5 steps to make a reunion after a break up happen:
1. Prepare to be forgiven
Sometimes, a guy will want to get his ex woman back immediately after a break up, even though he doesn’t really know how to make her happy anymore.
He will just try to convince her to give him another chance and hope that she gives in and says, “Yes.”
Yet, in most ex back cases, a reunion won’t happen unless he guy can show his ex woman that he truly understands why she broke up with him.
For example: She said, “I just don’t feel the same way anymore. I want to break up” when she was ending the relationship, but what she didn’t say was, “The reason why I don’t feel the same way anymore is that you’ve turned me off by being so insecure and emotionally sensitive. You’ve also given me too much power in the relationship, so I can look up to you and respect you as my man anymore.”
If a guy doesn’t know the real reasons why his woman is breaking up with him, he might start offering her things that won’t make a difference (e.g. he offers to treat her even better, give her more freedom, or listen and care about her even more than he already has).
She then says, “No, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be with you anymore. It’s over” and he is left devastated, not even knowing what went wrong.
Of course, sometimes a guy knows exactly what went wrong and what he needs to do to get his ex woman to forgive him and give him another chance, but most guys simply aren’t aware of the woman’s more subtle reasons.
That doesn’t mean those guys are selfish, uncaring guys who deserved to be dumped.
Instead, it simply means they failed to notice the signs, or hints their woman was probably giving them throughout the relationship.
Alternatively, the guy simply doesn’t know much about attraction and what it takes to keep a woman happy, attracted and in love throughout all the stages of a relationship.
Let’s have a look at some more examples of where a relationship will fall apart over time, without the guy really knowing about it or knowing what to do to fix it.
If a woman feels like her guy is too much of a loner and is too emotionally dependent on her as a result (e.g. he doesn’t go out without her, he doesn’t have separate interests or hobbies), she’s not always going to say that to him directly.
Some women will accuse their guy of being too much of a loner and tell him that it’s turning her off.
However, most women will say something like, “Why don’t you go out without me sometime? I really don’t mind. I don’t want you to start feeling trapped in our relationship, or thinking that I’m one of those clingy women who needs her man around all the time to feel good about herself. You can go and see your friends, you know?”
If a guy then takes on the feedback and starts leading a more balanced lifestyle, she can feel more attracted to him again because she will see that he’s not so emotionally dependent on her anymore.
In other words, she doesn’t feel like his mother or protector.
She is his woman and at times, she gets to miss him when he’s not around for a few hours or more.
Yet, not all guys know how to handle a situation like that.
In some cases, a guy will try to reassure his woman by saying something like, “No! No! You’re not like that. You’re amazing. You’re not clingy. You’re perfect. Besides, I love being around you all the time. No one can compare to you. I just don’t have fun when we’re apart. I’d rather just spend all my spare time with you.”
She then feels annoyed that he’s not taking the hint and realizing that his clingy (or loner) behavior is turning her off.
Then, when she breaks up with him, the guy will ask, “Why? What did I do? We always spend time together and are fine together. What is the problem?” because wasn’t able to pick up on her hints and adjust accordingly.
If a woman wanted her guy to be more relaxed and easy going, rather than being so serious all the time, telling her “I’m going to work harder and take your needs more seriously from now on, so please just give me another chance,” is not going to make her feel understood.
If a woman wanted her man to stop being so childish and immature (e.g. wasting most of his spare time playing video games rather than following through on things that would make their life better, getting drunk every weekend with his single friends), him begging, pleading and crying for her to give him another chance, isn’t the way back into her heart.
If you want to reunite with your ex after a break up stay together, you have to give her the kind of attraction experience that she really wants, not what you think she wants.
That way, she can see that you’ve really taken her needs seriously and changed (or adjusted or improved).
As a result, she will then be more open to forgiving you and getting back together.
How about you and your relationship?
Are you aware of the subtle, but important reasons why your ex broke up with you?
Are you aware of the things that she secretly (or maybe quite obviously) wants you to change, adjust or improve about yourself?
Have you already begun to change, adjust or improve those things?
Are you ready to re-attract her?
The next step to a reunion after a break up is to…
2. Contact her to meet up and say hello in person
Once you’ve made some attractive changes to your thinking and behavior (e.g. you are more emotionally independent, confident and emotionally masculine now), you should contact your ex to arrange a reunion.
Note: In most cases, a guy can get to this point within 7 days.
Don’t waste a lot of time getting ready to re-attract her.
Improve, adjust and change as quickly as you can and then get on with the rest of the reunion process.
By the way…
At this point in the process, some guys are tempted to just send their ex a text message (e.g. “Hey, how have you been? I was wondering if you’d like to meet up sometime?”) rather than call her.
He’s afraid that she might not answer, won’t like it that he called or that he’ll stuff things up on the phone.
So, he hides behind the safety of a text message.
Unfortunately, when it comes to getting an ex back after a break up, texts are usually the worst possible way of communicating and asking her to meet up.
It’s so much easier for her to say, “No” via text rather than on the phone when she’s listening to you being confident and easy-going.
On the other hand, when you get your ex on the phone and make her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you, she’s going to be much more relaxed and open.
Then, when you say, “Hey, this has been fun to chat again. How about we catch up sometime this week to say hello as friends?” it becomes a lot more difficult for her to decline.
Of course, that doesn’t mean she’s going to jump at the idea right away, especially if a guy makes the mistake of referring to the reunion catch up as a date, or if she wants to play a little hard to get to not look to easy.
If a guy refers to it as a date, or makes it sound like he will be trying hard to get her back at the meet up, her guard will go up and she will be much more likely to decline.
Additionally, if a guy hasn’t first reactivated a woman’s feelings of respect and attraction for him, she might be feeling nervous about seeing him again.
For example: She may be thinking, “What if I say yes to meeting up with him and it’s awkward and tense to be talking to him again? What if he pressures me to get back with him, even though I don’t feel attracted and in love with him anymore? Will he then start being annoying and pursuing me by calling, texting and maybe even arriving at my house uninvited? Maybe I should just say no.”
So, on the call to your ex, (after you’ve made her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to you again) you should then say something along the lines of, “Hey, it’s been nice chatting again. How about we meet up sometime this week to say hello in person as friends? Nothing serious of course. Just two mature exes catching a cup of coffee together. We can do that, right? It doesn’t mean we’re getting back together again. In fact, if you decide that you don’t want to see me again after we catch up this time, we can say goodbye forever and I promise to leave you alone. So, how about it? Wednesday at 6pm for a quick coffee?”
When you approach a meet up in that way, the chances of her saying, “Yes” are almost certain.
Then, once she agrees, go ahead and make plans to meet up with her as soon as is convenient for both of you.
At the reunion…
3. Let her experience the new and improved you in person
When you meet up with your ex, make sure that you reactivate and begin building on her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
You want to get her to the point where she is thinking something like, “Wow, this is really nice. It feels good to be around him again. Why am I feeling this way? I like him again. Why do I want him to hug me and kiss me all of a sudden?”
When she is at that point, her guard comes down and you can easily begin to reunite with a hug, kiss and then sex at her place or yours.
So, how can you reactivate and begin building on her feelings for you?
You can do it by:
- Reacting differently to the way she’s expecting to (e.g. She expects you to be insecure, nervous and self-doubting around her, but you’re relaxed, confident and easy going instead. She expects you to try to push her into getting back with you again, but you use humor to break down her defenses and make her naturally want the relationship).
- Flirting with her and making her feel feminine and girly in your presence, rather than being neutral and making her feel like just a friend.
- Laughing at her when she tries to push you around or dominate the reunion, rather than being on your best behavior and being a Mr. Nice Guy all of a sudden to hopefully impress her.
- Making her laugh and smile and feel happy in your presence, rather than being too serious or making her feel stressed by trying to discuss the relationship problems in detail.
As she is feeling attracted to you, she won’t be able to stop herself from slowly dropping her guard and opening back up to you.
Important: Don’t make the classic mistake of asking for another chance before you show her that you’ve really changed.
You’ve got to let her experience the changes, so she can feel differently in your presence and decide for herself that a relationship with you really would be different now.
If you try to get her to agree to give you another chance before reactivating her feelings, she will begin to close herself off emotionally and then, getting her to agree to another meet up will be a lot more difficult from then onwards.
She will see that you’re trying to get her back without even changing, which will make her feel like you are being selfish and not taking her needs into account.
So, make sure that you follow the process correctly.
Once you’ve reactivated her feelings and begun to build on them, you need to…
4. Get her to forgive the old you
For a reunion after a break up to lead to reconciliation and an even better relationship, forgiveness is a very important step.
Forgiveness allows a woman to stop seeing everything that you say and do in a negative light and start seeing you as you are now (i.e. a new and improved man).
Once she has forgiven you, she can then let her guard down and allow herself to feel respect, attraction and love for you again.
In many cases, if a guy asks for a relationship before getting his ex woman to forgive him, she will usually say something like, “I don’t know. There’s too much between us for me to be able to fully trust you again. What if I agree to give you another chance and then, as soon as you feel comfortable around me again, you go back to being the old you? I’m just not willing to risk going through all that again. Let’s just stay broken up. I don’t want to be with you anymore. Please accept that.”
She is saying that because she doesn’t have any real, current evidence that he actually makes her feel different now.
He’s also trying to get her to commit to a relationship when she’s still looking at him as being who he used to be.
He hasn’t gotten her to forgive the old version of him, so she can then start looking at him as the new version of himself.
So, make sure that you get your ex to forgive you first.
You can do that by saying something like, “I know that it took me longer than it should have to understand where I was going wrong (i.e. we had to break up first), but I do finally understand why you broke up with me. I see now how certain aspects of my behavior, attitude and thinking would have turned you off (e.g. I was too insecure and needy, you matured in the relationship faster than me, I was unreliable). Looking back at myself and how I behaved, I can’t believe that was really me. I mean, how could you not feel turned off by me when I was being like that? I sometimes shake my head and have to laugh at how silly I was back then. Of course, I know that it might be difficult for you to believe that I have changed, but I really have. I want to apologize to you now for putting you through all that. I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to give me another chance. I’m just asking you to forgive me for who I used to be. So, can you forgive me?”
As long as she can see that you’re not asking her to give you another chance right now and are just asking for forgiveness, she will almost certainly just go ahead and forgive you.
Once that happens, she will look at you differently.
She will look at who you are now as being a different man to who you used to be.
The man who made all those mistakes in the relationship is who you used to be and the man who has learned from it and become a better man is who you are now.
Once she has forgiven you, make sure that you continue allowing her experience the new you whenever you interact with her (on the phone and in person).
The more evidence she gets (by personal experience of interacting with you) that you really have changed, the more genuine her forgiveness will be.
Her feelings of respect and attraction will come flowing back and before she realizes it, she will be wondering, “How did I fall in love with him again? Why do I feel like I just want to be with him now? Why don’t I want to be broken up anymore? Why do I miss him so much whenever we are apart?”
5. Fully reactivate her feelings for you
One of the best ways to reactivate a woman’s feelings for you is by using humor and flirting to create a more easy-going, sexually charged dynamic between you and her.
When you do that, it naturally breaks down the walls that she put up to prevent herself from falling for you again.
For example: Imagine you’re at a coffee shop with your ex.
If you focus on being too deep and meaningful (e.g. discussing the relationship in terms of “soul mates” and “destiny,” trying hard to come up with solutions to the problems in the relationship), her guard will remain up and she will start to feel annoyed, stressed or overwhelmed by what is going on.
On the other hand, if you use flirting and humor to create some sexual tension between you, even if she doesn’t want it to happen, her feelings will naturally come flooding back.
For instance, you might say in a joking way (even if she doesn’t have any milk above her lip after taking a sip of her coffee), “You look really sexy with that cappuccino mustache. That has to go on social media. I think everyone in the world should be able to see how hot you look right now. Little Cappuccino Mustache Girl.”
She will most likely blush and try to wipe above her lip to clear away the milk or froth from the cappuccino.
Again, even if she doesn’t have anything above her lip, you can lean forward and say, “Let me do it,” and gently lean in and run your thumb above her top lip.
If she did have something on her lip, you can then jokingly say, “Geez…I can’t take you anywhere. You make a mess of yourself wherever we go.”
If she didn’t have anything on her lip, you can look at your finger and say, “Oh well, look at that! There wasn’t anything there after all,” and have a laugh with her about it.
She will likely pretend to be angry with you for tricking her, while at the same time, she will be feeling rushes of respect and attraction surge through her body and mind.
Once you’ve fully reactivated your ex’s feelings for you, it’s only natural that you and her will reunite and get back together.
Best of all, you will now be a better man than you were before.
You will have changed, improved or adjusted things about yourself that were turning her off.
You will have understood what it really takes to make a woman like her happy in a relationship.
You will also know how to maintain her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you forever.
So, when you reunite, you won’t have to worry about breaking up again.
She will be yours for life.
Now, go and get her back!