If you haven’t been able to work out how to get your ex back when she doesn’t want you, here are 4 important tips to help you start the ex back process:
1. Understand What She Likes and Doesn’t Like About You
If your ex is saying things like, “Go away! I don’t want you in my life anymore. There’s nothing about you that makes me want to be together again,” it might feel like she hates everything about you.
Yet, that’s rarely the case.
Right now, she’s only focusing on all the things that she doesn’t like about you, but that doesn’t mean everything about you is wrong.
For example: Ask yourself…
- Did my ex like that I’m an emotionally strong, confident and independent man, or did she complain about me being clingy, needy and insecure?
- Did she like that I took the lead in the relationship and allowed her to relax into her feminine self, or did she feel that she had to wear the pants and make all the decisions?
- Did she enjoy feeling feminine and girly around me, or did she dislike feeling more dominant than me?
- Did she like that I was an honest, loyal man, or did I let her down and betray her trust?
- Did she enjoy the feeling of being loved, appreciated and taken care of, or did she feel like I was taking her for granted?
- Did she like the idea of me rising up the levels of life and achieving my goals, or did she feel annoyed by my lack of drive and determination?
Those are just a few questions to help you see that do you have strong points that are attractive to your ex, but you may also have some weak points that turned her off.
When you understand what really turned her off about you (e.g. you became insecure), you can take action on improving those things about yourself right now.
Then, the next time you interact with her, you will be able to make her feel understood (e.g. be an emotionally strong man no matter what she says or does and she will see that you understood that your insecurity was turning her off and have already fixed it) to then give her the type of attraction experience that she really wants in a relationship.
When you start fixing some of your issues and improving on your weaknesses, it will spark some of your ex’s feelings of respect for you when she interacts with you.
She might act like she’s not impressed, but she will be.
She will then start thinking about all the other things that she likes about you (e.g. you’re a good man, you’re honest, loyal, hardworking, great in bed), rather than thinking about why she doesn’t want you anymore.
2. Add to Your Strengths and Fix Your Weaknesses
Once you’ve figured out the things that your ex doesn’t like about you, you have a place to start rebuilding her feelings for you.
For example: If a guy discovers that one of the things his ex doesn’t like about him is that he was too insecure and needy in the relationship with her, to get her respect and attraction back, he has to show her that he has fixed that weakness to become a confident, emotionally strong man.
She will need to see that he’s not the same insecure guy that she broke up with.
To do that, he needs to use every interaction he has with her (e.g. via text, e-mail, social media, phone and in person) to spark her feelings for him by showing her that he has changed.
Initially, a woman will usually keep pushing her ex away and saying, “I’m not interested. Just leave me alone.”
She may also think, “It does look likes he has changed, but how can I be sure? What if I open myself up to him again and then he goes back to being needy, clingy and insecure like before? I wouldn’t be able to handle that a second time.”
She might then test him to see if he’s only putting on an act to get her back, by being cold and indifferent towards him when he’s being nice to her.
Alternatively, she might say something like, “I’m happy being single. I get to have fun with my friends and meet interesting guys. Why would I give all that up to be with a needy, controlling boyfriend again?”
If he then reacts by getting upset, feeling hurt and possibly even saying things like, “How can you say that to me? What has gotten into you. You used to tell me that you loved me. How can you just give up on our love like that? I know that I was too clingy sometimes, but that’s because I love you so much. I can’t bear the thought of being without you. Why can’t you see that? Why is being loved so much by me such a bad thing to you?” she will realize that he’s still the same insecure, needy guy she broke up with and she’ll keep her heart closed off to him.
Another example is where a woman broke up with a guy because the relationship was filled with constant fighting, arguing and misunderstandings and she eventually got tired of it.
To convince her that he’s changed, he needs to show her that the kinds of things that would usually annoy him and set him off (e.g. she says something mean to provoke him, she nags him, she looks at another guy) no longer have the same effect on him.
Instead, he makes a joke about it, and gets her laughing and smiling.
She then thinks, “I didn’t expect that! I thought he was going to blow up at me like he used to. Wow…I’m impressed. He really has changed.”
Whatever the case is for you (e.g. you were too insecure, lacked drive and direction in your life, took her for granted), the most important thing now is that you understand what your weaknesses are and endeavor to fix them.
Then, when you interact with you ex, she will see that you’re no longer the same guy and you no longer make the same old mistakes.
The changes in you will re-spark some of her feelings of respect for you again.
She won’t be able to stop herself from wanting to interact with you via text, on the phone and in person, even though she previously told herself, “I never want to see him again. Ever!”
Suddenly, she feels drawn to you and from there you can build on that spark of attraction and show her that things really are different now.
3. Interact With Her on a Phone Call or in Person to Let Her Experience the New You
To get an ex back when she doesn’t want you, you have to be active about it, rather than being inactive.
Active means that you’re actively interacting with her (e.g. calling her up on the phone, meeting up with her in person) and triggering her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you, rather than waiting around hoping that she will contact you.
For example: Some guys will say, “How can I get my ex back if she doesn’t want me? Maybe the best thing to do is give her space for a month and see what happens. Hopefully over time she will realize how much she misses me and she’ll then change her mind about us getting back together. Who knows? Maybe that’s all I can do at this point.”
A guy might then ignore his ex for weeks, or even months until he realizes that she’s just not coming back.
He might then ask, “Why isn’t she coming back? Why isn’t she calling me up and telling me that she missed me? I don’t get it.”
The reason why is that when a woman doesn’t have any feelings for a guy and is saying things to him like, “I don’t want you,” or “It’s over. Deal with it,” him ignoring her for weeks or a month doesn’t really matter to her.
She might be curious to find out if he’s moving on and will text or call him, but if she finds out that he’s just been sitting around waiting for her, she will lose more respect for him for trying to trick her into wanting him back by ignoring her.
In most ex back cases, a woman won’t call and will just start using the time apart to get over him, hook up with new guys and move on with her life.
Based on the 100s of ex back cases I’ve worked on with clients, I’ve found that not contacting an ex for a long time only works if she’s still in love with you and wants you back.
Ignoring her rarely, if ever, works when a woman is saying, “I don’t want you anymore.”
So, if you want to get your ex back when she doesn’t want you, the fastest way is by actively making her have feelings for you again.
One of the best ways to trigger a woman’s feelings for you is by making her laugh, smile and feel happy when she’s interacting with you on a phone call, or in person.
For example: A guy is talking to his ex on the phone and she says something like, “Look, you stuffed up. It’s over. I just don’t want you anymore.”
If he just accepts that and hangs up the phone and walks away with his tail between his legs, or starts apologizing to her and putting himself down, it’s unlikely that she will feel anything for him other than contempt or indifference.
On the other hand, if he jokes around with her at that point and gets her laughing and smiling, it’s going to make her feel some attraction and respect for him.
She then starts enjoying the feeling of interacting with him again and she begins to wonder, “Is it possible for things to be different between us now? Maybe it is. Things already feel better between us, so why not just meet up with him and see how I feel?”
From that moment onwards, you just need to continue saying and doing the types of things that will develop her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
4. Give Her the Attraction Experience She Wants
If a woman doesn’t want a guy anymore and he doesn’t start giving her the attraction experience she wants from a man, she’s not going to suddenly want him.
For example: If a guy is insecure and a woman wants a confident guy, she’s not going to change her mind about him if he then continues to be needy, clingy and self-doubting around her.
Instead, she’s likely going to be thinking, “Doesn’t he realize that women aren’t attracted to emotionally weak, wimpy men? Women are attracted to strong men who are confident, self-assured and have the emotional strength that a woman needs to feel secure in a relationship. His insecurity is just not attractive to me. Why doesn’t he understand that? Hhh…well, I’m not going to explain it to him that’s for sure. He’ll have to work out how to be a man on his own. In the meantime, I’m going to find myself an actual man who understands what a woman really wants.”
Unless he changes and becomes a more confident guy very quickly, she’s just not going to want to give him another chance because she’s tired of not getting the attraction experience she really wants.
Another example is where a guy is too nice and a woman needs him to have more balls and not put up with her BS so easily.
If he fails to man up and take on a more dominant, but loving role around her, she will continue to feel more dominant than him and it will turn her off.
A woman wants to be with a guy who naturally takes charge and knows how to confidently lead the way, therefore allowing her to relax into feeling totally feminine around him.
Another example is where a guy is unsure of what he wants from life and the woman wants a guy with a clear purpose and big goals and ambitions for the future.
A woman wants to know that her man is rising through the levels of life, and that she can rely on him to guide both himself and her to a better future together.
If he just sits around feeling sorry for himself and continues with his old habits (e.g. watching TV, playing video games, browsing social media) instead of finding a big purpose to follow through on, she will feel turned off by him at a deep, instinctive level.
Are You Ready to Give Her the Attraction Experience She Wants?
To get your ex back when she doesn’t want you, you have to make her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s in a relationship.
A woman will often put up with not getting the attraction experience she wants in a relationship, but if there are other problems in the relationship, she will get to a point where she just doesn’t see the point in staying together anymore.
So, the question is: Are you ready to give her the attraction experience she wants?
Do you know what has been turning her off and have you already fixed those things about yourself, or are you willing to fix them?
By making some attractive adjustments to your behavior and the way you talk and interact with her, being around you suddenly feels fun for her.
She starts to feel attracted, her guard naturally comes down and she opens up to you again.
You can change how she feels because attraction is an automatic reaction that a woman has for a man when he displays traits that are attractive to her (e.g. confidence, charisma, emotional masculinity).
When you reawaken her feelings of respect and attraction for you, she will reconnect with her original feelings of love for you.
Then, getting back together again will feel like the right thing for her to do.