Attracting an ex girlfriend back to you starts by understanding what traits are the most attractive to her.
Do you make her feel feminine and girly in comparison to how masculine you think, behave, feel and take action and in life? Does she feel like the more dominant one or the one who is more grounded and strong?
In a relationship, it’s the man’s responsibility to maintain and grow the respect, attraction and love that his woman feels for him over time.
He can’t expect a woman to want to stick around for life just because things felt good at the start.
He has to deepen the attraction by continuing to display traits that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. emotional masculinity, confidence, humor, determination to succeed).
If a man does that during a relationship, a woman’s attraction will grow over time rather than fading away.
However, if he starts behaving in ways that are unattractive to her (e.g. lacking masculinity by being insecure, needy or letting her wear the pants in the relationship), she will slowly begin to lose respect for him.
As she loses respect for him, she will also begin to find it difficult to feel attracted to him and when that happens, she will begin to disconnect with the love that she used to feel for him.
She will then begin to pull away and won’t be as affectionate or loving as she used to and the guy will be confused as to why she has changed so much all of a sudden.
Not knowing what else to do, he might then try to get the spark back by being really nice to her, helping her with things (e.g. housework, her bills, her life) and hoping that she realizes what a sweet, loving, amazing boyfriend that he is.
To show her how much he loves her, he might get to the point where he devotes loads of time and energy into showing her how much he cares for her.
She might take advantage of that and get him to buy her gifts, take her on expensive holidays or to expensive dinners, get him to clean up her house, pay for her bills and so on.
She might even begin to withdraw interest in having sex and make him do lots of things to impress her before he gets to kiss her or have sex with her again.
In his mind, he might think that he’s doing the right thing by showing her that he’s willing to do whatever she wants, but women don’t respect that kind of submissive behavior from men.
Women don’t want a man who lets himself get pushed around or forced into being in a the submissive role in a relationship, because it makes the woman feel lose trust in his ability to “be the man” in other areas of his life.
A woman wants to be able to trust in a guy’s masculinity, so she can relax and feel safe in knowing that no matter what life throws at him, he will always remain strong and won’t allow himself to be pushed around…especially by a girl.
Being the man in a relationship isn’t about being angry, aggressive or controlling towards a woman.
Instead, it’s about establishing mutual respect and then maintaining that throughout the relationship, no matter how many tantrums she throws and no matter what challenges you and her face in life.
To achieve that, you always need to be the type of man who is confident, strong and masculine, while also being loving, kind and gentle when required.
She has to get the sense that you are the man in the relationship and she is the woman, or that you are the more dominant one and she is the more submissive one.
She wants to see that you are always the more emotionally strong one, while she tends to be the emotionally sensitive one who hugs into you to feel safe, strong and grounded.
In other words, you are her man and she is your girl.
Although most women won’t openly admit that they want that kind of relationship, that’s what most women long for with a man.
They want a man who makes them feel like a natural woman.
A woman who is free to be emotional, cry, be irrational, change her mind like the weather, be madly in love and express her femininity in ways that are only possible when she is with a truly masculine man.
Watch the video above for some free examples of how to attract your ex and get the relationship back together.
Are you insecure? Is she more confident than you are? Have you become too emotionally sensitive when in comes to her?
Sometimes, a guy will feel so lucky to be in a relationship with a beautiful woman that he slowly becomes insecure about losing her.
He worries that she might eventually realize that she is very attractive and he is just an ordinary guy and when that happens, she might want to dump him and find a new man.
With that type of insecurity running through his mind, he might then begin to react by behaving in a clingy and needy way when he’s around her.
For example: He might regularly ask her things like, “Do you still love me?” or “Do you know that I couldn’t live without you? My life would be over. I need you. You mean everything to me. Without you, life would be pointless” or “You wouldn’t ever leave me, would you?”
This type of behavior is unattractive to most women because it’s about the guy needing her for support.
He’s not an emotionally strong man on his own and he’s essentially saying, “Hey, I need you to take care of me. If you dump me, I will be an emotional mess. So, in a sense, you need to take on the role of being my caretaker like my mother did when I was a boy. You have to take care of me.”
The clingier and needier a guy becomes in his relationship, the more turned off she feels by him. Why?
Insecurity, clinginess and neediness are not the kind of qualities that women find attractive in men.
So, when a guy is being needy of his girlfriend, rather than saying to herself, “OMG, I’m so lucky! My guy is so sweet. He cares about me so much that he can’t bear the thought of losing me,” a woman will most-likely be thinking, “Yes, it’s nice that he loves me so much, but he’s going overboard. I don’t want to be responsible for his emotional security like this. I feel like his mother or big sister. I need a guy who is emotionally strong and confident without me having to hold his hand and reassure him all the time about my feelings for him. I’m in a relationship with a boy! How can I get out of this relationship? He obviously doesn’t know how to change and become a man very quickly, so I need to end this and try to move on. He’s just not man enough for me at this point of his life.”
Some guys are lucky enough to have male role models in their life (e.g. grandfather, father, uncle, big brother) who teach them what it means to be a confident, masculine man that a woman would never want to leave.
Yet, not all guys get that guidance as they’re growing up, so they often get into a relationship and end up stuffing it up by becoming insecure and ruining the woman’s feelings for them.
Then, no matter what he tries to say to convince her to give him another chance, she just won’t listen because she knows that he isn’t aware of how to be the man she needs.
So, don’t try to convince her that she should give you another chance if you don’t even know how to be the emotionally strong man that she needs.
If you continue to display a lack of confidence around your ex, it just won’t matter to her that you still care about her and want her back.
She needs to feel good (e.g. respectful, attracted, hopeful) about the idea of getting back together with you, not like she’s doing you a favor because she feels sorry for you.
The only way to make her feel that way is to begin attracting her in ways that you failed to during the relationship or near the end of the relationship.
You’ve got to get back to being an emotionally attractive man (e.g. confident, determined to succeed, high self esteem).
You can do that.
You are a strong man.
You can do it.
Your relationship with her depends on it, so don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself.
Are you too serious around her now? Can you still make her laugh, smile and feel good around you like you did at the start? Are you afraid to joke around when you talk to her because you don’t want to piss her off?
Just because you and your girlfriend have broken up, it doesn’t mean that you have to stop behaving in ways that a new boyfriend and girlfriend would around each other (e.g. flirting, joking around).
After all, how else do you think you can attract your ex girlfriend back to you if you’re not actively doing anything to respark her feelings for you?
You’ve got to feel worthy of her and not hold back from saying and doing the things that actually make a woman feel attracted to a man.
Of course, one of the best ways to do that is to use humor.
When you use humor and get her smiling and laughing, she’s going to feel good and so are you.
Then, her guard will come down and she will become more open to interacting with you again, meeting up with you in person, and getting back together.
Here’s an example of humor…
Just don’t be afraid to joke around.
Don’t take your interactions with her so seriously. Loosen up and let your confident humor start flowing from you.
Have You Been Trying to Attract Her Back With Things That Don’t Actually Create Feelings of Attraction in a Woman?
Some guys feel so lost about how to attract an ex girlfriend back that they end up saying and doing the types of things that turn her off even more.
Then, when nothing works, they feel hopeless and begin to wonder, “Why isn’t my approach working? Why can’t she see how much I still love her and that I’d do anything to get her back? Why isn’t she changing her mind based on all the nice things that I’m doing for her? Why can’t she see that I’m serious about her and want this to work?”
What he doesn’t realize is that he’s been trying to attract her back by using an approach that doesn’t create sexual attraction inside of a woman unless she respects the guy.
If a woman respects a guy, she will feel attracted to him if he is being nice to her too.
However, if a woman doesn’t respect a guy (i.e. 90% of ex back cases), she’s not going to feel attracted to him based on him being nice to her.
So, the question is: Have you been trying to get your ex girlfriend back in any of the following ways, even though you haven’t gotten her respect back yet?
1. Being extra nice to her
Sometimes, when a guy gets broken up with he might think, “If I’m really nice to my ex girlfriend (fiancé or wife) she will see that I’m a great guy and that I really care about her. She will realize that breaking up with me was a big mistake and then she will come running back. No other guy will ever treat her like I do. I love her so much and I would do anything for her. I’m going to show her that by being so damn nice to her that she just has to feel sorry for me and then give me another chance.”
Here’s the thing…
Although there is nothing wrong with being a good guy and being nice to a woman, it isn’t what makes her decide whether or not she wants to be with a man in a sexually romantic way.
For example: A guy might be extra nice to his ex girlfriend, buy her lots of expensive gifts (e.g. flowers, chocolates, jewelry), pay her bills and generally do whatever she wants in an attempt to show how much he cares.
Yet, if he doesn’t make her feel a renewed sense of respect for him as a man first, all of his nice deeds aren’t going to matter much to her.
Of course, she might appreciate his thoughtfulness and she may even say things like, “Thank you. You’re so sweet. I’m so lucky to have a great ex boyfriend like you in my life. Thanks for making this so easy for us, rather than being a pain in the ass like other guys would be,” but that doesn’t mean she wants to get back into a relationship with him.
In fact, she might even take advantage of her ex just to test how desperate he is to get her back.
For example: She might get him to agree to help her in ways that are expensive or time consuming to him, run errands for her or help her pay her bills.
She might also chat to him via text about all of her life problems and get him to be her texting friend who is always there to support her.
All along though, she will be secretly trying to find a new man to replace him and will eventually drop the news, “Umm, there’s something that I need to tell you. I’ve met someone. We’ve been seeing each other for the past few weeks and it has become serious now. He doesn’t want me communicating with you anymore, so I need you to respect that now by not contacting me anymore.”
Don’t put yourself in that kind of position.
You deserve to get her back, not to be taken advantage of by her and then laughed at as she moves on with another guy while you’re in intense emotional pain as you miss her and year for her.
Be a good man and be nice to her, but don’t become Mr. Nice Guy who hopes to get her back by sucking up to her and doing whatever she wants.
Instead, just focus on actively making her feel respect and attraction for you again every time you interact with her (e.g. via text message, e-mail, on a phone call, or in person), by behaving in some of the ways that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confident, charismatic, self-assured, emotionally independent).
When you spark her feelings of attraction for you again, it makes the negatives of your relationship seem less important to her, because she naturally feels drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
2. Being a helpful friend
Another mistake that some guys make is to fall deep into the Friend Zone with their ex woman.
For example: A guy might think, “If I stay friends with my ex girlfriend, I’ll have a good excuse to be around her all the time. Then when she sees that I’m the one that she can turn to when she’s having a bad day, is sad, or needs any kind of help, she will realize that she still loves me and we can get back together again.”
He might then make himself available to his ex 24/7 and maybe even be her shoulder to cry on when she gets dumped by another guy.
Don’t do that to yourself.
If you are going to be her friend, make sure that you are actively making her feel respect and sexual attraction for you again.
Don’t be her friend if you’re just going to be Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. Helpful towards her.
The fastest way to get her back while being her friend is to focus on making her feel respect and attraction for you again.
If you only focus on making her feel neutral, friendly feelings for you (e.g. because you want to show her how much you care about her as a person), she might keep you around as a friend, but she won’t be loyal.
Then, as soon as another guy comes along who makes her feel sexual attraction and is confident enough to make a move on her, she will jump ship, hook up with him and leave you behind.
Some guys don’t want to believe that their ex girlfriend would do that and then when she does, they are shocked and feel betrayed and angry at her for taking advantage of them.
Don’t put yourself in that position with her.
You can’t trust her to be loyal if you’re not making her feel the kind of respect, attraction and love that a woman needs to feel to want to stay in a relationship.
3. Texting back and forth about your day or week
Some guys believe that sending regular texts to stay on her mind will mean that she will be less likely to move on because she will be thinking about him the whole time.
He might then start texting her things like, “How was your day?” or “On my way to work and I just wanted to say hi. Have a great day!” or “I’ve just come out of a boring meeting with my boss. How has your day been?”
However, just because his ex girlfriend might be nice and friendly and respond to his texts, it doesn’t mean that she wants him back.
In reality, a woman will often be thinking, “Why is he sending me all this crap? I don’t care about his meeting or that he’s on his way to work. Is this is way of trying to get me back? How pathetic. He doesn’t even have the balls to call me and make something happen. He’s hiding behind texts. He wasn’t enough of a man for me when we were in a relationship and obviously nothing has changed since.”
So, why doesn’t staying in touch with an ex girlfriend make her think, “Wow! Cool! I think I miss my ex. Hearing from him all the time via text has made me realize how much I still care about him”?
The reason why is because talking about his day will not show her that anything about him has changed.
It doesn’t solve any of the core problems that they faced in their relationship, and it doesn’t make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
So, rather than wasting a lot of time texting random things to your ex girlfriend (and possibly annoying her even more), just try to get her on a phone call where you can actively spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
On a phone call, you’ve got to get her smiling, laughing and feeling good to be talking to you again.
From there, you need to get her to meet up with you in person, make her feel a lot of respect and attraction for you and then guide her back into a relationship with you.
4. Changing your physical appearance by adding a bit more muscle, losing some weight or buying new clothes
When some guys find out that they need to respark a woman’s feelings of sexual attraction to get her back, they make the mistake of thinking they have to change their physical appearance.
For example: If a guy remembers his ex girlfriend saying, “I love guys who wear business suits,” he might then get himself a suit even though he’s more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy.
He might then begin to wear suits or really formal clothes and post photos on social media in the hopes that she thinks, “Wow! He’s so sophisticated now. He’s wearing suits! I have to get him back.”
Yet, if she broke up with him because he was insecure, emotionally sensitive and wasn’t enough of a man for her, she’s not going to believe that all that has now changed because he’s wearing a suit.
She might be curious to find out if he is changed and may text or call him, but if she talks to him and notices that he’s still the same old insecure guy as before, she’s going to lose more respect for him and convince herself that she needs to move on quickly because he’s trying to trick her into thinking that he has changed and she doesn’t want to fall for that trap.
Alternatively, if a guy heard his ex say, “Guys with big biceps and six-pack abs are soooo hot,” he might then decide to go to the gym to lose some weight if he needs to, or become more muscular.
Yet, a woman who has dumped her guy isn’t going to run back to him because he’s lost some weight or put on some muscle weight.
Sure, some women will appreciate an improvement in a guy’s physical appearance, but it’s not going to attract her back in the most important, fundamental ways (i.e. how his personality and behavior makes her feel).
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was insecure and needy, she will not feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him about his physical appearance, because the unattractive things about him are emotional (i.e. he is insecure and needy).
Alternatively, if a guy was too submissive and allowed his ex to dominate him in the relationship, him getting bigger muscles, or new clothes isn’t going to disguise the fact that he’s still the same emotionally weak guy underneath all the outside changes.
So, rather than wasting a lot of time fixing your physical appearance in the hopes that this will attract your ex girlfriend back to you, ask yourself these questions instead…
- Can you make your ex girlfriend feel feminine and girly in your presence, or does she tend to feel like the more dominant, emotionally stronger one?
- Can she look up to you and respect you as a man, or does she look down on you?
- Can you make her laugh, smile and feel excited to be around you, or does she look for excuses to get away from you now?
These are the fundamental things that matter more to a woman than a guy’s looks.
If you are serious about attracting your ex girlfriend back to you, you have to spark her feelings of attraction for you again, by saying and doing the types of things that are going to keep turning her feelings on for you, rather than saying and doing the types of things that were turning her off in the past, or that have been turning her off since your break up.
When you do that, she feels drawn to you and from there you can build on that spark of attraction by showing her that you really are a different man now.
That’s how you attract an ex girlfriend back to you.