If your ex agreed to meet up, would you be ready to get her back?
Here are 5 questions to answer to get clear on whether you are ready and can actually get her back:
1. Do you know exactly what part of the attraction experience was missing?
When a woman breaks up with her guy, it’s usually because certain aspects of his thinking and behavior are causing her to lose respect and attraction for him (e.g. he’s too needy and clingy, she has too much power over him, he takes her for granted).
So, if he wants to get her back, he needs to first show her that he’s changed those things about himself and is now able to make her feel attracted in the ways that she wants.
By the way…
That doesn’t mean he needs to become perfect to be able to regain her respect and attraction.
Instead, he just has to show her that he’s putting in the effort to become a better man than before.
For example: If a guy was too emotionally sensitive, got upset about the setbacks in his life and whined about his feelings to his woman, then to earn back her respect, he needs to show her that he is now emotionally stronger and better able to handle his emotions around her (e.g. he’s able to laugh things off rather than getting upset over the tiniest things).
Another example is where a guy stopped making his woman feel feminine and girly in his presence and instead fell into the habit of treating her more like a friend or worse, making her feel like she was the more emotionally dominant one in the relationship.
In a case like that, he needs to show her that he’s now more emotionally masculine in the way he thinks, feels, behaves and interacts with her, thereby allowing her to relax into thinking, feeling and behaving like a girly, feminine woman around him.
This is why it’s very important for you to be ready to give your ex the attraction experience she always wanted from you but never got, if she agrees to meet up with you.
So how can you prepare yourself?
Start by first understanding her core reasons for breaking up with you.
If you’re unsure what those reasons might be, here are some questions to help you find out…
- Did you stop being the confident guy she fell in love with and instead became insecure and started to doubt your attractiveness to her?
- Were you the one wearing the pants in the relationship, or did she boss you around and get her way even when she didn’t deserve it?
- Did you laugh at her attempts to test you (e.g. by saying mean things to you during conversation, being moody), or did you get upset or angry with her most of the time?
- Did you grow her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you over time, or did you take it for granted that because she loved you at the beginning of the relationship she would continue to feel that way no matter what?
- Did you maintain your independence (e.g. by pursuing your own goals and hobbies, hanging out with your friends), or did you become emotionally dependent on her, which caused you to be needy and clingy?
- Did you get along well with her friends and family, or were you too shy, anti-social or jealous of the other people in her life?
- Did you make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman, or did you treat her more like a friend or a roommate?
- Were you and her on the same level emotionally, or did she mature a lot faster than you?
Once you understand what she really wants you to change about yourself to be able to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, it then becomes easier for you to get her back.
So, focus on that.
Then, when you meet up with her and she sees that you really have changed in the ways that matter to her, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling respect for you again.
When she respects you, she will also feel attracted to you again and from there, reconnecting with her original feelings of love becomes a lot easier than if you try to get her back by being the same guy she broke up with.
The next question to ask is…
2. Are you going to feel confident enough to flirt with her like a lover or boyfriend when you talk to her, or are you going to be neutral or reserved around her?
Sometimes a guy doesn’t feel confident enough to meet up with his ex and make her feel sparks of romantic and sexual attraction right away.
Instead, he makes all sorts of excuses about why flirting with his ex at a meet up is a bad idea.
For example: A guy like that might think something along the lines of, “My ex agreed to meet me and I can’t afford to blow it by doing something that will annoy her and cause her to refuse to see me again. This is why I need to be on my best behavior around her and not say or do anything that she might take in the wrong way. That means no flirting or acting like I want her back. Instead, I need to treat her like a neutral friend and allow for her to warm up to me over time. Then, when she eventually feels relaxed around me and lets down her guard, I can let her know how I truly feel about her and that I want her back.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
If you don’t actively make your ex feel respect and attraction for you right away, she’s usually just going to assume that you’re no longer interested in her.
She then opens herself up to meeting new guys, having sex and falling in love again with a guy who isn’t afraid to spark her feelings of lust and desire.
Remember: For a woman to want to be in a romantic relationship with a guy she has to feel respect and sexual attraction for him first.
If those feelings aren’t there, it’s a friendship at best and it won’t last.
So, make sure that when you meet up with your ex, you flirt with her and make her have sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
You can do that by…
- Maintaining your confidence with her no matter what she says or does (e.g. she is being closed off and distant, she tells you how happy she is now that you and her are no longer together).
- Making her laugh and smile and feel good to be in your company again.
- Flirting with her to create sexual tension.
- Being more emotionally dominant than her so she can relax and feel totally feminine in your presence.
The more you spark her feelings for you, the more she will begin thinking things like, “I don’t know why but I feel so good to be around him. I keep thinking about what it would be like if he kissed me. I don’t know what has gotten into me, but all of a sudden I feel more open to the idea of us getting back together, even though I was sure that it was over between us before.”
You can then build on those feelings until you and her are hugging, kissing, having sex and back in a relationship again.
The next question to ask is…
3. Have you improved things about you that will impress her?
For your ex to really feel impressed and then want to give you another chance, she needs to see that you’re not the same man she broke up with.
So, before you meet up with her, make sure that when she sees you again, she’s going to get the shock of her life (in a very good way).
For example: Some of the things that will impress a woman about her ex are…
- He’s less insecure and uncertain of himself now, so he won’t feel the need to be clingy with her anymore.
- He’s more emotionally independent, therefore he won’t need her support and guidance to feel good about himself.
- He’s more emotionally strong now, which means that he no longer allows her to dominate him with her confident personality like she used to.
- He’s more emotionally masculine now, so he’s not afraid to flirt with her and make her feel surges of sexual attraction, rather than treating her like a friend.
When your ex can experience those kind of changes in you, even if she initially tries to hide it from you, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling surges of respect and attraction for you again.
She then naturally drops her guard and opens up to being with you romantically and sexually.
The next question to ask is…
4. Will you be able to maintain your confidence if she doesn’t show much interest initially?
In almost all ex back cases, a woman rarely makes it easy for her guy to get her back.
So, chances are high that when you meet up with your ex, she’s going to test your confidence before she opens herself up to giving you another chance.
For example: Some of the ways she might do that is by…
- Coming to the meet up and saying something along the lines of, “I don’t even know why I agreed to meet you. There’s nothing you can say that will change my mind about us being broken up, so make this quick because I really don’t want to be here,” to see if you’ll lose your confidence and give up on the idea of getting her back.
- Remaining closed off and unresponsive towards you during conversation to see if you will become insecure and nervous.
- Flirting with other guys in front of you (e.g. a waiter, barista), or talk about other guys who are interested in her (e.g. from work or university) to test if you’ll get jealous, angry or start doubting your attractiveness to her.
- Giving you mixed signals (e.g. she says that she’s interested in getting back together again and then, when you get excited about that, she pulls back and says she’s not sure).
Essentially, she wants to see how emotionally strong and confident you really are.
If you can maintain your confidence with her throughout the interaction, regardless of what she does to set you off, she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
On the other hand, if you become nervous, insecure and start doubting yourself with her, you will fail her test and she will remain closed off to you until you can prove to her that you’re the (confident) man she wants you to be.
The next question to ask is…
5. How do you think she will react if you ask for another chance?
If you meet up with your ex and don’t fully reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you first, then chances are she’s going to reject the idea of getting back together again.
This is why you need to make sure that you’re fully prepared to re-attract her when you meet up with her.
If you get there and you make rookie mistakes (e.g. giving her too much power over you, being nervous and uncertain of yourself, not using humor to break down her defenses and make her relax and enjoy being with you again), not only will she feel disappointed that she agreed to meet up with you, she will also likely refuse to see you again after that, making it very difficult for you to get her back.
So, make sure that you’re prepared to show her (via your actions, behavior and conversation style) that you’re a new and improved man.
Then just focus on sparking her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you by behaving in some of the ways that are attractive to women (e.g. by making her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your masculine vibe, making her smile, laugh and feel happy that she agreed to meet you).
The more you reactivate her dormant feelings for you, the more open she will become to getting back together again.
However, if you try to get her back without first re-sparking her feelings for you, she’s just going to say, “Thanks, but I’m not interested in getting back with you. It’s over for me and you need to accept that and move on too.”
Where Guys Go Wrong When Meeting Up With an Ex
If you want your meet up with your ex to go well, it’s very important that you prepare yourself beforehand, so that you don’t make the kind of blunder that will convince her that she made a mistake when she agreed to meet you (i.e. because you’re turning her off with your behavior and conversation style).
This is why you need to make sure you don’t…
1. Meet up with your ex and try to make her feel attracted in the same old ways
If you meet up with your ex and end up talking to her and interacting with her in the same old ways (e.g. being nice and sweet towards her rather than being confident and manly, giving her too much power over you rather than taking the lead in the interaction, trying to explain your feelings to her rather than making her have feelings for you), she’s just not going to be very interested in getting back together with you.
So, if you want to get her back, you need to re-attract her in new and exiting ways (e.g. by being confident and emotionally strong even when she’s being cold and aloof, by standing up to her in a loving way when she’s being unreasonable or disrespectful towards you, by being more emotionally masculine and making her feel surges of desire).
Essentially, you need to say and do the types of things that will prove to her that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with.
When that happens, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her.
She then drops her guard and opens up to the idea of being your girl again.
Another thing you shouldn’t do when you meet up with your ex is…
2. Be neutral and act like a friend, but hope that sparks fly
If you pretend that you’re not interested in getting back with your ex, she will likely start thinking things like, “I thought this meet up was about him trying to get me back, but I guess I was wrong. He’s clearly over me and just wants to be friends from now on.”
She then closes herself off to the possibility of getting back with you and opens herself up to meeting new guys, having sex and falling in love again with someone else.
So, if you don’t want that to happen, make sure you don’t act like a neutral friend around your ex.
You need to flirt with her and re-spark her feelings of romantic and sexual attraction for you.
Only then will she be open to getting back together again.
One more thing you shouldn’t do when you meet up with your ex is…
3. Give her too much power at the meet up
Sometimes a guy thinks that for a meet up to go well, he needs to allow his ex to call all the shots (e.g. choose where they meet up, decide the duration of the interaction, do all the talking).
Yet, here’s the thing…
If you hand your power over to a woman, she won’t be able to respect you anymore.
If she can’t respect you, she won’t be able to feel sexually attracted to you and without those two things, getting back together again won’t even cross her mind.
So, don’t let your ex control you during the meet up.
Instead, focus on being the emotionally dominant one.
The more you can maintain your cool with her, the easier it will become to re-spark her feelings for you and seduce her back into a relationship with you.