The No Contact Rule doesn’t work for most ex back cases where a guy has been dumped by a woman who no longer feels enough attraction or love to be with him.
However, there is still always a chance to contact your ex, make her feel attracted and get something going again.
All hope is not lost.
You can still get her back.
So, here are 5 tips for you, if you’re serious about getting her back after months of using the No Contact Rule on her:
1. Understand that she will might experience some good feelings to hear from you after this long
After all, you are a man that she used to really like or love and there is a chance that she may have been missing you for a while.
Even though she dumped you, she may not have been 100% over you when the relationship ended.
In a case like that, it can cause a woman to wonder why he isn’t contacting her anymore (e.g. Has he met a new girl? Does he not care about her all of a sudden? Is it him who is rejecting her now?).
Despite that, most women don’t reach out to an ex who is using No Contact and instead, decide to begin moving on by meeting new men (e.g. going to bars and clubs, joining an online dating site or using an app like Tinder, joining a meet up group in her area, opening up to dating one or more of her male friends who have had a crush on her).
In most cases, the woman will move on and forget about her ex.
Yet, if she is unable to properly move on (e.g. because she has only been meeting low quality guys, no one is asking her out on a date, she didn’t feel enough of a spark with her male friends), she may find herself thinking about her ex more and more.
Rather than remembering all the negative things about him that used to turn her off (e.g. she felt more like his friend than his lover, he wasn’t enough of a challenge to her, so she never felt motivated to treat him well and be a good woman to him, he was too insecure and ended up being clingy and needy), she instead starts thinking about him in a more positive way.
Then, if he contacts her out of the blue after ignoring her for months, there is a chance she will be happy to hear from him and be willing to reply.
Of course, if she interacts with him and notices that he hasn’t changed and is still making the same attraction mistakes as before (e.g. still seems a bit insecure, still lacks the manliness she craves, still gives her too much power), she will lose interest and become more determine to meet new men to move on without him.
So, if you do contact your ex after months of No Contact, make sure that you’re ready to re-attract her in new and interesting ways, rather than just reaching out and talking to her like a friend, or letting her sense that you still have some or all of the same kind of issues that turned her off about you.
2. Understand that she will probably suspect that you want her back and that isn’t a problem
If you contact her, she will have to wonder why.
If she suspects that you’re contacting her due to wanting her back, it’s not a problem.
Yet, just don’t go right into letting her sense that you want her back, unless she shows that to you.
If she is just talking like a friend, then add in flirting and arrange a catch up in person as soon as possible, without giving her the impression that it’s about starting the relationship again and nothing else.
Let her sense that it’s a casual catch up.
3. Understand that she might have gotten over you by this point and will need to experience a new spark to feel drawn to you again
A romantic, sexual spark is what changes a man and a woman from just being friends, to being lovers, boyfriend-girlfriend or husband-wife.
It’s the fundamental thing that makes a woman want more than just a friendship, or nothing at all.
Your ex would have felt a spark with you in the past, which lead to her wanting to have a sexual relationship with you.
Yet, somewhere along the line, the spark died and she began to lose interest.
If you want to get her back now, after months of No Contact, the best approach to use it to create a new kind of spark with her, so she becomes interested and curious.
If you tried to rekindle the relationship by using the approach you used with her in the past, her guard will go up and she may feel as though you’re trying to get her to want what she used to like about you when things were good.
For example: If a guy initially attracted his girlfriend by talking about certain topics that she was interested in, or texting her late at night and having deep and meaningful conversations, he might try that approach again.
Yet, that’s old news to her.
It’s an approach that she previously fell for, which resulted in a relationship that she ended up disliking so much she ended it.
So, to avoid her putting her guard up, you need to be willing to create a new kind of spark with her, which will then cause her to see you in a new light.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Taking control in an emotionally masculine manner and leading the way during interactions with her, rather than letting her call the shots or cause you to behave in a timid way, due to her confident, independent personality.
- Avoiding being too serious around her and instead using humor to make her laugh, smile and feel happy to be around you again.
- Being confident and believing in your value to her, rather than feeling unworthy of her now due to being dumped.
- Being a good guy to her, but also flirting with her and building up sexual tension between you and her, so that she wants to release the exciting tension with hugging, kissing and sex.
- Remaining calm, confident and easy-going rather than getting upset, regardless of what she says or does to test you.
When you use a new approach to her, she will feel a new spark with you.
Then, she will realize that if she doesn’t give you a chance, she may end up missing you and regretting it.
As a result, she opens up to giving you another chance, or at least meeting up with you in person to see what happens.
4. A confident voice text with a bit of humor works better than just a standard text
The best approach is a phone call, or video call.
However, if you can’t do that or don’t feel confident enough to do so, then sending her a confident voice text and adding in some humor, or light flirting will spark her attraction and curiosity and make her want to respond to you.
You can then banter back and forth a few times after that via voice text, but eventually, have the courage to get on a phone call with her to give yourself the best chance to re-attract her and get her to meet up with you in person.
Whatever you do though, make sure that you don’t just stick to typed texts.
Using voice texts (at the very least), or talking to your ex on a call will get you much quicker results that just typing up texts.
On a phone call, she can sense whether or not you’ve changed based on the tonality of your voice and how you are now talking to her, responding to her and reacting to what she says.
As a result, when you suggest a meet up, she is more likely to accept and agree because she will want to experience the new, confident version of you face to face.
She is also much less likely to reject you on a phone call vs. a text.
Based on what I’ve seen from thousands of text examples Modern Man customers and website visitors have sent me, as well as from guys I’ve coached in the past, women are at least 10x more likely to reject a request for a meet up when it’s sent via text vs. asked for on a phone call.
Voice texts increase the chances of getting a yes, but they aren’t as effective as a live phone call or video call.
So, make sure not to try and achieve everything with your ex via typed texts.
At the very least, use voice texts to then transition to a phone call (i.e. because she’s heard your voice, sensed that you’re not being needy, sensed your confidence and becomes curious to talk to you on a call).
5. Make sure that your social profile shows that you’ve been having fun around other people
When you contact her, she will almost certainly go to your social profiles first to see what you’ve been up to.
If she sees that your profile hasn’t been updated in months, or you made posts that suggest you are alone, or doing things on your own, then it can cause her to think something like, “Why is he contacting me? Is he lonely and desperate without me/ It looks like he’s been sitting around all this time and doing nothing. Maybe he’s just contacting me because he can’t find another woman to be with.”
She then doesn’t feel motivated to talk to you or see you.
So, before reaching out to your ex, make sure that your social media profiles are updated with photos of you having fun with other people.
Important: It must be with other people and not of you alone (regardless or how good you think you look in a particular photo), of your pet, the sunset on the beach or the great meal you had at your favorite restaurant…alone.
Women aren’t attracted to loneliness or emotional weakness (i.e. a guy who is unable to be around other people after being dumped because he’s suffering emotionally).
Women are attracted to emotional strength, which you can display to her by having fun with other people and posting it on social media.
Even just seeing a few photos of you enjoying your life without her, is enough for most women to drop their guard and open up to interacting with you some more to see where things go.
I’ve heard back from thousands of men who’ve experienced this, even with the most stubborn, uninterested ex girlfriend or wife.
You have to do what works.
On that note, here are some examples of what doesn’t work…
5 Mistakes Men Often Make When Trying to Get an Ex Woman Back After Months of No Contact
1. Sending a vague text, not getting a response and then giving up
For example: A guy might text something like, “Hey, there’s a new space travel movie coming out. Just thought I’d let you know because I remembered you liked movies like that,” or just a simple, “Hey.”
She might not know what his intentions are, a woman will usually ignore a text like that and wait for more.
If he doesn’t send anything else, she will leave it and continue moving on without him.
So, if you do text your ex, make sure you use some humor to spark her feelings of curiosity about you, or at least have the courage to text her again the next day if she doesn’t reply, or send her a voice message with some humor or flirting.
Essentially, don’t give up so easily and don’t hide behind typed texts, hoping that she will do all the work to get you back.
If she hasn’t heard from you in months, she might be a bit hesitant to start communicating with you (e.g. she might worry that you’re just reaching out to text her, get her replying and then let her know that you’ve met another girl and are happy).
There are all sorts of reasons why a guy will text his ex girlfriend, which can make her feel unsure and hesitant about reply.
So be strong, contact her again if necessary and move things forward to a phone call and meet up.
2. Waiting additional weeks or months without contacting her and she then completely moves on
The longer a woman goes without hearing from her ex, the more time she has to get over him.
Additionally, the more likely it is that she will meet a man who makes her feel attracted.
So, stop waiting for ‘the right moment’ to contact her and get her on a call with you right away.
The sooner you begin re-sparking her feelings again, the sooner she will be back in your arms and loving it.
3. Not preparing himself to create a new spark with her
A mistake that many guys make is to sit around for weeks or months of No Contact, just thinking about how much they miss their ex and how they want her back.
Yet, what they should be doing is preparing themselves to attract her in new and interesting ways, so she actually has a reason to give him another chance (i.e. she has new feelings for him and worries that she will regret not giving him another chance).
As a result, a guy will wait months to contact his ex girlfriend and she will sense that he’s still trying to offer her the same kind of attraction experience that she lost interest in (e.g. he’s still too nice, too insecure, gives her too much power, doesn’t know how to be a challenge, doesn’t understand how to flirt with her and create sexual tension).
She then doesn’t feel motivated to give him another chance, so she rejects him or cuts off contact.
4. Showing interest in a relationship before she does
If you want to make your ex feel interested in getting back together again, focus on building up her sexual and romantic feelings for you during interactions (e.g. by using playful humor, being flirtatious, being more confident than you were before, being a bit of a challenge, making her feel girly in comparison to your more manly approach), rather than pushing for a relationship with her right away.
Then, the more attracted and happy she feels when she’s with you, the more her defenses will begin to come down.
As a result, she will naturally become open to the possibility of being with you again in a sexual and romantic way, because she feels drawn to you.
However, if you push for a relationship before you’ve reactivated her feelings of attraction, she’s just going to keep saying, “No. I’m not interested” because it’s you’re asking for a one-sided relationship.
The feelings have to be mutual, or at least close to mutual for her to want to give you another chance.
If it’s just about you wanting her back because you love her, miss her and are promising to do better, then she’s not going to be interested.
You have to focus on making her have feelings for you.
When you do that, she will then open up to more, but not before.
5. Acting like he only sees her as a friend, which then results in her feeling as though there’s no spark between them
A friendship is different to a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.
The main difference is the sexual spark.
So, don’t make the mistake of just talking to her like a friend and hoping that she’ll want you back.
By all means be friendly, but make sure that you use flirting and other natural attraction methods to make her feel sexually attracted to you as well.
That way, she knows what your intentions are without you having to say it and she also feels a spark with you, which then creates sexual tension that she wants to release with hugging, kissing and sex.
When you approach it that way, she becomes open and is excited to explore her new feelings for you.
However, if you just act like a friend, her guard will go up, she will be suspicious of your intentions and will almost certainly play mind games with you (e.g. acting like she’s not interested when she is) to avoid herself being rejected.
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