You need to make her feel happy and attracted whenever she interacts with you from now on.
If you can do that, she won’t feel as happy when you’re not around or interacting with her and as a result, she will start to feel drawn to you again.
Here’s how to do it:
1. Become independently happy without her
It sucks that you and your ex are no longer together and it’s even worse that she seems happier without you, right?
However, sitting around, missing her and feeling miserable about life isn’t the right approach to take to get her back.
When a woman senses her ex guy’s lack of happiness without her, she feels turned off by his neediness and emotional dependence.
So, rather than wanting to interact with him some more, she will usually just make excuses to avoid him and keep getting on with her life.
Think about it this way…
Would you rather be around a person who is happy, smiling and feeling good, or would you rather be with someone who is sad, depressed and stuck in a rut?
When someone is depressed, they often like being around people who are depressed because it helps them relate.
Likewise, when someone is happy, they like interacting with or being around people who are happy.
This prevents depressed, sad people from bringing them down and ruining their happy vibe.
Your ex is no exception to that rule.
If she is feeling happy without you, it’s absolutely essential that you allow her to see and feel that you are happy without her.
I’m not talking about saying, “Hey, I’m happy without you. I don’t need you.”
That’s just rude, insecure and unnecessary.
Instead, you just have to quickly get to the point where you genuinely feel happy without her in your life.
You want her back and would be happy if she called you up right now and said, “I think we should get back together again.”
However, you don’t actually need her back to feel happy.
That’s the difference.
Of course, you might not want to feel happy without her, right?
You just want her back.
Yet, you have to do what works.
Women, especially ex women who are happy, just aren’t attracted to guys who need them for their sense of happiness and identity in this world.
You’ve got to be independently happy, otherwise you just won’t be emotionally attractive to her and as a result, she won’t want to give you another chance.
If she sees that you are happy, confident and living a great life without her, she will instinctively feel more attracted to you and more open to interacting with you, which will give you more of an opportunity to re-attract her and get her back.
When she interacts with you and feels attracted, she then begins to think things like, “What is happening to me? Why am I feeling this way? I actually feel drawn to him again. I don’t want to lose him anymore. Maybe I want him back.”
As long as you are being confident and actively making her feel attracted to you when you interact with her, she will automatically open up and begin to really want to give you another chance.
2. Have some fun with other people to reinforce your new happiness without her
Of course, saying that you’re happy without your ex isn’t enough to convince her, or yourself, that you really are.
You actually have to be doing it in real life and the best way is by interacting with other people.
You might not want to do a lot of that right now because you’re still hurting from the break up, but that’s the point.
You can’t be hurting if you want to re-attract her.
You’ve got to genuinely be feeling happy and confident without her.
Even though you still see her as your woman, the fact is that you are currently single.
It sucks to think of yourself as being single when you want her back so bad, but you have to for a very brief period of time, to allow yourself to become truly emotionally independent.
For example: Some of the things you can do now that you’re single is…
- Hang out with all your single friends that you may have neglected because of your relationship with your ex.
- Take up a new sport or hobby (e.g. tennis, cooking, martial arts, salsa dancing).
- Join your colleagues when they go out together after work.
- Join a club that does group activities (e.g. hiking, traveling).
- Do a pub crawl (or a bar tour) in in your own city. This is a great way to meet tourists who are there to have some quick fun.
You don’t need to hook up with any new women if you don’t want to.
That’s not the point.
You can if you want to, but the main point is for you to be having fun with other people, so you can genuinely feel like you are enjoying life without your ex.
Then, make sure that you post photo’s of yourself on social media having fun doing all these great things, where she is sure to see it.
Note: If she’s unfriended you (e.g. on Facebook), just make sure that you change your settings to ‘public’ rather than ‘friends’ only, so she can see it.
Here’s the thing…
Even if your ex pretends not to care about you anymore or seems to be happier without you, from time to time, she will be curious about what you’re up to.
Almost all women check on an ex’s profile to see if he’s getting on with his life without her, or if he’s being sad and lonely.
So, when your ex sees for herself that you seem just as happy without her as she seems without you, she will automatically feel curious about the new you.
Then, if you contact her and suggest a meet up, she will be more open to the idea, because she will want to see for herself if you really have changed, or if your new-found independence was just an act.
If you genuinely have been confident and happy without her, she will feel some respect and attraction for you.
Just make sure that you don’t try to rub it in her face by bragging or exaggerating things and trying to make yourself look cool.
Just be relaxed about it and see it as a completely normal thing to get on with life, be happy and enjoy yourself after a break up.
If you do that, she can’t hold anything against you and will instead feel respect and attraction for you.
By the way….
A lot of guys are afraid to show their ex woman that they are happy without her.
A guy hopes that by appearing to have no life since the break up (e.g. not updating his social media profile at all, posting sad, lonely pictures of himself) she will feel guilty for being happier without him and want him back, or she will feel as though he is so dedicated to her and she would be crazy to let go of such a great guy.
He’s hoping she will then contact him to say something like, “Hey, I saw your Facebook profile and you look so sad. I hate seeing you like that. Let’s meet up.”
That might happen in a movie, but rarely in real life.
In real life, when a woman sees that her ex isn’t getting on with his life and is destroyed by the break up, she will lose even more respect and attraction for him for being so emotionally dependent on her.
So, just focus on having fun without her.
Yes, she might pretend to be angry at you for seeming like you have moved on, but that’s just a test.
She wants to see if you will say something like, “No! It’s not how it looks. I was in those photos, but I was feeling miserable the whole time. All I want is you. I wish you were there.”
She then knows that you are needy and emotionally dependent on her, which turns her off even more.
So, I recommend that you just do what works.
If she is happy, be happy.
If she is depressed, be happy, but be nice to her.
If she is unsure about whether or not you and her should get back together, be nice to her, keep making her feel attracted and guide her back into a relationship.
3. Interact with her and focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good when talking to you
When you reach the point where you want your ex back, but don’t need her back to feel good about yourself, you are ready to contact her.
Most guys can achieve that in a day, but some guys need up to a week.
Waiting any longer than that is a bad move and simply results in her having enough time to move on.
If you have already waited longer than a week, don’t worry.
You just need to start doing what works from now on.
So, if you think she will answer your call, then go ahead and call her.
If you think she won’t, just send her a quick text, or a message via social media to ask for a phone call.
Important: Only do this after you’ve updated you profile to show her that you’ve been having fun and only as a way of getting her on a call with you.
Don’t make the mistake of getting caught up texting or messaging back and forth without ever transitioning to a phone call.
The point of getting her on a phone call is so that she can experience the new, confident version of you for herself (e.g. she can hear it in the tone of your voice and experience it in the way you make her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you again) and so you can then get her to meet up with you in person.
If you’re unsure of what to text her to get her on a call with you, here’s an example: “Hey ex girlfriend (fiancé or wife). I just wanted to ask you something quick over the phone. So, I’m going to call you in 10 minutes, okay?”
Then, just go ahead and call her in 10 minutes time.
If she doesn’t answer, give her a day or two and then try calling her again.
In most instances, a woman will be curious to find out what you want and she will answer her phone the second time around.
The important thing is that when you get her on a call with you, you don’t blow it by coming across as sad, unhappy, dejected or lacking confidence.
Instead, remain calm, be happy and show her your confidence, by using humor to break down her defenses.
For example: If she says something like, “Okay, you’ve got me on a phone call with you. I’m really busy so make it quick. What do you want to ask me?” you can use that as an opportunity to re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
In a joking way you can say, “Oh well. There go my plans for this call,” and then if she asks, “What plans?” you can add, “Well, I’m busy cooking a dish with 20 different ingredients and I was hoping you would talk me through it. Oh well, I’ll just have to narrow it down to only 3 ingredients since you’re in such a hurry. However, I’m going to blame you if it comes out tasting bad, because you know what a lousy cook I am,” and have a laugh with her about that.
The truth is, it doesn’t matter what you say to her, as long as you don’t take the conversation too seriously.
Instead, look for opportunities to make her laugh, make her smile and get her thinking, “It’s like talking to a whole different man. He’s changed. I really like this new version of him. He’s fun.”
For example: You could also reply with something like, “Oh, well someone is Little Miss Pushy today, isn’t she?” and have a laugh to show her that you and her don’t need to take the conversation so seriously.
4. Get her to meet up with you to say hello as friends
After a bit more conversation where you make her laugh and smile again, say to her, “Okay, seriously now. What I wanted to ask you is whether or not you’d be cool about meeting up to say hello as friend. I promise that it’s not going to be serious and it’s not about us getting back together at all. I just think it would be nice to catch up in person and say hello as friends and that’s it. So, how about it? I’m busy on Monday and Tuesday, but am free on Wednesday and Sunday. Which day this week suits you best?”
Note: Don’t be surprised if she initially plays a bit hard to get and says something along the lines of, “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. I’m happy with my life now and I don’t want to complicate things again.”
Just maintain your confidence and don’t let her reaction cause you to start doubting yourself.
Women are naturally attracted to guys who remain confident no matter what life (or a woman) throws at them.
So, just laugh and say, in an easy-going way, “Hey, all I’m suggesting is an innocent, 10 minute coffee. We can meet up as friends without it being a big deal, right? So what if we used to be together as a couple. We are not together in that way anymore and can be mature adults about this. It’s just a coffee as friends. So, what do you say?”
In most cases, a woman will drop her guard and agree to meet up with you at that point.
However, she might still try to play a bit hard to get by saying something like, “Okay, but just this one time,” or “Sure, but I can only stay for 10 minutes.”
At the meet up…
5. Make her feel a strong, renewed sense of attraction to the new you
When you meet up with your ex, you have to say and do the types of things that will make her feelings of respect and attraction for you reignite (e.g. be confident, charismatic, emotionally mature, more masculine than her).
If she says something like, “I think this was a mistake. I’ve worked hard to get over you and I’m happy now, so I don’t see the point in us meeting up like this. I probably shouldn’t have come here,” rather than feeling hurt, getting flustered or doubting your chances of getting her back, just use her negativity as a way of making her feel even more respect and attraction for you.
For example: One of the ways you might respond is by laughing and saying in a joking way, “You’re going to walk out on the best cup of coffee in town? That’s not the woman I used to know. You really have changed since we broke up! I’m so disappointed. I think it’s better if we go our separate ways right here and now. After all… if you can’t sit and relax for 10 minutes to enjoy a cup of coffee, you’re way too uptight for me girl,” and have a laugh with her about that.
Alternatively, you might say, “Relaaaax girl. It’s just a cup of coffee. We’re not about to elope and get married. We’re just friends now” to calm her down and stop her from making it out to be a big problem when it isn’t.
She will feel surprised that you’re not falling for her drama and will also feel respect and attraction for having the balls to stand up to her in that way.
At the meet up, it’s also very important that you…
6. Get her to accept that the old you is different to the new you
To make your ex look at you in a more positive light and see herself being happy with you again, it’s important that forgiveness takes place.
In a relaxed, easy-going manner, you need to get her to forgive the old you, so she can then naturally accept that the new you is a completely different guy.
For example: You might say something like, “I now understand why you broke up with me. I made some silly mistakes that caused you to feel unhappy and I’m truly sorry for putting you through that. However, I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t expect you to believe me of course. You don’t have to as well, because we’re not getting back together. Yet, can you see it in yourself to forgive me and accept that the old me is different to the new me?”
When you get her to the point where she really does accept that you are a different man now, she automatically stops seeing the old version of you and starts looking at you as a new man.
When that happens, she allows herself to start focusing on your positive qualities (e.g. your confidence, emotional strength, emotional maturity, how you make her laugh), which then causes her to feel sparks of respect, attraction and love for you.
She realizes that although she thought she was happier without you, she is now even happier with you.