When you’re thinking, “I can’t deal with the thought of my ex being happy with a new man,” it might feel like it will be impossible to change how she feels and get her back.
Yet, it is possible and you can get her back.
However, before you can get her back, you need to make sure that you become independently happy without her.
If a woman is trying to get a guy back, she doesn’t have to become independently happy without how. However, when a man is trying to get a woman back, he needs to become emotionally independant because that is attractive to women.
If you are sad, lost and lonely without her, she will feel turned off by your emotional weakness. However, if you are happy, forward moving and emotionally fulfilled without her, she will feel attracted to you.
So, if you are serious about getting her back, you must start the process of feeling happy with or without her.
I know, it doesn’t seem possible, but you really need to do it if you’re going to be able to attract her back when you next interact with her.
You can become independently happy in a matter of days, and then begin the ex back process where you contact her, make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, and get her to meet up with you.
Even though she has a new man, you can get her to catch up with you over a cup of coffee and at that meet up, you can get her to feel respect and attraction for the new, improved you.
You can do that.
Once you create that initial spark of attraction for the new and improved you, her perception of you changes and she becomes more open to you.
However, since your ex is currently happy with her new man, she might not want to get back with you right away, but there are ways to get her to change her mind.
What Does She See in Him?
Even if her new guy isn’t a better guy than you, all he has to do is not make the relationship mistakes that you were making and he will seem more appealing.
For example: If a woman felt that her ex was taking her for granted (e.g. treating her badly, showing up late for his dates with her, not returning her calls, letting her do all the housework or run all the errands, expecting too much from her), then all her new man has to do is be more attentive and considerate towards her and she will automatically see him as being a better option than her ex.
Alternatively, if her ex lacked confidence in himself and behaved in a needy and insecure way during the relationship, she might perceive her new confident, emotionally secure man as being a better option than her ex.
He might not be half the man you are, but he’s different in a way that has been missing in your relationship with her.
As she experiences the differences and feels happy about it, she may initially think, “Wow…I can’t get over how sweet and loving my new man is. This is how I deserve to be treated. My ex was always putting me in second place and treating me like dirt,” or “It’s so great to be with a guy who is so confident and self-assured. I’m glad I don’t have to put up with my ex’s insecurity any more.”
Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t change how she thinks about you.
When you make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new, improved you, she will not be able to stop herself from letting go of her negative perceptions about you.
The more respect and attraction she feels for you, the more that the negatives and flaws of her new guy will become visible to her.
However, don’t make the mistake of trying to compete with her new man to show your ex that you’re better than him…
Competing With Her New Man Turns Her Off Even More
A big mistake that guys make when they see that their ex has moved on with another guy, is to try get her back by making the other guy look bad.
For example: A guy who might go around badmouthing his ex’s new man (e.g. by criticizing his sense of dress style, mocking his haircut, by comparing cars/finances/jobs) to friends, coworkers, family members and to her directly.
He might think that by pointing out her new man’s faults, his ex will suddenly wake up and realize that she has made a mistake.
Yet, rather than make his ex girlfriend think, “Hmmm, he has a point. Now that he mentioned it, I can see that my new man is not as great as he was. He is a little bit awkward at times and he doesn’t seem as cool as my ex when we’re out socializing. Okay, I’m going to dump my new boyfriend and hook back up with my ex.”
Instead, she’s likely going to be thinking, “My ex is just jealous. He so immature and insecure. I’m glad that my new guy isn’t like him.”
Here’s the thing…
Her new guy would probably act the same way if she left him for another man and she’d think the same thing about him.
Why? Women aren’t attracted to a guy when is being insecure by looking at another guy as competition.
You shouldn’t look at this new guy as your competition.
He is nothing compared to you.
That is what you need to believe and not doubt for a second.
Don’t give her new man any credit.
You are better than him.
So, whatever you do, don’t waste time trying to get your ex back by competing with her new man.
Right now she’s probably feeling happy to be with him, so trying to make him look bad in her eyes will only make you look like a sore loser.
You’re not a sore loser, so don’t be.
You are a winner and you are going to get her back.
Remember: When you spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you again, her walls will begin to come down and she becomes open to seeing you again.
Sometimes it happens right away and a guy gets his ex back, but in cases where she is happy with her new man, it might take a few days for her to become open to meeting up with you in person to see how she feels.
When you respark her feelings for you, the idea of spending time with you feels good to her. It feels right.
She might be confused at first because she thought she was happy with her new guy, but her heart will be filling up with new feelings for you, which she won’t be able to ignore.
Don’t Expect Her New Guy to Make it Easy For You
Although, the fastest way to get your ex back is to actively make her have some feelings for you again, chances are, her new guy probably doesn’t want you interfering.
If this is the case, your ex is probably avoiding you as much as possible, and might not even be answering any of your calls or text messages at this point.
So, how can you get through to her?
Try calling her and if she doesn’t answer, send her a text like this:
“Hey Jenny, it’s Dan here. There is something quick that I wanted to ask you over the phone. I guess you’re busy at the moment. I might try giving you a call another time.”
In most cases, your ex will either call you back to find out what you want, or if you call her again in a few days, she will be much more likely to answer her phone.
On the phone call, you need to make her feel a spark for you again (e.g. by making her laugh, smile and feel happy) and then get her to agree to meet up with you.
At the meet up, you need to let her experience the new and improved you, so she can begin to feel differently about you.
She will sense the changes via your body language, conversation style, the way you are talking to her, interacting with her and the way you respond to what she is saying.
When you interact with her in ways that spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, everything begins to change.
She might try to act like she isn’t feeling anything, but she will automatically begin to look at you differently.
Her perspective of you will begin to change and her guard will come down.
From there, you just need to build on her feelings of respect, attraction and love during the conversation and either get her back at that meet up, or get her to agree to say hello again in a few days or week.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
If you are still in love with your ex and want to give the relationship another chance, you must understand and accept that it’s completely up to you to take action and get her back.
You can’t expect her to be the one who guides you back into a relationship.
You’ve got to make it happen.
Getting an ex back isn’t about convincing her that you’ve changed. It’s about changing, interacting with her and letting her experience new feelings that tell her that things are now different.
Where many guys go wrong is by thinking, “Maybe if I can explain to her how much I care, apologize and promise to change, she will realize that what me and her had was really special. She will dump her new man for me.”
Yet, that’s not how it works.
If she doesn’t have feelings for him, she’s going to be thinking, “Good for you. I’m flattered that you care about me, but I really don’t care about us any more. I just don’t have feelings for you like you have for me. I’m feeling great with my new guy. Besides, why should I believe you’re going to change when I already have a guy who is giving me what I want? You don’t even seem like you’ve changed at all. If I got back with you, it would be the same thing over again. You still haven’t changed the subtle things about you that were turning me off.”
It doesn’t matter how much a guy tries to convince his ex that he will change or has changed.
If she doesn’t experience the type of feelings that she wants to feel when interacting with him, she’s going to remain closed up.
For example: If one of the reasons why she dumped him was due to his insecurity and she can still sense a lot of insecurity as she talks to him, she won’t be able to feel respect, attraction and love for him.
She will feel turned off by his insecurity and it will remind her that he still hasn’t even changed.
On the other hand, if she could see that he had become so much more confident and was no longer the insecure guy that she dumped, she would then naturally feel drawn to him.
Suddenly, she will begin to think, “Maybe there is a chance for us” or “He’s so different from what he was like when I broke up with him. Why do I feel differently now? Does this mean that he is the one? Is he going to be the one that got away if I don’t get back with him?” or “I really enjoy talking to him again. This feels different. Maybe the break up was good for us and we are even better for each other now. Maybe the new relationship is going to work.”
When that type of thought process happens in her mind, she naturally opens up and wants to spend more and more time with him.
If you want your ex back, that’s how you need to be making her feel from now on.
You need to actively re-spark your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you every time you interact with her from now on.
If she’s currently saying that she doesn’t have feelings for you, or that she’s happy with her new guy and doesn’t want to ruin that, it means that the way you are talking to her and interacting with her isn’t sparking those feelings of attraction inside of her.
However, that doesn’t mean you can’t start to trigger those feelings.
You can adjust the way that you’re talking to her, make some changes and improvements to the way you are interacting with her and react differently to what she says and does.
When you interact with her in ways that spark her feelings, everything begins to change because she feels drawn to you.
She enjoys interacting with you because it now feels good to her.
All you need to do then is guide her through the rest of the quick ex back process and she will be yours again.
If she is happy with her new guy, it might take a few weeks to get her back, but you can do it.
However, if you don’t focus on re-sparking her feelings and instead continue to interact with her in ways that turn her off, then getting her back is going to be very difficult.
She’s going to be saying things like, “Sorry, but I’ve moved on. I’m happy with my new man now and I’m not interested getting back together with you” or “Just leave me alone. You and I are over now. Move on” because you’re not doing anything significant to make her have feelings for you again.
Are You Ready to Get Her Back?
Statistically, about 65% of rebound relationships will fail within the first six months of getting together.
Right now, the new man in your ex’s life might be making her feel happy for a while, but if he lacks the fundamental qualities that women look for in a man (e.g. confidence, drive, determination, a life purpose, someone she can look up to and respect, emotional masculinity), she’s gradually going to lose interest in him.
Even if she has told you, “I’m happy with my new man. It’s over between us, so please let it go. I’m not going to change my mind,” don’t let that put you off.
Feelings never stay the same.
Just like your ex’s perception of you changed from positive to negative near the end of the relationship, when you make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you again, her feelings will naturally change back to being positive again.
As long as you focus on making her feel attracted when you interact with her on the phone or in person, the process of getting her back will be a lot easier because she will enjoy interacting with you and will look at you in a new, positive light.
She might feel confused for a while because she might genuinely believe that she’s happy with her new man, but she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you once again.
Whatever you do though, make sure that you don’t see the new guy as your competition.
You are a better man than him.
If you don’t think that you are a better man than him, then let me help you quickly develop that type of confidence and show you the final steps that you need to take to get her back.