You should be easily available and accessible as long as you are using the interactions to attract her, rather than just acting like a friend or worse, turning her off with the same old communication and attraction mistakes that lead to the break up.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was being insecure, self-doubting and clingy in the relationship, she is going to want to see that he has changed.
If he tries to get her back by begging, pleading and saying things like, “I just can’t cope without you. I need you so much. Please forgive me. Please give me one more chance. I can’t bear the thought of losing you forever,” she will see that he’s still being the same and will continue trying to move on without him.
Alternatively, if she broke up with a guy because he allowed her to dominate him with her confident personality (e.g. by making him do whatever she wants, making all the decisions in the relationship), if he then says to her, “Just tell me what you want me to do to make things right between us,” she will assume that nothing about him has changed.
Another example is where a woman broke up with a guy because he didn’t follow through on his promises to her and she lost her trust in him.
If he then tries to get her back by saying something like, “Please baby… just give me one more chance and I promise you things will be different this time,” she will usually just think, “Yeah, really? How can I believe you when you’ve lied to me so many times before? This is just another promise you’re not going to keep. I’m not falling for it again. No thanks!”
Here’s the thing though…
If you try to get your ex back without first making some changes and improvements to your communication style with her, she will naturally keep pushing you away and breaking up with you.
For example: Some of the changes that a woman likes to see are that:
- You remain confident and self-assured if she is being cold and stubborn towards you, rather than becoming insecure and giving up.
- You stand up to her if she tries to push you around or keeps bringing up past mistakes, rather than letting her treat you badly in the hopes that it will please her and make her change her mind about you.
- You are easy-going and joke around when talking to her, rather than being so serious and emotionally sensitive.
- You playfully dominate her during conversation rather than being timid, hesitant or being too nice.
If you change, she will change how she feels.
She won’t always tell you that she has changed how she feels and she may even act like nothing has changed, but it has.
She will feel a spark of respect and attraction for you and begin to imagine getting back with you.
However, if you don’t change, she will remain closed off and might say something like, “How can you expect me to take you back when you’re still the same guy I broke up with? Nothing about you has changed. Just leave me alone.”
A woman will keep pushing a guy away until he fully understands her real reasons for breaking up with him (not the excuses she gave him to avoid a messy break up).
Some of the excuses a woman might give a guy when breaking up with him, which don’t actually reveal her real reasons for breaking up with him include:
- I just need some time for myself.
- I don’t feel the same way anymore.
- I want to figure out what I want from life.
- I need some space to understand how I feel.
- There might be a chance for us in future, but for now I want to be alone.
- I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now.
- I don’t know what I want anymore.
Those are just vague excuses that women give to guys when they don’t have the courage or just don’t want to explain their real reasons.
So, before you make yourself available to your ex and focus on getting her back, make sure you first understand what really caused her to break up with you.
This is usually different to what she actually told you.
Once you understand her real reasons (e.g. she wanted you to be more manly, but you’ve been mistakenly thinking that you need to be even nicer to her), you can then make the right changes.
You can then focus on giving her the attraction experience that she really wants, rather than continue making the same old communication and attraction mistakes and hoping things will be different this time.
Make Yourself Available to Her, But Not Before You Do This…
Not all guys are confused about why they got broken up with, but some guys are.
If you’re one of those guys who got the, “I need some space,” or “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” speech from your ex, you might not be 100% sure what her real reasons for breaking up with you were.
So, if you want to give your ex the attraction experience that she really wants when you interact with her from now on, here are some questions to ask yourself to help you better understand where you might have gone wrong…
- Were you a confident emotionally strong man that she could look up to and respect, or were you insecure, self-doubting and clingy around her?
- Were you emotionally masculine around her allowing her to relax and be a feminine woman, or did you allow her to wear the pants in the relationship?
- Did you make her feel attracted and turned by how you talked to her and interacted with her, or did you end up making her feel neutral or bored?
- Were you emotionally independent (i.e. you didn’t need her to make you happy) or did you become clingy, needy and insecure and need her constant reassurance that she loved you and wanted to be with you?
- Did you have big goals, dreams, friends and interests separate from your relationship with her, or did you make her your reason for living?
- Did you make her feel loved, taken care of and appreciated, or did you take her for granted (e.g. did you become critical and demeaning towards her? Did you fall into the habit of expecting her to be nice to you, while you treated her badly?)
- Did you and her have the same long term goals and dreams for the future (e.g. to get married, buy a house, have children, go traveling), or did you want different things?
By answering these questions for yourself, you should have a clearer idea about what really caused your ex to break up with you.
By understanding what your ex really wants in a relationship with you (e.g. that you are confident and emotionally strong, rather than insecure. You have a purpose in life, rather than whining about life like a victim. You make her feel feminine and girly in your presence, rather than making her feel like your boss or mother), you will then be able to offer her what she actually wants when you interact with her.
When she can see for herself that you’ve understood her real reasons for breaking up with you and have taken steps to improve on those things, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, her guard comes down and you can then guide her back into a relationship with you.
However, if you don’t get to the point where you fully understand what was turning her off in your relationship and make some adjustments to your thinking and behavior, you will simply keep making the same old mistakes in your communication style, and she will just keep saying, “Sorry. It’s just too late. I’m not interested in you anymore.”
It won’t matter how available you are to your ex, she’s just not going to be feeling it.
So, figure out what she really wants (don’t ask her. Women don’t want to have to explain it) and then start being that man.
If you do that, she will naturally open up and want you back.
Avoid Playing Mind Games With Her
When a guy is sitting at home alone after a break up and is thinking of ways to make his ex want him back, he will often try to think of a trick he can use.
A common trick that guys try to use these days is to ignore their ex for 30 to 60 days in the hope that it makes her want him back.
Yet, it doesn’t work for most ex back situations and here is why…
If a guy focuses on ignoring her to get her back, he may miss out on discovering the real solution to get a woman back.
What is that?
Focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction by interacting with her on a phone call and in person.
That’s what you really need to do.
Yet, most guys don’t realize that it’s actually that simple, so they search for some kind of trick to use on her.
For example: A guy might try to make his ex want him more by…
1. Ignoring her texts
Whether a woman still has some feelings for her ex, is just a nice person and cares about his well-being, or she simply wants to be friends with him for a while after the break up, she might text him to say hi.
Naturally, that’s great news for any guy who wants to get his ex back.
However, not all guys take it that way.
Sometimes, a guy might think, “This is great. She’s clearly still interested in me. The best thing to do now is not to come across as being too eager to get back together again. So, what I’m going to do is make myself unavailable to her and ignore her texts. In this way, I will build up her desire for me and then eventually when I do respond to her, she will be so desperate to get me back, that she will be the one begging me for a second chance.”
It sounds like it might work, but it just doesn’t work in most ex back cases.
When a woman’s feelings are uncertain (e.g. she still feels hurt because of the break up, or she doesn’t feel much respect and attraction for the guy, she’s starting to become interested in being with other guys instead), then when he ignores her texts, she will start to close up.
She will think something like, “After everything he did to me, he’s actually got the nerve to ignore me. Who does he think he is? Does he really think I’m going to fall for his silly mind games? If he doesn’t want to talk to me, then fine. It’s actually a good thing that he’s ignoring me. Now I can see what kind of man he really is and I can stop wasting my time thinking about him and trying to be nice to him. If I had my doubts about breaking up with him before, he has now helped me make up my mind. It’s 100% over between us and I’m not going to waste another minute thinking about him. I’m getting on with my life. Goodbye!” and she then closes herself off from any feelings she might still have for him.
She might also try to get revenge by quickly hooking up with a new guy and moving on.
So, if you want your ex back, don’t ignore her texts and hope that it will make her miss you and want you back.
That only works if you broke it off with her or if she still has strong feelings for you.
However, if you got dumped and she doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore, then reply to her text.
After a couple of texts, just call her and she will almost certainly answer.
On the phone call, focus on re-attracting her by getting her smiling and laughing and letting her experience the changes in how you now talk and react to her.
Then meet up with her in person.
Don’t play games with a woman who is on the edge and is almost over you.
Get her back.
If she is texting you, it usually means she’s open to being friends with you at the very least and possibly interested in getting back together again.
Yet, if you ignore her, you’re potentially ruining your chance of getting her back.
So, make sure that if your ex texts you, you take advantage of that to renew her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, rather than playing hard to get.
Okay, another way a guy might try to make his ex want him more is by…
2. Refusing to meet up with her on the day that she is available
Sometimes a guy will get to the point where his ex is open to meeting up with him, but instead of jumping at the chance to meet up with her in person so that he can spark her feelings of respect and attraction for him again, he plays hard to get.
He might say to himself, “If I say yes to meeting up with her right away, she might think that I’m desperate. So, what I’ll do is say that I’m too busy to meet up with her and then wait for her to ask me again. In this way, I’ll make her miss me even more.”
However, that approach almost always backfires and he completely misses out on the opportunity to meet up with her and reactivate her feelings.
I’ve personally helped 100s of men via my phone coaching service to get their woman back and at least 20 guys have made that mistake.
The woman then refuses to meet up with him and tries to get revenge on him by being unavailable.
He then tries to suck up to her, apologize and go out of his way to meet her, which makes him look desperate.
She then feels turned off by him.
It’s a total mess.
So, don’t try to play mind games with her.
Just get her back!
When a woman opens herself up to meeting her ex again, she’s basically giving him a chance to show her that he’s no longer the same guy she broke up with.
If he however, decides to play hard to get, she might decide that she’s wasting her time and will likely just move on.
Here’s the thing…
In most ex back cases, a woman only has a tiny bit of feelings left for her ex and when he decides to play games with her (i.e. by ignoring her texts, or by not making himself available to meet up with her), she seeks to get emotional revenge by hooking up with a new guy.
She might say to herself, “Who does he think he is? Does he really think I’m that into him that I’m going to chase after him and beg him to get back together again? Well he’s sadly mistaken. I’m going to find myself another guy who will treat me the way I deserve. I’ll show him!”
Alternatively, she might simply get fed up, refuse to ever speak to him again and then block him on social media or block his number, which then makes getting her back a lot more difficult.
You don’t want that to happen to you.
If you really want your ex back, don’t waste time playing games.
Instead, focus on making yourself available to her so that you can then re-spark her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
That’s what really works.
Think of it this way…
The more she gets to see you, talk to you and interact with you, the more chances you have of making her laugh, smile and feel good to be around you again.
On the other hand, the more you ignore her, the more time she has to meet a new guy, fall in love with him and forget all about you.
The Best Approach is to Be Available
If your ex is open to interacting with you (e.g. via text, on social media, over the phone, in person), then don’t waste that opportunity by playing hard to get.
Instead, focus on staying friends with her.
Watch this video for more info…
Being friends doesn’t mean that you’re going to be really nice, sweet and helpful to her, in the hopes that she’ll one day realize what a great guy you are and then want you back.
Being friends with your ex is simply a way of using the time that you’re interacting with her to re-spark her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
You can do that by making her smile and laugh and feel good when you’re interacting with her.
You can make her feel exited every time she hears her phone ring and make her think, “I hope it’s him!”
The more respect and attraction she feels for you, the happier she will feel to be interacting with you and the more her defenses will come down.
She becomes open to the idea of getting back together again.
On the other hand, if you make yourself unavailable to her, you’re just giving her time to get over you and find herself another guy who makes her feel exciting lust and new love.
So, if you want your ex back, then don’t play mind games with her.
Make yourself available to her, re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction and get her back.