Here are 7 things you can do to make your ex happy again, depending on what your goal is with her (i.e. to get her back, to just be a friend, to clear your conscience, to make her happy again before you move on without her).
1. If you hurt her: Briefly, but sincerely apologize and tell her 5 things you really liked about her
For example: You might say, “Hey, I just want to apologize for hurting you. I was a jerk and for that, I’m truly sorry. You’re a great woman and I really appreciate the time we had together. I just want you to know that I wish you only the best. Of course, I’m sad that it didn’t work out between us, but I hope you find happiness. You deserve it.”
You can also include some of the things you really liked about her, such as:
- I’m going to miss your quirky sense of humor.
- I appreciate the way you always showered me with love and affection, even when I was a bit distant or behaving like a jerk.
- You’re an amazing problem solver and I could always depend on you to help me sort things out when I was faced with a difficult problem.
- Thank you for always being so honest and reliable. It made it easy for me to trust and depend on you.
- I’m definitely going to miss all your amazing cooking and in particular your delicious lasagna/chocolate cake/Thai curry.
Some guys want to do that to boost their ex’s confidence, so she can move on, feeling better about herself.
However, it can also result in her wanting him back because saying that causes her to stop looking at him in such a negative way.
She stops focusing on all his past mistakes and starts feeling impressed by what she perceives as his new level of emotional maturity.
As a result, she drops her guard a bit and becomes open to interacting with him again.
Then, when she continues to experience the new version of him every time they talk on the phone, or meet up in person, it becomes that much more difficult for her to continue stopping herself from feeling attracted to him again.
She starts to want him back.
It’s then up to him to decide if he wants that too.
If the answer is “Yes,” he can then move things along by hugging, kissing, hooking up sexually and getting the relationship back together again.
2. If you want her back: Understand what kind of man she would be most happy with and try to be like that
Sometimes a woman is soft, nice, sweet and intelligent, so a guy assumes that he needs to be the same around her.
Yet, what she really wants is a guy who treats her well, but is also a little rough, mean, arrogant and a bit of a challenge when around her.
A couple of examples of how a guy would do that are:
Imagine a guy is talking to his ex-friend and she gives him a weird look.
A ‘nice guy’ response would be to ask, “Are you okay? Did I say something to upset or annoy you?”
Yet, that’s not being a challenge.
Instead, it makes him come across as insecure and needy.
He’s placing too much importance on her reactions and it’s throwing him off and making him question her interest levels.
It also turns her off, because he’s falling for the drama she’s creating with her fluctuating moods, reactions and facial expressions.
So, what’s a better, more challenging way to react when she gives him a look during conversation?
He can say, “Hey, stop eating me up with your eyes. If you want me to kiss you, just ask me nicely.”
That’s challenging because she is not expecting him to react that way.
She is expecting him to suck up to her and be nice.
Instead, he’s turning the tables on her and making it out as though she wants him to kiss her.
She then naturally feels flustered and wants to deny it.
At the same time, she is also feeling attracted to him for having the balls to talk to her like that, even though they’ve broken up.
Another example is if a guy and his ex are talking on the phone and she’s being cold, uncommunicative and even a little bit bitchy.
In most cases, a guy would try to get her out of her bad mood by being extra nice and sweet, or even asking, “Why are you being like this to me? What do you want me to say to make things better between us?”
Yet, that’s not what she wants.
She wants him to be man enough to stand up to her in a loving way.
So, what should you do instead?
He needs to say, “You’re in a bit of a mood today, aren’t you? Well, don’t take it out on me. I’m going to hang up now and when you’re feeling better you call me back. Bye,” and then hang up the phone.
By using that approach, a woman feels motivated to be a good girl and treat him well, because if she doesn’t he could easily lose interest and move on with another woman if he wanted to.
3. If you want her back: Avoid discussions of the relationship and just focus on using humor as much as possible
When a woman has lost touch with her sexual and romantic feelings for a guy, the last thing she usually wants to do is have a detailed, in-depth discussion about the relationship.
Usually, because she just doesn’t care anymore.
He feels attracted to her, is still totally connected to his feelings for her and does care and want to get the relationship back together again, but she doesn’t.
She’s ready to move on and make a fresh start, so talking about what she perceives as a dead relationship isn’t appealing to her.
She may even perceive it as selfish (i.e. because he’s talking about what he wants without considering what she wants).
So, if you want to make your ex happy so she wants to get back together again, you have to focus on bringing down her defenses so you can spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
One of the best ways to do that is by making her laugh and smile during interactions with you.
When you do that, you’re almost guaranteeing that she will want to talk over the phone and see you in person, because you’re making her feel good.
At the same time, by making every interaction between you and her happy and enjoyable, you’re actively replacing the bad memories from the past with more positive ones in the present.
When that happens, she naturally feels drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her.
Of course, using humor doesn’t mean you should be cracking jokes and acting like a clown with her.
That kind of behavior will just annoy her and turn her off.
Instead, you need to be courageous enough to use ballsy humor to turn any awkwardness into smiling, laughter and love.
For example: If your ex asks you about your day, rather than respond in the usual way by saying something like, “Okay,” or “Boring,” or “Busy,” you throw in a bit of humor instead.
For instance, you might say, “Oh not much. I went out to grab a pizza and then remembered how you and I used to share a pizza because one was just too big. So, I asked the waiter to sit down and share it with me, but he wasn’t as excited about it as you used to get, so I had to eat it all by myself and now I’m stuffed,” and have a laugh with her about that.
She will most likely have a laugh with you about it.
She will also feel attracted to you for having the confidence to make her laugh and smile, even though you’re no longer a couple.
As a result, she realizes that she’s feeling happy around you again, which motivates her to continue interacting with you to see where things go.
Recommended: 4 Funny Things to Say to My Ex Girlfriend
4. If you want her back: Use flirting to make her feel more alive and turned on
Flirting is a subtle way for two people to communicate with each other in a playful, innocent, friendly manner, with subtle romantic undertones without it meaning anything more is going to happen between them (e.g. they are going to hook up, or get into a relationship together).
It’s just a bit of harmless fun that’s enjoyable for both the man and the woman.
So, don’t be afraid to flirt with her even though she is your ex.
Some examples of how to do that are:
Imagine, she arrives at a café to meet up with you.
Instead of saying, “Oh, you look nice,” smile, look her up and down and confidently say, “Wow, look at you. Someone looks sexy today.”
Another example is you and her are at your place and you’re about to watch a movie.
You can then say, “I hear this movie is a bit scary, but don’t worry about it… I’ll let you sit in my lap if you get scared.”
One more example is if she texts you and asks, “How has your day been so far?”
A flirty reply would be, “It’s been great so far, but it just got even better now that I got to hear your sexy voice.”
Flirting with an ex woman in that confident, easy-going way, breaks down the walls of mistrust and misunderstanding between you and her.
It allows her to feel attracted without worrying that it means she’s agreeing to get back together again.
Yet, when she feels attracted, she then wants you back.
5. If you want her back: Make her feel attracted, but don’t put any pressure on her to decide about having a relationship
Just focus on creating a carefree, relaxing and attractive experience whenever you and her are interacting.
Make her laugh and smile.
Be playful and flirtatious.
Tease her in a fun, loving way.
Have fun together.
Create the kind of environment where she feels happy, comfortable and free to go with the flow, rather than being pressured into making a decision.
Let her be the one who starts wanting you back.
That way, when she’s ready to give the relationship another try, it will happen naturally, all by itself, without any prompting from you, because she will really want it too.
6. If you want her back: After re-attracting her, do something nice for her and don’t expect anything in return
Re-attracting her means replacing any negative or neutral feelings she has about you (e.g. anger, disappointment, feeling more like a friend than anything else) with sexual and romantic attraction.
When you do that, it instantly makes her begin to look at you in a completely different light.
She realizes that she feels differently around you now.
As a result, her walls come down and she starts to feel happy around you again.
That causes her to want to give you another chance, rather than stick to her decision to be broken up and regret it later on.
By the way, if you’re unsure of what nice things to do for her, here are some examples to get you started:
Buy her some of her favorite food (e.g. pizza, Chinese noodles, chocolate brownies) and drop it off at her house or place of work.
To make sure she doesn’t think you’re doing it to get something back (e.g. for her to be nicer to you, agree to go on a date), just say, “Hey, I was out at (insert name of restaurant or bakery) with friends and I remembered how much you love pizza/noodles/brownies, so I got you some. I hope you enjoy it. Anyway, I’ve got to go now. Catch you later” and leave.
Another example is to offer your services with a chore she has to get done (e.g. take her car in for a service, help install the software on her new PC or laptop).
Show up at her place, do the job and then leave without making it feel awkward or like you’re waiting for an invitation to stick around from her.
Of course, if she does invite you to stay or offers to cook you a meal to say “Thank you,” don’t be silly and refuse.
Just make it clear (via your actions and the way you behave around her) that you’re not expecting anything in return.
That automatically earns her respect.
As a result, she feels motivated to open back up to you and see what happens from there.
7. Ask her what you could do to make it up to her
That can sometimes result in a man and woman reuniting as a couple because the woman gets a sense that he’s genuinely sorry for what happened and is willing to put in the work to make things right.
If she then also happens to still have feelings for him, it motivates her to forgive him and give the relationship another chance.
Yet, it doesn’t always work out that way.
Other times asking a woman what you can do to make it up to her can make her feel happy that you’re willing to do that, but it doesn’t result in her wanting to get back together again.
In other cases, an ex woman doesn’t want to give him that opportunity (e.g. because she’s too angry, doesn’t have feelings for him anymore and doesn’t see the point, she already has another man lined up) and closes herself off even further.
So, saying that to your ex doesn’t guarantee that you will get her back.
If that is your aim (i.e. get her back) then the best approach is to just focus on re-sparking some of her feelings so she feels motivated to want to get back together too.
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