Sometimes, a guy needs to wait this long before he feels ready to contact his ex woman and start the ex back process.
If you are ready, then go ahead and call her, re-attract her and get her back right now.
Of course, if you feel like you need more time before you call her, then okay.
However, I don’t recommend that you wait more than a total of 7 days after a break up before contacting an ex to get her back.
Most women either completely move on with another guy, or get so used to not having you around that they begin to move on emotionally (e.g. she begins enjoying single life and feeling good on her own again), or they move on physically with a new guy.
Remember: The sooner you get her on a phone call and allow her to experience the new you (e.g. by maintaining your confidence with her even when she’s being cold and unfriendly towards you, by making her laugh and smile, by being emotionally masculine thereby allowing her to feel feminine and girly in contrast to you), the sooner you can get back together.
When talking to her on the phone, make sure to keep the conversation light, funny and easy-going and steer clear of talking about what went wrong in the relationship.
If you’re not sure how to break the ice after 6 Days of No Contact, here’s an example of how to make her laugh and open her up to the idea of meeting with you in person…
After the initial “Hi, how are you?” you can then ask her, “So, what’s news with you?”
She might reply with something like, “Oh, nothing much. I’ve just been busy with the usual things like work/studies. How about you? What’s news with you?”
You can then say in a joking way, “Oh, just sitting around eating pizza and missing you like crazy” and then have a laugh.
Then, add in, “No, I’m only kidding. I haven’t missed you at all” and have a laugh with her.
Then, add in, “No, seriously. All I’ve been doing is sitting around eating pizza and playing video games. I weigh 180 pounds now because of all the pizza. That’s why I’m calling you… I need a new super-sized couch and I was wondering if you’d go shopping with me to get one” and then have a laugh.
She will most likely laugh as well and you can then say, “Okay, okay… I’m only joking with you. I actually still weigh the same as before and I don’t need a new couch either. In fact, I’ve been…” and then quickly tell her what you’ve been doing since the break up in a sentence or two.
She will feel attracted to the fact that you have the confidence to joke around with her like that, rather than being so serious or being on your best behavior (e.g. being really nice, polite, formal).
She will also realize that you haven’t been sitting around eating pizza alone and have been happily enjoying your life without her.
Even though she probably won’t admit it to you, this will make her feel some respect and attraction for you again.
When you reignite her feelings this way, she automatically starts focusing on your positive qualities, rather than holding onto her negative memories about how badly you messed up with her.
Her guard starts to slip and she becomes open to meeting up with you to see what happens.
At this point, you can say something like, “Anyway… how about we get together for some coffee sometime this week. It wouldn’t be about us getting back together of course. Just a coffee to say hello to each other as friends.”
If she seems a bit resistant at first and says something like, “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,” don’t let it put you off.
Instead, remain calm and relaxed and say something along the lines of, “Hey, it’s just a coffee. We are mature enough to do that, right? After all, we’re just ex’s…we’re not mortal enemies or anything like that. So, come on…it’ll be fun. We can catch up for 10 minutes or so and if you don’t ever want to see me again, I will go back to eating my pizza.”
She will likely be laughing at that point and agree to catch up.
You can then go ahead and arrange a suitable day and time.
Then, when you meet up with her, just continue to say and do the things that will trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. being confident, making her laugh, smile and feel good in your presence, being emotionally masculine) and guide her back into a relationship with you.
Where Guys Go Wrong: 7 Mistakes to Avoid
Giving a woman a few days of space after a break up is not a bad thing.
It really can help.
When she doesn’t hear from you from a few days, she can relax and stop worrying that you’re going to try to pressure her back into a relationship like most guys do after a break.
She can stop focusing on all the negative emotions that she felt during and after the break up and actually start to miss you.
All that is good for your chances of getting her back.
However, she can instantly change how she feels if her ex guy interacts with her and turns her off again.
For example: Some of the classic mistakes that guys make when ‘going no contact’ include…
1. Sitting around missing her and thinking of all of her good qualities
The worst thing you can do to yourself is to continue reminding yourself about how perfect your ex was for you and how much worse your life is without her in it.
Yes, your relationship with her was enjoyable and she really is a special, unique woman, but you can’t be focusing on that and feeling bad about it if you truly want to re-attract her.
You have to focus on her bad qualities too, so you can have a more balanced perception of her, rather than making her out to be a perfect little princess in your mind.
Even though it’s perfectly normal to miss your ex and think about her good qualities, the reality is that she wasn’t perfect and isn’t perfect.
Nobody is perfect.
She is special, amazing, unique and beautiful to you, but she has her flaws just like anyone else.
If you spend some time honestly thinking about it, you will realize that your ex isn’t more valuable or amazing than you are.
She is amazing, special and unique, but so are you.
You made some mistakes in the relationship, but so did she.
She isn’t perfect, you aren’t, I’m not and nobody else is.
So, make sure that you’re not looking back at the relationship and at her and thinking, “Oh, she is so amazing. No other girl could make me feel the way she does. I need her back so badly.”
If you think like that, you will naturally begin to feel unworthy of her, which is turn her off.
Women are attracted to men who have high self-esteem, a high sense of self-worth and strong, unwavering confidence in themselves.
Thinking that she is Little Miss Perfect and that you’d be so lucky to get another chance with her, isn’t the way to have that kind of confidence.
You’ve got to focus on your positive qualities and compare them to her negative qualities, to realize that she isn’t better than you.
You are perfect for each other, even though neither of you (or anyone else) is perfect.
Everyone has their flaws.
Everyone makes mistakes.
The big difference between real men and no hoper men, is that real men learn from their mistakes and become an even better man as a result.
Women love it when a man rises up to the challenges that life throws at him (including getting dumped by the woman he loves) and comes through as being a better man than he ever was before.
So, make sure that you don’t make the classic mistake of sitting around missing her and thinking of all of her good qualities.
Get a more balanced perspective in your mind and build up your feelings of self-worth and confidence.
Another common mistake that guys make when ‘going no contact’ after a break up is…
2. Not getting help to fix his emotional issues
Sometimes, a guy truly doesn’t know why his woman broke up with him.
He has a vague idea (e.g. there were too many fights and arguments, she kept nagging him about certain things), but he’s just not sure how she went from being in love with him, to turning her back on him and coldly walking away like she did.
It doesn’t make sense to him.
Yet, rather than getting help from other men in his life (e.g. his father, grandfather, brother, uncle, friend, coworker) or seeking professional help (from someone like me), he just sits around waiting for the day that he can call his ex woman again.
He’s essentially just counting down the days before it’s okay to call her.
Yet, that’s the worst thing he can do.
He has to make real changes during the no contact period.
He has to level up as a man and be able to offer her a new and improved attraction experience.
A woman doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of shaping him into the man that he needs to be to get her back and make her happy again.
She wants him to figure it out by himself and if he can’t do that, get help (without telling her about it).
She doesn’t want to hear about his struggles and how he’s trying to learn how to be a better man.
She just wants him to figure out how to be the kind of man that she wants him to be and then be that man.
If he can do that for her, she can then naturally reconnect with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him and give him another chance.
Another common mistake that many guys make during the no contact period is…
3. Not improving his ability to re-attract her
If you attempt to get your ex back without first giving her what she wants from you (i.e. for her to be able to look up to you, respect you, feel attracted to you and love you as her man again), she will simply keep pushing you away.
She will say things like, “Look, it’s just not going to work between us. Please accept that it’s over and move on” or, “I care about you as a person, but I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Please leave me alone.”
Where many guys go wrong is by making the same attraction mistakes over and over again and expecting to get another chance.
For example: She always wanted him to be a more confident man, but he’s still insecure and emotionally sensitive.
She always wanted him to make her feel more girly and feminine, but he thinks that it’s wrong to be very manly, so he sticks to being soft, neutral or worse, feminine, in his approach to her and the relationship.
He then gets annoyed and feels like she is being stubborn, selfish or unloving because she won’t accept him as he is.
Yet, from her perspective, he isn’t accepting what she wants in a man, so she doesn’t see any reason to give him another chance.
She wants to feel real attraction, rather than having to deal with feeling okay or experiencing dulled down feelings in a relationship.
She wants to feel the spark of being with a very confident, emotionally masculine man and if he can’t give her that, she has to take care of herself by moving on.
So, if you want your ex to feel excited about getting back together with you, you need to improve your ability to re-attract her in the ways that really matter to her.
For example: If you got broken up with because you were too insecure, self-doubting and needy in the relationship, you need to show her the new confident, emotionally strong you when you interact with her.
Laugh at her attempts to make you feel nervous and insecure and show her that you no longer need her approval to feel good about yourself.
You are a self-approving, confident, emotionally masculine man now.
Another example is if you got broken up with because you were too timid in the relationship and allowed her to push you around and dominate you with her confident personality.
In this instance, you need to show her (via your actions, behavior and the way you respond to her), that you’re now emotionally strong and can stand up for yourself in a loving, but dominant way.
The more you improve your ability to re-attract your ex in the ways that really matter to her, the more she will really want you back.
Instead of playing hard to get, she will help the reconciliation happen because she will begin to fear losing you to another woman now that you are so much more attractive and appealing.
Another common mistake that many guys make during the no contact period is…
4. Thinking that it might be easier to just give her a full 30 to 60 days of no contact and hope that she contacts him instead
Sometimes, a guy believes that cutting off communication with his ex for 30 to 60 days is the only way to make her miss him and then want him back.
In most cases, that strategy doesn’t work.
To begin with, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she has lost respect and attraction for him over time.
It didn’t happen overnight.
She gave him plenty of chances to change and he never really did, so she eventually got to the point where she just had to break up with him.
At that point, the woman is usually completely over the relationship and just wants to move on with a new guy to make herself feel happy again.
This is why most women don’t panic and desperate try to get an ex guy back who uses the No Contact Rule on them.
Watch this for more info…
This is why, in most cases, a guy needs to give him woman 3 to 7 days of space after a break up and then contact her and get her back.
If he waits any longer than that, a woman will usually move on without him.
The fact is that unless she is still secretly in love with him and hoping that they will get back together, or if she is struggling to find herself a replacement guy, him ignoring her for 30 or 60 days isn’t going to concern her much at all.
In fact, she’s more than likely to just use that time to fully get over him and move on.
Of course, a woman may be curious about why her ex isn’t contacting her, but if she believes that he probably can’t change the things that really matter to her (e.g. become more confident, emotionally independent, emotionally masculine), she will focus on moving on by finding a replacement man.
This is why, if your ex woman doesn’t have strong feelings for you right now, ignoring her for 30 or 60 days isn’t a very good idea.
So, make sure that if you use the No Contact Rule, you don’t go overboard with it and ignore your ex for longer than 7 days.
If you are afraid to face up to her or hope that ignoring her for longer (e.g. 30 or 60 days) will get her back, then you’re most likely going to be very disappointed.
You will soon find out that she is either completely over you and enjoying the single life, or she is in a new relationship with a man who is making her happy.
So, don’t wait longer than a week to get started with the ex back process.
Get it done and get her back, before it’s too late for you.
Another common mistake that many guys make is…
5. Losing confidence in himself and his value to her as days and then weeks pass by
Some guys just don’t know what else to do but wait and hope that his ex calls him and wants him back.
It seems like a great idea on the surface.
All you’ve got to do is ignore her for 30 or 60 days and she will come crawling back, begging for another chance.
Unfortunately, that’s not what happens at all.
Most women just move on when they don’t hear back from an ex guy that they’re no longer attracted to.
If the guy had re-attracted her before ‘going no contact,’ then it would work a lot better.
Yet, even still, there’s never any guarantee that a woman will come back if you simply keep ignoring her.
In most cases, if a guy wants his ex woman back, he has to interact with her again and actively make her feel attracted to him.
That’s the easiest, fastest way to get her back.
On the other hand, sitting around and waiting and hoping that she calls one day is a horrible strategy for most guys.
As the weeks and months pass by without hearing from her, most guys will begin to lose all hope of her ever coming back.
He may even start to think things like, “It was all my fault. I stuffed things up and I didn’t deserve to get her back anyway. I mean, why would she want me back? I’m such a loser. She’s probably met loads of guys who are way better than me. I don’t stand a chance and never did. It’s hopeless.”
Did he ever stand a chance with her?
Yes, but he didn’t act on it.
He just waited and hoped that she would make the first move, or eventually contact him and say something like, “I miss you” and then suggest getting back together.
Unfortunately, that’s just not what a woman usually does when she breaks up with a man that she’s no longer attracted to.
If he doesn’t interact with her again and make her feel attracted to him, she doesn’t feel much or any motivation to give him another chance.
So, she just moves on.
Another common mistake that some guys make when they cut off contact with their ex woman, is…
6. Giving her so much space that she loses interest or forces herself to move on to feel better
Even if a woman still has some feelings for her ex, giving her too much space (i.e. longer than 7 days) usually just helps her get over him.
Imagine that a woman is sitting at home after a break up thinking about her ex and missing him.
Although she might be feeling some frustration, anger and disappointment about the break up, deep down she may also secretly be hoping that he will call her so they can fix things and give the relationship another try.
Yet, rather than calling after a few days (7 days at the most) and actively re-sparking some of her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for him again, the guy completely ignores her for weeks and in some cases even a few months.
He is hoping that it makes her come crawling back, but she is thinking, “Why is he ignoring me like this? Doesn’t he care about me at all? I thought he’d at least give me a call to see if I’m okay. I guess that I am an idiot for thinking that he still cared about me. I really thought that we might be able to work things out between us. He’s obviously moved on and is probably out there hooking up with other women already while I’m sitting here like a fool waiting for his call. Well, that’s over as of right now! I am calling my girlfriends right away to organize a night out and if I happen to meet a guy that I like, I’m not going to think twice about having sex with him.”
She then focuses on completely switching off her feelings for her ex (e.g. by getting angry with him for ignoring her) and actively moves on by hooking up with a new guy.
Don’t let that happen to you.
Remember: Any longer than 7 days of No Contact is almost always a complete waste of time.
In almost all ex back cases, a guy has to quickly prepare to re-attract her and then do that after he has given her 3 to 7 days of space.
If he does that, he has the highest chance of getting her back.
I know this because I’ve personally worked on 100s of ex back cases and when a guy waits too long to get started, he usually loses his ex because she moves on to make herself feel better.
Another common mistake that many guys make when using the No Contact Rule is…
7. Thinking that all women are the same and need to be ignored for 30 to 60 days after a break up
Some women will come running back to an ex after 30 to 60 days of no contact.
Yet, those women are in the minority.
With the vast majority of women, anything longer than 7 days of no communication usually results in her…
- Getting over the initial pain of the break up.
- Realizing that she’s actually doing just fine without him.
- Believing that he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore.
- Assuming that he doesn’t care and never did, so she shouldn’t either.
- Getting annoyed with him for not having the courage to get her back.
- Feeling attracted to other guys (and liking it).
- Kissing or having sex with a new guy.
- Falling in love with another guy.
So, rather than ignoring your ex for 30 or 60 days in the hopes that it make her come running back to you, just get her back after giving her a few days to a week of space.
Call her (or interact with her in person) and actively re-spark her feelings for you.
Don’t hide behind texts.
Texts are way too easy to ignore and women usually play harder to get than they actually would compared to a phone call, or in person interaction.
Texts are okay, but don’t rely on them as your number one approach to getting her back.
Here’s a video I made on the topic…
When you call her or interact with her in person, focus on letting her experience the new and improve you.
Get her to like you again now, rather than giving her too much space and allowing her to continue focusing on all the reasons why you’re all wrong for her.
So, if you have given her 6 days of space already, you are most likely ready to pick up the phone and break the silence.
If you need another day to recover and prepare, then fine – do that.
However, don’t wait any longer than 7 days.
Get this done.
Get her back.
- Day 1 of No Contact
- Day 2 of No Contact
- Day 3 of No Contact
- Day 4 of No Contact
- Day 5 of No Contact
- Day 6 of No Contact
- Day 7 of No Contact