Here are 5 things you can do:
1. Understand what parts of the attraction experience were missing in her relationship with you
After getting dumped, many guys are left wondering, “Why did she end it? I thought what we had was great, but somehow, it just wasn’t enough for her. What was missing?”
It can be very confusing and frustrating, especially if you really did like her, love her and want things to work out.
So, if you’re not sure where to start to get her back, here are some questions that will help you better understand what was missing in the relationship:
- Did she like that you were an emotionally strong, confident and independent man, or did she complain about you being clingy, needy, insecure, not manly enough too emotionally sensitive?
- Did she feel motivated to treat you well and be a good, loving woman to you to avoid losing you, or did she treat you badly because she knew that you would put up with it just to be with her?
Did she like that you took the lead in the relationship and allowed her to relax into thinking, feeling and behaving like a feminine woman around you, or did she feel that she had to be the strong one, make important decisions for the both of you and essentially take care of you?
- Did she feel sexy and desirable with you, or did she end up feeling more like your non-sexual friend or housemate?
- Did she feel proud to be standing next to at parties, social events or around friends and family, or did she feel embarrassed due to you feeling nervous, insecure or intimidated by confident people?
- Did she feel she lucky to be with you, or did you give her the impression that you felt lucky to be with her?
When you understand what really turned your ex off about you, you can then take action to improve those things about yourself right now.
That way, the next time you interact with her, you will be able to give her the attraction experience she really wants from a man.
She will then realize that you how she feels around you now is different, interesting and appealing, so if she doesn’t give you another chance, she may end up regretting it if she can’t find a guy who makes her feel that way.
2. Accept that you will need to adjust your approach to her if you want her back
If you keep using the same approach with your ex that you’ve been using up to this point (e.g. being really nice, letting her call all the shots, being too easy, feeling intimidated by her, trying to get on her good side by sucking up to her), she’s almost certainly going to continue moving on without you.
Here’s the thing…
To make your ex really want you this time around, you need to start creating new feelings of sexual and romantic attraction inside of her.
That requires you to adjust your approach with her, rather than only doing things that you have been doing and not being willing to step outside of your comfort zone.
What are some examples?
- Being more ballsy and using humor when you’re around her, rather than always being nice and polite. That doesn’t mean ‘be disrespectful’ or ‘be an asshole.’ Instead, it’s about manning up and letting her experience your confidence, masculinity and balls, while also making her laugh at the humor you’re using. It’s an approach that pretty much every woman on the planet instantly feels attracted to. Yes, even your ex. Don’t assume she doesn’t. If she met a guy who had more balls than you in terms of how he interacted with her and he made her laugh, don’t assume she wouldn’t feel attracted. What makes women feel attracted to men is different to what makes men feel attracted to women (i.e. we don’t need women to be ballsy. Most men like nice, friendly women).
- Taking control and being the man during interactions with her, rather than giving her too much power.
- Treating her like a hot, sexy woman, rather than as though she is angelic, pure or uninterested in sex or feeling turned on. She wants to feel turned on and if you don’t make her feel that way, another guy will and she will then focus on him.
- Being more emotionally independent and enjoying your life without her, rather than making everything about her and devoting all your time to her and the relationship.
When you adjust your approach, her feelings will automatically start to change as well, without her even realizing it.
If you know what you’re doing (i.e. you understand how to attract women on purpose and aren’t just doing whatever and hoping for the best), you can then build on those feelings and make her fall deeply in love with you this time around.
3. Don’t try to push for a relationship before you’ve hooked up with her again sexually
If your ex currently feels like you’re not her ideal man, then she’s not going to react well to you pushing for a relationship.
So, don’t pressure her for a relationship.
Instead, simply make interactions with you feel fun, easygoing and commitment free.
At the same time, focus on building her sexual feelings for you, so she at least wants to kiss and have sex, even though she may not want to get back into a relationship right away.
Let her see that if she kissed you or had sex with you, it wouldn’t result in you pleading with her to give you another chance.
Let her sense that you love her, want her and respect her, but you’re not pushing for anything.
Just focus on attracting her, building up sexual tension and then initiate kissing and sex.
Sex is important because it speeds up the process of getting a woman back by letting her experience a new and improved you.
When she does, she realizes that you’re no longer the same man and things really would be different with you this time around.
As a result, she then drops her guard and becomes more open to seeing where things go from there.
Of course, sex won’t fix your relationship problems with her, but it definitely does help to get things back on track.
The more you make her realize that you are the man she wants to be with in the long term (e.g. emotionally strong, ballsy, dependable, charming, a challenge for her to win over, ambitious, funny), the more she will want to take the next step and commit to being with you.
Don’t tell her that you are that man now; let her experience it.
She has to be able to sense it and see it for herself, rather than you trying to sell yourself to her.
Get her feeling attracted to you again and then guide her to a hug, kiss, sex and then back into a relationship.
If she asks, “So, does this mean we’re back together?” or, “So, does this mean you want us to be back together?” you can simply say, “Let’s just see how things go. Neither of us need to commit to a relationship. Let’s just hang out and see what happens.”
4. Let her be the one who wants a relationship with you now
You can do that by being a challenge, which is what a woman like her is going to really want from a guy.
What does being a challenge to a woman mean?
It means, you need to make her feel like she has to be good to you, treat you well and work hard to impress you, or else you won’t be interested in her.
Think about it…
Most women make men feel that way.
So, there is nothing wrong with you taking on that role and being the challenge, rather than being the one who is working hard to impress her and hope she doesn’t leave you.
Unfortunately, a lot of men either don’t know about this, or they think it’s ‘wrong’ or ‘disrespectful’ to be a challenge, even though it’s how women get man wrapped around their little finger.
It’s not wrong to have a woman be totally in love with you and wanting to impress you.
In fact, women want to be in that position.
A lot of men don’t understand that or know about it and as a result, a guy will end up chasing after a woman in a relationship and sucking up to her, in the hope that she won’t leave him.
Yet, that gives a woman power over a man that she simply doesn’t want because it’s not a fulfilling experience for her.
She might pretend that she likes being in the position of power and enjoys it when a guy is very nice, sweet and agreeable, but in reality, she’s not going to respect him if he does whatever she wants just so he can spend time with her.
Remember: A woman wants to feel that her man is a catch, not like she’s doing him a favor by being with him.
If she feels that way, she is happy.
If she doesn’t, she is bored, unhappy and will be restless.
This is why, if you want to get your ex to genuinely feel respect, attraction and love for you this time around, avoid always being on your best behavior around her and never saying or doing anything to challenge her, even in a playful way.
You will be surprised to see how effective a bit of resistance from you can be.
Of course, be prepared for her to pretend to be upset about it though.
That’s just her testing to see if you really have grown a pair of balls with her, or if you’re just putting on an act and hoping she falls for it without checking to see if you are for real.
If you want her to respect you, it’s important that you level up for real.
5. Make her feel like she is losing a much better version of you
If you interact with your ex over the phone and in person and she notices that you’re now talking, thinking, acting and behaving in ways that she always wanted from you but never got, she’s naturally going to start feeling like she’s losing out by not being with you anymore.
For example: She may notices that…
- Even though you’re still loving, caring and attentive towards her, you no longer allow her to push you around and get away with creating unnecessary drama and being disrespectful towards you. You don’t sulk and complain about it. Instead, you calmly, assertively and confidently disagree, or let her know that she’s being disrespectful or unreasonable.
You’re happy and forward moving in your life without her. You want her back, you don’t need her back to feel good about yourself. As a result, you don’t act in needy, clingy or insecure ways anymore.
- You maintain your confidence no matter what she says or does (e.g. she tries to make you feel insecure by pretending that she doesn’t have feelings for you).
- You’re not afraid to use humor to change her mood from cold or bitchy to open and happy, rather than getting dragged into her fake drama, being timid in response her mood or losing control of your emotions and getting angry at her.
When she notices these kinds of changes in you, she’s going to feel that if she doesn’t at least give you another chance, she may be the one who regrets it later on.
As a result, she then wants to hang out with you more to see where things go.
4 Mistakes to Avoid When Trying to Get an Ex Woman Back Who Was Never Really Into You
1. Thinking that cutting off contact will make her care so much that she tries to get you back
If she was never really into you, why would she change her mind now that you’re not even around to spark any feelings for you?
Instead, she’s not going to care and will get on with finding another man who she can fall in love with (e.g. she will join an online dating site or use an app like Tinder, Bumble or Hinge, accept dates from guys in her life who are interested and have been waiting for her to become single, go out to clubs and parties to meet and flirt with men).
Eventually, she’s likely to meet a guy who can give her the kind of attraction experience she really wants (e.g. the guy is more of a challenge, he’s not insecure, he makes her want to impress him), which may cause her to open up and begin falling in love with him.
Then, by the time you notice that she’s not coming back to you, she will have been sleeping with the new guy and moving on.
Is that what you want?
If not, forget about ignoring her to hopefully make her want you.
Cutting off contact only works if a woman is still in love with her ex guy.
In pretty much every other case, the woman simply moves on.
2. Writing to her to tell her how much she means to you
That’s a bad idea for several reasons.
- She doesn’t have to read what you write to her and can just ignore you. As a result, it won’t make any difference to how she feels.
- If she doesn’t have feelings for you, hearing about your feelings for her isn’t going to change that. Instead, she’s likely going to see you as being selfish and too focused on your own wants, needs and feelings.
- If one of the things about you that prevented her from falling deeply in love with you was that you’re too emotionally sensitive, a letter telling her how much she means to you will further highlight that side of you to her and turn her off even more.
- When she can’t hear the tonality of your voice or see your body language, she may assume that you’re still the same guy she broke up with (e.g. insecure, needy, too nice, not masculine enough for her). She then doesn’t feel motivated to give you another chance.
Women only want and appreciate romantic gestures from men that they have feelings for. From all other men, romance is not wanted or welcomed.
So, don’t bother writing to her about your feelings.
What matters now are her feelings.
You have to interact with her, make her have some new feelings for you and then take it from there.
You can’t do that by hiding behind letters, texts, emails and so on.
You’ve got to interact with her in person, or at the very least on a phone or video call.
Don’t shy away from that.
3. Hoping that she will care if you build up your muscles, or wear better clothes
If you look better, she might compliment you and say you look good.
Yet, that doesn’t mean she will want you back.
What matters most to a woman is how a guy makes her feel when she’s interacting with him.
If he looks good, but she feels turned off by his insecurity, then she’s going to start looking at him and his appearance in a negative light.
She will then look at his shirt or muscles and he will look like he’s trying too hard, or as though it doesn’t suit him.
That all happens based on whether his behavior is making her feel attracted or not.
So, make sure that the number one thing you focus on is how to make her feel attracted to you when you talk to her and interact with her.
Without that, you’ve got nothing to offer her in terms of how she would feel with you if the relationship started again.
4. Hoping that her new relationships fail and she eventually comes back to you
Her new relationships might fail.
After all, she has a 100% failure rate so far when it comes to relationships.
Despite that, in almost all cases, a woman will keep moving forward (i.e. look for a new man) rather than go back to a relationship that left her feeling sexually and romantically unfulfilled.
So, if you want your ex back, don’t hope that she comes back to you due to having no other options.
Interact with her and let her sense that you are the best option for her, by attracting her in new and interesting ways that she wasn’t expecting from you.
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