4 things you can do to get the spark back with your ex:
1. Relight the spark on a phone call or in person, not via text
To relight your ex’s feelings of respect, attraction and love, you must have the courage to get her on a phone call with you, or meet up with her in person (even if you’re afraid that she might tell you to go away or leave her alone).
The more chances you give her to experience the new you over the phone and face-to-face (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, maintaining your confidence when talking to her), the more likely it is that her feelings of respect and attraction for you will be reawakened.
On the other hand, if you only stick to texting her, you might end up turning her off even more. Why?
Texts can quickly become boring and can easily be misinterpreted.
For example: If a guy only sends text messages but never transitions to a phone call with his ex, she may start thinking, “Where is this going? Why doesn’t he do something? I’m getting tired of texting back and forth for no reason. This is starting to get boring.”
She might then slowly start responding to him less and less until eventually, she ignores him completely.
Alternatively, she may keep up the charade by replying to his texts, while in the background she focuses on moving on by kissing and having sex with new guys.
Then, when she secures a new guy into a relationship, she can say to her ex, “Look, it’s been nice hearing from you, but I’ve met someone else and to be fair to him, I think it’s better if we don’t text anymore. I wish you all the best. Bye. Your friend, Tanya.”
If you still really love her and want her back that isn’t going to be a fun text message to get.
So, make sure that you have the balls to call and the courage to arrange a meet up in person, so you can properly re-attract her and her back.
Texts feel easy because you don’t have to face up to a possible rejection on a phone call or in person, but they really are the worst approach to take when getting an ex woman back.
It’s good for women who want to get a guy back because we men are lot more simple (i.e. we are either open to catching up with her again for some sex and “see what happens afterwards” or we’re not).
Women on the other hand are much more complex.
A woman can be enjoying a text exchange one minute and then completely lose interest the next based on something her ex guy texts her.
Alternatively, she might be interested, but afraid to look too keen, so she then starts playing hard to get and the guy thinks that he’s blown his chances with her.
He then starts texting in a desperate, apologetic manner and she feels turned off by his lack of confidence in himself.
Get where I’m going with all this?
Yes, that’s right – texting isn’t the best option for men wanting to get a woman back.
In some cases, a woman will start to feel annoyed at the fact that she’s only getting text messages from her ex and he seems to lack the balls to call her.
Rather than continue to enjoy the process, she will start to think about why she broke up with him in the first place and try to connect that to his current texting behavior.
For example: If the guy was insecure in the relationship, rather than assume he is texting because he doesn’t want to come on too strong, she will usually assume it’s because he doesn’t have the courage to call her.
She will begin to remember times in the relationship when he was too wimpy or insecure to make things happen in his life.
She might then start thinking things like, “Why am I wasting my time with him? He’s clearly still the same guy that I broke up with. He’s still a wimp. Nothing has changed, so why should I even bother with him anymore? I felt turned off by him before and nothing about his actions and behavior has convinced me to feel differently now. So, it’s time for me to cut him out of my life completely. I’ve got to find a man who isn’t afraid to face life and make things happen.”
Remember: Texts don’t show her how you are truly feeling (e.g. confident rather than insecure, emotionally strong rather than wimpy) and have to be interpreted by your ex based on her current perception of you.
If she currently thinks of you in a negative way, she’s going to look at your texts in a negative way too.
Although a small spark can be relit via text, you have to immediately transition to a phone call or an in-person meet up if you want to turn that spark into a raging fire of passion, lust and love.
Most guys don’t understand that, or are simply too afraid to face up to calling their ex or meeting her in person.
Some guys make up excuses like:
- She probably doesn’t want me to call her.
- She prefers text.
- She might not answer the call.
- She told me never to call her again.
Drop any excuses and just do what works.
Call her, re-attract her on the call, get her to meet up with you, re-attract her in person, hook up with her and get her back.
It’s the same with picking up women.
Women will say, “I want a nice guy, who is sweet, kind, patient and listens,” but when a guy does that, he gets rejected or placed in the friend zone.
Then, another guy comes along and is a good guy, but he doesn’t put on an act of being nicer than he actually is and she likes it.
She likes the fact that he isn’t trying to suck up to her to get somewhere.
She also likes that he doesn’t listen to everything she says and has the confidence to move in for a kiss when he notices that she is attracted.
The same rule applies to getting an ex woman back.
Don’t listen to what she says!
Don’t follow her orders!
In almost all cases, a woman isn’t going to tell her ex how to get her back.
Instead, she will make it difficult for him by saying things like, “Don’t ever call me. Just text” or, “Only text me once a week.”
If a guy follows her orders, he’s just like the typical nice guy who gets rejected or placed in a friend zone.
So, do what works.
Call her, re-attract her on the phone, get her to meet up with you, re-attract her in person, hook up with her and get her back.
When a guy doesn’t understand that, he might try to get the spark back by texting her about good memories they shared together (e.g. “Hey, I was just going through some old pictures on my phone and found some from that day on the beach last year. It made me think of all the fun you and I used to have together. We were a great team”).
He is hoping that she will respond with something like, “Yeah, we were! I’ve missed that! How about we get together to catch up? Maybe if we talk things through, we can work things out.”
It would be nice if women were that simple, but they’re not.
Women can see through BS just like you can.
If you dumped a woman, no longer felt attracted to her and she sent you a text like that, you’d be thinking, “Yeah, nice try.”
Yet, if she showed you that she was now more attractive and had stopped doing the things that turned you off about her in the past, you’d be more open to catching up with her.
Of course, a man getting a woman back and a woman getting a man back are two completely different things.
For example: Most men leave a woman because they aren’t physically attracted to her and nothing that she says can change that.
However, most women leave a man because they aren’t emotionally attracted to him anymore, but he CAN change that.
He can start being more confident, emotionally masculine and charismatic and she will naturally begin to feel attracted to him again.
So, I want to make it clear that you CAN get the spark back with your ex.
However, just don’t make the mistake of thinking that you can achieve it via text.
If the spark has died and your ex woman is no longer emotionally attracted to you, then a text about good memories (or some other clearly sneaky approach) will only come across as a bunch of useless words on a screen to her.
Rather than bring the spark back to life, it just highlights to her how bad things have become (i.e. the guy has no idea how to attract her and is resorting to tacky tricks).
This is why I always recommend that guys get to a phone call with their ex woman ASAP, rather than wasting time (and potentially turning her off) via text.
When a woman can’t see your body language or hear the tone of your voice because you are only texting her, she doesn’t have any evidence to believe that you really have changed.
Instead, she may assume that you’re feeling insecure about your value to her now and are afraid to call, or aren’t really that interested in getting her back and are just trying to get some love and attention from her while you try to move on.
If she thinks like that, she might then say to herself, “Well, if he can’t be bothered to make a real effort to get me back, I’m not going to bother wasting my time texting back and forth. If he wants me back, he’s going to need to prove to me that he has changed.”
So, if you want to get the spark back with your ex, make sure that you push to get her on a phone call (or just call her if she will answer) and then meet up with her in person and make her feel respect and attraction for the new and improved you.
Another way to get the spark back with your ex is to…
2. Laugh with her about the mistakes you used to make
Don’t take your mistakes so seriously.
The fact is, everyone makes mistakes from time to time (even your ex) in a relationship, so it’s not just you.
Don’t feel as though you’re the worst man in the world for making the mistakes you did.
You’re a great man and simply made a few mistakes because you didn’t know any better.
You know better now though, right?
Believe in yourself then.
Look at yourself as being the man you are now, not the guy you used to be.
The most important thing is that you really have learned from your mistakes and become a better man as a result.
So, if you’re interacting with your ex (on a phone call or face-to-face) you say something like, “Wow, I sure stuffed up before didn’t I? I was pretty immature and can now see why it caused the spark between us to fade. Fortunately, I’m not that guy anymore. I’ve learned from my past mistakes. You might not want to believe me right away and that’s okay. I’ll let my actions speak for themselves. In the meantime, I just want to apologize for everything I put you through in the past. I can’t help but laugh at myself now for being that way. No wonder you felt turned off by me! I would have broken up with myself too if I could!” and have a laugh with her about it.
If she refuses to see the light side of what happened and says something along the lines of, “No, I don’t believe that you’ve changed. What about all the times you (and then mentions something you did wrong)?” just make sure that you remain relaxed and laugh off her attempts to continually complain about how you treated her before.
For example: You can say, in a joking way, “Wow…it looks like you were keeping score of all the mistakes. Let’s go over you big list of all my mistakes so you can get it off your chest” and then laugh.
Add in, “You can then throw that list away away and we can actually have a nice chat here, without you bringing up an old mistake of mine every 3 seconds. How about it?” and laugh again, so she can see that you’re not being too serious about it all.
Remember: If you’ve already apologized for your mistakes, you don’t need to keep apologizing to her when she brings up your mistakes again and again.
You also don’t need to keep putting yourself down and giving her power over you because of who you used to be.
You are a new man now and deserve respect for that.
Don’t demand that she respects you, but just let her sense that you deserve it.
She will pick up on it and start showing you the respect you deserve.
For example: When she tries to turn the conversation towards your mistakes again, just make light of it (e.g. laugh and say, “Oh, here we go again. Bring on the complaints!”), rather than continually apologizing over and over again for the same things.
Let her see that even between exes who stuffed up a great relationship, there is still a funny side.
Laugh with her about it and get her to relax, so she can stop taking the past so seriously.
Yes, mistakes were made.
Yes, you weren’t the perfect boyfriend (fiancé or husband).
However, there’s no need to keep going on and on about that and making each other feel stressed or annoyed about it.
It’s better to laugh about it and see that mistakes were made, but changes have also been made since, so you and her are talking about who you used to be, not who you are now or how the relationship would be now.
When she sees for herself that you’ve changed (e.g. you’re more confident and emotionally strong now, she can’t dominate you with her forceful personality anymore, you’re able to stand up to her now), she will automatically start feeling respect and attraction for you again.
Her wall will come down and even if she tries to fight it, she won’t be able to deny the spark of attraction and love for you in her heart.
To build on that initial spark you need to…
3. Let her experience the new, upgraded and improved version of you
When a woman is saying things like, “There’s just no spark left between us and I don’t know if it’s possible to get it back,” it’s usually because she has lost respect and attraction for her ex based on his behavior and actions.
In many cases, not only did the guy cause her feelings to fade when they were in a relationship, but he has also reinforced her negative feelings for him since the breakup.
For example: Imagine that a woman broke up with a guy because he was being too insecure and needy in the relationship with her.
To get her back, he then starts begging and pleading with her for another chance and saying things like, “I need you so much. Please give me one more chance. I just can’t live without you.”
What he doesn’t realize is that he’s making the same old communication mistakes that used to turn her off before (i.e. being needy, insecure, emotionally dependent).
So, rather than seeing him as being a new and improved version of the guy she broke up with, she looks him as being exactly the same and then feels even less respect and attraction for him.
Another example is if a woman broke up with a guy because she felt emotionally more dominant than him in the relationship.
He then tries to get her back by saying things like, “Please forgive me. I’ll do anything you want me to do to make you happy. Just tell me what you want me to do and I will do it, I promise..”
Rather than make her change her mind, he’s simply highlighting to her that he still hasn’t changed and is expecting her to lead the way in the relationship, which turns her off even more.
So, if you want to get the spark back with your ex, you need to show her that you’ve changed based on how you now communicate with her on phone calls and in person.
If you’re unsure about what those things might be, think back to your relationship with your ex and ask yourself:
- What aspect of my behavior or communication style always caused her to get annoyed or upset?
- Did I keep trying to change her in some way that she didn’t like?
- Did I really listen to what she wanted and give her that, or did I just assume that because she loves me she would put up with anything to be with me?
- What did we always seem to fight and argue about the most?
By answering those questions in your mind, you should have a clearer understanding about what caused your ex to break up with you.
Remember: What matters most to a woman is how you make her feel emotionally, not how you look physically.
So, make sure that you focus on what really matters.
When you make the right changes to how you talk, behave and act, she will naturally feel a spark with you again and become open to the idea of getting back together.
On the other hand, if you don’t understand what was really turning her off in your relationship and try to get her back while making the same old mistakes in your communication style, she will just keep saying, “Sorry, but I just don’t have feelings for you anymore. Please accept that and move on.”
Finally, to get the spark back with your ex woman, make sure that you…
4. Pass her confidence tests
A woman wants to know that if she takes the risk of getting back together with her ex, he won’t end up making the same mistakes that she broke up with him for.
So, one of the ways your ex will check to see if you really have changed and improved is by testing your confidence.
For example: When she is interacting with you, she will tease you, play hard to get, be hot and cold, throw tantrums or complain about random things about you to see how you react.
She wants to see whether you will crumble under the pressure, or remain confident and happy because you are now a self-approving masculine man who remains confident no matter what she says or does.
So, don’t buy into her drama (e.g. when she’s being cold, unfriendly, throwing a tantrum) and start losing confidence in yourself as a result.
Instead, just focus on using every interaction you have with her (e.g. via text, on social media, over the phone, in person) to renew her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you by being a confident, emotionally masculine man around her.
When she sees you reacting in that way, she can then relax and trust that you really are the man now.
When that happens, she starts to respect you again and naturally begins to reconnect with the attraction and love she originally felt for you.
It is then her who wants to get back with you.