If your ex girlfriend doesn’t care that you and her have broken up, it’s usually only a temporary phase that she is going through.
Here’s how it works…
When a woman loses respect and attraction for a guy (e.g. because he has become too insecure, needy, clingy or controlling), she disconnects from the love that she used to feel.
The love that she has for you is still there in the background, but she is no longer connecting with it because you haven’t been able to respark her feelings for you since the break up.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that you can’t start to respark those feelings now.
You can make some changes and improvements to the way you are talking to her and interacting with her, so she starts to smile, laugh and feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
For example: When a guy is interacting with his ex, she might say something like, “I know you still care about me, but I really don’t have feelings for you anymore. I’m doing fine on my own. Please just leave me alone,” or “It’s over between us. I’m moving on with my life and you should do the same. I’m much happier now without you.”
If he reacts by getting upset or continually asking her why she is being so cold, she will want to close up even more because she’s just not feeling it with him any more.
If he wants to make her feel some respect and attraction for him, he needs to react by remaining calm, confident and focused on making her smile, laugh and feel good when talking to him.
When he does that, she can’t help but begin to look at him in a new, more positive light.
Rather than feeling as though she wants to completely cut him out of her life, she will open back up and be willing to talk to him.
…and that is how he gets her back.
With every interaction that he has with her, he actively makes her feel more respect and attraction for him and she then naturally begins to reconnect with the love.
When you have successfully reactivated her feelings, she then begins to want to spend more time around you or at least talk to you on the phone to see how she feels.
When you and her aren’t interacting, she begins to miss you and wonder why she has feelings for you again.
Then, she either says that she wants to get back together, give the relationship another try for a while or at the very least, just meet up in person to say hi so she can see how she feels.
So, if you’ve been thinking, “It’s hopeless. I don’t think my ex will ever have feelings for me again. She currently doesn’t even care that we’ve broken up,” you need to stop believing that you can’t do anything about it.
You can respark her feelings and get her to begin caring that you’re not around and are probably going to move on with another girl if she doesn’t act soon.
Mistakes That Some Guys Make When Their Ex Doesn’t Care About the Break Up
When a guy realizes that his woman is totally fine with the break up, it can feel like a huge punch in the guts.
When a guy is hurting emotionally, he might sometimes make one or more of the following mistakes, which pushes his ex away even further…
1. Pleading With Her to Change Her Mind
Naturally, getting broken up with sucks, especially if it’s with a woman that you truly love, care about and want to be with.
However, privately feeling sad and disappointed that a relationship had ended, is not the same as breaking down and becoming an emotional wreck by begging and pleading to her.
For example: A guy might plead with his ex by saying things like, “You can’t let what we’ve had together just die. I love you! Don’t you care about that? You mean so much to me. Why can’t you see that? Just give me another chance and I’ll prove to you that things can be different between us. Please!!!!” or “I’m so sorry for hurting you. Please! Please! Please! Don’t do this to us. Just let me show you that I can change. I’m begging you, please!”
In most cases, the more that a guy pleads, begs, cries to her or carries on behaving in an overly emotional way, the more it annoys and turns the woman off.
Why? Women are not attracted to the emotional weakness in men.
It’s a huge sexual and romantic turn off.
Women are always attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, self-assurance, self-belief, high self-esteem, determination to succeed), and turned off by the emotional weakness (e.g. self-doubt, insecurity, clinginess, neediness).
So, when a guy is falling apart around a woman, rather thinking to herself, “Wow, he must really care about me to be such an emotional mess,” she will usually feel repulsed, disgusted and disappointed that he lacks the emotional masculinity of a real man.
If your ex has lost respect and attraction for you and doesn’t care that you’ve broken up, pleading with her to change her mind will only make her further disconnect from the love she used to feel for you.
So, how should you react if your ex is saying things like, “I don’t love you anymore,” or “You mean nothing to me now. It’s over… get used to it,” instead of pleading with her to change her mind?
A good way to react is by accepting her decision in a confident way without making a big fuss about it.
For example: You might say to her, “I understand why you’re feeling like that about me now and I accept that. I now understand what I did wrong when we were together, and I accept full responsibility for my actions. I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
From then on, every time you interact with her, you need to focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you, by displaying some of the traits and behaviors that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confidence, maturity, self-assurance, determination, charisma, emotional masculinity).
You need to let her experience the new, improved, more attractive version of yourself, based on how you talk to her, behave, think and take action.
All of that is within your control.
You can actively respark her feelings of respect and attraction for you by the way you behave around her, without ever having to plead with her to change her mind.
To get an ex back, you need to change how she feels by interacting with her in an attractive way, rather than trying to change mind by explaining things to her in a logical way.
For example: Rather than saying, “I think you should give me another chance because of these reasons,” you simply need to think, talk, behave, feel, take action and react to her in an attractive way and she will change her mind on her own.
It will then become her idea to want to get back together with you.
It will feel right to her because she will feel attracted and drawn to you and won’t feel like you’re trying to force her to get back together with you because you need her for your own emotional security.
2. Pouring Your Heart Out to Her to Show How Much You Care
It’s painful to still be in love with a woman who says she isn’t in love with you.
You feel so much for her, but she is acting like you didn’t ever mean a thing to her or that you no longer mean anything.
Yet, you have to retain control of your emotions and not turning into Mr. Romantic who wants to pour his heart out in texts, e-mails, letters, voicemail messages, social media messages or in person.
Some guys make the mistake of thinking that the only way to get through to her is by letting her know how much he really cares.
For example: A guy might call up his ex girlfriend, text her, or even write her a long love letter or e-mail, telling her how much he cares for her.
He might say things like:
- “Why don’t you care that we’ve broken up? You mean so much to me. I can’t think, eat, sleep or work properly since the break up. I love you so much. Please don’t be like this. I care about you and I want to work this out.”
- “Doesn’t what we had together mean anything to you? How can you turn your back on me? What we had was special and it means so much to me. I’ve never loved another woman the way that I love you. Not even close. Does that even matter to you?”
- “I just can’t get over you so easily. I’m disappointed to see that you don’t even care that we’ve broken up. It’s like I meant nothing to you.”
- “You mean too much to me for me to give up on us being together again.” “Can’t you see that I’m nothing without you?”
- “You’re my reason for being. You mean the world to me. My life is not worth living without you.”
The guy is simply being honest and he really does love her, but that isn’t what gets a woman back after a break up.
The truth is that a woman doesn’t care how much a guy cares for her, if she doesn’t have feelings for him.
It has to be mutual.
If he is madly in love with her and she’s feeling nothing or not much at all, she is going to feel annoyed or even emotionless when she gets his messages of love.
If he wants her back, he needs to actively make her have some feelings for him first, otherwise she’s not going to care that he cares for her.
So, if you want your ex girlfriend back don’t waste time telling her how much you care for her, because if she’s not feeling a lot of respect and attraction for you right now, it’s just not going to matter to her.
She might reply with, “Thanks, but please respect my decision,” to be nice, but she’ll likely be thinking, “Whatever…I’m over you and nothing that you say or do is going to make me change my mind.”
Yet, she’s wrong.
What will change her mind is if you respark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Then, she won’t be able to help herself from feeling drawn to you.
She will start to think, “Why am I missing him all of sudden? Why does it feel good to talk to him now? Why do I want to hug him and kiss him all of a sudden? Could this mean that he is the one? Should I at least give him another chance?”
She will only think that way if you first reactivate her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
However, if you just want to tell her how much you care about her, she’s probably going to continue ignoring you and moving on because there’s nothing for her to feel drawn to.
She has disconnected with her feelings for you and if you want her back, you need to get those feelings reconnected and charging.
When she’s fully charged, she will be fully back in love with you again and will thank you for giving her the exciting experience of falling back in love with the guy that she once felt so much for.
3. Asking Her to Explain Her Reasons For the Break Up So You Can Change
When a woman finally decides to break up with her man, he may feel shocked or even surprised by the sudden news.
He might then ask her questions like, “But why? What did I do wrong?” or “Please tell me what you want me to change and I’ll do it. Just explain to me what the problem is and I promise that I will fix it. I will do anything to fix this. Just tell me what I need to change.”
Prior to making her decision to break up with him, she would have given him many clues (e.g. by nagging him, complaining and having fights about unimportant things to show him that she was unhappy), so if he hasn’t been able to read between the lines and make the necessary changes, she’s not going to want to spell it out for him now.
Why? A woman doesn’t want to be a guy’s teacher in life about how to be a man.
Life would be a lot easier if women were completely explicit and open about exactly what they want, but that’s not how women work.
Women don’t want to take on a mother, big sister or teacher role in a guy’s life and guide him through a process of understanding what a real man is.
A guy either knows it by learning from male role models as he is growing up, or he learns it by seeking out male role models who can teach him.
However, if he turns to his own woman for advice on how to be a real man, she isn’t going to want to take on that role because it will further destroy her feelings of sexual attraction and respect for him.
He needs to work this out himself or with help from other men.
For example: If a guy was insecure and needy during the relationship, his woman will want him to realize that by himself and then show her that he is now a confident, emotionally secure man.
If a guy lacked purpose and direction in his life, his woman will need to see that he has set some big goals for himself and is working towards accomplishing them.
Just doing that isn’t going to get her back, but it will make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him and he can then use that feeling to guide her back into a relationship.
However, if a guy can’t even step up to a new level of manhood without her help, then she will feel like he needs her to hold his hand and guide him through the process of becoming a better man.
That’s not attractive to her.
She wants him to figure out how to be a man without her help, rather than him asking her how or what to change to make her happy and give him another chance.
If he can figure out how to be attractive to her by himself, she will then look up to him, respect him and feel a renewed sense of trust in him as a man.
4. Demanding That She Give You Another Chance
When a guy gets broken up with, he will go through a range of emotions (e.g. shock, pain, depression, disbelief, loneliness, panic).
In some cases, a guy might even begin to feel angry about what he believes his ex girlfriend is doing to him.
He will feel as though she is betraying him, which will cause him to feel anger and want to verbally attack her about that.
For example: He might say to her, “How could you do this to me? You selfish bitch. I’ve done so much for you in this relationship and now you want to turn your back on me? I refuse to accept this. You can’t just throw away what we shared. You owe me another chance for all that I’ve done for you.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Feeling as though you are entitled to your girlfriend, or that she is obligated to be with you because of what you’ve done for her isn’t going to make a woman suddenly change how she feels about you.
As much as it sucks to hear this, the truth is that a woman is not your property.
She is an individual, and she can choose to be with you, or choose to break up with you and move on with someone else if she wants to.
I know, that is pretty annoying to think about her being with another guy. It sucks.
However, what you need to understand is that being in a relationship is a decision that can change if either person can’t make the other person experience a sufficient amount of feelings to want to stick with the relationship.
For example: If a woman is a complete bitch to her boyfriend, but really loves him, he doesn’t have to stay with her.
If he expects to be loved and treated well, it doesn’t matter how much she loves him because she has been a complete bitch to him.
So, he will decide to break up with her and replace her with a new woman who will treat him well.
She might then feel betrayed and feel like she is entitled to get another chance because of all the great sex she gave him, but he is an individual and can dump her if she isn’t giving him the relationship experience he feels he deserves.
If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you can’t do it by demanding that she give you another chance just because of the love that you shared, how nice you were to her or how much you care.
Just because she was in a relationship with you doesn’t mean she owes you anything.
She loved you before and now she has disconnected herself from that love because you weren’t making her feel the way that she wanted to feel in a relationship.
Of course, that was then and this is now.
When you respark your ex girlfriend’s feelings of respect and attraction for you again, she will begin to wonder all by herself (without you forcing her), “Why am I feeling this way? Why am I even considering giving my ex boyfriend another chance? Why do I miss him now? I’m trying to stop thinking about him, but I can’t. I just want to look at our old photos…look at us…we used to be so happy. I want to catch up with him in person and see how I feel.”
Suddenly, the negative things about your relationship seem way less important to her, because she naturally feels drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
What You Need to Do to Get Her Back
You can waste a lot of time wondering, “Why doesn’t my ex girlfriend care that we’ve broken up?” and wait around hoping that she will somehow realize that she’s made a mistake, or you can actively make her want to get back together with you.
How do you do that?
You need to use every interaction that you have with your ex girlfriend (e.g. via text, on a phone call, or in person) to respark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
When you respark her feelings for you, her guard comes down and you can then build on those feelings and guide her back into a relationship with you.
However, if you continue to interact with her in ways that turn her off (e.g. plead with her, tell her how much you care, ask her to tell you what you need to change, demand that she give you another chance, seek pity from her), then getting her back is going to be a very difficult, if not impossible process for you.
She’s just going to be saying, “Why can’t you get it into your head that I just don’t have any feelings for you? You need to move on,” because you’re not saying and doing things that are making her have feelings for you.
So, when you interact with her from now on, focus on re-sparking her feelings for you by making her smile, laugh, feel happy, and by showing her that you’ve moved beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you.
When you make her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s interacting with you, she won’t be able to keep her guard up for too long.
Even if she fights her feelings at first, eventually she’ll begin to think to herself, “What’s different? What’s changed? Why am I feeling drawn to him again?” and from there you can continue to build on her feelings of respect and attraction for you and guide her back into a relationship with you.