and care about her, rather than make her think, “Well okay. If he misses me, then that’s good enough for me to want to give him another chance,” she’s likely just going to be thinking, “I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore,” and she’s going to keep pushing you away.
So, don’t waste your time trying to guess your ex woman’s feelings for you.
Instead, make her care about you again by reactivating her feelings for you first.
You can do that by…
- Making her smile and laugh every time you interact with you, so that she can begin to think, “Hmmm…I’m having so much fun talking to my ex again. I actually look forward to hearing from him now and I feel disappointed if he takes too long to contact me.”
- Being emotionally strong and confident around her, regardless of whether she is being nice to you, or being cold and distant towards you.
- Showing her that you’ve understood her real reasons for breaking up with you (e.g. she didn’t think you were manly enough in your behavior around her) and that you’ve taken the necessary steps to change those things.
- Making her feel like a real woman in your presence (i.e. feminine, girly) rather than making her feel just like a friend.
When she starts to feel respect and attraction for you again, you can then tell her that you miss her and see how she reacts.
She will then either tell you that she misses you too, or that she doesn’t.
However, don’t ask her unless you ask in a playful, easy-going tone of voice.
If you ask in a fearful, needy tone of voice (e.g. by saying something like, “I…ahhh… just wanted to ummm… say that I, ummm, miss you. Do you, ummm… maybe… ahhh… miss me sometimes too?”) she will likely say no, because you’re not being attractive.
Remember: Women are attracted to confidence in men, not self-doubt or nervousness.
If you present your ex with nervousness and self doubt, she will feel turned off by you and then, when you ask if she still cares about you, she will say, “No” based on how you are making her feel in that moment.
You must present confidence to her.
Women thrive on a man’s confidence.
It makes them feel respect and attraction, even though they might not admit it openly.
So, don’t try to tell her how you feel before you reactive her feelings by attracting her first.
When she is feeling attracted to you, she will be much more receptive, open and happy to hear that you still care about her.
For example: Imagine you’ve been talking to your ex over the phone and you’re making her laugh and smile.
You can then say to her, “Hey, this is fun talking again. I like hearing you laugh. It’s one of the things that I miss about you the most.”
She might then reply by asking, “Well, what else do you miss about me?” and you can say in a joking way, “Let me think… well, I miss the way that you used to cook and clean for me and kept everything organized. Of course I don’t miss the way you used to snore at night though. I don’t miss that at all! I’ve been sleeping so well lately” and then have a laugh with her about that.
She will most-likely laugh and say something like, “Hey! You were the one who snored, not me!”
You can then have a bit of a laugh with her and then say, “I was only kidding about the snoring. I miss all of you.”
If she can sense that you’re being sincere and not needy when you say that, she will usually respond with something along the lines of, “Yeah, I miss you too.”
Don’t worry if she doesn’t say it right away.
Sometimes, an ex woman won’t want to say that she misses you because she wants to test to see if you will remain confident no matter what.
Women thrive on a man’s confidence, so they always test to see how real and how strong your confidence is.
To pass the test, just don’t crumble and start doubting your attractiveness to her.
Know that you have attracted her in the past and you are attracting her now.
You are a man that she finds attractive and since the break up, you’ve become even more attractive by becoming more confident.
In addition to maintaining your confidence, you just need to keep saying and doing the types of things that spark her feelings for you (e.g. making her laugh, being charismatic, making her feel girly in comparison to how masculine you talk and behave).
The more you do that, the less she will be able to close herself off from you.
She will then start to miss you for real, want to be with you, forgive you and start to reconnect with her feelings of love for you.
Another way to check how much your ex cares is to…
2. Post Up Photos On Social Media Of You Having Fun Times With Other People (Including Women) and See if She Contacts You
Most guys don’t want to do this because they don’t understand how a woman’s attraction really works.
Guys will often say to me, “I’m afraid that she will get angry and tell me that she doesn’t ever want anything to do with me again,” or, “I’m worried that she will seek revenge and start posting up photos with other guys.”
Yet, the guys who’ve actually followed through on doing this pretty much always get the same result.
What is that?
Their ex woman contacts them.
She might pretend to be angry or turned off, but don’t fall for it.
She has contacted you because you have suddenly made yourself look more attractive to her.
Women are attracted to men who are liked, loved and wanted by others, especially by other women.
So, if a guy doesn’t post up any fun photos to his social media account because he doesn’t want to make her angry, she just assumes that he’s unloved and unwanted and is simply sitting around hoping that she calls him and wants him back.
Some guys also make the mistake of posting up photos of themselves alone at home, of their pet or of landscapes (e.g. the beach, mountains).
They are hoping to show their ex that they are alone and waiting for her.
Yet, that’s not what actually works to get an ex woman back.
If you want her to care about you, a great way is to show her that other people care about you.
That’s how a woman’s attraction works.
So, post up photos (set them to public so she can see them even if she has unfriended you) of you having lots of fun with other people, including women.
It’s not about kissing women or anything like that.
Instead, it’s just about having fun with other people and making sure that there are women in the photos too.
Your ex may then say to herself, “I didn’t think that I would mind if he started seeing other women after we broke up, but seeing pictures of him having fun without me makes me realize just how much I really do miss him. I think I made a big mistake by breaking up with him. I need to do something to get him back. I do care about him. I don’t want to lose our relationship just yet. I think I want him back.”
That’s how women work.
I’ve heard back from 100s of guys who’ve been contacted by their ex woman simply by posting up photos on social media showing them having fun with other people and with women.
When a woman sees photos like that, she will often text her ex or call him as a way of opening the lines of communication and hopefully getting him back.
By the way…
In some cases where a woman broke up with a guy because he was insecure and self-doubting in the relationship with her, seeing pictures of him with other women on social media won’t necessarily convince her that he has suddenly become confident and assertive.
Instead, she will think that he’s only pretending to be having fun and dating other women, as a way of making her jealous so that she will then run back to him.
She might then test him by calling him on the phone and saying, “I saw your new photos on Facebook. You look like you’re having fun. I can’t believe you’ve gotten over me so quickly. I still love you and miss you and you’re already in some other woman’s arms. Why? Didn’t our love ever mean anything to you? What was I to you anyway? Were you just passing your time with me? Didn’t I mean anything to you? How could you do this?”
If he then quickly tries to reassure her by saying something like, “No, it’s not like that! I’m not moving on. I still love you too. Those are just photos of some women I met somewhere. I don’t even know them. I haven’t even seen them again after that day. It’s you who is always on my mind and you that I really want. I was thinking about you and missing you even though I was with those other people. Don’t worry, they don’t mean anything to me. I just want you back” she will know that he was only trying to make her jealous to get her back.
So, be prepared for her tests.
If she confronts you about the photos, just say, “Just because I’m getting on with my life, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t love you, or even that I don’t still love you. You have made it clear that you don’t want to be with me anymore, so I’m just moving on. There’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t take away from my love for you; it simply means I’m not going to sit around feeling sorry for myself because you don’t want me anymore. As you would agree, that’s completely normal and natural. You and I aren’t a couple, so it really shouldn’t matter to you anyway, but I’m sorry if it hurt you. You know that I still love you, but I’ve accepted the break up. What you and I had was in the past.”
By saying something like that to her, you are showing her that you’re a confident, emotionally strong man (this is attractive to her) who isn’t lost without her.
She then begins to feel respect for you again because she can see that you’re a different man now.
She also feels a bit hurt that she no longer has power over you now that you’ve accepted the break up.
When she realizes that you’re no longer the same guy that she broke up with, it becomes a lot easier for her to let down her guard and open herself up to the idea of loving you again.
However, if you are too afraid to post up photos of you having fun, then how is she going to ever feel that way about you?
How can she know that you are moving on?
Most guys try to convince a woman that they’ve moved on or are not trying to get her back simply by saying that to her, but women don’t believe it, especially if the guy begged and pleaded with her for another chance.
If you really want to prove to her that you’re not sitting at home alone missing her, you need to show it in photos.
We’re living in an age of social media and it’s actually one of the best tools you can use to get an ex woman back, so don’t ignore it or worry that posting photos will make her angry.
Another way to check how much your ex cares is to…
3. See if She is Willing to Catch Up With You in Person to Say Hi
You’d be surprised at how many ex woman are secretly hoping that their ex guy contacts them and asks to meet up.
I’ve personally helped 100s of men to get their woman back and I’ve lost count of the amount of times a guy has admitted to me that he’s been ignoring his ex and hoping that she comes back on her own.
Here’s why that strategy rarely works on women…
So, don’t waste time ignoring her and hoping that she magically comes running back to you.
Most women don’t, especially if they dumped you at a point where they no longer felt respect and attraction for you.
Even if she broke up with you and is missing you, it’s still a better strategy to contact her and meet up with her so you can get her back before she falls in love with another guy.
For example: Imagine you’re on a phone call with your ex and you’re having a fun, light-hearted conversation with her where you’re making her smile, laugh and feel happy to be talking to you.
After a couple of minutes (or even sooner if the call is going really well), you can say something like, “It’s been fun to talk to you again” and let her say, “Yeah, you too” or something like that.
Then, ask her, “Anyway, so how about we meet up for a coffee tomorrow or the next day to say hi and carry on this conversation?”
If she cares about the relationship, she will be open to it and will say something like, “Oh, okay,” or “Sure, why not?”
However, not all women are that easy when a guy is trying to get them back because they want to test the guy’s confidence.
So, she might say something along the lines of, “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” or “I’m not ready to meet up with you right now,” or “I need more time to think about it.”
If that happens, don’t worry about it.
It’s not the end of the world.
It simply means that if your ex is not open to meeting up with you right away or is testing your confidence, so you need to focus on further reactivating her feelings for you first.
Just continue to interact with her by calling her on the phone and focus on making her smile and laugh when talking toy you, while also displaying some of the personality traits that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confidence, charisma, emotional masculinity, charm).
The more that you make her feel attracted to who you’ve become as a man, the more likely she will begin thinking, “He seems so different from the way he used to be. I actually want to see him in person again. If he asks me again, I’m definitely going to say yes this time. I hope he asks me again.”
In most cases, all it takes is 2 to 3 interactions (on the phone) where you are sparking her feelings, before a really stubborn woman will begin to drop her guard and agree to meet up with you to say hi.
Another way to check if she cares is to…
4. Reactivate Her Feelings and Then Ask if She’d Be Open to Hanging Out and Seeing How Both of You Feel Now
The main reason why it’s important to reactivate a woman’s feelings for you first before you try to find out how much she cares about the relationship, is because if you don’t, she will likely only focus on the negative things about you that she remembers.
She will then just say something like, “I don’t have feelings for you anymore,” or “I know you’re hoping that I will say I care about the relationship, but the truth is that I don’t. What we had is over and you need to accept it. I don’t feel the same way anymore. It’s over.”
So, make sure that every time you interact with your ex, you say and do the types of things that will turn her on (e.g. be confident and charismatic, make her laugh and smile, make her feel feminine and girly in your presence), rather than saying and doing the types of things that keep reminding her of who you used to be in the past (e.g. being insecure and needy, letting her dominate you, making her feel more like a neutral friend or big sister around you).
Once you’ve successfully re-sparked some of her feelings of respect and attraction, you can ask her if she’d be open to hanging out again.
For example: You might say, “So, what do you think? Would you be cool with us hanging out once to see how we both feel now? No pressure. We can just hang out as friends and get to know each other all over again based on the people we have become since the break up. Then, depending on how we both feel, we can decide to get back together, or never see each other again. It’s up to you. You’d be in control. I think it’d be fun to see how we feel based on who we are now.”
In most cases, if you’ve sparked enough of your ex woman’s feelings for you for her to want to interact with you, she will most likely say yes to your suggestion.
From there, every time that you meet up with her in person, you need to make her feel attracted by showing her (via the way you talk, think, behave and react to her) that you’re no longer the guy she broke up with.
Most guys get their ex back right away, but your case is a really bad one (i.e. it was a messy break up and you’ve turned her off ever since the break up), she may need a couple of meet ups before she’s fully convinced that you have changed.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was too nice and she felt more emotionally dominant than him, to show her that he’s changed, he now needs to be able stand up to her (in a dominant, but loving way) and not let her get away with being disrespectful towards him.
It’s not about him becoming a jerk and treating her badly.
Instead, he just needs to maintain a relationship dynamic where she knows that is the man and she’s the woman.
It’s not about telling her that he’s the man or asking her to be more womanly.
Instead, he just needs to be more manly in how he talks, behaves and reacts to her.
Another example is if a woman broke up with a guy because he was too childish and immature (e.g. he had no plans or goals for his future, he spent most of his time hanging out and partying with friends, he didn’t take things seriously in life, was addicted to video games, drunk way too much too often).
To convince his ex that he’s changed, he needs to have made some plans for his life and show her that he’s taking his future more seriously.
He doesn’t need to become Mr. Serious and spend all his time working (or studying), but he does need to be more focused and working towards some long-term goals.
When a woman can see that her guy has made an effort to become a better man, it automatically changes how she feels about him without him having to plead with her or ask her to change how she feels.
Rather than focus on how badly he stuffed up in the past, she now starts to look at him with different eyes.
She drops her guard and then the idea of hanging out and seeing where things go actually sounds good to her.
Don’t Ask Her if She Cares. Make Her Care
Asking a woman how much she cares is a needy thing to do.
Being needy is essentially about focusing on your feelings all the time.
Women hate that.
A woman wants you to be happy, confident and forward moving in life with or without her assurance.
So, rather than asking your ex, “Do you still care about me?” make her care by causing her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for the new you.
Of course, not all guys are confident enough to do that.
Sometimes, a guy feels nervous to interact with his ex on a phone call or in person because he’s afraid that he won’t be able to handle it if she rejects him.
So, he might send her an e-mail, letter or text where he explains his feelings (that is needy) for her and asks her if she feels the same way.
For example: A guy might write something like, “Hey Laura, I just wanted to tell you that even though we’re broken up, I still care about you. I miss you a lot and now that we’re broken up, I’ve realized how special you really are to me. You mean everything to me. I’m sorry for how I behaved in our relationship and I really want to make it up to you. I care about you so much. How do you feel about me? Do you think we can work things out and give the relationship another try?”
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a guy hasn’t done anything to reactivate a woman’s feelings first, she’s going to reply based on how she feels, which will most likely be negative.
She’s also going to see his approach as being selfish, because he’s so focused on how he feels and getting what he wants.
He hasn’t even reactivated her feelings yet and most likely doesn’t even know how to.
She then thinks something like, “After everything he put me through in our relationship, now he has the nerve to ask me how I feel?! What the?! Has he forgotten how he took me for granted/was so clingy and needy/all the fights we had? Does he think that I’m just going to forget that because he’s telling me how he feels?!!”
Remember: If you want her to care, you need to make her care by giving her the attraction experience she wants and by showing her (not telling her) that you really have changed the things that turned her off about you.
For example: You can do that by…
- Showing her that you’ve already changed or improved the things that she broke up with you for (e.g. insecurity, an inability to make her feel feminine and girly in your presence, a lack of ambition, taking her for granted).
- Focusing on sparking her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you by using humor and making her smile and laugh around you, flirting and making her feel like a real woman around you.
- Confidently guiding her back into a relationship.
When you make her feel good to be interacting with you again, she just can’t stop herself from connecting to her feelings of attraction and love for you again.
It happens automatically and she has no control over it.
All of sudden, she begins to care about the relationship and about you.
The idea of losing you becomes painful to her.
It hurts her to think that what you and her had was so special, but it was ruined and now there is a chance to save it.
She then wants to stop acting like she doesn’t care and just give you another chance.
On the other hand, if you don’t reactivate her feelings for you first, she won’t see the point of repeating past mistakes.
She won’t care about you or the relationship and will just move on.