5 steps to get her to change her mind:
1. Stop asking for a relationship and just ask to catch up and say hi in person
When a woman is saying, “I don’t know. I’m not sure that giving you another chance is such a good idea anymore. I think it’s better if we just move on and each find someone else,” a guy might panic at the thought of losing her.
He may then resort to begging and pleading and trying to convince her to change her mind by over-texting her.
For example: He might send her long text messages saying things like, “Please don’t do this to me. Please give our relationship one more chance. I promise you that this time things will be different. Just tell me how you want our relationship to be from now on and I’ll do whatever it takes to give you what you want and make you happy. I beg you. Please don’t throw our love away. You mean everything to me. Please just give me another chance. We can make this work.”
As you may know (if you made the kind of mistake with her or with another woman in the past), begging, pleading and asking for a relationship via text, only makes a woman close herself off to you even more.
Rather than think, “Oh, maybe I’m being too hard on him. Yes, we had some problems in our relationship, but I also accept that what we had was special enough not to give up on it. Maybe we can work things out and try again after all,” she will thinking something like, “Not only is he turning me off by not being man enough to talk to me over the phone or in person, but he also keeps asking me for a relationship without making any effort to fix what went wrong. I feel like he’s not taking what happened between us seriously. As far as I’m concerned, we don’t have a relationship anymore. We’ve broken up and him asking for another chance only makes me feel pressured into making a decision that I’m not ready to make. He hasn’t done anything to make me have feelings for him again, so I don’t see the point in giving him another chance.”
If you’ve been making the mistake of asking for a relationship before you’ve reactivated her feelings for you, it’s essential that you stop doing that right away.
Rather than asking for another chance, just get her on a friendly phone call with you.
On the call, you need to make her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you again and then invite her out for a catch up to say hi just as friends.
For example: After a bit of small talk, you can say something like, “I accept how you feel right now and I’m not going to pressure you to give me another chance anymore. I accept the break up. So, let’s just be friends. We can get together for a cup of coffee and to say hi to each other as friends, with no strings attached. We’re mature enough to do that, right? Just because we’re broken up, it doesn’t mean we can’t be mature adults about all of this and end things on a friendly note. So, how about we get a cup of coffee together tomorrow afternoon and say hi for about 10 minutes? Just as friends of course. Our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is over and I accept that.”
In most cases, a woman will say, “Yes,” or at least, “Okay, maybe just this one time.”
From there, the next step is to…
2. Reactivate her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you in person
Important: Just because you said that you and her were just friends now, it doesn’t mean that you then act like a friend!
When you meet up with your ex girlfriend, it’s absolutely vital that you use the interaction as a way of making her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again.
Don’t try to get her to commit to giving you another chance before you’ve had sex with her again.
Just focus on rebuilding her feelings for you, so she actually has a reason to want to give you another chance.
Show her by the way you talk to her, the way you behave, the way you interact with her and the way you respond to what she says and does (especially if she’s being cold, distant and unfriendly) that you’re not longer the same guy she broke up with.
You don’t have to be perfect to reactivate your ex girlfriend’s feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Instead, you just need to make some adjustments and improvements to yourself and let her see that you’re now at a different level as a man from the one you were at when she left you.
When you interact with her in ways that reactivate her feelings for you, everything changes.
The process of getting her back becomes a lot easier, because she starts enjoying being around you and interacting with you again.
She has a reason to get back with you (i.e. she is feeling respect, attraction and love for you and wants to explore those reactivated feelings), so her guard comes down.
On the other hand, if you continue to make the old communication mistakes you made before (e.g. trying to force her to see things your way, not understanding her feelings), then she’s just going to keep saying things like, “I don’t think giving you another chance is a good idea. Let’s just leave things as they are. It’s over. Please accept it.”
So, make sure that you are ready to properly re-attract her and reactivate her feelings when you see her in person.
Don’t leave it to chance and hope that she’ll change her mind based on your strong feelings for her.
If a woman doesn’t have feelings for a man, she doesn’t care if a man has feelings for her.
It has to be mutual.
When getting an ex back, what counts the most is her feelings for you, not your feelings for her.
Does she feel respect, attraction and love when she’s with you, or does she feel irritation, anger or discomfort?
Does she feel turned on and happy to be interacting with you again, or does she feel like she can’t get away fast enough?
These are the things that matter most to her and to your chances of getting her back.
So, don’t try to convince her to give you another chance by giving her a list of reasons why she should, or why you love her and want her in your life.
Instead, focus on making her have strong feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you again and she will naturally want to give the relationship another try.
3. Let her see that you’ve changed and improved
If you don’t improve your ability to attract your ex girlfriend, she’s going to continue feeling reluctant to give you another chance.
On the other hand, if you let her see that you’ve changed and improved yourself, her reluctance will begin to fade.
She will open back up to you and you can then get her back.
For example: If a woman says something along the lines of, “You didn’t give me enough emotional support when we were together, so I had to switch my feelings off and be strong like a man to survive. Now, I don’t feel anything for you and I just don’t care about what you want from me,” you can say something like, “I know. I was too emotionally closed off in the relationship and didn’t understand what you needed from me to feel loved and appreciated. I made a bunch of silly mistakes and I don’t blame you for not wanting to give me another chance. You are right to feel that way.”
By saying something like that to her, it shows her that he understands where he went wrong in the relationship with her and accepts her feelings on the matter.
When she sees that he’s not pressuring her to change her mind and give him another chance, she begins to see him in a more positive light and starts to feel some respect and attraction for him again.
Another example is where a woman broke up with a guy because she couldn’t be herself around him (e.g. because he was too jealous and controlling, he was too critical of her).
To test him, she might arrive at their meet up wearing something that she knows would have provoked him in the past (e.g. a very short skirt, a revealing blouse).
Alternatively, she might say something like, “I don’t know if I should give you another chance. I’ve been having so much fun partying with my single friends since we broke up. I have guys lining up to get a date with me these days. Why should I give all that up for you?”
If her ex then gets angry and reacts by saying something like, “You slut! I was right not to trust you when we were together. Are you already seeing someone else?” she will see that he’s still the same guy as before, so she won’t want to give him another chance.
On the other hand, if he stays calm and says something along the lines of, “I see now that I was forcing you to be someone you’re not. I was wrong to try and block you from doing certain things,” she will see that he has really changed.
She can then feel respect for the fact that he has become a more emotionally mature man.
As a result, she will automatically start feeling attraction for him and feeling drawn to him in a girlfriend/boyfriend kind of way.
She will experience new, interesting feelings for him and want to explore them to see where it goes.
That’s the effect you need to have on her.
When your ex girlfriend can see that you’ve made an effort to improve and change the things about yourself that were turning her off, she won’t be able to stay closed off from you for very long.
Her guard comes down and she becomes open to the idea of giving you another chance.
4. Get her to forgive your past mistakes to make herself feel better
If your ex doesn’t forgive you for making mistakes in the relationship, then getting her back will be very difficult.
She will keep looking at you as being the guy she broke up with, rather than clearing that out of her mind and seeing you as the new, improved version of yourself.
Additionally, if she doesn’t forgive you, she will have problems in future relationships because she will always have her guard up to protect herself from being hurt if the relationship ends.
So, you need to get her to forgive you for benefit and for hers.
Don’t worry – it won’t make her want to move on without you. It will have the opposite effect and make her feel drawn to the new you.
You can get her to forgive you by saying something like, “I know I stuffed up and I accept responsibility for my actions. However, it’s not something you need to hold against me for the rest of our lives. I’m asking you to forgive me so that we can both make a fresh, clean start without each other. Then, if you happen to meet some other guy, you won’t have negative baggage from our relationship getting in your way. You will be able to love freely because you will have forgiven me for my mistakes and won’t be dragging that around with you. You will now that it’s possible for a person to learn from their mistakes, like I have. You can then move on without me. So, how about it? Can you let go of the anger and resentment you’ve been holding against me and let us both go forward with a clean slate?”
Of course, you’re not encouraging her to hook up with another guy or move on without you.
Instead, when you give her the freedom to move forward and let go of the negative emotions associated with your relationship, she won’t be able to stop herself from forgiving you.
When that happens, her guard naturally comes down and she starts to see you in a more positive light.
Her reluctance to give you another chance begins to fade and she starts to think, “He really is different now. I wonder if we could actually make it work this time. I can see that he has changed. He’s not like he used to be.”
She looks at you in that way because she has forgiven the old version of you and is now seeing the new and improved you.
From there, you need to…
5. Hook up with her sexually, but don’t ask for a relationship right away
The time a woman will be most interested in getting back together is after you and her have had sex again.
Mainly because for her to get to the point where she is having sex with you again, it usually means that you have successfully reactivated her feelings of respect and attraction prior to that.
After sex, her defenses will be down, which means she that will be less likely to think about how badly you stuffed up before and more likely to focus on how good she is feeling around now.
So, don’t waste any more time worrying about her saying that she is reluctant to give you another chance.
Instead, meet up with her, let her experience the changes you’ve made to yourself since the break up and then have sex with her.
Then, don’t bring up getting back together right away.
Let her want it to happen herself, so she doesn’t feel like you’re forcing her to commit to a relationship.