If you’ve already cut off contact for 7 days, then make sure that you are ready to contact her tomorrow.
Don’t wait any longer than that.
Remember: Women respond differently to No Contact compared to men.
For example: A man will usually feel rejected when his ex doesn’t contact him after he dumps her.
He will feel as though he doesn’t have the kind of power over her as he once thought he did.
He may then begin to think, “How could she move on so easily? Why doesn’t she care? Does she already have a new guy?”
He wants to regain his power over her and make her want him again, so he then contacts her.
In a woman’s case, the No Contact Rule usually works well on a man for that main reason.
Yet, the same rule doesn’t apply when a man cuts off contact to hopefully get a woman back.
In most cases, she doesn’t care because her aim isn’t to gain power over him.
A woman’s aim is to be in love and to have a successful relationship that lasts for life, rather than stick with a guy who doesn’t even know how to make her feel attracted anymore.
So, if your ex fell out of love with you and no longer had much or any feelings for you when she dumped you, then she’s almost certainly not going to care if you cut off contact for 30 days, 60 days or a lifetime.
She’s just going to move on.
Of course, some women do care about the fact that their ex man isn’t contacting them after a break up.
Yet, a woman will only care for so long, especially if she was pretty certain that she was making the right decision to break up with him (e.g. because he was too insecure, wasn’t man enough for her, didn’t make her feel attracted anymore).
So, when a typical woman doesn’t hear from her ex man for weeks or months after the break up, she might:
- Realize that she feels totally fine without him in her life.
- Begin to enjoy the single life, wherein she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants and with whomever she wants.
- Start believing that her ex doesn’t care about her anymore and probably never did, so she doesn’t need to remain faithful to him or try to make something work with him.
- Get over the pain of the break up by hooking up with a new guy sexually and then allowing herself to fall in love with him for fun.
- Focus on all the reasons why she broke up with her ex, so she can feel even more turned off by him.
- Feel even less respect and attraction for him for trying to play “mind games” with her by not contacting her for weeks or months, when she knows that he still wants her back and wishes he could get another chance with her (i.e. because he begged and pleading with her during the break up, he can’t easily attract and pick up quality women, he was always more attracted to her than she was to him).
- Lose even more respect for him for not having the balls to contact her and get her back like a real man.
So, don’t make the classic mistake of assuming that your ex needs 30 to 60 days of space before she will be ready to get back together.
In most cases, a woman has completely calmed down and is ready to interact with her ex by Day 7, which is why you shouldn’t wait any longer than that.
If you are on Day 7 of No Contact today, then you need to call her and get things moving along, before it’s too late.
If you don’t contact her and decide to wait a few more weeks, your plan may backfire because she might just move on without you (e.g. by hooking up with a new guy and falling in love with him).
Cutting off contact for a long time seems like a good idea, but it usually doesn’t work on women who wanted to dump their ex.
Rather than making her think, “Oh no! I miss him so much! Why isn’t he calling me? What could he be up to? I hope he hasn’t met someone else,” a woman simply makes herself feel better by hooking up with a new guy.
As you would know, it’s very easy for women to get laid or start a new relationship and women use that as an easy way to move on and stop thinking about an ex.
In many cases, the woman meets a new guy who makes her feel more attraction than her ex did leading up to the break up (most likely the case), so it might give her a false sense of hope about a relationship with him.
The woman compares how good she feels with the new guy, to how her ex made her feel near the end of the relationship and realizes that she’s so much happier now.
You don’t want that happening to you, right?
If not, then get her on a phone call and get her to meet up with you, so you can re-attract her and get her back.
If you don’t have the confidence to make that happen, she may believe your lack of contact means that you didn’t love her or care enough about her to get her back.
If she feels that way, she will almost certainly aim to get quick revenge by hooking up with a new guy and making him love her.
Don’t let things get to that point.
Pick up the phone right now and make the call.
Get her back.
5 Common Mistakes to Avoid
When a guy is reinitiates contact after a week or more of no contact, he will usually make one or more of the following mistakes…
1. Worrying that the call will go badly and she will never want to speak to him again
For example: He may think, “What if she doesn’t answer my call?” or “What if she tells me to leave her alone?” or “What if she has decided that she doesn’t want to get back together?”
By thinking in that way, he’s actually programming himself for failure.
By the time he gets her on a call, he will likely be feeling so nervous that he may even start stumbling over his words as soon as she says “Hello.”
However, that’s not the impression you want to make on your ex, right?
Remember: Nervousness, insecurity and self-doubt are qualities that turn women off.
So, if your ex hears obvious fear in your voice when you call her, rather than making her think, “Oh, it’s so nice to hear from him! It’s also so cute that he’s feeling nervous to talk to me again! Maybe I should give him another chance! I love wimpy ass guys!” she’ll be thinking something like, “It feels awkward to be talking to him now. Clearly he doesn’t have what it takes to be the kind of man I want.”
Don’t do that to yourself.
Take control of your mind and get yourself into the habit of imagining things going well when you talk to your ex.
For example: Instead of allowing insecure thoughts to crowd your mind, such as, “What if she tells me to get lost?” or even, “What if I run out of things to say?” push yourself to feel confident by imagining things going well.
You are talking to your ex on the phone for the first time since you and her broke up.
The conversation starts off great and you easily re-attract her in many different ways (e.g. by being very confident, making her smile and laugh, flirting, making her feel girly in comparison to your masculinity).
She feels really happy to be talking to you again and when you suggest a meet up, she quickly agrees.
At the meet, up you continue to re-spark her feelings for you by saying and doing the types of things that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. you’re being confident and emotionally strong, you use humor to break down her defenses, you make her feel feminine and girly by being more emotionally masculine than her).
You and her then get back together again and are even happier than you were before.
That’s how you need to be thinking if you want to get your ex back.
It gives you extra confidence to say and do the right things when the moment arrives.
However, if you doubt yourself, you will naturally say and do things that seem awkward and unattractive to her.
So, push yourself to be confident.
You can do it!
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Being nervous when you talk to her
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that a woman’s attraction to a man is mostly based on how he thinks, talks, behaves, feels and acts around her.
For example: If a guy is confident, emotionally strong, charismatic and uses humor to make her feel happy when she interacts with him, she will automatically feel attracted to him.
On the other hand, if a guy is nervous, insecure, tense and too polite around his ex, her attraction for him will remain switched off.
In both instances, he created that.
He made it happen via his thinking and behavior.
So, when you contact your ex, make sure that the feelings you create inside of her are actually what you want (i.e. for her to feel attracted to you again, feel sparks of love, feel drawn to you).
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Only texting her because you’re too afraid to call her
Sometimes a guy convinces himself that the best way to break the ice after 7 days of no contact with his ex is by sending her a feeler text.
For example: He might text something like, “Hey, how are you doing?” and wait for his ex to hopefully respond with something along the lines of, “Oh, I’m okay. I’ve been missing you. What have you been up to? Can we get together sometime to catch up?”
Wouldn’t that be nice?
It would be so easy to get her back then.
All you had to do was send out an easy feeler text after 7 days of no contact.
Yet, that’s just not how the majority of women react.
Rather than making the ex back process easy for him, a woman will usually either ignore his text or send a blunt reply like, “I’m fine,” and then wait to see what he’ll do from there.
The truth is, as a man, you need to take responsibility for guiding both you and your ex back into a relationship.
Watch my video about texting your ex here…
Don’t hide behind texts and hope that she will make it easy for you because most women won’t.
Even if your ex does reply and seems happy to be hearing from you, she could still be thinking something like, “Okay, great…he texted me… now what? Does he think this is going to be the start of a new relationship between us based on a few text messages? I wish he would just get to the point, or leave me alone if he doesn’t have the balls to do more than send messages back and forth. He’s just wasting my time.”
Here’s the thing…
When a woman can’t hear the tonality of a man’s voice, or experience any of the changes that he has undergone in the 7 days since the break up, she will usually continue to think about him based on how she felt when they broke up.
For example: If a guy was insecure, self-doubting and needy in his relationship with her and when she broke up with him, she will usually assume that he is still like that, even though he is sending her cool texts.
So, if you truly want to get your ex back, don’t waste a lot of time texting back and forth.
A text or two can help to get her to smile and laugh a little, but don’t get sucked into texting back and forth with her.
If you do, she will almost certainly begin playing hard to get and if you then make the mistake of trying harder to impress her via text, she will feel turned off by your desperation.
So, pick up the phone and focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Talking to her on the phone (even better if it’s done in person) is infinitely more effective than hiding behind texts.
When she can hear the confidence and sincerity in your voice on the phone (especially if she’s being cold and distant towards you), it’s only natural that she will feel drawn to you again in a positive way.
She will then become open to meeting up with you in person again and from there, it becomes even easier for you to get her back for real.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
4. Not following up with a text if she doesn’t answer your call
A woman not answering an initial call from her ex is actually pretty common.
So, if she doesn’t answer your first call, don’t start doubting yourself and thinking things like, “I knew it! I knew she wouldn’t want to talk to me again. Maybe I shouldn’t have waited this long to call her? Maybe she’s met another guy and is out having a good time with him? Maybe I need to wait 30 to 60 days and give her more time to miss me and then she will be more willing to answer when I call her. I’m just so confused. What do I do now? Maybe I need to cut off contact for 90 days? 120 days?”
If she’s not currently answering your calls, just text her this:
“Hey…I tried to give you a call earlier, but you must have been busy. I just want you to know I completely accept that we’ve broken up, but I just want to ask you something quick over the phone. Don’t worry, it’s not serious. I’ll call you again in 5 minutes.”
If she responds right away and asks something like, “What do you want to ask me?” just call her immediately (don’t text back!).
Alternatively, if she doesn’t get back to you at all, just call her 5 minutes later as per your text.
If she still doesn’t answer, leave it for a day and then try to call her again.
If she doesn’t answer again, text her this:
“Hey Samantha – tried calling you yesterday to ask you something quick, but I assume that you’re really busy at the moment. No problem. I might try to get hold of you some other time so I can ask you this question.”
She will most likely be really curious at that stage and she may either call you to find out what you want, or text you to say that she’s available for you to call her now.
Then, just pick up the phone and call her.
Don’t text her.
Once you get her on a call with you, start off by using some humor to get her laughing and smiling and feeling happy to be talking to you again.
Then, when she seems relaxed and open, you can say, “Actually, so what I wanted to ask you is for us to catch up for a quick cup of coffee sometime. I’m not asking you to get back together again of course. I just think it would be nice to catch up as friends to say hello. So, how about it? I’ll be busy tomorrow and Tuesday, but I am free on Wednesday and Thursday. Which of those days are better for you?”
If you’ve successfully re-sparked some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you over the phone (e.g. by maintaining your confidence when she’s being cold and indifferent, breaking her out of her bad mood with laughter and smiling, flirting with her and making her feel feminine and girly), she will most likely agree to catch up and you can make plans to meet up.
Just remember: Don’t try to achieve all that via text!
Texts do not work to get an ex back unless she already has strong feelings of respect and attraction for you and wants you back.
If she isn’t feeling attracted to you and you try to ask for a catch up via text, you will almost certainly get a, “No.”
So, make sure that you do this right.
If you want her back for real, don’t hide behind texts because you’re too afraid to call her.
When a woman is turned off by her ex, getting “give me another chance” or, “let’s meet up” texts from him are annoying to her.
So, do this right!
Get her back for real!
You can do it.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
5. Giving up too easily
In some cases, a woman won’t be willing to catch up the first time you ask her, so don’t panic.
For example: She might say something along the lines of, “I just don’t know if it’s a good idea. I don’t feel like I’m ready to see you again in person. I’m still trying to deal with how I feel about everything that happened between us. I don’t want to rush into anything yet. I need more time.”
Naturally, when a guy hears something like that, rather than just take it for what it is (i.e. that she’s not fully re-attracted yet and he can change that by attracting her over the phone right then and there), he starts to doubt himself and his chances with her.
He may then mistakenly give up, walk away or give her so much space that she moves on with another guy.
He then loses out on being with what could potentially have been the love of his life.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If your ex says “No,” to meeting up with you the first time you ask her, or to getting back together right away, it doesn’t mean her answer is set in stone.
The key is to just maintain your confidence with her and in a friendly, easy-going way say, “Hey, I get it. I understand why you feel the way you do right now and the last thing I want to do is pressure you into doing anything that you don’t feel comfortable with. However, all I’m asking for is that we catch up for a quick cup of coffee to chat as friends. We can do that, right? We’re mature enough to do that. So, let’s catch up and say a quick hi, with no strings attached. Just as friends.”
By taking the pressure off her to make a decision about getting back together again, she will feel more comfortable about saying “Yes” to having a quick coffee with you.
When you meet up with her, you can then fully reactivate her feelings by showing her in person that you are now a new and improved man (e.g. you are so much more confident and emotionally strong, emotionally independent, mature and focused).
By the way…
Make sure that when you meet up with her, you don’t treat her like a neutral friend.
Be friendly, but don’t act like just a friend.
If you want to get her back, you have to make her feel SEXUAL and ROMANTIC feelings for you again.
When you make her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again, her guard comes down and she opens back up to you quickly and easily.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
6. Sending her needy or emotional texts if she doesn’t answer or isn’t willing to meet up
Even if a woman still has feelings for her ex and wants to get back with him, she’s won’t necessarily make it easy to get her back.
For example: She might ignore his calls, reply to some texts in a cold way or reject his suggestions to meet up with her in person.
Essentially, she’s testing to see if he’s confident enough to persevere in a calm, rational manner, regardless of how negative she’s being towards him.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys fail this test and instead of turning her rejection into something they can both laugh about, he becomes overly needy and emotional instead.
For example: A guy might text something along the lines of, “Why are you ignoring me? Please don’t do this. I really need to hear your voice. I’ll do anything to make things up to you. Please just answer your phone,” or “Please give me one more chance. That’s all I’m asking for. I just want to see you. I know I stuffed up, but I promise never to behave in like that ever again. Please.”
Yet, rather than convincing a woman to change her mind, she feels even more turned off by what she perceives as his emotional weakness (i.e. desperation, feeling lost, lonely and hurt without her).
So, if your ex isn’t answering her phone or isn’t willing to meet up, rather than getting upset and doing something that might make you look needy, wimpy or weak-minded in her eyes, just use humor to break down her defenses.
For example: If she won’t answer her phone, you might text something like, “Hey, remember that time we bought that lottery ticket together a long time ago? I just checked it and we won! Pity you’re not answering your phone though. I’m just going to have to keep your share of the winnings. 5 star holiday here I come!”
She may respond and ask, “What lottery ticket? How much did we win?” and you can then say, “You’ll have to answer your phone if you want to find out.”
Then when you call her, you can say in a joking way, “So, you only want me for my money then?” and have a laugh with her about it.
You can then tell her that you were only joking about the lottery ticket and then add in some more humor by saying, “Anyway, so I want to go on a 5 star holiday. Can you pay for it for me?” and then have a laugh with her about it.
When you use humor (rather than being emotional and needy), you break down her defenses and open her back up to you.
She stops looking at you in a negative way and she starts seeing you in a more positive light.
She begins to believe that you really have changed this time and as a result, her feelings for you also begin to change.
Even if she tries to deny it, she can’t stop herself from feeling surges of respect and attraction for you again for being man enough to change and improve so quickly.
You can then gently guide her back into a relationship that’s 100% better than it ever was before.
As you can see, getting an ex back does NOT require you to wait 21, 30 or 60 days before you contact her.
You can get her back right away or very quickly, if you know how to re-attract her and confidently guide her back into a relationship.
So, if you are serious about getting her back, take action now and get her back before it’s too late for you.