Here are 6 things that you can do to break down your ex’s boundaries, so she opens back up to you:
1. Stop coming across as though your #1 aim is to get a relationship with her
When a guy still has strong feelings for his ex woman and wants to get back with her as quickly as possible, he’s usually going to trying to achieve that every time he talks to her.
She is going to sense that and if she doesn’t have strong feelings for him, then her guard is going to go up.
She will feel as though he is trying to get her back into a relationship, even though the feelings aren’t mutual.
Here’s the thing…
When a woman is at a point where she’s disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, hearing him talk about getting back together is going to make her feel uncomfortable, pressured and as though she is being forced into something that she doesn’t want.
As a result, she will be thinking things like, “He’s trying to force me back into a relationship even though I don’t want that. I really don’t enjoy interacting with him anymore. It’s just too stressful. All he wants in a relationship. He doesn’t get it that I don’t even have much or any feelings for him anymore. Why would I want a relationship? I have show him that I’m not open to a relationship.”
She then begins to make excuses not to talk to him over the phone, or see him in person anymore.
The more time she spends away from him, the more she begins to get over him and want to move on.
This is why, if you want to break down your ex’s boundaries and get her to open up, make sure that she gets the sense that you’re not pushing for a relationship.
Additionally, make sure that you…
2. Begin attracting her in new ways
If your ex is not opening up to you, it’s probably because your approach to attraction isn’t appealing to her anymore.
Maybe it’s time for you to try a new approach…
Some guys miss out on getting an ex woman back because they use an approach to attraction that used to work on her (e.g. being really nice, buying her gifts, listening more, being more understanding).
A guy might think, “It worked on her when we were in a relationship, so I don’t see why it wouldn’t work on her again.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that it only worked before because she was still in love with him and willing to work on the relationship.
So this time around, flowers, romantic love letters, gifts, being nice, listening and being understanding just isn’t going to cut it.
If a guy uses the same old approach with her, she may think, “Is this all he knows how to do? Does he honestly believe that flowers, letters and being nice is what will make me feel like giving him another chance? Well, he’s in for a big surprise. I know him too well, so his usual tactics don’t impress me. If he wants me back, he’s going to need to show me a new side to himself that I can actually feel interested in.”
So, if you want an ex woman back who is tired of your approach to her, you need to make sure that your approach to attraction is new and different from now on.
Begin attracting her in new and exciting ways, so that she can start feeling respect and attraction for you again (e.g. If you’ve always been too nice, start being more ballsy, while still being a good guy).
Only when she feels attracted to you in new ways, will she be happy to let her boundaries come down and open up to you again.
By the way…
If you’re not sure how to attract her in new ways, here are some examples of what naturally attracts a woman to a man:
- He has purpose and direction in his life outside of his relationship with her, rather than seeing her as his purpose and reason for living.
- He takes the lead during interactions and is assertive while still being a good guy, rather than allowing her to walk all over him.
- He maintains his confidence regardless of what she says or does to make him doubt himself.
- He makes her feel feminine and girly when she’s with him because he uses ballsy humor and has a masculine attitude, rather than making her feel neutral because he just talks to her like a friend.
The more you begin to attract her in ways that she doesn’t expect, the less she will be able to keep her boundaries up.
She won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and then, the idea of getting back together again starts to seem appealing to her.
The next thing you can do to break down your ex’s boundaries so she opens up to you again is…
3. Let her see that you’re a completely new man now
You can’t tell her that you’ve changed and have become a new and improved man, because she probably won’t believe you.
Instead, you need to let her see that you’ve changed based on how you communicate and interact with her on phone calls and in person.
In other words, don’t tell her, show her.
For example: Imagine that a guy is on a call with his ex woman.
She says something along the lines of, “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore.”
A good way to show her that he’s a new man now, is to reply by saying something like, “I accept that. I know that I made a bunch of silly mistakes in our relationship that turned you off, so I don’t blame you for not feeling the same way anymore.”
This shows her that he is being emotionally mature, rather than needy and emotionally sensitive, which automatically makes her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
If he responded with something like, “Don’t say that. I still love you. Please just give me a chance to prove that I have changed. I have changed so much, I promise” then she’s going to feel turned off by his desperation and the fact that he looks at her as being in the power position as they talk.
Another example is where a guy got broken up with because he wasn’t ballsy enough in the relationship and ended up being a bit feminine or wimpy in his thinking, behavior and actions.
If his ex woman says something like, “It’s all your fault we broke up!” he can show her that he’s no longer a softy, by laughing and saying something like, “All my fault? It’s your fault. You weren’t able to inspire me to be a great boyfriend, so I ended up being a crappy boyfriend. It’s all your fault.”
Obviously, he will only be joking when he says that and he can then have a laugh with her about it, rather than taking her attack so seriously.
She can then feel respect for the fact that he has become emotionally stronger and can now stand up to her, rather than allowing her to walk all over him like she did in the past.
As a result, she automatically starts feeling some attraction for him again, which then makes her want to interact with him even more to see where things go from there.
When you show your ex that you truly have changed and improved in some of the ways that actually matter to her, her boundaries begin to break down and she starts to open up again.
Another way to bring your ex’s boundaries down is to…
4. Have some boundaries too
A woman respects a man who respects himself, while also being respectful towards her.
That means, you can’t become a doormat for your ex to walk all over and then expect that she gives you respect for that.
That’s not how respect works.
You have to see yourself as being a man who is worthy of respect and then expect that, while also being a good man to her.
It’s not about being really nice to her, sucking up to her and then hoping that she respects you because of how sweet you are.
Women respect balls.
So, let her see that you’re a good guy with balls.
Not a soft guy who is ready to be walked all over by her, as long as he gets a chance with her.
One of the ways to show her that you deserve respect is to begin having some boundaries for yourself.
For example: Rather than accepting whatever conditions she gives you (e.g. “Only text me once a week” or, “I will meet up with you, but I am only staying for one minute and then I’m going”), you need to set some of your own boundaries and rules, while still being respectful towards her.
If she says, “Only text me once a week” you can simply laugh and say, “Okay, can do. How many words can I send in the text? 5, 10, 20?” and then have a laugh to let her know that you’re not taking her ridiculous rule seriously.
You can then say, “Hey, I get what you’re trying to say. You don’t want me texting every day. Got it. Yet, texting once a week is just silly. I’ll text you whenever I want, but I won’t text often.”
She can then see that you’re still being a good guy and being respectful towards her, but you’re not being a pushover.
As a result, she will feel respect for you and when a woman feels respect for a man, she will also begin to feel attracted to him.
5. Use humor
One of the biggest mistakes that a guy can make when trying to get an ex back, is to be too serious when interacting with her (e.g. he talks about the relationship and the mistakes he made, he agrees with whatever she says so as not to upset her, he talks in a very polite or formal manner, he is overly respectful and considerate).
Essentially, he’s hoping that when she sees how nice he is being, she will want to open back up to him and give him another chance.
Yet, life doesn’t work that way.
Women don’t feel sexually attracted to niceness from a guy who is afraid of them.
Women respect balls.
One of the ways to show a woman that you have balls, is to have the balls to use ballsy humor.
Did I say balls enough in that last sentence?
If you want your ex to open up to you again, don’t be so serious with her all the time.
Humor makes people relax and open up, which is what you want your ex to do.
So, focus on making her smile and laugh when you talk to her, rather than trying to discuss the relationship and convince her to give you another chance.
When you approach it in that way, she can then begin to think, “Why am I enjoying talking to him so much all of a sudden? He seems so different now. Maybe he has learned his lesson and changed. Maybe I should give him one more chance. After all, I feel good when I’m talking to him now. Having make up sex with him could be fun.”
6. Get her to feel a renewed sense of respect for you
For a woman to open up to the idea of getting back with her ex, she usually needs to be able to look up to him, respect him and feel attracted to him again first.
This is why it’s so important for you to re-spark your ex’s feelings of respect for you before trying to get her to discuss having a relationship again.
- Showing her your confidence by not feeling nervous or unsure of yourself when she is being reserved or withdrawn around, or when she’s saying things like, “I’m sorry, but what we had is over. Please accept it and move on.”
- Showing her by the way you respond to her (e.g. calm rather than highly strung, patient rather than easily annoyed) that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with.
- Using humor to diffuse a tense situation and get her laughing, smiling and feeling good when she’s in a bad mood, rather than becoming tense or worrying that you’re losing her.
- Standing up to her in a dominant, but loving way if she tries to control you during conversation (e.g. you laugh at her attempts to create drama and make things out to be worse than they actually are).
- Flirting with her to make her feel sexually attracted to you again.
The more respect and attraction you make her feel, the more she will open back up to you.
She stops seeing you as the guy who broke her heart and caused her a lot of pain and disappointment.
Instead, she starts seeing you in a new, more positive light and becomes curious about what it would feel like to get back with you.
When she is open in that way, you can easily get her back, or at least hook up with her sexually to see how you both feel afterwards.
2 Mistakes to Be Aware of When Trying to Break Down Your Ex’s Boundaries So She Opens Up to You Again
1. Seeking pity from her as he tries to get her to open back up to him
Sometimes a guy might sulk, whine or even cry to his ex woman about how much he’s suffering due to the break up.
He hopes that feel guilty, let down her guard and then give him another chance.
Yet, sulking and seeking pity rarely (if ever) works on a woman who has decided to finally break up with a guy and try to move on.
Rather than breaking down her boundaries, it causes her close up even more because she sees the sulking and seeking pity as a pathetic attempt to manipulate her into giving him another chance.
Even though the guy might be a good guy and have good intentions, a woman usually won’t see it that way.
He won’t see what he is doing as pathetic, but she will.
Women hate it when guys break down emotionally and cry, whine or sulk to get their way with a woman.
So, don’t bother trying to make your ex woman feel pity for you as your way of getting her back because it will most-likely backfire.
Instead, just focus on reawakening her feelings of respect and attraction, so she naturally feels drawn to you and becomes open to giving you another chance.
Another mistake that other guys make when in a situation like yours is…
2. Not knowing that he can be in the position of power if he chooses to
Sometimes a guy will hand all of his power over to his ex woman and allow her to call the shots (e.g. he only texts her because she told him that she didn’t want to speak to him on the phone, even though he could get her back so much easier if he spoke to her on a call).
Essentially, he’s being a good, little boy who follows her orders in the hope that it will make her open back up to him again.
Yet, that’s not how women work.
If you hand your power over to a woman, she won’t be able to respect you.
If she can’t respect you, she won’t be able to feel sexually attracted to you and without those two all-important feelings, there’s no reason for her to let down her guard and open herself up to you again.
So, make sure that you maintain your position of power as the man, rather than thinking that it will impress her if you hand over your power to her (i.e. be on your very best behavior, be extra nice to her, tell her or give her the impression that you’re willing to do whatever she wants if she will just be so kind enough to give you another chance).
In other words, don’t let her call all the shots.
For example: If she said that you could only text her, but not call her, you need to have the balls to laugh at that.
Be a good guy about it and laugh at it in a loving, respectful way, but don’t take her order so seriously.
Instead, laugh and say, “Okay, I get it. The last thing you would want right now is for you and me to be getting on long, drawn out phone calls about the relationship. I get it. So, I definitely won’t call you and attempt to have a conversation like that. However, I will call you to say hi as a friend once in a while, until we decide to never talk again if we get to that point.”
By saying that, she can see that you are being respectful, but you’re also standing your ground, which then makes her respect you and feel attracted to you, even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
As a result, her boundaries will naturally come down and she will want to interact with you more and more.