The main reason why you should text an ex is to get her on a phone call, where you can spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you, and get her to meet up with you in person.
Don’t try to use text for anything else that than, or else you will increase the chances of her losing interest and moving on without you.
Here are 6 tips for contacting an ex via text or phone call after a break up.
1. Don’t send too many texts
When a guy wants to get back with his ex, but she isn’t open to the idea of seeing him in person, he might try to stay in touch with her via text.
For example: He may think, “I know she doesn’t want to see me right now, so texting is all I’ve got to work with. If I keep texting her every day, I will stay on her mind and she won’t hook up with another guy. Hopefully, my texts will eventually make her realize how much I care for her and she’ll stop avoiding me. She’ll then agree to meet up and I will then convince her to give me another chance.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Constantly texting an ex as a way of staying in touch, stopping her from moving on, or trying to convince her to give him another chance is one of the worst things a guy can do. Why?
Although texts can create a little spark here and there (e.g. when a guy is using humor to attract her), in most cases when a guy has been dumped by his woman, his texts will come across a bit insecure, boring (e.g. “How was your day?”) or he will try too hard to impress her.
So, the woman isn’t going to be amazed by his texts and thinking, “Damn, I need to get back with him. Did you see the way he just texted?! That was so cool!”
Instead, she is basically being bombarded by endless texts about random things that don’t really spark her feelings of respect and attraction for him again, so she thinks, “Why is he wasting my time with these texts? Why won’t he just leave me alone and move on with his life? Does he think he can get me back by texting me every day? I’ll show him. I’ll hook up with that guy from the office this Friday and then tell him via text. That will shut him up.”
Here’s what you always need to remember…
Nothing you text to your ex will convince her that you’ve changed and that she should now forgive you and give you another chance.
It’s just a text message.
It’s not you.
When a woman can’t see your body language or hear the tone of your voice, she won’t be able to experience the new and improved you for real, so she just won’t believe that you’ve changed.
With a text message, she has to interpret what you’re writing based to how she feels about you and how you behaved near the end of the break up, during it and since.
For example: If a woman feels negative emotions such as resentment, disgust, indifference, anger, or annoyance towards her ex, then anything that he texts her will likely be seen negatively too.
So, if you want to contact your ex via text after a break up, remember to only do so with the intention of getting her on a phone call with you right away.
Don’t waste a lot of time (hers and yours) sending her random texts that will potentially annoy her and turn her off even more.
On a phone call, you can re-spark some of her feelings for you by making her smile and laugh and show her that you’re no longer the same old guy that she remembered.
Getting her smiling and laughing on a phone call immediately drops her guard and she then becomes more open to meeting up with you.
2. Don’t instantly reply to every text
A guy might be tempted to reply instantly to every text he gets from his ex, because he might be thinking, “If I don’t reply right away, she might think that I’m being rude or that I’m not interested in her anymore. She might even suspect that I’m with another woman and then she definitely won’t want to get back together with me.”
Yet, rather than make her think, “How sweet. My ex is so thoughtful and caring, he never lets me wait for a reply for more than a minute,” she will most-likely be thinking, “He’s just sitting around waiting for me to text him. Doesn’t he have a life? He even texts me back right away when he’s at work. He obviously doesn’t care about his life anymore now that I’m not in it. He has lost it” and she will feel repelled by what she perceives to be his desperation, lack of maturity and lack of emotional independence.
The fact is, desperation and emotional dependency (otherwise known as neediness) is not an attractive trait in a man, so even if you’re really happy that your ex is texting you back, don’t make the classic mistake of instantly replying to every text within seconds or minutes.
If you’re busy (e.g. driving, out with friends, at work), it’s not rude to wait for a more suitable time to reply to her.
Even if you have to force yourself to wait a while to text her back because the only thing you have going on in your life at the moment is sitting at home waiting to hear from her, just do it.
Force yourself to wait 10 minutes sometimes, an hour other times and even a day other times.
It’s fine to reply within seconds or minutes sometimes, but make sure that you don’t get predictable.
3. Don’t waste weeks texting without seeing her in person
It’s easy for a guy to fall into the habit of texting his ex without working up the courage to see her in person.
He might think, “This is okay. At least she’s talking to me – even if it is only via text. There’s no point in pushing her. When she’s ready to see me, she’ll tell me and then we can meet up. I want to show her that I respect her.”
Yet, a woman will rarely text her ex and say, “I’ve been thinking about you so much lately. I miss you. Why don’t you give me a call? I want to get together,” because she doesn’t want to make it too easy for him to get her back.
Sometimes women do that, but it’s only if she really loves her ex, misses him and can’t move on without him.
However, those ex back cases are not the ones that guys get online and seek help with.
Those are easy because all you have to do is ignore her and she’ll come running back.
The majority of ex back cases (I’d estimate it about 80% based on my years of experience helping guys get women back) are cases where the woman has lost respect and attraction for her guy and no longer wants anything to do with him.
That’s what guys seek help with because they are unable to fix it on their own.
In cases like that, a guy needs to prepare himself to get his ex to forgive him, feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him and then guide her back into a relationship.
That’s what I teach in my program, Get Your Ex Back Super System and it works.
If you want your ex back, you can’t sit around hoping that if you just text her enough, she will eventually say, “Okay, let’s get back together.”
It just doesn’t work that way in 80% of cases, so if you use that approach, you’re most likely eventually going to get a text from her saying something like, “I’ve met a new guy. He wants me to stop talking to you. Please respect that and stop texting me.”
Here’s the thing…
As the man, it’s your responsibility to guide both you and her back into a relationship.
So, don’t make the classic ex back mistake of hiding behind texts in the hopes that she will make it easy for you.
Even though you and your ex might be texting back and forth in a friendly way, it doesn’t mean she’s sitting around saving herself for you.
If another guy comes along and makes her feel attracted, it’s unlikely that she will say to him, “No, I can’t. I’m waiting for my ex to pluck up the courage and call me. I’m not sure how long that will take, but I’m going to sit around and reject all other guys because I want to text back and forth with my ex for years, rather than going out on a date, hugging, kissing, having sex and being in love with a guy.”
Instead, she’s just going to get on with her life when it happens. She’s not going to be loyal to you because you’re texting her.
Regardless of how often you text her, nothing you say in a text message can be powerful enough to convince her that you’re no longer the guy she remembers.
So, if you really want to get your ex back, don’t waste weeks while you’re texting back and forth.
Just pick up the phone and talk to her in person.
On the phone call, focus on sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
When she hears the confidence in your voice, her guard will come down and she will then become open to meeting up with you in person.
4. Get her laughing and smiling when you call her
Although calling your ex is better than texting, it will be a complete waste of time if you don’t use the phone call to spark some of her feelings of attraction and desire for you again.
For example: When you call her up, you can say something like, “Hi Susan. I was wondering… would you like to meet up some time just to catch up?”
Yet, that’s not going to leave her feeling attracted, and she’s likely just going to say something along the lines of, “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Let’s leave the past behind us. We should both focus on moving on.”
On the other hand, you can use humor to make her smile, laugh and start thinking to herself, “This is fun. Maybe getting together for a catch up isn’t such a bad idea after all.”
Here’s how you can do it…
You can say something like, “Hey Susan, how’s your day been so far?” She will likely respond by saying, “Fine, how about you?”
You can then say in a joking way, “My day is great so far, but it’s just about to get even better! I’m waiting for a cute blonde woman to ask me out to lunch and then my day will be perfect.”
She will likely feel a bit annoyed and say, “Oh, okay. Well, that’s nice for you.”
You can then say, “Well, it will be when she asks me out to lunch. By the way…you are the cute blonde. So, where are you taking me to lunch? I feel like Chinese food today, how about you – what do you feel like?” and then laugh.
At this point, she will probably be laughing and feeling a little embarrassed about initially feeling upset with you for talking about another woman, which turned out to be her.
By making her laugh you’re breaking the ice between you and her.
You’re effectively saying to her (without these words), “Hey, it’s okay to laugh together. We can still do that.”
At the same time, she will be impressed to see that you’re confident enough to joke around with her, and possibly also feel a little flattered that you’re still calling her cute, even though you and her are no longer together.
When you make an ex smile and laugh again when talking to you, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling good.
Even if she tries to resist it, she won’t be able to hold on to her negative feelings about you for long because you’re replacing her negative memories of you with new, positive feelings.
When that happens, her guard comes down and she becomes open to meeting up with you and seeing where it goes.
5. Use the phone call to let her experience the new and improved you
On a phone call, you can spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, by letting her experience the improvements that you’ve made to yourself since the break up.
For example: If one of the reasons why a woman broke up with her man was that he lacked ambition and had no real direction in life, on a phone call he would need to let her experience the new him that is now more ambitious and goal oriented.
However, he can’t just come out and say to her, “You know how you hated the fact that I had no goals in my life? Well now I do. I’m more ambitious now just like you always wanted me to be,” because she doesn’t want him to be ambitious just for her.
She wants him to be a man because he has realized where was going wrong and has grown up, rather than just doing whatever she wants in the hopes that it will get back…even though he doesn’t want to do what she wants.
She might even think to herself, “Nice try buddy! You’re just saying that to me because you know that’s one of the main reasons I broke up with you.”
So, to convince her that he’s changed, he has to let her experience the new, more ambitious and driven version of himself through conversation.
How can he do that?
If she asks, “So how have you been?” rather than him responding with a boring, “Fine,” which says nothing about him, he can instead tell her about the things he’s been up to since the break up to show her that he’s changed.
For example: When she asks, “So how have you been?” he might say something like, “I’m great. I’ve finally gotten around to taking that Spanish language course I was always interested in starting. It’s going well and I’m planning a trip to Spain next month to meet with some investors who are interested in that business idea I always had. It’s great to be making progress with the things that I had been putting off. I’m excited about the future. Good times ahead.”
By talking to her in that way, he’s showing her that he’s changed without actually coming out and saying it.
She then begins to feel some respect for him again for being man enough to face up to his issues (e.g. hiding from his dream and goals behind her and the relationship) and make some serious adjustments to his behavior and way of thinking.
If he is also making her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to him over the phone, she will drop her guard and open herself up to the idea of meeting up with him in person.
Then, when he meets up with her, he simply needs to continue saying and doing the types of things that will reactivate her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him.
6. Arrange a meet up in person
If you want her back, don’t waste time hiding behind texts and phone calls.
In ex back cases, nothing significant usually happens until the man and woman meet up in person and the woman gets to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
Until that happens, a woman usually won’t be feeling enough respect and attraction to feel motivated to give the relationship another chance.
However, when you meet up with her in person and make her feel attracted to you in new and exciting ways (e.g. by being more confident and emotionally mature, by making her laugh, by being charismatic) that is when things will really change between you and her.
The bottom line is this…
Contacting your ex via text or phone call after a break up is only a stepping stone to meeting up with her, where you can reactivate her feelings in person and then hug, kiss and make her love for you come rushing back.
So, text to get her on a call and call to get her to meet up with you.