Here are 4 tips to make sure that it goes well:
1. Feel worthy of her
If you feel unworthy of your ex because she dumped you, it will come across in your body language and vibe and it will turn her off during sex.
Women are naturally attracted to men who are confident in themselves and their value to a woman, so if you want your ex to enjoy the sex, make sure that you feel completely worthy of her.
Don’t doubt yourself in any way.
She wants you.
She loves it.
That’s how you need to be thinking.
So, if a guy is trying to have sex with his ex girl while thinking something like, “I’m so lucky that she’s even here. I don’t deserve her. Why is she giving me this chance? Does she even want to be doing it? Maybe she doesn’t” it’s going to turn her off.
She’s going to pick up on his self-doubt, insecurity and nervousness via his body language, vibe, behavior and conversation style and as a result, she will instinctively feel turned off by him.
She then starts thinking things like, “What am I doing here? This is a big mistake. I thought we could work things out between us, but now I can see that clearly he’s not the right man for me. If I get back with him, I’ll always feel like I did him a favor and I don’t want to be in a relationship like that. I want a man I can look up to, respect and feel a genuine sexual attraction for. I want my friends to be jealous of what I have, not feel sorry for me because I stuck with a guy out of pity.”
She then pulls away from the sex and doesn’t want to do it anymore, or goes through with it, leaves and then breaks up with him once again.
So, if you want things to go well between you and your ex the first time you have sex after breaking up, make sure you absolutely believe that you are good enough for her.
The next tip is to…
2. Show her a new side of yourself, but don’t go overboard with it
Your ex is going to be analyzing everything that you say and do to see if you have really changed since the break up, or are still exactly the same as before.
For example: If a guy was insecure in his relationship with a woman, she’s going to be watching to see how he handles having sex with her for the first time since the break up.
Does he take the lead by confidently building up the sexual tension between them, breaking the tension with a kiss and then following through with touching and sex, or does he approach a hug, kiss or sex in a hesitant, self-doubting way?
Does he turn her on and make the sex happen, or does he nervously wait for her to give him an obvious sign that she’s open for sex?
Does he confidently hug her or move in for a kiss, or does he keep asking her things like, “Is it okay if I kiss you?” or “Do you like it when I touch you there/do that?”
So, if he was insecure in the relationship, she is going to be turned off if he is still the same way.
On the other hand, the more confident and assertive he is, the more she will accept that he really has changed and become a better man already.
As a result, she will be more willing to let go and just enjoy the make up sex.
Yet, if he makes the mistake of going overboard trying to prove to her that he’s not insecure anymore (e.g. by being very rough, aggressive, overly domineering, insensitive), it will have the opposite effect.
She will feel weirded out that he is suddenly being so aggressive and will naturally assume that it’s just an act to impress her, or it’s a side of himself that he has been hiding from her and now wants to unleash on her.
Either way, she won’t really like it because it will be too extreme of a change too quickly.
So, while it’s fine to level up as a man (i.e. be confident if you were insecure, be more loving if you were heartless), don’t go overboard in any direction.
The next tip is to…
3. Last longer than usual by taking it slow
Having sex with an ex for the first time after breaking up can feel very similar to having sex with her for the very first time.
You and her are now two completely different people (even if the changes are you are based on both of you having grown from the experience of a break up).
So, even though you’re familiar with each other and basically know what you both like in bed, it’s best to treat it like you and her are having sex for the first time.
In other words, have the confidence to take things slower, enjoy foreplay and allow things to build up to an enjoyable climax.
Take your time to get to know her body (and her desires) in a whole new different way.
- Don’t think about what she used to like and focus instead on being present in the moment (i.e. When you are present, you respond to what she wants in the moment, not what you remember she likes. You then naturally flow into new directions and spontaneously have sex in interesting positions that you and her may never have tried before. Be confident to get into those positions, without feeling like you need to rush to get the position correct right away. Take your time and enjoy it).
- Enjoy the feelings and experience of having sex with her again, rather than retreating into your head and reliving the past, or over analyzing what you’re doing and her responses to you (e.g. is she moaning with pleasure, or is she looking a little bored?).
- Build up the sexual tension by kissing, touching, teasing and playfulness.
- Focus on giving her pleasure, while at the same time enjoying the moment for yourself.
Make it an experience that both of you will remember for years to come.
Don’t rush it.
Where some guys go wrong is feeling so excited to be having sex with their ex again that they end up ejaculating too quickly and not allowing her enough time to fall back in love with him during the sex.
The woman is then left thinking, “Was that it? Is that the best we can do? Is that what I should get back with him for?” and feels turned off by what she perceives as his selfishness or lack of masculinity.
She then starts to wonder if getting back together again is actually such a good idea after all.
On the other hand, when a guy takes things slow, is present in the moment and is there in his most masculine form (i.e. being confident and bold enough to take his time and do what he wants), she will feel a type of attraction for him that goes beyond words.
The next tip is to…
4. Make her feel attracted before, during and after the sex
Attraction starts long before you and your ex make it to the bedroom together.
For example: If your ex notices that you’re feeling nervous or insecure prior when you catch up with her for a coffee, it will ruin her attraction for you and she might then say something like, “I just remembered that I have a busy day tomorrow. I have to go now. Maybe we can do this again some other time,” as a way of getting out of potentially having sex with you again.
So, how can you make her feel attracted before sex?
- Maintain your confidence with her, even when she tries to test you (e.g. by getting you all turned on and then pulling away and saying things like, “I don’t think this is a good idea.”)
- Make her laugh, smile and feel good to be interacting with you again.
- Flirt with her to create sexual tension.
- Touch her and kiss her and then pull away to build up sexual tension.
- Believe in yourself and your attractiveness to her.
Once you’ve built up enough sexual tension with her, go ahead and release that tension with sex.
When you’re having sex, continue making her feel attracted by…
- Letting her see that you are confident and relaxed enough to do whatever you want with her.
- Making her feel feminine in response to your masculine behavior, energy, vibe and presence.
- Showing her that you find her sexy and attractive and that it’s adding to your pleasure as you stroke in and out of her.
- Touching her with masculine presence (i.e. really being there as you grope her, rub her, caress her. Looking her in the eyes in a confident, relaxed manner as you stroke in and out of her).
After sex, make her feel good about herself.
For example: You might say something like, “That was amazing. You’re even sexier now than you were before.”
Then, continue to lightly flirt with her and use laughter to bring you and her closer together.
Make her feel sexy by the way you look at her.
Make her feel loved by the way you treat her (i.e. be a good man to her, but don’t go overboard with it to the point where you’re sucking up to her. When she senses your lack of desperation or neediness, it makes her value your good treatment of her even more).
As you can see, having sex with an ex for the first time after breaking up is not just about the sex.
It’s about showing her that you’re now a completely different man from the one she broke up with (e.g. you’re more confident and self-assured, you’re more ballsy and can stand up to her in a loving, but dominant way when she’s behaving like a little brat, you’re more emotionally masculine and can now allow her to relax and be a feminine woman around you).
When you make her feel attracted to who you now are as a man, she will naturally feel attracted to you long after the sex is over.
She will begin to fall in love the new you and realize that you are now the kind of man she always wanted you to be.
As a result, she won’t want to lose her opportunity to experience a new and improved relationship with you.
5 Mistakes That Some Guys Make When Having Sex With an Ex For the First Time After Breaking Up
Having sex with your ex again after a break up can be fun and enjoyable for the both of you.
It can be an opportunity to mend broken walls, bring you closer together and start over again.
However, it’s also possible to turn your ex off and make her decide that it’s better if you and her stay broken up for good.
So, to make sure that things go well when you and her get it on again, try to avoid making one or more of the following mistakes that other guys make when in your shoes…
1. Hesitating to move in for a kiss
If a guy has been building up the sexual attraction with his ex beforehand (e.g. with flirting, laughter and smiling), she will be feeling eager to release the sexual tension with a kiss.
Yet, if he hesitates for too long (e.g. because he’s constantly second guessing himself and wondering, “Is this the right moment?”), the spark will eventually die.
She may then start feeling a annoyed with him and think something like, “I guess that nothing has really changed about him after all. He’s just an insecure, self-doubting guy who is pretending to be confident. I guess that I have to accept it’s really over between us and that I can’t change him into the man I want him to be. He simply doesn’t have it in him to be a real man and make me feel the way I want to feel. He lacks the confidence I want in a man. He just doesn’t have it. I’ve got to end this and move on while I still can.”
She will then close herself off and become cold towards him, which will make it more difficult for him to get her back.
So, make sure that you don’t take too long to make your move.
As long as you make her feel attracted and build up some sexual tension, you have to believe that she will naturally want to release that sexual tension with a kiss.
Not only that, but when you do kiss her, she will feel impressed with you for being so confident and ballsy, which will make her feel even more attracted to you.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Appearing nervous during the sex
A guy might sometimes feel so worried about trying to please his ex during sex, that he will get caught up in his head thinking something like, “What if she’s had sex with other guys since we broke up and she’s now comparing me to them? What if I don’t measure up?” or “She didn’t moan when I touched her there. What if she doesn’t like what I’m doing? Should I just stop?”
She then notices the subtle changes in his body language and vibe and realizes that he’s feeling nervous, thinking too much and as a result, is not present in the moment with her.
Rather than having the confidence to enjoy the pleasurable physical and emotional feelings of being with her again, he is feeling nervous, self-doubting and insecure.
That is a huge turn off for women.
As a result, she then starts to feel uncomfortable and the sex becomes mechanical and boring for both of them.
So, what you need to understand is that one of the most enjoyable things for a woman during sex is to be in the presence of a man who isn’t worried about a thing.
He is present in his body and in the moment, enjoying the feelings and experience of having sex with her, rather than allowing his insecurities to ruin the experience.
Another mistake that other guys make when in your situation is…
3. Asking her what she would like him to do
In the same way that a woman doesn’t like when a guy is hesitant about kissing her, she also doesn’t like it when he ask her to tell him what to do, to turn her on during sex.
A woman wants to just let go and enjoy the moment, rather than having to guide a guy through the steps of pleasing her.
Some unattractive women who are desperate for sex don’t mind guiding a guy, but most attractive women and most ex woman don’t want to have to take on the role of sex teacher when they are hooking up with a guy.
She doesn’t want to have to hold his hand, pat him on the back and say, “Yes, good boy…touch me there,” or “No, no… I prefer it when you kiss me on the neck, not the ears.”
She wants him to man up and take the lead by doing whatever he wants, rather than needing her to guide him along.
Also, if one of her secret reasons for breaking up with him was because he was too emotionally dependent on her and always needed her to lead him and tell him what to do in the relationship, she will really feel turned off by him if he needs her help during sex.
As a result, she will not only feel turned off by his lack of manliness in the bedroom, but she will also be disappointed by his lack of self development since the break up.
He is essentially trying to get her back without even having leveled up as a man, which is unfair to her.
Another mistake that guys sometimes make in your situation is…
4. Getting too emotional or romantic after the sex
For some guys, having sex with an ex is the culmination of days (and in some cases weeks, or even months) of trying to get her back.
So, after the sex is over, a guy might begin thinking, “This is it! I did it! I got her back! It’s done!”
He might then react by crying, getting emotional or saying romantic things like, “I’ve missed you so much! This is the best day of my life. I thought I’d lost you forever! I’m just so happy you here in my arms again where you belong. I’m never going to do anything to hurt you ever again!”
Alternatively, he might ask her, “Do you love me? I love you. Please tell me that you love me.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Just because a woman has sex with her ex, it doesn’t mean she’s fully made up her mind about getting back together with him.
In many cases, she is still going to continue testing him to see if he has really changed, or if he’s still the same as before.
So, when a guy becomes too emotional or romantic after they have sex for the first time after breaking up, it does nothing to convince her that he’s the emotionally strong, confident, masculine man that she secretly wants him to be.
As a result, she will then put up her guard again, because he’s making her feel unsure about her decision to have sex with him.
Another mistake that guys make in your situation is…
5. Making her feel as though the sex is just so he can feel better about himself, rather than it being a shared, enjoyable, love-inducing experience for both of them
Getting broken up with can sometimes leave a guy feeling rejected and like he has completely failed as a boyfriend (fiancé or husband).
To get rid of that pain, he may then decide to focus all of his energy on getting her back.
Then, after they have sex, he might think, “This proves that I’m not a loser after all! I feel so much better about myself now. She gave into me. She wanted me. I’ve still got it. I don’t care if we get back together for real now. As long as we have had sex again, I’m all good.”
Yet, the problem for him is that women are very good at picking up on a man’s body language and sensing his motives when it comes to sex and romance.
So, if his ex then gets the sense that the sex was essentially about making himself feel better, not only will she see it as being selfish, but she will likely also feel angry and used.
As a result, she may then try to seek revenge on him by hooking up with new men, so he can go back to feeling the pain that comes with being left behind and feeling unwanted by an ex.
So, if you want your ex back after you have sex with her, make the sex something that brings you and her closer together.
Make her feel like she would be silly to end the relationship now and just walk away.