Here are 5 things you need to understand if you want her back for real, rather than just being a friend:

1. Understand that texting as friends is not the way to get an ex woman back

Sometimes, when a woman agrees to continue texting her ex as friends, he might think something along the lines of, “If she’s not cutting me off completely, it must be a good sign. Maybe, somewhere deep inside, she still has feelings for me and doesn’t want to be broken up after all. So, if I stick around and just text back and forth with her and I’m nice and don’t put pressure on her to give me another chance, she might eventually realize that she misses me. We can then get back together again and forget this ever happened.”

Yet, that rarely (if ever) happens.

Instead, while a guy is being nice and friendly with his ex via text, she usually gets on with her life and moves on with someone else.

For example: She might…

  • Go to clubs, bars or parties and hook up with guys she meets there.
  • Go on dates with guys that have been interested in her all along (e.g. at work or university, or that she’s met somewhere along the line).
  • Join a dating site online or go on an app like Tinder where she can meet guys.

Then, one day she might text her ex something like, “Hey, I wanted you to be the first to know… I’ve met a great guy and I’m in love! I hope you can be happy for me.”

Understand that texting as friends, is not the way to get an ex woman back

He’s then left feeling devastated and wondering what went wrong.

The answer is this: He believed that texting his ex as friends was the way to get her back.

Yet, in reality, it isn’t.


If a guy doesn’t actively spark a woman’s sexual and romantic feelings for him, she’s usually going to find someone else who will.

So, while he’s being nice and sweet and neutral towards her, he’s not making her feel sexually attracted to him.

As a result, she doesn’t see anything wrong with finding a new man.

After all, in her mind they’re just friends and his actions and behavior confirm that.

This is why, if your goal is to get back into a sexual and romantic relationship with your ex, then don’t make the mistake of texting her as a friend and assume that it will happen from there.

It won’t.

You have to spark some of her feelings of attraction for you first (e.g. by flirting with her, using ballsy humor) and then get her on a phone call with you.

On the phone call, she can more easily pick up on the attractive changes and improvements you’ve made to yourself since the break up (e.g. she can hear the confidence in your voice, notice that you seem to be turning her sarcasm or offishness into something you can both laugh about rather than feeling unsure of yourself).

She then becomes open to seeing you in person (which is what you want), so that you can fully reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.

By the way…

Make sure that when you meet up with her, you’re fully prepared to re-attract her and get her back.

If you’re not ready, you may end up turning her off by behaving in unattractive ways (e.g. being insecure, allowing her to have control over you, being too cautious around her, treating her in a neutral way).

She may then regret meeting up with you and say something along the lines of, “I think this was a bad idea. I agreed to continue texting as friends, but this is too much for me. Let’s just go back to texting and leave it at that. I just don’t want anything more than that with you now.”

Then, getting her back becomes more difficult, because she closes herself off from you.

However, if you’re prepared and ready to attract her (e.g. by being confident and believing in your attractiveness and value to her, being emotionally strong), she will automatically pick up on it via your body language, your attitude and behavior and the way you respond to her.

She then begins to feel surges of respect and attraction for you again.

When that happens, her guard comes down and getting back together becomes something that she’s open to.

Another thing you need to get clear on if you want your ex back is…

2. Understand that it’s so easy to turn an ex woman off via text

Understand that it's so easy to turn an ex woman off via text

Even when a woman says that she’s open to texting her ex as a friend, it doesn’t mean things can’t go wrong.

In fact, the opposite is true.

When a woman can’t see the expression on a guy’s face, hear the tonality of his voice, or gauge his body language in person or on a phone call, everything he texts is open to her interpretation based on her current feelings for him.

For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was too insecure and lacked belief in himself and his value as a man, if he then texts something like, “I hope I’m not disturbing you right now” rather than assume he’s being considerate of her, she will instead likely assume that he’s feeling unsure of himself.

Alternatively, if she broke up with him because he was too indecisive and expected her to always lead the way in the relationship, if he then texts her something along the lines of, “Let me know when it’s okay with you for me to text you,” rather than think he’s being polite, she will almost certainly take it as a sign that he still wants her to make all the decisions and be the boss.

As a result, she feels even more turned off by him and happy with her decision to be broken up.

This is why, even if your ex agreed to only text as friends from now on, it’s up to you to ignore that and get her on a phone call with you as soon as possible, so that she can experience the new you for herself.

When you’re on a call with her and you then say something like, “I hope I’m not disturbing you right now” she will be able to determine by the tone of your voice whether it stems from a place of insecurity or politeness.

She won’t have to guess.

She will then naturally feel attracted to you, because she can sense that you’re being confident and assertive, while at the same time being a good guy.

She then becomes open to interacting with you more over the phone and seeing you in person, which makes it so much easier for you to get her back.

However, if you stick only to texting, eventually something you say will almost certainly be misinterpreted by her and then she may text something like, “Look, I know I agreed to texting as friends, but I’ve changed my mind. I think it will be better for both of us if we just go our separate ways and try to move on.”

Another thing you need to get clear on if you want your ex back is…

3. Understand that unless you re-attract her in person or on a phone call, it’s pretty much over now

Understand that unless you re-attract her in person or on a phone call, it's pretty much over now

Regardless of how open and friendly your ex seems to be towards you via text, nothing definite will happen with her, until you re-attract her on a call and then in person.

You could get lucky if she doesn’t find any new guys attractive and then eventually comes back to you.

Yet, in the 1,000s of ex back cases we’ve seen, what happens when a woman agrees to text her ex guy as friends, is that she simply moves on.

The guy listens to what she has said and actually texts her as a friend.

Meanwhile, she uses the time to secretly begin moving on with a new man behind his back.

Alternatively, she gets bored of waiting for him to realize that he can get her back if he re-attracts her on a call or in person, so she stops replying to hopefully get him to understand.

If that doesn’t work, she starts moving on with a new guy.

Here’s the thing…

Texting is just a bunch of words on a screen.

It’s not real.

So, after a while of texting back and forth, a woman might begin to wonder why she’s not important enough to you for you to bother picking up the phone to say hello to her in person.

She may then decide that she’s better off without you in her life.

This is why, if you really want to be more than a friend to your ex, you need to be courageous enough to get her on a phone call, or to a meet up with you.

From there, you need to reawaken her sexual and romantic feelings for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be talking to you again, showing her via your attitude, behavior and actions that you’re a new and improved man, flirting with her and making her feel like a desirable woman in your presence) and get her back.

Don’t stick to texting and hope that she will give you another chance.

Don’t act like a nice, neutral friend and hope she will somehow feel attracted to you again.

Do things the right way and you will get her back.

Do things the wrong way (i.e. only text back and forth without getting to a phone call and then a meet up) and you will almost certainly lose her for real.

Another thing you need to get clear on if you want your ex back is…

4. Understand that if another guy comes along and makes her feel sexually attracted, her texts to you will most-likely stop

Understand that if another guy comes along and makes her feel sexually attracted, her texts to you will most-likely stop

Most guys assume that their ex woman will remain loyal or won’t sleep with a new guy for weeks or months, especially if she has agreed to text as friends, or has said something like, “I’m not interested in dating anyone else right now. I just want to be on my own.”

Yet regardless of what she has said to him, she’s a single woman now and will naturally begin to open herself up meeting, hooking up and falling in love with new guys.

Then, if it happens (i.e. she kisses a new guy, they have sex, she really likes him and they start seeing each other), the chances of her wanting to continue texting as friends reduce to almost zero (e.g. her new guy might not like it that she’s texting her ex) and you will probably stop hearing from her at that point.

This is why, if you don’t want to be left behind, you need to start making her feel attracted and turned on when she interacts with you.

If you can spark her sexual and romantic feelings before some other guy does, it will be easy for you to get her back, or at least hook up with her again to see how you both feel afterwards.

On the other hand, if you wait for a sign from her to eventually let you know that she’s open to getting back with you, don’t be surprised if she tells you she’s in a new relationship and would appreciate it if you would stop texting her.

By the way…

Some of the ways you can re-attract her are by:

  • Having the confidence to call her on the phone or meet up with her in person, rather than sticking to texting like a rejected, friend zoned ex.
  • Believing in yourself and in your value to her, rather than doubting yourself and then making her feel turned off as a result.
  • Making her smile and laugh and feel relaxed to be talking to you over the phone and hanging out with you again, rather than trying to get into heart-to-heart discussions about the relationship and what you did wrong.
  • Showing her that you’ve changed and improved in some of the ways that matter to her and gaining back her respect and attraction for you, rather than making the same mistakes and expecting her to accept that.
  • Flirting with her to create a sexual spark between you, rather than ‘playing it safe’ by just acting friendly, neutral or distant.

The more you awaken her feelings of respect and attraction for you, the more open she will become to giving you another chance.

Then even if she happens to meet another guy, it won’t matter to her, because she has you.

Another thing you need to get clear on if you want your ex back is…

5. Understand that some women say things like, “Let’s stay in touch as friends” to make an ex man wait around while she moves on without him

Understand that some women say, "Let's stay in touch as friends" to make an ex man wait around for her while she moves on without him

Sometimes, a woman’s ego can’t stand the idea of her ex moving on before she does.

So, rather than cut off all contact with him and risk him meeting a new woman and moving on, she will instead agree to continue texting as friends.

In this way, she can give him a false sense of hope and keep him interested in her long enough for her to find a new man and move on first.

Then, while her ex is likely waiting around for her and thinking things like, “Maybe if I give her some time to allow for things to calm down between us, we can work things out after all.”

In the meantime, she focuses on finding herself a replacement man.

If her ex then plucks up the courage to ask her if she wants to try and work things out with him, she will be able to say something like, “No. I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea. I only agreed to texting as friends and nothing more. I’m not interested in getting back with you. I thought you knew that. Besides, I’ve met someone else, so maybe it’s best if we stop texting each other and focus on living our separate lives. I wish you all the best. I’m sure you will find the right girl for you. Bye.”

He is then left feeling hurt, confused and wondering what went wrong.

He might then develop a fear of relationships and not only avoid trying to get his ex back, but avoid getting into relationships with other women as well.

So, don’t let yourself get caught up in a situation like that.

Instead, simply take charge of the ex back process by using every interaction you have with her from now on as an opportunity to re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you.

The more you make her feel respect, attraction and love for you, the less likely it is that she will want to make you wait around for her while she moves on with someone else.

She instead begins to want you back herself.

You can then gently guide her back into a relationship that is better than ever before.

What to Avoid When Texting an Ex as Friends

You can use the agreement with your ex to text as friends to your advantage and get her back, or you let the opportunity slip through your hands and lose her to someone else.

The choice is yours.

However, if you decide that you want her back, make sure you’re avoiding the following mistakes:

1. Not knowing how to make her feel a sexual spark, so accepting the fate of just texting as friends

Sometimes a guy doesn’t know how to go about creating a sexual spark between himself and his ex, so he gives up on the idea of getting her back and settles for just being her text buddy.

Don’t let that happen to you.

Make sure that you begin re-attracting your ex right away.

For example: Some of the ways you can spark her feelings for you are by…

  • Making her laugh, smile and feel good to be interacting with you again.
  • Being confident regardless of what she says or does (e.g. she pretends she has no feelings for you anymore, says that she doesn’t want to get back with you again).
  • Flirting with her to create some sexual tension between you, rather than just being too nice or neutral with her.
  • Not giving her too much power over you and doing whatever she tells you to do and instead, letting her see that you are now even more masculine in the way you think, talk, behave and react when interacting with her.

This allows her to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and she’ll begin to see herself being your girl again.

So focus on that.

Another mistake to avoid is…

2. Not improving your ability to re-attract her on a phone call or in person

A guy will often sit around thinking about his ex and how much he misses her and wants her back, but won’t take action to improve anything about himself while he’s waiting to start the ex back process.

Then, when he does interact with his ex on a phone call or in person, she notices that he’s still stuck at the same level he was at when they broke up, doesn’t feel a spark and closes up again.

This is why, you need to make sure that you improve your ability to re-attract her.

You need to understand her real, more secret reasons for breaking up with you (e.g. your inability to make a decision without her approval or say-so, being unsure of yourself around her or in social situations, being unable to pass her simple confidence tests) and change those things about yourself.

Then, when you interact with her and she picks up the changes in your attitude, thinking, behavior and the way you respond to her, she will automatically begin to feel respect for you again.

When she respects you, she will naturally start to feel attracted to you again and then it’s becomes easy for her to reconnect with her feelings of love for you too.

Another mistake to avoid is…

3. Not taking charge of the ex back process

Some guys make the mistake of thinking that getting back together with an ex is all up to her.

If she says that it’s okay, then the guy can go ahead and work at getting her back.

However, if she says that she’s not interested or only wants to be friends, then he has to accept that (even though he doesn’t want to) and give up on the idea of being a couple with her again.

Yet, here’s what he doesn’t understand…

A man actually has a lot of control over the ex back process.

If he takes the lead and focuses on making his ex woman have sexual and romantic feelings for him again, she will naturally begin to want him back for her own reasons (e.g. she worries that if she doesn’t give him another chance she may end up regretting it later on, she feels attracted to him in new ways and wants to explore those feelings for him).

He can then get her back much more easily because she is open to being seduced by him and seeing what happens.

On the other hand, if a guy lets her lead in the ex back process, he may be waiting for a long time and then discover that she’s moved on with someone else instead.

So, don’t make the mistake of thinking it’s all up to your ex whether you get back together.

If you want her back, you have to be bold and confident enough to take the lead and make it happen.

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