Here are 5 ways to show your ex that you’ve become a better man since the break up…
1. Improve the things that she actually cares about. (Usually very different to what she has told you)
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she will rarely, if ever, admit the real, subtle reasons why she is breaking up with him (e.g. he’s too emotionally sensitive, he’s not ballsy enough around her, she doesn’t like how he gets shy in social situations).
Instead, she will just tell him that she doesn’t feel the same way about him anymore, doesn’t love him or just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now.
Something vague about her feelings and wants, but nothing (or not much) about the subtle things he would need to change to re-attract her.
She does this for many reasons, but to name a few:
- So he then doesn’t immediately promise to change those things, even though he has no idea how to. She will then feel obligated to give him another chance.
- So he doesn’t get angry at her for pointing out very personal things about him (e.g. his lack of confidence in the bedroom bored her, he cried to her when he lost his job, he’s too emotionally sensitive about things rather than being in control of his emotions like a real man).
- So he doesn’t then ask her for help to fix those things about himself, so their relationship can work.
Rather than getting a reaction that won’t be of benefit to her, she will keep her reasons vague (e.g. “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” or, “You mean a lot to me, but I just don’t want to be in a relationship anymore” or, “I need to be alone for a while to sort myself out. I’m not sure what I want anymore”).
Not knowing what to do to make her happy and stop the break up, a guy will often begin offering her things that she doesn’t even care about.
For example: A woman might want a guy to trust her more and to stop always assuming the worst of her (e.g. he is insecure about her loyalty to him and always worries that she might leave him, which then causes him to react in a clingy, jealous or controlling way).
What she wants is for him to stop being such an insecure guy and start being the kind of confident, emotionally mature guy that she can relax around and fall more in love with other time.
So, if he then tries to get her back by saying something like, “Please baby, just give me another chance and I promise to spend more time with you. We can even buy a house and move in together. I promise. You mean the world to me and I will do anything to make this work,” it’s not going to make her want to give him another chance.
She will feel turned off by his misplaced attempt to get her back and think something like, “He still doesn’t get it! Why is he talking to me about moving in together, when what I need from him is to trust me more? Living together would be the worst thing for us to do right now because of his trust issues. Every time I get a text message, or chat with someone via social media, he’ll assume that I’m flirting with other guys and want to see who I’m talking to. That will simply create more arguments and misunderstandings between us and I will end up feeling stressed and trapped in a relationship with an insecure boyfriend (or husband). I’m much better off staying broken up. I have to stick with the break up and move on, because he obviously doesn’t even know what I need him to change or how to change it. I’ve got to move on.”
Another example is if a woman wants her guy to be more supportive of her career, rather than just expecting her to want to quickly become a mother and stay at home to raise the children they have.
If he then tries to get her back by buying her flowers, expensive gifts, or even proposing to her, rather than feel flattered and change her mind, she may think, “He’s still not taking my goals seriously. Instead he’s hoping to distract me by giving me material things and offering to marry me. If I wanted flowers or jewelry, I could buy those things for myself. That’s not what I want right now. Can’t he see that what I really need at this stage in my life is his support and encouragement of my career goals? Can’t he see that I’m just not ready to slot into the role that he wants for me right now?”
As a result, she will keep saying no to his requests to get her back.
He will be offering her things that really don’t matter to her at this point in time, so it just won’t be appealing to her.
He might end up thinking that she is being unnecessarily difficult or stubborn, especially after all they’ve been through as a couple.
Yet, she just wants to get the kind of attraction and relationship experience that suits her, so she can be happy too.
If he can’t give her that, she has to go.
So, as you can see, improving the things your ex really cares about (not what you think she cares about or want her to care about because you think it’s important) is an essential step to showing her that you’ve become a better man since the break up.
For example: Some guys mistakenly try to impress their ex girlfriend (or wife) with improvements to their physical attractiveness, rather than improving their emotional attractiveness (i.e. confidence, social intelligence, relationship intelligence, emotional masculinity, charisma).
A guy might start wearing better clothes (e.g. suits rather than denims, expensive designer labels), change his hairstyle, or go to the gym to build some muscle/lose weight.
In his mind, he thinks something like, “When ending our relationship, I remember that she said I need to become a better man. Well, when she sees how much I’ve changed and how attractive I now look, she will be impressed and hopefully want me back.”
Yet, what a guy like that doesn’t realize is that even his ex says, “You’re looking good” when she sees him again, his appearance isn’t what will convince her that he’s become a better man.
His ability to make her feel respect and attraction for him based on the way he thinks, talks and behaves when he interacts with her.
It’s how he makes her feel when he talks to her on the phone and in person that really counts.
Superficial changes (e.g. losing some weight, adding some muscle, getting a hair cut, wearing new clothes) are not the most important things to a woman.
What is most important is how a man makes her feel when he talks to her.
- Does he turn her on by being confident, charismatic, masculine or funny, or does he turn her off by being insecure, self-doubting, hesitant or weak?
- Does he make her smile and enjoy talking to him, or does she feel closed off, annoyed, stressed or bored because of his approach to the conversation?
- Does he make her feel feminine and girly by being emotionally strong and masculine around her, or does she dominate him with her confident personality?
- Does he pass her confidence tests by laughing at them and not taking them so seriously, (e.g. when she teases him by saying something like, “What did you do to your hair? It looks horrible”) or does he fail the tests and become insecure when she puts pressure on him?
- Is he able to regain the power during conversations and make her respect him again, or does she feel like she can walk all over him now because he’s so desperate to get her back?
Those are the kind of things that matter the most to the majority of women when it comes to the attraction they feel for men.
When you make changes that really matter to her (i.e. you become more emotionally attractive as a man), she will see that you’ve become a better man already and will then become open to giving the relationship another chance.
Another way to show your ex that you’ve become a better man since the break up is to…
2. Pass her confidence tests when you interact with her
Even if a woman still has feelings for her ex and wants to get back with him, she usually won’t make it easy for him.
Instead, she will put him through a series of tests to see if he’s confident and emotionally strong enough for her.
If he can pass her tests, she will look up to him, respect him, feel attracted to him and love him once again, because he has proven that he is man enough for her.
On the other hand, if he becomes nervous, insecure and self-doubting when she tests him, she will see that he really hasn’t changed and will keep the door to her heart closed off to him.
For example: Some of the ways a woman might test a guy are by…
- Being cold and distant towards him during conversations.
- Telling him that she’s having so much fun without him (e.g. partying with her single friends, meeting new guys, feeling freedom that she hasn’t felt in a long time).
- Giving him mixed signals about her feelings for him (e.g. she might let him see that she’s interested in getting back together. Then, when he suggests getting back together, she might say something like, “Don’t get the wrong idea. I would never make the mistake of getting back together with you again. You stuffed up too many times with me. It’s over”).
- Blaming him for everything that went wrong in the relationship to see if he puts up with it.
- Asking him to do favors for her and being nice to him, but never letting him hug her, kiss her or do anything that might suggest they could be boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife again.
- Teasing him about how he now looks (e.g. “Why are you wearing that shirt? It doesn’t suit you”) to see if he feels insecure.
If he remains calm and relaxed and doesn’t let her tests get to him (e.g. he laughs at her attempts to make him feel jealous, or to take the blame for everything), she will feel respect and attraction for him and know for sure that he has changed.
On the other hand, if he appears to lose confidence, doubt himself and feel insecure under her pressure, she will lose even more respect and attraction for him as a man.
She will then put her guard up even higher and try even harder to move on without him, before he drags her back into a relationship that will be just the same as before.
She wants the relationship to be different.
She wants you to really change and level up as a man, rather than just trying to get her back while remaining stuck at the same level as a man (e.g. still being insecure, still lacking emotional masculinity, still giving her too much power).
This is why it is vital that you pass your ex’s confidence tests when you interact with her.
It gives her direct evidence that you really have changed, without you even having to tell her, “Hey, I’ve changed. Please believe me!”
She can see it for herself, so you don’t even need to try to convince her to believe you.
So, the next time your ex tries to mess with your head by being cold or rude, or tries to make you feel jealous, just remember that it’s her way of testing your confidence.
She wants to see if you are now the kind of man that she can genuinely look up to and respect, or if you deserve to continue getting the cold shoulder from her.
So, rather than get upset about her tests, feel happy that she’s doing it by understanding that it gives you a perfect opportunity to show her that you really have changed and become a better man since the break up.
When she realizes that her tests are not making you respond like she was expecting you to (e.g. She thought you would be insecure and self-doubting, but instead you are confident and emotionally strong. She thought you’d feel jealous and doubt your attractiveness to her, but instead you laugh at her attempts to mess with your head), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling surges of respect and attraction for you again.
You can then build on those feelings by continuing to display traits that are naturally attractive to women.
3. Be a self-approving, masculine man
While it’s great to show her that you’ve changed, just make sure that she doesn’t get a vibe from you that is essentially communicating, “Hey, so now do you like me? Did I do a good job mommy? Am I a good boy now?”
You have to make the changes because you want to and then approve of yourself, rather than seeking her approval.
She doesn’t want to get the sense that you doubt your attractiveness to her and need her to tell you that you’re okay now.
Women are attracted to men who never doubt their attractiveness to a woman, while also always making sure that they actually are being attractive (e.g. being emotionally strong, emotionally masculine, funny, ambitious, determined to succeed).
By the way…
Approving of yourself and believing in your attractiveness does not mean that you should suddenly start acting arrogant or look down on her or anyone else.
It simply means that you approve of yourself, love and respect yourself with or with her or anyone else’s approval.
Women all over the world are naturally attracted to self-approving, masculine men who aren’t waiting for a ‘pat on the head’ from mommy to say, “Good boy. I’m proud of you.”
You are confident, happy and forward moving in life with or without her encouragement or approval.
Women love that because it means that a woman doesn’t have to baby a guy in a relationship by continually encouraging him and trying to make him feel good enough or confident enough to make progress in life.
He is his own man and makes this happen without the help or encouragement of his woman.
This is very attractive to women and will be attractive to your ex as well.
Another way to show her that you’ve become a better man since the break up is to…
4. Make her laugh and smile, especially when she’s being cold to you
One of the quickest ways to make your ex stop seeing you as the guy you used to be and start seeing you as the new, improved man that you are now, is by making her smile and laugh when she’s interacting with you (especially if she is being cold or mean).
Laughter breaks down the emotional walls and helps to get rid of bitterness or negativity that might be present between you and your ex.
Essentially, when a woman is smiling and laughing, it makes it almost impossible for her to be thinking, “This guy is a jerk. He makes me feel miserable. I don’t like him and I don’t ever want to be his girl again,” at the same time.
Instead, she begins to think something like, “I like this. In the past, he would’ve never been able to laugh and joke around if I was being cold towards him. He would likely have gotten angry at me or started sucking up to me to seek pity. He’s so much more confident now. He’s more manly. I can’t believe I’m actually thinking this, but I’m enjoying myself with him now. I like it. I like him.”
Her walls then begin to come down and she opens herself up to the idea of seeing you as the man that you are now, rather than the man you used to be.
She experiences new, more interesting and exciting feelings for you that make her want to give the relationship another chance.
Here’s an example of how you can make her smile or laugh when she’s being cold to you…
Imagine that you call her on the phone and she says something like, “What do you want? Why can’t you accept that it’s over between us?”
Rather than letting her questions throw you off and make you think, “She hates me! She’s not going to give me a chance. It’s over!” simply turn it into something that you can both laugh about.
For example: When she says, “What do you want? Why can’t you accept that it’s over between us?” you can say, in a joking way, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re the one who called me!” and have a laugh with her about that.
Alternatively, you might say, “What do I want? Well, I wouldn’t mind some of that pizza you used to make. I’m hungry” and then have a laugh with her about that.
Alternatively, you might say, “What do I want? I want you to accept that it’s over between us and stop calling me” and then have a laugh with her about that.
Essentially, you don’t take what she is saying so seriously.
When you do that, she will feel attracted to you for having the courage to joke around with her and get her smiling and laughing, even though she started out being cold and unfriendly.
5. Get her to fully open back up to you by continually leading the way with a confident, easy-going attitude
After a break up, a woman will often become less nice, accommodating and friendly to her ex, especially if he’s been trying to get her back by offering her things that she doesn’t care about.
If a guy wants the dynamic to change back to how it used to be (i.e. they were in love, good to each other, got along so well), he needs to lead the way by always maintaining a confident, easy-going attitude.
This works because women are very responsive to men, even though they might act like they’re not initially, to test the man’s confidence.
If you lead the way to a better dynamic between you and her, she will go along with it and feel respect and attraction for you, as long as you don’t crumble under her pressure when she applies it.
So stay strong, be confident and maintain an easy-going attitude when talking to her and interacting with her.
Let her see that you really have become a better, stronger man since the break up.
You are now the kind of man that she can truly look up to, respect, feel attracted to and be totally in love with.
You are now the kind of man who makes her heart skip a beat when you walk into the room, or look at her in a confident, masculine way.
You give her butterflies in her stomach and make her feel like she’s in love again.
You are the man.