No contact rarely works to get a woman back and is even less effective if she is seeing someone else.
However, it can work in some cases, which may not apply to your situation.
1. Is your ex only seeing the new guy to make you jealous, so you try to get her back?
This is a rare kind of case and doesn’t apply to the majority of cases where a guy is trying to get his ex woman back.
Here’s how it works…
A woman breaks up with a guy, only to then realize that she still has feelings for her ex and wants him back.
Yet, she doesn’t want to directly say something like, “I think I made a mistake by breaking up with you. Can we please put it behind us and give our relationship another try?” because she doesn’t want to be rejected by him.
After all, he could say, “No, it’s over. I’ve moved on” and she would then feel like the one who has been dumped and left behind.
So, to protect herself emotionally, she begins dating a new man.
She hopes that it will make her ex feel hurt enough to then try to get her back no matter what.
In a case like that, using the No Contact Rule (i.e. not contacting her for a period of 30-60 days) can work because she is only doing it to try to get her ex back.
So, eventually she contacts him, arranges to catch up and then tries to get the relationship back together.
Yet, the NC rule can also backfire in cases like that as well.
For example: If a woman doesn’t hear from her ex for a month or more, she will often just assume that he’s over her, or that he doesn’t want her back now that she’s been with another man.
She will then focus on her current relationship and try to make it work with the new guy instead.
So, even though she wants her ex back and he’s using No Contact because he wants her back too, they both end up losing out because he didn’t have the courage to contact her and get her back.
Of course, she didn’t approach the ex back process well either, but that’s what happens out there.
So many couples who could have gotten back together end up remaining broken up because one of them, or both of them is afraid of getting rejected.
Don’t let that be you.
If you want your ex back, it’s up to you as the man to make the first move, even if she is seeing someone else.
There’s nothing wrong with contacting her (even if she has a new man in her life), to say hello as friends.
From there, you need to reawaken her feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. maintain your confidence regardless of whether she’s warm or cold towards you, make her laugh and smile and feel good to be talking you, flirt with her to create some sexual tension).
The more you make her feel attracted to you, the more she will want to be your girl again, or at least hook up with you again to see how she feels.
If you make her feel more love and attraction, she will then leave her new man and come back to you.
Another factor that will determine whether or not the No Contact can work when your ex is seeing someone else is…
2. Does the new guy make her feel more attracted and in love than you ever did?
When a woman breaks up with her man, it’s usually because she’s not getting the type of relationship experience she really wants (e.g. her man is too nice. She prefers a guy who is a bit more ballsy around her).
As a result, she gradually disconnects from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him, which leads to her eventually breaking up with him.
If she then gets into a new relationship right away, it will usually be with a guy who is able to give her the attraction experience that was missing in her relationship with her ex.
For example: If a woman’s ex guy lacked confidence in his value and attractiveness to her, which then resulted in him become clingy and needy, she will usually get into a new relationship with a man who is very confident and sure of himself.
If her ex was too submissive around her, let her make all the decisions in the relationship and generally be ‘the boss’ of the two of them, she will then feel drawn to a guy who is more emotionally dominant than her.
If her ex was too emotionally soft around her and treated her more like his best friend than his girl, she will naturally look for a man who knows how to make her feel strong surges of sexual desire by making her feel girly in comparison to his masculinity (i.e. his masculine vibe, energy, behavior).
If she gets with a new guy who makes her feel more respect, attraction and love than her ex, she usually won’t care if her ex contacts her or not.
On the other hand, if her ex contacts her and uses the interactions they have to make her feel strong surges of romantic and sexual attraction for him (e.g. showing her that he’s transformed himself into a better man since the break up, making her feel like a feminine woman around him, making her laugh and smile and feel good to be interacting with him), his chances of getting her back increase dramatically.
She might realize that even though she was initially attracted to the new guy, he isn’t perfect and has his faults too.
At the same time, she then starts to remember all the good things about her ex that she misses (e.g. he always treated her with respect and kindness, he was supportive of her dreams, he was always nice to her family and friends, he was trustworthy) and she realizes that she may have made a mistake in breaking up with him.
This is why you need to interact with your ex and actively make her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for you, rather than just ignore her.
What a lot of people don’t realize is that the No Contact Rule works well for women who have been dumped by a man, but it rarely works for men who have been dumped by a woman.
In almost all cases, if a man wants to get a woman back after she dumped him due to her no longer having feelings for him, then he needs to interact with her to create new feelings inside of her that draw her to him and make her feel compelled to give him another chance.
Another factor that will determine whether or not the No Contact Rule will work when your ex is seeing someone else is…
3. What do you think she will do if that relationship ends?
If she breaks up with the new guy, or if he breaks up with her, will she start to miss you and reach out to you, or will she move on and find herself another new guy?
If she didn’t have feelings for you when she broke up with you, what makes you think she will suddenly have feelings for you after another relationship breaks up?
Well, that does happen in some cases, but in most cases, a woman just keeps moving on.
If you don’t contact her, she can end up thinking something like, “Well, I guess it’s too late for us now. He has clearly moved on and forgotten all about me and I don’t blame him since I was the one who got into another relationship after we broke up. Maybe he never realized how much I still cared for him and wished we could work things out. I don’t know. He probably just assumed that my feelings for him were dead and he walked out of my life for real. I have only myself to blame, but what’s done is done. I need to accept that he’s gone and try to move on too. I don’t want to reach out to him and show interest only to be rejected by him, or to find out that he’s happy with a new girl. I’ll just keep moving on.”
So, don’t go through the next few months or years of your life thinking that the No Contact Rule is going to fix everything and get you and her back together.
The NC Rule just doesn’t work the same on women as it does on men.
Another factor that will determine if NC will work on her is…
4. Will she care if you don’t contact her?
If your ex doesn’t have feelings for you and has started seeing someone else, she probably won’t care much if you cut off contact with her.
She may wonder why you’re not contacting her, but if she broke up with you due to a lack of attraction, then she’s not going to come running back because you don’t contact her.
Instead, she will focus on falling in love with the new guy and gradually begin to forget about you.
Of course, sometimes a woman will worry that her ex isn’t contacting her and be concerned for him, so she will reach out to say hi.
Yet, an ex reaching out to say hi isn’t the same as getting your ex back.
This is why you will see some guys saying, “No Contact works! I waited 3 weeks and she contacted me,” but then go on to say that they haven’t gotten her back yet.
It’s simply the woman reaching out to say hi and see if he’s okay, or her reaching out to see if he is still missing her and wanting her back.
Many women will want to see that their ex still misses them, so she can then feel better about herself as she moves on (i.e. he wants her, but she doesn’t want him. She can feel like the more valuable one. She doesn’t feel rejected).
So, don’t look at a text from your ex as getting her back.
Getting her back means that you and her are having sex again and are in a relationship for real.
Anything less than that means you haven’t gotten her back.
To start getting her back for real, you need to interact with her and make her feel sparks of attraction for you.
Then, don’t contact her for a few days unless she contacts you.
If she contacts you, then great – she is showing signs of being interested.
It’s not a guarantee that she wants you back, but it’s a good sign.
If she doesn’t contact you again, don’t worry – simply contact her again, make her feel more attraction and then don’t contact her for a few days.
When you reactivate her feelings and then ignore her for a few days, it’s so much more effective than the NC rule because she suddenly cares that you’re not contacting her.
She has had new interactions with you that have made her feel attracted and interested.
As a result, she can then naturally start thinking things like, “Why am I suddenly thinking about my ex all the time when I have a new guy already? It doesn’t make sense. I thought I was over him and even happy to be moving on with someone else, but now I’m not sure anymore. I feel so confused about it all. On one hand, I’m in a new relationship, but on the other, I’m missing my ex and worrying about him not contacting me. Maybe he will find a new girl and move on. I don’t want to lose him if he’s the one and I don’t want to hurt my new man either. It’s confusing. Maybe I should just call him and see how I feel.”
That’s how you want her to be thinking and feeling about you, because it then becomes about her wanting you back rather than just about you wanting her back.
On the other hand, if you use the No Contact Rule on your ex before you’ve reawakened her feelings for you, she’s probably not going to care and will simply focus on forgetting about you by committing herself to the new guy and falling in love with him.
4 Common Mistakes to Avoid if You Decide to Remain in No Contact
Right now, it may seem impossible for you to get your ex back, especially if she is seeing someone else.
However, the reality is that when you approach the ex back process correctly, the impossible becomes possible.
She suddenly wants you back and you get her back.
Yet, that will rarely happen if you make one or more of the following mistakes:
1. Waiting around for the relationship to end and losing confidence in the meantime
The longer a guy waits before he begins the ex back process to get his ex woman back, the higher the chance of him beginning to lose confidence in his value to her and as a result, in his value to other quality women.
Before long, he may start thinking things like, “It’s too late now. I’ve lost her. She’s with someone else and she’ll never come back to me. He’s better than me anyway, otherwise she wouldn’t be happy with him. Maybe I won’t be able to keep a quality woman like her. Maybe I have to accept less.”
Yet, negative, insecure thinking like that will slowly eat away at whatever remaining confidence he has.
Then, if he does interact with his ex (or tries to meet other women), he will most likely get rejected because they will sense his insecurity and lack of self-belief and feel turned off by it.
That will further reduce his confidence and by that point, he will be feeling depressed, dejected and lost about how to approach his life with women.
Don’t let that happen to you.
You have to start to believe that you are good enough and that you can do this.
You can get her back.
Believe in yourself.
Give yourself a chance to do it.
You can do it.
Don’t sit around waiting for her for months, which may then turn into years or turn into her getting out of that relationship and then dating new guys.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Assuming that she will want to go back to you because you haven’t been contacting her
In almost all cases, a woman will only truly care that her ex is ignoring her if she still has feelings for him and is secretly hoping they will eventually get back together.
If she feels like she is over him and wants to move on, or is happily moving on, she will rarely go back to an ex just because he didn’t contact her.
You have to wake up to the reality of how getting an ex woman back actually works, before you leave this too late.
Get the ex back process started and get her back.
Don’t waste months assuming that you’re doing the right thing by contacting her, while she is happily moving on and enjoying life without you.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Hoping that she doesn’t meet another guy after her new relationship ends
If a woman knows that she can easily find a replacement guy (e.g. she is attractive, many guys like her and are asking her out, she knows how to flirt and get men interested, she uses apps like Tinder, Bumble or Hinge), then the chances of her being single and lonely for very long are quite low.
So, if your current ex back strategy has been to wait for her to break up with her new man and then hope that she doesn’t find someone else after that, then you’re making a big mistake.
Remember: It’s much easier to change how a woman feels when you are actively interacting with her and making her feel sparks of attraction for you again, compared to just cutting off contact and hoping that she doesn’t meet a new guy when her relationship ends and hopefully come back to you.
If you interact with her in the next few days and reawaken her feelings for you, then you and her could be hooking up days later.
You and her could be back together for real by next week.
Alternatively, if you just wait around and do nothing, you might never get a chance to be with her ever again.
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Not manning up and getting her back before it’s too late
The longer a guy waits to get his ex back, the more likely it is that he and her will become completely different people.
By the time he eventually makes a move (in some cases it can be many months or even years later), he discovers that they no longer have anything in common (e.g. she’s more serious than she used to be, she is much more confident than he is, she has been hanging around with totally different crowd).
Then, he might even feel like he doesn’t want her back.
So, after all that waiting with the No Contact Rule, he ends up with nothing.
He didn’t get another chance with her and likely held back from loving new women in other relationships he had since, because he was holding out for her.
Yet, by the time he eventually contacted her, they’d both changed and become too different of people to connect and be in a relationship.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you honestly want your ex back, don’t wait until you and her have become two very different people to try and make it happen, because it will probably be too late for you then.
Take action now!
Get her on a phone call, or get her to meet up with you right away and begin reawakening her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
The more respect and sexual attraction you make her feel for you when interacting with her, the more drawn to you she will become.
Suddenly her new man won’t seem as perfect to her as he once did and she will become open to hanging out with you more to see how she feels.
You can then fully reactivate her feelings for you and guide her back into a sexual, loving and committed relationship with you.
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