Here are 5 essential tips to help you restart your relationship with your girlfriend now that you’ve broken up.
1. Don’t try to restart the relationship until you first regain her respect
A successful, long-lasting relationship between a man and a woman is always based on mutual respect, attraction and love.
So, when a woman starts losing respect for her guy (i.e. because he becomes insecure, treats her badly, stops being manly), she will inevitably start to lose attraction for him as well.
A woman’s sexual attraction for a guy is strongly linked to how he makes her feel when they interact and spend time together.
So, when she can’t fully respect him or feel attracted to him anymore, it’s only a matter of time before she then disconnects from her feelings of love for him.
Soon after, she decides to break up with him because she just doesn’t feel the same way about him anymore and it doesn’t seem like he knows how to change that.
This is why, when a guy tries to restart a relationship with his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) before first reactivating her feelings, he is usually going to get the old, “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. It’s over. Please accept that” reply.
He hasn’t regained her respect, so she doesn’t feel attracted to him and therefore, she can’t reconnect with the love she used to feel for him.
He might feel like she is being difficult or stubborn, but he doesn’t realize that she’s just following her feelings.
Her feelings and instincts warn her, “Don’t waste anymore of your time on him. You don’t respect him. He doesn’t even know how to change. You’ve given him enough chances. Break up with him and move on as soon as you can. He’s not going to change!”
She feels that way because he hasn’t given her any evidence of him really, truly changing and is just trying to get her back for his own reasons (e.g. he is hurting from the break up, he’s embarrassed about being dumped, he doesn’t want to lose her and have to find another woman).
She knows that.
Unless he can start to put her feelings first, she’s just not going to be interested.
Putting her feelings first is about focusing on reactivating her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you BEFORE you even try to restart the relationship with her.
For example: When interacting with your girlfriend…
- Make her laugh and smile, rather than being too serious around her.
- Show her your confidence by being relaxed and emotionally strong around her regardless of how she’s treating you (e.g. she’s being cold and distant, is rude, throws a tantrum, teases you).
- Apologize once for your mistakes and then laugh at her (in a loving, confident way) if she tries to bring them up again and again.
The more you show her (via your actions) that you’re a new man now, the less she will be able to hold on to her negative opinion of you.
She will then open herself up to the idea of restarting a relationship with you and seeing what happens.
2. Get clear on what was really missing from the relationship experience
When you truly understand the real reasons why your ex broke up with you, you can then make the correct changes and adjustments to get her back.
For example: Maybe you and your girlfriend had a great connection as friends, but there wasn’t much of a sexual spark between you anymore.
Although she really cared for you, she ended up feeling more like your roommate or buddy, which just isn’t enough to keep a relationship together for life anymore.
So, to convince your girlfriend to restart the relationship, you need to change the way you interact with her from now on.
To create a sexual spark between you and her, you need to make her feel like a feminine, girly woman by being an emotionally strong, masculine man as you talk to her and interact with her.
When you trigger that side of her (i.e. the feminine, girly side) every time you interact with her, she will naturally begin to feel sparks with you again.
Additionally, if you continue to enhance other qualities that she loved about you (e.g. your confidence, charisma, emotional maturity, great sense of humor), she will almost certainly be more than happy to restart the relationship with you.
After all, you are now the man she always wanted you to be, so the idea of restarting a relationship will feel interesting and appealing to her.
On the other hand, if you continue to be on your best behavior (e.g. be extra nice, listen more, be extra sweet and caring) or treat her like your best friend, she will remain closed off.
Those kinds of things don’t create a sexual spark if there is none there to begin with.
You first have make a woman feel sexually attracted to you, before things like being nice or sweet will trigger sexual or romantic feelings.
If you lead with niceness and sweetness when she doesn’t feel sexually attracted to you anymore, she will simply feel annoyed by it.
Your extra niceness and sweetness will make you look desperate and clueless to her.
Women know what they find attractive about men (e.g. emotional masculinity, confidence, the ability to make her feel girly in comparison to his masculinity), so when a guy doesn’t get that, he is seen as clueless about what women really want.
Women will usually be nice to guys who don’t get it, but they usually won’t want them sexually or romantically.
So, now that you and your girlfriend have broken up, make sure that you are focused on being sexually attractive to her, rather than being a nice, neutral friend.
If you don’t focus on sexual attraction, she just won’t feel the urge to restart a relationship with you.
Even though you might be perfect for her in so many other ways, she will be thinking things like, “He’s a great guy, but something is missing. Maybe it’s better if we just stay friends, because I don’t feel attracted to him anymore. There’s just no spark between us.”
Another example is if you and your girlfriend weren’t going in the same direction in life (e.g. she wanted you to commit to the relationship further, while you preferred to keep things fairly casual).
In a situation like that, a lot of guys often rush off and propose marriage to their girlfriend, in the hope that it will win her over.
Yet, a woman doesn’t want a commitment made out of desperation.
She wants to see that her guy wants to commit to her naturally, not because he is being forced to due to a break up.
So, in a case like that, to convince your girlfriend to restart the relationship, you need to show her that you’re now emotionally mature enough to fulfill her relationship expectations (e.g. move in together, get engaged, start a family).
You’re doing it because you want the same things as her long term and not because you’re desperate and are willing to do anything to get her back for now.
Of course, those were two examples of why a break up could happen.
Every relationship is different and there are many reasons (I explain 70+ reasons in my program, Get Your Ex Back Super System) as to why a woman will break up with a man.
You need to find out what really went wrong between you and your girlfriend, so you can then make the correct changes in the most effective manner.
That doesn’t mean you have to fix everything and become perfect before she will be willing to restart the relationship with you.
You simply need to let her see that you’ve improved and are a better version of yourself now.
You’ve leveled up as a man.
When she experiences the new you for herself, she naturally begins to feel more respect and attraction for you as a man and opens herself up to the idea of restarting the relationship.
3. Reactivate her original feelings for you
Your girlfriend may have said things like, “I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore,” or “I don’t feel like you and I are right for each other. Maybe it’s better if we just move on and find someone else.”
She can say that because she has disconnected from her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you, so the idea of getting back together again doesn’t sound appealing to her like it does for you.
You feel respect, attraction and love for her, but she currently doesn’t feel that for you.
So, if you want her to change her mind, get her to reconnect to her original feelings for you.
How can you do that?
By using every interaction you have with her (e.g. via text, e-mail, social media, on the phone and in person) to show her that you’re a new man now.
As a result, she will stop looking at the mistakes you made leading up to the break up and begin to remember that you used to be a much more appealing guy that she loved and wanted to be with.
- Show her that you’re emotionally independent now (e.g. by enjoying life with friends and making progress on your life goals), rather than trying to make her feel guilty for how sad, confused or betrayed you are feeling after being dumped.
- Make her laugh and smile, rather than getting into serious discussions with her about the relationship.
- Bring out her feminine side by being more masculine around her, rather than being too neutral or a pushover with her.
- Maintain your confidence around her when she’s being cold and aloof, rather than feeling nervous and doubting your attractiveness to her.
- Laugh when she creates drama (e.g. by bringing up all your past mistakes, telling you how you hurt her, crying and causing a scene), rather than getting upset or feeling insecure.
The more you show her (via your actions) that you’re no longer the man she broke up with, the less she will be able to hold on to her negative opinion of you.
4. Focus on feeling good together initially, rather than committing to getting back together
For example: If your ex says something like, “I don’t know if I’m ready to get back together again,” rather than trying to talk her into getting back together, just focus on being emotionally mature, so she can feel respect and attraction for you in that moment.
You can say to her, “That’s perfectly fine by me. We don’t have to rush into anything now, or ever. You and I are broken up and I accept that. So, let’s just leave the past in the past. Let’s talk to each other as though we’ve just met each other and are only friends now. That way, we can then get to know each other as the people we are now, rather than bringing the baggage from the past into the present. We can have some fun together and if it feels right, we can see where things go.”
By saying something like that to her, not only are you taking the pressure off her to get back with you immediately, but you’re also showing her that you’re now a more confident, emotionally strong and mature man now.
You don’t feel threatened and insecure because she doesn’t want to get back together with you right away.
Instead, you’re the one suggesting that you and her take things slow until both of you feel ready.
As a result, she drops her guard and begins to wonder what it would be like to commit to a relationship sooner, rather than later.
She begins to worry that you might now be able to easy attract other women because you are so confident and emotionally mature, so if she doesn’t accept a relationship now, she might end up being the one who is hurt and left behind.
As a result, she gives you another chance and as long as you really have improved and can now attract her again, she won’t want to end the relationship.
5. If necessary, give her 3 to 7 days of space to miss you
If your ex is playing hard to get with you and keeps saying things like, “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I’m ready to be with you again,” just cut off all contact with her for 3 to 7 days.
Important: I don’t recommend that you cut off contact for any longer than that because it gives her too much time to get over you and potentially move on.
3 to 7 days has been tested thoroughly by me when helping my clients and it’s the perfect time frame because it allows a woman to miss you, but doesn’t push it to the point where she gets used to life without you and moves on.
Note: During the 3 to 7 days, make sure that you are improving your ability to make her feel respect and attraction for you when you next interact.
- If you were insecure, you become very confident.
- If you were too emotionally sensitive, you become emotionally masculine and strong.
- If you were too serious and uptight, you become easy-going and light-hearted.
You essentially get ready to give her a feeling of, “Wow…now, this is different. Why am I feeling attracted to him all of a sudden?”
If you don’t prepare during the 3 to 7 days, then you’re almost certainly setting yourself up for failure because she’s not really going to feel anything different and therefore, won’t feel much or any motivation to give you another chance.
During the 3 to 7 days, your ex will get a chance to miss you and may begin to wonder, “Why isn’t he calling me? Maybe I turned him off by being unsure of what I want. Maybe he has decided to forget about me and move on. What if he’s found another woman? I don’t want to lose him.”
She will then either text you or call you on the phone to say hello.
Then, just meet up with her and get her back.