If you’re wondering if cutting off communication after a break up will get your relationship back together again, the answer is this…
It’s fine to have a cooling off period where you and her don’t speak for up to a week, but anything longer than that usually causes problems, such as:
- She moves on.
- She stops feeling the pain of losing you and realizes that she can handle being without you.
- She feels attracted to new guys and likes it.
- She sees the fact that you haven’t contacted her as meaning that you don’t care.
- She sees it as immature and wonders why you don’t just call her.
So, rather than waste a lot of time ignoring your ex in the hopes that she will realize that she misses you and come back, it’s usually best to use the time to actively make her feel sparks of respect and attraction for you again.
However, you can’t do that if you’re avoiding any communication with her for weeks, or even months.
Giving her too much space rarely works.
I’ve personally worked on 100s of ex back cases with my phone coaching clients and cutting off communication for long periods of time (e.g. 30+ days) usually results in the woman moving on.
The best way to get a woman back is to give her 3-7 days of space and then actively re-attract her and get back into a relationship.
Where Guys Go Wrong
Sometimes, when trying to get a woman back after a break up, guys will make the mistake of thinking that cutting off communication is a real solution to making any woman go from having no feelings for a guy, to missing him and then wanting him back.
However, in most cases it just doesn’t work.
To begin with, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she has lost respect and attraction for him over time.
In her mind, she may be thinking negative things about him like, “I can’t believe how badly he hurt me. I’ll never let him put me through that kind of pain again. He can forget about us ever getting back together” or, “I can’t believe how much time I wasted with him. He was confident when I met him, but his true colors came through later on and he showed me how insecure and emotionally weak he really is. I need a man, not a boy. What a waste of my time!!”
So, when a guy cuts off communication with her after the break up, rather than think, “I feel all sad and hurt that my ex isn’t calling me up. I miss him so much,” she will more than likely be thinking, “It’s such a relief to be out of that relationship. I finally can move on with my life.”
Here’s the thing…
Unless a woman is still in love with a guy and is secretly hoping that they will get back together again, or she is struggling to find herself a replacement guy, cutting off communication isn’t going to be that big of a deal for her.
She might wonder why he isn’t contacting her, but if she’s sure that he can’t change and become what she needs (e.g. a confident, emotionally secure, emotionally mature man) right now, she’s going to cut her losses and try to move on quickly.
The truth is, most women are perfectly capable of finding a new guy who wants to sleep with her and give a relationship a try.
If she has had experience with break ups before, she will know that the pain of it all will pass very quickly, and each day will get easier until she feels truly happy without him.
This is one of the reasons why cutting off communication isn’t the best idea for most ex back cases.
Even if a woman still has some feelings for her ex, him cutting off communication with her actually helps her get over him.
Imagine a woman is sitting at home after a break up and missing her ex.
Although she might be feeling some pain, anger and disappointment about no longer being in a relationship with him, deep down she might also have a sense of hope that maybe they can work things out.
Yet, rather than him call her up after a few days and actively work towards sparking some of her feelings of respect and attraction for him again, he cuts off all communication with her for weeks, and maybe even months.
When this happens, she starts to doubt his feelings for her.
She begins to wonder, “Why isn’t he calling me? Doesn’t he care about me at all? I thought that he’d at least just phone to see if I’m okay. How silly of me to have been sitting here hoping that he might also want to get our relationship back together again, like I do. He’s obviously over me and moving on with his life. Maybe he didn’t even love me at all. What a jerk. Well, I’m not going to sit around waiting for him to call me anymore. If he can forget about me so easily, then I can do the same. I’m going out with the girls this weekend and I’m going to get laid.”
She then works away at completely switching off her feelings for him (e.g. by getting angry over his lack of communication, actively moving on with or hooking up with another guy).
So, should you cut off all communication with her and wait?
Well, if she doesn’t have feelings for you right now, the answer is NO.
If you think that she does want to get back with you and will miss you if you don’t contact her, the answer is MAYBE.
Maybe, because ignoring her still doesn’t guarantee that she’s not going to hook up with a new guy and fall in love with him.
The best way to get a woman back is to be active about it.
Actively re-attract her and actively guide her back into a relationship with you, before it’s too late.
So, rather than waste a lot of time cutting off communication with your ex in the hopes that it will get the relationship back together, focus instead on using every interaction you have with her as an opportunity make her feel sparks of respect and attraction for you again.
Whether you’re interacting with her via text, on social media, over the phone, and especially in person, make sure that you are making her smile, laugh and feel happy to be in contact with you again.
The happier that she feels when she’s interacting with you, the more her defenses will come down, and the more open she will become to the idea of getting back together again.
On the other hand, the less communication you have with your ex, the more time she has to get over you and find herself another guy who makes her feel exciting lust and new love.
What is Stopping You From Contacting Your Ex Right Now?
Quite often, when a guy is asking, “Does cutting off communication after a break up get the relationship back together?” it’s usually due to one of the following reasons:
- He’s afraid to call her up because he thinks that she might not want to hear from him.
- He’s heard that break ups are permanent and that couples rarely get back together again.
- She told him that she never wants to hear from him again and that she will never give him another chance.
- She’s already dating a new guy and he believes that she probably won’t want to hear from him now.
- He thinks that giving her time apart will make forget his past mistakes and cause her to really miss him and need him.
None of those ways of thinking above will get her back.
You’ve got to do something about it, rather than sitting around hoping that it all magically fixes itself due to cutting off communication.
The key to getting a relationship back together is to actively spark the woman’s feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
Even if your ex is saying things like, “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” or even, “I hate you! Don’t talk to me ever again,” or “I’m in love with someone else, it’s over between us,” when you respark some of her old feelings for you again, she just can’t stop herself from wanting to interact with you.
All of a sudden, she feels drawn to you, even though she thought she was completely over you.
From that point, you simply build on the spark of attraction that she’s feeling by showing her that things really can be different between you and her.
Yet, without any communication between you and her to respark her feelings of respect and attraction, she will likely just move on.
The Best Way to Get a Relationship Back Together
The best way to stir up a woman’s emotions and make her want to get back together again is to interact with her and actively make her feel sparks of respect and attraction for you.
The main thing is to let her experience for herself the new and improved version of you (e.g. via the way you think, talk, behave and interact with her), so she drops her guard and becomes more open to her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
How can you do that?
First of all, you need to show her that you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you, and then get her laughing and smiling and feeling good to be talking to you again, whether it’s on a phone call or in person.
For example: If you were jealous and insecure in the relationship and that caused her to lose respect and attraction for you as a man, you need to show her that you’re now a more emotionally strong and mature man.
Another example is if your ex broke up with you because she felt more dominant than you in the relationship.
In cases like that, you need to show her that you are now the stronger, more masculine and more dominant one by having the courage to contact her, make her feel respect and attraction for you again, and guide her back into a relationship with you.
You don’t have to become perfect to get her back, but you do need to move beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you.
Focus on making her smile, laugh, and feel good to be interacting with you, rather than letting her try to push you into reacting in an insecure way like she has been able to do lately.
For example: Imagine a guy is talking on the phone with his ex, and she is being cold and unfriendly towards him by saying things like, “I feel nothing for you anymore,” or “I’m happy now. I’m meeting new guys and it feels great to be dating again. I like being single. Leave me alone.”
She is likely expecting him to react in the same old ways that he used to do when they were breaking up (e.g. becoming jealous and getting angry at her, getting upset and pleading with her for another chance).
If he lets her get to him like that, she will know that nothing about him has really changed, so she will continue saying things like, “Just accept that it’s over between us.”
On the other hand, rather than reacting in an insecure way, he can use her comments as an opportunity to spark her feelings of respect and attraction for him again.
Here’s an example…
Imagine that you’re on a phone call with your ex and she tries to test you by saying something along the lines of, “I’m glad we broke up. I’m having so much fun without you. I’ve been going clubbing with my girlfriend friends and we’ve dancing and having a great time together.”
The way she will be expecting you to react is by getting upset, angry or rushing to get off the phone call with her.
Instead, you can reply by saying something like, “Cool! That’s awesome to hear. I’m so glad that you’re finally having fun, but I don’t believe that your friends are enjoying going dancing with you as much as you say they are.”
She might then get annoyed and say, “What do you mean they don’t enjoy going dancing with me? Why shouldn’t they?”
At that point you can say in a joking voice, “Well, if I remember correctly, you dance like a headless chicken with one leg. You’re always bumping into everyone, standing on their toes, falling all over the place…” and then laugh, to make sure that she knows that you’re joking.
She may then laugh about getting caught out with your joke and her guard will come down.
She will then begin to wonder why she is feeling so attracted to your newfound confident and self-assured attitude towards her.
Then, regardless of how badly things ended between you and her, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling at least some level of respect for you again, which is what you want.
The more respect she feels for you, the more likely it is that she will drop her guard and allow some of her positive feelings about you (e.g. attraction, love) to come back again.
Then, when she is feeling more relaxed and open towards you again, you can say to her, “You know that I want you to be happy, so I’ll tell you what… How about we meet up for a drink and I can help you with your dance moves. In that way, the next time you go clubbing with your friends you can show off your cool dance moves, rather than dancing like a chicken.”
Or, if you feel like there’s no way she’d agree to meet up for a drink and a dance, you can say, “Anyway, you and I should catch up for a coffee as friends. It’s not about us getting back together. Just a quick catch up to say hi.”
If she says “Yes,” just meet up with her and continue saying and doing the types of things that will deepen her feelings of respect and attraction for you, and then guide her back into a relationship with you.
On the other hand, if she’s not ready to get back together at this time, just say something like, “Well, it was cool chatting to you again,” and then end the phone call.
Then, don’t contact her for a few days and repeat the process again until she is willing to get back together.
In Life, if You Snooze, You Usually Lose
Sometimes, it’s good to cut off communication with people (e.g. a friend who has been rude to you) and wait for them to come back and apologize.
Yet, with most other things in life, ignoring a problem (e.g. the fact that she currently doesn’t feel much or any respect and attraction for you and doesn’t want to be with you because of that), usually doesn’t fix it.
Cutting off communication after a break up to get a relationship back together only works approximately 20% of the time (based on the 100s of cases that I’ve worked on).
Then, if the woman comes back and sees that the guy hasn’t really changed, she just breaks up with him again.
Not only is cutting off contact a huge waste of time in most cases, but it also gives a woman the space that she needs to move on.
So, rather than cut off communication with your ex in the hopes that she will miss you and come running back, just focus on actively sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
Get her thinking, “Hmmm…why does it actually feel good to be hearing from my ex again? I enjoy talking him now. He’s different. Maybe we can work things out between us after all.”
In almost every ex back case (of a man getting a woman back), he should not ignore her for more than 3-7 days.
Any more time than that is usually just a recipe for disaster because the woman gets over the break up, moves on or decides that she will get revenge by sleeping with new guys and then waiting to tell her ex all about it when he finally does call.
If he doesn’t, she’ll post up photos on social media of herself having fun with new guys and new friends, to show her ex that she’s doing totally fine without him.
So, don’t waste time cutting off contact.
Actively sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you again is what counts when getting a woman back after a break up, not cutting off communication and hoping that she comes running back.