Okay, so you’ve pushed your ex away, you regret it and now want her back.
The good news is that you can fix this and get her back.
If you haven’t done so already, be honest and tell her that you made a mistake by pushing her away.
Let her know that you don’t expect her to get back with you just because you admit that you made a mistake, but you want her to know that pushing her away was due to you being immature and not being ready to give her the love that she needed.
Then, switch your interactions to always be about fun, laughter and good feelings.
Don’t discuss the past over and over again.
Instead, get her laughing, smiling and feeling good and then get her to meet up with you, so you can hug, kiss and get back together.
Yes, you made a mistake by pushing her away, but leave that mistake behind and focus on how you make her feel now.
Understanding the Real Reasons Why You Pushed Her Away
Sometimes, a guy isn’t ready to be in a truly committed relationship with a woman, so he shuts himself off from her and pushes her away.
Even though he really loves her, his instincts tell him that he’s just not ready to settle down yet, so he doesn’t try to take the relationship to the next level (e.g. getting engaged, married, having children, buying a house together).
Not every relationship needs to go to that ultimate level, but there has to be some progress together as a couple (e.g. working towards long terms goals together), otherwise you will eventually get bored of being with each other.
You will have gone to all the tourist attractions, been to plenty of movies together, eaten out at many restaurants and hung out on the couch on many Sundays.
Yet, what next?
If there’s nothing else to aim for as a couple, that’s usually when either you or her will start pushing each other away.
Of course, there are other reasons.
For example: Some of the other reasons why a guy might push his woman away include:
- He feels insecure about his attractiveness to her so he adopts a “Dump her before she dumps me” philosophy.
- His parents got divorced and he has no relationship model to work from, so he doesn’t know how to stay in love with a woman and make the relationship better and better over time.
- He has little, or no, relationship experience and simply doesn’t know how to be in a loving and committed relationship with a woman, so he makes classic mistakes (e.g. taking her for granted, treating her badly, being too clingy or controlling) and that pushes her away.
- He may have had a previous relationship where his woman proved to be untrustworthy (e.g. she lied to him, cheated on him, treated him disrespectfully), so he just doesn’t want to get too involved in the relationship because he fears being hurt again.
- He’s afraid that if he allows a woman to get too close to him, she will gain power over him and turn him into a wimpy boyfriend who does whatever she wants.
- He’s afraid that if he opens up to a woman emotionally and really loves her, she will perceive him as being too soft and she will then break up with him.
By understanding what really caused you to push your woman away, you can make some changes to your way of thinking and behavior.
Then, when you interact with her again, you can show her that you’ve changed the things about you that turned her off and pushed her away.
Of course, if you pushed her away and she was really upset about it around the time of breaking up, it’s possible that she’s going to try to avoid interacting with you and meeting up with you because she will be worried about getting hurt again.
So, when you call and try to arrange a catch up, she may be cold and closed off to you and say things like, “Leave me alone! You’re the one who pushed me away, so deal with it. It’s over! I don’t care about you anymore. I am happy without you now.”
When she’s saying these things to you, you might start beating yourself up about it and say to yourself, “Damn it! I pushed her away and now I regret it and want her back, but it’s just too late. She doesn’t want to see me or talk to me. It’s hopeless! I can’t do anything about it.”
When you change how she feels (i.e. by replacing her negative feelings of anger, pain or betrayal with positive feelings of respect, attraction and love) she will not be able to hold on to her anger towards you for long.
So, if you really want to get your ex back after pushing her away, what you need to do is use every interaction you have with her (even if it’s only via text message, e-mail or social media to start off with) to spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
When you spark her feelings for you, she literally goes from thinking of you in a negative way, to having positive thoughts about you and then dropping her guard.
Initially, she may be hesitant and say, “I don’t know… you treated me like crap. I was a good girlfriend (fiancé or wife) to you and you pushed me away. I don’t want to go through all that again. I’m happy now. Please don’t ruin that for me.”
However, no matter what she says or does, you just need to stay relaxed and keep focusing on making her laugh, smile and feel good to be interacting with you again.
You’ve got to reactivate her old feelings for you and get her to lower her guard, so you can guide her back in to a loving, happy relationship with you.
For example: Imagine that you’re talking to your ex over the phone and she says something like, “Look, I’m just not interested anymore. You pushed me away,” rather than feel guilty about it and thinking to yourself, “I deserve that. I’m the one who messed up,” you can use it as an opportunity to spark her feelings of attraction.
You can do that by saying something like, “I know I pushed you away, but that was the idiot version of me. I was being a shithead and I know it. You’re talking to a completely new man now. I flushed the old version of me down the toilet. He was a piece of shit” and then laugh with her about it.
By saying something like this to her, you are first acknowledging that you made a mistake by pushing her away, while also making her smile by turning it around and joking about how you messed up.
When you have the confidence to make a joke when she’s being cold towards you and pushing you away, you take the sting out of the pain she is feeling over being rejected by you.
The more fun that she has when she interacts with you, the more her guard comes down.
She then begins to wonder, “Why do I feel like I want to forgive him for pushing me away? Why am I actually happy to be interacting with him again?”
Of course, saying something like that and making her laugh once isn’t the magic answer to getting her back, but it is a great start.
From there, you need to focus on making her feel more attraction and respect for you every time you interact with her and then build on that until she is back in your arms.
Don’t Make Any More Classic Ex Back Mistakes
The last thing that you’d want to do now is push your ex even further away, right?
If so, make sure that you don’t make any of these classic ex back mistakes…
1. Pouring your heart out to her in a long-winded letter or e-mail, or in a series of big text messages.
If a guy pushed his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) away, chances are high that right now, she’s avoiding all contact with him.
He might say to himself, “I pushed her away and now I regret it and want her back, but she won’t talk to me anymore. I have to get through to her somehow. I have to let her know that I’m sorry and that I still love her. Maybe a long letter or a whole bunch of text messages where I explain everything will help. I have to try it. It’s the only chance I have.”
Yet that rarely makes a woman come running back. Why?
When a woman doesn’t have feelings for her ex any more, him pouring his heart out to her simply doesn’t matter to her.
Instead, a woman will usually think something like, “You pushed me away and now I’ve moved on. I don’t care that you care about me and I don’t care that you regret your actions. It’s too little too late! You have feelings for me, but I don’t have feelings for you. This is all about you, not me. How selfish of you. You haven’t changed.”
Here’s the thing…
When a woman can’t see a guy’s body language, or at least hear the tonality of his voice over the phone, she has to guess at how he was feeling when he wrote her the letter, e-mail or text.
Even though he’s trying to make her see that he’s a changed man, she’s usually just going to interpret everything that he is writing based on her perception of him around the time of the break up, during the break up or after it.
So, if she currently sees him as being insecure, emotionally weak and not a guy that she can look up to and respect, him telling her how much he cares about her and how sorry he is for pushing her away, isn’t going to change those feelings inside of her.
Remember: A letter, e-mail or text is just a bunch of words on paper or a screen.
A letter, e-mail or text cannot convey to her your emotions, your state of mind or even show her that you’ve changed.
So, what should you do if you want to make your woman forgive you for pushing her away and change her mind about breaking up with you?
Only text her or drop her a quick note via e-mail as a way to get her on a phone call with you.
You must get to a phone call.
On the phone call, you can then actively start renewing some of her feelings for you by make her laugh, smile and feel happy to be communicating with you again.
Yet, that’s not enough to fully get her back.
You need to get her to meet up with you in person where you can show her (via the way you talk, behave, interact with her and react to what she says) that you’re a new man now.
When you re-spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you, she won’t be able to stop herself from letting her guard down, even if only a little bit.
She will then start to think, “I know he pushed me away, but everyone makes mistakes in relationships. I see now that he’s much more mature than he used to be when we were together. He really seems to be sorry about it now and I can see that he means it. Maybe if I give him another chance things will be different between us this time.”
On the other hand, if you just pour your heart out to her and ask her to forgive you for pushing her away and to give you a second chance, without sparking her feelings for you first, she’s just going to be saying, “No. It’s over between us. Sorry, you messed up and I’m not giving you any more chances.”
2. Treating her so well that you end up coming across as desperate, which turns her off.
Painful feelings of regret can sometimes make a guy do things that he normally wouldn’t and which are totally out of character for him.
For example: If a guy pushed his woman away and now he regrets it and wants her back, he might say to himself, “I have to make it up to her somehow. I have to do whatever it takes to convince her that I’m desperately sorry for what I did and that I want her back. I need to show her that if she gives me another chance I’ll never hurt her again. I’ll be the best boyfriend (or husband) a woman could have.”
He might then look for opportunities to show her how much he cares.
For example: He might start sending her big bunches of flowers with notes attached saying things like, “I’m so sorry for pushing you away. I know that I hurt you, but I’ll do anything you want to show you how much I truly regret what I did. I love you so much and I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I’ve changed. Please forgive me! I promise I’ll never treat you like that again if you give me another chance.”
He might also shower her with attention every time he sees her (e.g. if they happen to work together, or go to the same university), while at the same time continually apologizing to her and asking for her forgiveness.
Yet, when a guy runs around after his ex and begs or pleads for her forgiveness, rather than make her think, “Awww… my ex must really be sorry for what he did. He’s being so sweet, running around apologizing to me all the time, sending me flowers and treating me like a princess. I guess I should forgive him now and we can then get back together again,” she instead feels turned off by his desperation and what she perceives to be his emotionally weak state of mind.
She thinks, “Why is he behaving like this? Doesn’t he realize that it’s confidence, determination and strength of character that women look for in a man and not neediness, insecurity and an inability to cope with the bumps in the road of life? He thinks that running around treating me like gold and putting himself at my mercy is going to attract me back, but that’s not what I want. I want a man I can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and be proud of. He just doesn’t get it! He still hasn’t grown up and become the man that I need. He’s just not mature enough for me. He doesn’t know what I want or what women in general want. He just doesn’t get it.”
In his mind, he feels like he’s doing the right thing by sucking up to her, but women don’t want to be with a guy out of pity.
A woman wants to be able to look up to and respect her man and if he can’t make her feel that way, the relationship will never last.
So, if you pushed your woman away and now you regret it and want her back, don’t go overboard apologizing, pleading and generally being at her beck and call in the hopes that she’ll give you another chance because she’ll likely just perceive you as being desperate and feel even more turned off by you.
Of course, if you’ve already been down that road and made that classic mistake, don’t worry about it.
Just make sure that from now on you adjust your behavior in a way that sparks her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
When you focus on making her feel respect and attraction for you again, the process of getting her back becomes easier because she is more willing to drop her guard and open herself up to the idea of giving the relationship another chance.
She’s no longer thinking, “I can’t forgive him for pushing me away,” because she is now seeing you in a different (and more positive) light and can think, “Well, maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. People make mistakes. He’s different now. I like how he is now. Maybe we should just give it another try and see how it goes.”
3. Feeling like she could never forgive you because you made such a horrible mistake.
Sometimes, a guy will beat himself up about pushing his woman away.
He might say to himself, “I’m such an idiot! I had the perfect woman and I ruined it. I destroyed the best thing that has ever happened to me. I pushed her away because of my insecurities and doubts and now I have to live with this horrible feeling of guilt and regret. I can’t see how she would ever be able to forgive me and give me another chance. It’s a hopeless situation. I just have to live with the knowledge that I will never get her back because of the mistakes I made.”
Yet, it doesn’t have to be that way.
A guy in that position needs to realize that we all live and learn and it’s completely normal for someone to make a mistake, learn from it and become a better person.
It’s completely normal, natural and common.
Making the mistake of pushing her away doesn’t mean that he and her aren’t a great match or couldn’t have an amazing relationship if they got back together.
It was simply a mistake that they are now both aware of.
However, that mistake doesn’t mean that the love is dead.
Instead, the love has just been trampled on a little.
It can be dusted off and brought back to life and be even stronger now, if both him and her are mature enough to let it happen.
So, don’t keep beating yourself up about what happened.
Leave your mistake in the past and start afresh with her based on the man that you are now.
The most important thing is that you move forward and replace the negative feelings that she experienced (e.g. heartbreak, betrayal, anger) with positive feelings of trust, respect and attraction.
When you trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for you, everything changes.
Her guard comes down and she opens herself up to getting back together again because being around you feels good to her now.
On the other hand, if the only thing you’re doing is going over what went wrong in the relationship and saying things like, “I pushed you away and I regret it. Can you ever forgive me?” you will never be able to move past that mistake and start a new relationship with her on a clean slate.
Remember: Mistakes in relationships happen, but it doesn’t mean that the love is dead.
The love simply buried under anger and emotional pain.
You can bring the love back to life.
Once you make her have feelings for you again, her heart will fill up with new, exciting emotions and she will want to be back in your arms.
What that happens, she too will regret that the relationship ended and will be happy that you had the courage to get it back together.