A lot of guys lose opportunities with women they really like because the guy thinks, “If I pursue her and try to make something happen, I might seem a bit needy. I might seem desperate. She might see me as being low value because I’m trying to get something happening between her and I.”
So, the guy thinks, “Well, I’ll just play it cool. I won’t really try and if she likes me, then she’ll show me some interest. She’ll make it obvious.”
Alternatively, a guy might go to an extreme and think, “I’m a valuable guy. I know that I’m valuable. I know that women should like me. So, if she wants me she needs to make it obvious. She needs to try to pursue me and I’m just going to focus on my career, I’m going to focus on doing what I want to do and if she doesn’t show lots of interest and pursue me, then she misses out on being with me.”
Yet, when a guy uses one of those approaches with women, he usually misses out on being with a woman because pursuing a woman isn’t something new that’s happening in the modern world.
It’s a traditional role of a man.
In the past, for example, a man would court a woman and go on chaperoned dates with her (i.e. other people would come along to ensure they didn’t kiss or touch) and if they liked each other, the man would then go and ask the woman’s father for permission to marry her.
So, he would be pursuing; he would be courting the woman.
Now that type of courtship or pursuit probably happens in 0.001% of cases these days, but in pretty much all other cases in today’s world, a man still needs to move things forward with a woman.
The man needs to be the one making something happen.
Now, that doesn’t mean that a woman can’t pursue a man, or won’t pursue a man.
Some women will pursue a man that they are very attracted to and want to be with.
The woman will be texting the guy calling him and trying to set up dates.
She’ll be saying that she likes him, she’ll make it really obvious, make it really easy and be trying to set up dates all the time.
Now, that’s great, but what if you come across a woman who doesn’t do that with you and you want to be with her?
She’s not pursuing you, but you sense that there’s something there between you and her.
You want something to happen, but she’s not helping the situation along.
Well, there’s a way to go about pursuing her that not only makes you feel good as a man (i.e. you feel good in the process of doing it), but she also feels really good about it.
She feels excited, she welcomes your pursuit, is open to it and goes along with it.
So, what I’ll do now is I’ll explain the behaviors that a guy will display when he’s being needy and pursuing a woman (i.e. that turns her off and results in him getting bad reactions from her and feeling horrible about himself), versus pursuing her in a way that is attractive, that makes you feel good, and that she wants, welcomes and feels excited about.
Pursuing in a Needy Way
If a guy is pursuing a woman in a needy way, it will mean that he’s sucking up to her as he tries to get a chance.
He’s being really nice, giving her lots of compliments, he might buy her things or offer to buy her things, and he might agree with everything she says, to hopefully get her to like him and so forth.
It can also mean that he is expressing serious feelings for her too quickly.
So, he’s saying that he’s falling in love with her, while also saying that he has never met a woman like her before, he wants to be her boyfriend and and so forth.
He’s just being too needy about it and wanting too much too soon.
It can also be where he’s seeming to need her approval or acceptance in order to feel confident or worthy around her.
So, he will be interacting with her in a way that shows he still doesn’t believe in himself around her.
He gives off that sort of vibe, which comes through in his body language, how he’s talking to her, his reactions to her and so forth.
She can sense that he doesn’t feel worthy of her and he needs her to show him that she likes him, she approves of him, she wants to be with him, in order for him to then feel like, “Okay, I’m good enough. I’m worthy. This girl will give me a chance.”
Yet, if she doesn’t do that, then he’s going to be worried the whole time that he’s not good enough.
He needs her approval, her acceptance and her signs of obvious interest in order to feel good enough.
A guy pursuing a girl in that sort of way is not attractive.
It’s not exciting for her and it’s not something that she wants and welcomes.
It’s something that’s going to turn her off and as a result, she’s not going to be showing him signs of interest.
She might be difficult during conversations and not saying much, she might reject him and so forth.
He is then going to feel horrible about himself in the process of trying to pursue her.
Pursuing in a needy way can also be him seeming to be worried about other guys taking her before he secures a chance with her.
So, he might be worried if other guys talk to her in a group situation, ask her about other guys who are pursuing her, or he might put another guy down if she brings him up in conversation.
She’ll say something positive about a guy and then he’ll try to find some negative things to point out about the guy, because he hopes that will make her not like that other guy and like him instead.
Yet, she can sense his insecurity and it turns her off.
A guy being needy when pursuing a woman can also be him texting or calling way too much, or having a needy energy, which she can feel as pressure and desperation to be with her.
An example of that pressure is when she senses that he is hoping to be able to see her.
He is hoping to be able to go on a date with her or spend time with her.
He’s wanting to get that from her, rather than it being equal where they’re going to spend time with each other (i.e. she’s going to get to spend time with him as well).
It’s not equal like that because he’s a needy guy.
He’s trying to get a chance to spend time with her.
If he comes across in that way when he’s pursuing her, she’s not going to like it and she’s going to be rejecting him, pushing him away and he’s not going to feel good about himself.
She’s not going to feel good about it either.
Finally, another example of pursuing in a needy way is asking her for a chance, rather than attracting her to naturally make her want to be with him.
Pursuing in an Attractive Way
So, I’m now going to explain how to be naturally attractive in a way that makes a woman want to be with you, where you don’t need to be asking her for a chance.
You don’t need to be asking things like, “Can I take you out sometime? Do you want to be with me? Do you like me?” and so forth.
You never have to put yourself in that position.
Instead, you make her feel so attracted to you that she naturally wants to be with you and she wants and welcomes your pursuit and you moving things forward with her.
So, here are some examples of behaviors when a guy is pursuing a woman in an attractive way that the woman wants and welcomes:
Showing interest in her, but not sucking up to her.
So, whether he’s meeting her for the first time, they’re on a date, or he knows her as a friend, he does show interest in her, but he just doesn’t suck up to her.
That could mean he gives her compliments and it can also mean that he subtly flirts with her and shows sexual interest in her, but he just doesn’t suck up to her while he’s doing it.
For example: If the woman arrived for a first date, he would be sucking up to her when showing interest if he said something like this, “Oh, that’s a nice dress. It looks nice on you. You’ve got a good fashion sense,” (watch the video on this page to hear the tonality of the sentence and how it comes across as though the guy is sucking up to the woman), versus him showing interest in a confident way, where he’s subtly flirting with her but not sucking up to her, “Well, someone looks beautiful today. How are you? Take a seat.”
Alternatively, if he met her on a dating app and they’re meeting for the first time. “Wow, you look even more beautiful in person than you do in your photos. How are you? Take a seat.”
So, the big difference here is that when the guy is sucking up to her and he’s saying, “Oh, that’s a nice dress. It looks nice on you. You’ve got a good fashion sense,” he’s hoping that she approves of him for being a really nice guy to her.
He’s hoping that if he’s just nice enough and gives her enough compliments, she’ll like him as a person and give him a chance.
Whereas the other guy who is being confident and subtly flirting with her, doesn’t need anything back from her in that moment in order to feel good about himself.
“Well, someone looks beautiful today. How are you? Take a seat.”
If she feels a bit awkward or nervous in response and doesn’t say much, he’s not going to panic and think, “Oh no, what did I say there?”
He knows that he was being confident and charming and subtly sexual when he said it, so he knows that women are going to find that attractive.
He knows that the woman is going to feel sparks of attraction for him in that moment and if she is being a bit awkward and she doesn’t know what to say, it’s not because she doesn’t like him.
She’s feeling a bit awkward, or she’s feeling a bit anxious and that’s happening because of her confidence issues, not because he isn’t displaying attractive traits.
Now, of course, some women will know how to be comfortable in a moment like that and will react with a, “Thank you!” and smile in a flirtatious way back to the guy and show that they’re enjoying it and so forth.
Yet, a guy who’s going to confidently pursue a woman doesn’t need her to always be reassuring towards him and show him that what he’s saying and what he is doing is ‘working.’
Because sometimes a woman is too shy, she’s too awkward and other times she’s very confident and she doesn’t want to make it easy for the guy.
She wants to see if he’ll continue remaining confident regardless of how she’s behaving.
Is he the sort of guy who, if she gets into a relationship with, is going to need her to be reassuring all the time and pat him on the back when he does something attractive, in order for him to feel confident?
Or is he a socially intelligent guy who understands attraction, understands what women feel attracted to and he then does it and doesn’t need the woman to always react and behave in a way that reassures him because he’s not a needy guy?
Another behavior of pursuing a woman in an attractive way is feeling confident and worthy based on his ability to attract her and get to a kiss, sex, or a relationship.
So, the thing is, if a guy doesn’t know how to attract a woman and is just trying to get lucky and trying to fumble his way into a relationship with a woman, he isn’t going to be able to feel that confidence in himself, where he knows for sure that he is being attractive.
Instead, he’s just going to be talking to her and hoping that will like him for some reason.
Versus, if a guy knows what makes women feel attracted and he interacts with women and makes them feel attracted, then he feels confident because he is behaving in an attractive way and therefore, he is attractive and the woman will be feeling sparks of attraction for him.
He also feels worthy based on his ability to do that because he knows that if he’s being confident when interacting with a woman and also being charming, using some flirting and humor, being masculine in his behavior, and so forth, the woman is going to be feeling sparks of attraction for him.
Because attraction is a reaction to attractive traits.
If you’re displaying attractive traits (e.g. confidence, charisma, masculine behavior, charm, social intelligence, humor), women feel attracted to you by default.
It’s not something that they can switch off; it just happens automatically.
It’s an instinctive reaction.
So, if a guy doesn’t know how to attract women and he’s on a date, or hanging around with a female friend or whatever it may be (e.g. talking to a woman at a bar, or party) and is just talking to her and hoping that she’s going to like him for some reason, then he’s going to struggle to feel worthy.
As a result, he’s going to feel needy for her approval.
She needs to show him that she approves of him and that she likes him because he can’t decide that for himself.
He can’t decide that he’s attractive because he doesn’t really know how to talk and behave in a way that triggers a woman’s feelings of attraction.
He just talks to women and hopes they like him for some reason.
As a result, he’s the sort of guy who needs her to make it obvious that she likes him.
If she does that (very rare that a woman will do that), then he will begin to feel a bit more confident and think, “Okay, alright, this girl likes me.”
Versus, a guy who knows how to make women feel attracted; that guy will just know that he’s being attractive.
He’ll be interacting with a woman and know that his behavior is attractive.
He’ll see it in her reaction.
She’ll be smiling and flirting back with him and in some cases, of course, the woman will try to hold back and not smile too much to show her cards and not flirt too much because she wants to see if the guy can remain confident.
She wants a guy who can remain confident around her all the time, regardless of how she is behaving.
She doesn’t want to get into a relationship with a guy who’s going to become emotionally sensitive, needy, insecure, and constantly need her reassurance that she still likes him.
She wants to get into a relationship with a guy who can remain confident no matter what.
Another example behavior of pursuing a woman in an attractive way is not worrying about other guys being competition for her because there is only one him and what she feels for him is unique and compelling.
Sure, she can feel attracted to other guys.
Sure, there are other guys out there who are confident and there are other guys out there who are going to be better-looking than him.
Yet, at the end of the day, there is only one him and what she feels for him is unique.
It’s unique to him and her.
So, if he’s making her feel attracted and she’s enjoying the attraction experience that she has with him, then she’s going to be totally open to him moving things forward with her.
Another example behavior is having an emotionally independent energy, which makes her feel magnetically drawn to him.
While it’s traditionally the man’s role to get things moving along between himself and a woman, it doesn’t mean that he has to do it in a needy type of way.
Instead, pursuing a woman with an emotionally independent energy means that you want her and you’re going to attempt to move things forward with her, but you don’t need her.
If you and her don’t end up being together, you’re not going to crumble into little pieces.
You’re not going to fall apart.
Your life’s not going to end because you didn’t get with her.
That doesn’t mean a guy should act like he doesn’t care about a woman, or even say to a woman that he doesn’t care if they don’t get together and his life’s not going to crumble and so forth.
He shouldn’t say that.
That’s not charming.
Instead, it’s a certain energy that you give off and one way to understand it is to think about the energy that women typically give off.
Women usually give off an emotionally independent energy, where if they don’t get with you then they’re going to be fine.
They give off that energy without actually saying it.
The thing is, when a man is able to give off that type of energy, it actually turns out to be a positive for the man and the woman.
The woman feels more attracted to him because he’s not a needy guy.
As a result, she wants to turn on her charms to hopefully get him to like her more.
In the process of doing that, she falls for him even more.
She feels excited, she wants to have sex with him, she wants to be around him and she wants to be able to become his girlfriend.
It also makes the man feel good because he has started off the pursuit (i.e. he has talked to her in person and made her feel attracted, or asked her out and set up a date and he’s made her feel very attracted), but she can sense that he’s not a needy guy and he’s not going to be chasing her in a needy way.
She then starts to pursue him a bit as well because she wants to see that she has the ability to turn on her charms and make him like her even more.
She also wants to make something happen because of the amount of attraction she is feeling for him and because she senses that he’s not going to be chasing in a needy way.
As a result, she knows that needs to show some more interest and help things keep moving forward, or else she might lose her opportunity to be with him.
So, at that point, rather than being a one-sided pursuit, it becomes more of a mutual pursuit where both the man and woman feel excited about being with each other.
They really want to be with each other.
Now, the thing is, for some guys, that’s very easy to do because they know how to attract women and know they can attract other women very easily, so they just don’t become needy when they come across a woman that they find attractive.
Yet, many guys don’t get a lot of opportunities with women that they find attractive.
So, when a guy like that comes across a woman that he really likes and wants to be with, he finds that he struggles to not get into that needy or desperate mode where he’s really trying hard to get a chance with her.
For example: The guy will start giving more compliments than usual.
He’d be nicer than he usually is and will be trying hard to get the girl to like him because it’s very rare that he gets an opportunity like that.
He might realize while he’s doing it (i.e. being needy and desperate) that it’s not the best approach.
He knows that he’s coming across as a bit too needy and keen and desperate, and so forth, but in many cases, he just can’t control himself.
He can’t stop himself from feeling overwhelmed by the amount of attraction that he’s feeling for her, and also the worry that he’s starting to experience that another guy could take her.
He feels like needs to secure his chance with her right now, otherwise, he’s not going to get a chance for a woman like that for who knows how long.
He knows that it could be months, years, or even decades before he gets a chance with a woman like that again.
So, if you are one of the guys who can behave in exactly the same way around women that you’re attracted to versus not attracted to and don’t really want to be with, then you’re fine – you don’t really need to learn anything else.
However, if you’re one of the guys who loses opportunities with women that you find attractive because you’re worried about pursuing and seeming needy, too keen and desperate and so forth, or you try to pursue women, but it doesn’t tend to work out, then I recommend that you read my ebook, The Flow, or listen to the audiobook version.
The Flow is the easiest way to get laid or get a girlfriend.
It’s essentially how to flow from one step to the next with a woman that you find attractive.
If you read it or listen to the audiobook version, you will learn exactly what to say and do at each step of the way, so you never get stuck and lose your opportunity with a woman.
You always flow from one step to the next, meaning that you talk to her and you get her phone number, or you talk to her and you kiss her, or you talk to her and then you go on a date, or you talk to her and you have sex on the first night, first date or second date.
It always flows to you either getting laid or getting a girlfriend.
It’s very easy to do and any guy can do it once he understands how it works.
One Final Point
One final point that I want to make for you in this video is that sometimes when a woman has a crush on a guy and really likes him, she will pretend that she doesn’t like him.
In other cases, when a woman is shy and really likes a guy, she will struggle to show signs of interest because she feels awkward about it.
She doesn’t really know how to show interest in a way that doesn’t make her seem awkward.
In her mind, she thinks that she’s being awkward, or too keen and is worried about coming across in the wrong way.
She’s a shy girl.
So, the thing is, you can’t ever rely on women to make it 100% clear that they are interested in you and want you to pursue them.
Instead, you need to be confident enough and interested enough in the woman to interact with her, make her feel attracted and move things forward between you and her.
If you can make her feel attracted enough by displaying traits like confidence, charm, charisma, masculinity, and so on, and also let her sense that you’re not a needy guy, then she will feel compelled to turn on her charms and win you over.
Remember that women give you a sense that they’re not needy for you without having to say it.
So, as long as you’ve made a woman feel attracted enough and then you give her that sense, she will feel compelled to make you like her even more so she can get a chance with you.
As a result, it then becomes a mutual pursuit where she wants to be with you just as much, if not more, than you want to be with her.
That type of pursuit feels good for both you and her.
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