Trying to get an ex back is not desperate.
It’s completely normal and natural and if you pay attention to the latest songs on the radio, you will notice that they’re all pretty much about wanting an ex back or being hurt by an ex.
So, don’t worry – it’s not just you who wants an ex back.
Yet, is it possible for your ex to see you as desperate for wanting her back?
If you display any of the following behaviors, your ex will be turned off by your desperation.
Don’t worry though – if you have made these mistakes, you can fix it and get her to respect you again.
5 Signs of Desperation That Turn a Woman Off
The first sign of desperately needing a woman back is…
1. Begging and pleading for a second chance
There’s a big difference between wanting her back and then getting her back in a mature, emotionally strong and confident way, versus needing her back so badly that you resort to begging and pleading.
For example: A guy might panic when his woman breaks up with him and say things like, “I’m sorry! Please forgive me. I know that I messed up badly, but I cannot live without you. You mean everything to me. Please! I’m begging you… just give me a chance to make it up to you. I promise to change. I’ll do anything you want me to do. Please don’t do this to us. We can make it work. Please!”
You can’t help but feel sorry for a guy who does that, right?
If you’ve ever been dumped by the woman you love (probably why you’re reading this article), you will know that it HURTS.
…and that’s why there are so many songs on the radio about it.
Singers can’t stop themselves from thinking about their ex’s, so they end up writing endless songs about them.
Even celebrities and pop stars make the mistake I talk about in the video below..
So, if you have messed up by being a bit of a wuss with your ex, don’t worry – it’s a pretty damn normal reaction.
It’s not attractive to her, but it’s pretty normal and if she’s had some experience with relationships, she’s likely seen it before.
Here’s the thing though…
When a guy starts begging and pleading with his woman for another chance, rather than make her think, “Oh no! Look what I’m doing to him. He loves me so much and I’m being a bitch by wanting to break up with him. I should definitely give him another chance. The poor little thing. He needs me. I have to stay with him out of pity” it simply convinces her that she has made the right decision.
Why? A woman’s attraction to a guy is based mostly on his ability to make her feel like she can look up to him and respect him as man.
So, when a guy is begging and pleading and behaving like an emotionally weak man around her, rather than trigger her feelings of respect and attraction, he’s actually turning her off even more.
She’s thinking something like, “Lame. If he can’t even handle a break up, what are the chances of him actually handling something a lot more serious in life (e.g. raising a family, the loss of a loved one, financial problems)? I need a man that can make me feel safe and taken care of, not a guy who needs me to mother him and give him emotional support because he can’t cope with problems in life. Doesn’t he realize that women are turned off by the emotional weakness of men? Hasn’t anyone told him that? If he knows it already, why isn’t hasn’t he fixed it? Does he think I’ll just put up with it? No way. It’s the biggest turn off ever…I’m outta here.”
So, even though he has good intentions (by begging and pleading) and wants things to work between them, his approach is all wrong.
He’s trying to get her back by displaying traits and behaviors that actually turn women off, so it’s not going to work.
The next sign of desperation that turns women off their ex is…
2. Constantly texting her
This often happens when a guy feels nervous or insecure about calling his ex on the phone in case she rejects him, or because he doesn’t want to make it obvious to her that he wants her back.
He might then say to himself, “I’m just going to take things slowly by texting her. That way, I will stay on her mind. Hopefully, she will eventually see that I love her so much and am not giving up on our love, which will make her see that we’re meant to be together. She will then want to meet up with me and we can work things out between us.”
He may then send her random texts like, “Hey, how are you today?” or “I was thinking about you. I hope you’re well,” or, “Good luck with the project at work. I know you will do a great job” on a regular basis, in the hopes that it will somehow change how she currently feels about him.
Yet, here’s the thing…
It’s just a text.
It’s not him.
So, she doesn’t really believe that he has changed and become a new man simply by reading a few words on her phone or tablet device.
It’s like, “Yeah, nice try…” and she keeps moving on with her life.
When a woman has lost respect and attraction for a guy, his text messages are more likely to annoy her and cause her to think something like, “Why is he texting me all the time? What does he want?” regardless of how sincere he is being via text.
Via text, your ex cannot see your body language, hear the tone of your voice or experience your confidence for real.
Instead, she has to guess your state of mind and if she’s currently focusing on her negative feelings about you (e.g. she’s feeling angry, annoyed, indifferent, turned off, disappointed, repulsed) then what are the chances of her looking at a text message from you and thinking, “Oh, my ex is being so sweet! I think I’m going to call him up and set up a date with him?”
Probably not very good, right?
This is why I always tell men to stop hiding behind texts if they want their ex woman back.
If you’re going to contact your ex via text, only do so with the intention of getting her on a phone call with you.
On a phone call, it’s so much easier to let her see that you’re not being desperate (i.e. because you’re being confident, easy-going, joking around, not rushing to get her back).
On a phone call, you can change her negative feelings towards you by making her smile and laugh and showing her that you’re no longer the same guy that she broke up with.
When you make a woman smile and laugh during conversation, it becomes difficult for her to think of you in a negative way and she then drops her guard and becomes open to meeting up with you in person.
On the other hand, if you just keep annoying her by texting her over and over again with no goal in mind, she will most-likely ignore you or ask you to leave her alone.
Another sign of desperately needing her back is…
3. Regularly showing up at her house or workplace
Not being able to cope without her in his life, a guy might decide that he has to confront her by showing up at her house or workplace and trying to convince her to give him another chance.
Yet, if he’s like most guys, he will try to convince her in all the wrong ways.
For example: He might start begging and pleading, telling her how much she means to him, asking her to stop being so stubborn and just give him another chance.
Alternatively, he might say something like, “I’m sorry to show up like this, but I think I forgot one of my books here. You won’t mind if I come in and have a look around for it, would you?”
Secretly he’s hoping that if he gets close to her, she will realize how much she misses him and then she’ll want to get back together again.
He might also go to her workplace to try and get her to talk to him so that he can explain his feelings to her, knowing that she won’t want to cause a scene in front of her colleagues, or boss.
Yet, rather than convince her to want to get back together again, this type of behavior makes a guy look desperate and in some cases, he may even come across as being a bit of a stalker ex, which makes women feel afraid.
Here’s the thing…
If a guy doesn’t trigger his ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for him first, she’s not going to be happy about him showing up at her home or workplace.
Instead, she’s likely just going to be feeling annoyed, turned off and possibly even creeped out.
So, don’t become a stalker to your ex.
Do this instead…
Let her experience the new you for herself, so she can feel a spark of respect and attraction for you again.
That’s what counts.
It has to be about her feelings, not yours.
So, aim to get her on a phone call and interact with her at a meet up where you can her feel respect and attraction for you again by the way you now talk, think, behave and interact with her.
When you do that, she will become open to seeing you again and again and you will then get her back.
Another desperate ex back mistake is…
4. Getting her friends or family involved
Sometimes, when a guy doesn’t know what else to do to get his ex back (e.g. because he’s tried begging and pleading, convincing, ignoring her, saying that he agrees with the break up), he might then reach out to friends or family for help.
For example: He might ask a family member, friend or coworker of hers to “put in a good word” for him with his ex.
Alternatively, he might call up her mother/sister/brother and say things like, “I am still totally in love with her. I know that I made a mistake by (doing whatever he did to cause the break up) and I’m so sorry for that. I really have changed. I promise that I would never do something like that again. I’ve learned my lesson. Do you think she would give me another chance if I showed her that I’ve changed? Would you tell her for me that I’m sorry? Can you try to get through to her and tell her that people deserve a second chance sometimes? Can you tell her that I love her and that she means everything to me? I’m a changed man and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to her.”
He’s hoping that if someone she loves and trusts takes his side, she might then be more open to forgiving him and giving him another chance.
Yet, in most cases, a woman will usually just think, “Why is he going behind my back and getting my family and friends involved in our problems? That’s what a coward would do. Isn’t he man enough to face me and speak up for himself? Does he really think that I’m going to listen to what someone else says about him? I know him better than they do. He has ruined my feelings for him and only he can make things better if he talks to me. Trying to get others involved isn’t going to change how I feel about him.”
She might then feel even more determined to put her relationship with him behind her and just move on, unless he is able to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction when he talks to her.
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t rely on her friends or family to get her back for you.
Instead, be man enough to contact her and re-spark her feelings for you by making her laugh and smile and letting her experience the new you.
She might be a bit cold at first, but when you’re making her smile and laugh when talking to you, she can’t put on that act for long.
After a few moments or minutes, her ice will melt and she will warm up to you again.
When that happens, she will open herself up to meeting up with you, hugging you, kissing and possibly even having sex to see how she feels.
I’ve heard back from 100s of men who’ve followed my ex back strategy who have gotten that result.
You’ll be surprised how easily it works.
5. Pouring his heart out to her in love letters, e-mails or messages
If a woman is refusing to talk to a guy on the phone, or meet up with him in person, he might decide that the only way to let her know that he still has feelings for her, is by telling her via letters, e-mails or messages.
He might say to himself, “I’ve got to get through to her somehow. I have to let her know that I still love her and that I regret hurting her. Maybe if I send her a love letter or e-mail and explain everything, it will make her see things from my point of view. She will then want to get back together again. It’s the only way I can think of to get through to her. I have to try it. I’m going to apologize, tell her exactly how I feel and how much she means to me.”
Yet, that rarely (if ever) makes a woman change her mind. Why?
When a woman has stopped having feelings for her ex, him pouring his heart out to her isn’t going to make her suddenly care.
Instead, she will usually think something like, “Good for you that you still love me, but I don’t feel the same way about you. You’re just sending me messages and letters and hoping that I’m just going to forget about what happened between us. Well it doesn’t work like that buddy. I still feel hurt and angry and you telling me how you feel only annoys me even more because it’s telling me that you’re still only thinking about yourself and that you don’t really care about me and how I feel. You just haven’t changed. You’re so needy. Everything about your feelings and your point of view. You don’t get it that to get a woman back, you need to make her have feelings for you again, not talk about your feelings and try to get her to understand your point of view.”
Here’s the thing…
Even though the guy is trying to show her how much he cares, she’s not going to care because her feelings for him have been switched off.
She’s going to perceive him as being desperate, selfish and will keep saying things like, “No. It’s over between us. You need to accept it and move on.”
So, if you don’t want your ex to see you as desperate because you’re trying to get her back, don’t waste time sending her long love letters or e-mails talking about your feelings or trying to get her to understand your point of view.
Instead, only text her or drop her a quick note via e-mail, as a way to get her on a phone call with you.
On a phone call, you can then actively focus on switching on some of her feelings for you by making her laugh, smile and feel happy to be talking to you again and get her to meet up with you in person.
Remember: Getting a woman back requires making her have feelings for you again, rather than focusing on your feelings and trying to explain everything to her.
On a phone call, you can create a spark and then get her to meet up with you in person.
In person, you can show her by the way you talk, think and behave that you’re no longer the guy that she broke up with.
The more she can see for herself that you really changed and become a new man, the more open she will become to giving the relationship another chance.
Then, if you tell her that you still care about her and love, it will feel good to her.
On the other hand, if you just pour your heart out to her and ask her to give you a second chance without sparking her feelings for you first, she’s just going to keep pushing you away.
She will look at you as being selfish and desperate and believe that you’re just trying to make yourself feel better by getting her back.
So, don’t make her feel that way about you.
Get her feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you by actively making her laugh and smile when she talks to you.
Get her to drop her guard and open back up to talking you and then get her to meet up with you.
Then, when you meet up with her in person, turn up the attraction and make her want you again.
It’s Not Desperate to Want Your Ex Back
As long as you don’t behave in any of the desperate ways mentioned above, you can focus on getting her back and know that you’re not doing anything wrong.
Just remember be confident, relaxed, emotionally strong and centered as you get her back.
Where a guy might sometimes go wrong is that even though he knows that being desperate is a turn off, he is unable to stop himself from behaving that way.
For example: Rather doing something to improve his ability to attract her, he just carries on doing and saying the types of things that have been turning her off in the past and are still turning her off.
He then wonders why his ex woman isn’t responding well to him and giving him another chance.
He knows that he should be more confident, relaxed and easy-going, but he can’t stop himself from acting desperate and needy, so his ex continues to not want anything to do with him.
A woman breaks up with a guy because he’s too insecure and self-doubting in the relationship.
He constantly asks her things like, “Do you really love me?” or “You wouldn’t leave me, would you?” because he doesn’t believe in his value to her.
He looks at her as being more attractive and valuable than him, so he is worried that she will realize that she can do better and then decide to cheat on him or leave him.
In most cases, he knows that he shouldn’t be behaving in that way, but he can’t stop himself from doing it because he continues to think in an insecure way (i.e. seeing her as being more attractive and valuable than him).
So, she breaks up with him.
Then, rather than focusing on becoming more confident and emotionally strong as a man, he carries on behaving like an insecure, emotionally sensitive guy (e.g. he begs and pleads with her, asks her to tell him what to do to make her forgive him).
She then thinks something like, “He doesn’t get it. His insecurity and self-doubt is the very reason why I broke up with him in the first place and he just keeps behaving like that. He’s still the same emotionally weak guy that I broke up with and he probably won’t ever change. Maybe I need to teach him a lesson by not getting back with him. Maybe this will wake him up and teach him how to be a real man.”
Of course, she doesn’t know that if he does quickly transform and then interact with her again, she will feel a spark of respect and attraction for him and want him back.
She’s just thinking about moving on because he hasn’t changed yet and is still turning her off.
Yet, when he starts turning her on to the new, improved version of him that is when things change.
So, if you want to get your ex back, it’s very important that you show her that you’re no longer at the same level you were at when she broke up with you.
For example: If you were insecure and self-doubting in the relationship, you are confident and emotionally strong now.
If you were too nice and allowed her to push you around before, you are more ballsy and can stand up for yourself now.
If you treated her more like a friend or a big sister before, you now make her feel feminine and girly when you interact with her.
Seeing those changes in you automatically changes how she feels about you.
It doesn’t always get her back though because you still have to be ballsy enough to guide her through the ex back process.
Watch this to understand how it works…
You’ve got to make sure that you don’t stop at just showing her the new you.
You’ve got to guide her through the ex back process with confidence.
That is what works.
Keep Calm and Get Her Back
There’s nothing wrong with wanting your ex back.
Wanting her back doesn’t mean that you are desperate.
Wanting her back simply means that you still care about her and it would add to your happiness if you and her got back together again.
You don’t need her to be happy, but you want her back and it would be great for the both of you.
One of the best ways to let show her that is to focus on genuinely feeling happy, content and emotionally fulfilled without her.
For example: Hang out with new people, try new fun things with other people and join in on new experiences with other people.
Did you notice something from the sentence above?
I’m not saying, “Do things on your own.”
I’m saying, “Do fun things with other people.”
If you don’t do that and only do things on your own, you will not be genuinely happy without your ex.
Most of the men I’ve helped to get an ex back have lost a fair bit of confidence after being dumped and aren’t in any mood to be socializing with other people.
Yet, that is the exact thing that wakes a man back up and lets him see that he can have fun, be happy and enjoy himself without her.
When you do that, you will discover that you automatically become more attractive to her because you are displaying some of the positive traits that women respect and find attractive in a man (e.g. confidence, self-belief, masculinity, drive and determination, perseverance).
Then, when you interact with her again, either on a phone call, or in person and she senses (via your tonality, body language and the way you think, behave and interact with her) that you are happy, confident and getting on with your life without her, she begins to see you with different eyes.
Her feelings of respect and attraction for you come rushing back and she opens up to loving you again.
She can now see that you’re the kind of man she look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love.
Remember: It’s about making her have feelings.
That is what really works.
Not explaining things to her, constantly apologizing or sucking up to her.
What works is to make her have feelings again by letting her experience the new and improved you.