Here are 5 tips to help you reverse the roles and make your ex want you back:
1. Get clear on the subtle things about you that secretly turned her off
She’s not going to want you back if you’re still turning her off in the same ways that you did during the relationship.
So, to successfully reverse roles so your ex wants you back, you first need understand her real, more subtle reasons for breaking up with you.
Then, when you interact with her again, you will be able to give her a new and improved attraction experience that causes her to feel drawn to you and intrigued by her new, interesting feelings for you.
On the other hand, it you don’t get clear on this all important aspect of the ex back process, you will be offering her things that she doesn’t want.
For example: A woman might break up with a guy and say something along the lines of, “I’m sick and tired of all the fighting and arguing. It’s bringing me down and I feel miserable all the time. I think it’s better if we just accept this isn’t working and break up.”
The guy will naturally then think that she’s breaking up with him because she’s unhappy about the fighting and arguing.
He might then even try to get her back by being extra nice to her and agreeing with everything she says and does to avoid fights or arguments.
He hopes that if he does things her way, there will no longer be any reason for them to argue, so she will then be happy and want him back.
Yet, not only does being extra nice and obedient turn a woman off (because women are not attracted to a guy they feel they can dominate), but it also highlights to a woman that her ex guy still doesn’t understand her deeper, more subtle reasons for always getting into arguments with him.
For example, some of the secret things that may have turned off her off and caused her to want to get into arguments with him, may include:
- His inability to make a decision without her approval or say-so.
- Being unsure of himself around her or in social situations.
- Being unable to pass her simple confidence tests. For example: She rolls her eyes at him, pretends to disagree with him during a conversation, or acts like she’s annoyed about things that she doesn’t really feel annoyed about and he then worries, tries to suck up to her or gets annoyed at her. He doesn’t realize that she wants him to maintain control of his emotions and not take her tests of his confidence so seriously. He needs to be able to laugh at her tests, ignore them or turn them back on her (in a loving, playful way) if he is going to be the kind of man that she can respect and not want to get into arguments with.
- How he tends to get annoyed or angry about things that she thinks he shouldn’t get so worked up about (e.g. the taste of food at a restaurant, the weather, the government).
- His lack of presence as a man (e.g. he tends to go into his shell in social situations).
- How he seems so confident when playing video games, but when it comes to his career, he can’t seem to make any progress.
- How he avoids building friendships with her family and friends and tends to keep to himself, even though she has told him that family and friends are important to her.
- How he tends to spend more time with his friends than her and when he does spend time with her, he is emotionally unavailable.
- How he is too needy and clingy and always wants to spend time with her, because he’s too afraid to follow through and make progress on his big goals, dreams and ambitions in life.
So, to make your ex want you back you first need to be able to re-attract in the ways that really matter to her (e.g. you are now able to make her feel girly and feminine during a conversation in comparison to your masculine approach, rather than just talking to her in a friendly, neutral way or worse, giving her all the power and making her feel more dominant than you).
When she experiences your new, attractive behavior, she will naturally begin to feel more respect and attraction for you as a man.
She will then drop her guard and allow herself to open back up to the idea of being in a relationship with you again.
Another tip to help you reverse roles so your ex wants you back is to…
2. Regain control of your emotions and confidence
Chances are high that if you’re currently asking how to reverse roles with your ex so she wants you back, you’re at a point where nothing that you have tried has worked.
She just doesn’t seem to care about you anymore and seems to be happy to move on from the relationship.
As a result, you might feel a bit rejected by her and lost as to what you can do now.
You might even go to bed at night feeling a bit depressed or dejected and wonder if you will ever be happy again.
Although feeling like that is natural, you have to get past it right now.
Feeling down and dejected will naturally cause you to say and do the wrong things around your ex and turn her off even more.
So, you have to accept the break up and start focusing on the solution to get her back.
When you do that, you will feel a resurgence of confidence and hope and you will then naturally begin to say and do the right things when interacting with your ex.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t ever really focus on a solution to get their ex back, other than just ignoring her and hoping that she comes back.
Yet, if you’ve tried that already, you know it doesn’t work.
Other guys approach in the same way and end up feeling more and more desperate to get their ex woman back.
For example: A guy who is feeling desperate and beginning to worry that he has no chance to get his ex woman back, might…
- Beg and plead with her to see things from his point of view and give him another chance.
- Pour his heart out to her and tell her how much he loves her and how he can’t live without her.
- Promise to do whatever she wants to make her happy.
- Be extra nice and sweet towards her and put up with her bad treatment of him (e.g. she’s uncommunicative and standoffish during interactions, she blames him for the break up).
- Bombard her with texts or emails in an attempt to stay on her mind, or make her feel pity for him and give in.
- Ask mutual friends to put in a good word for him.
- Post sad, dejected status updates on social media.
- Show up at her house and plead with her to talk to him and work things out.
- Get angry with her for being so selfish by leaving him behind.
- Try to be a nice, helpful friend to her and help her with her life (e.g. run errands for her, fix things for her, help her pay rent or bills).
Yet, rather than make her want him back, she feels even more turned off because she perceives his behavior as being wimpy, emotionally weak, needy and lacking in self confidence.
Feeling turned off like that makes her feel more motivated to move on and find another man as soon as possible.
This is why, if you want your ex back, you have to make sure that you approach this properly.
Don’t go ahead and make all the mistakes that other guys make, before eventually searching around and trying to find a tested, proven to work solution.
So, the first thing you must do is regain control of your emotions.
Get rid of the feeling of neediness and desperation by knowing that you can re-attract her and get her back.
Know that from now on, you are going to be in control of the ex back process, not her.
You are going to reverse the roles and make her want to get back with you.
As a result, you don’t need to panic, worry or feel needy in any way.
You can relax and confidently get her back over the next few days to a week.
3. Interact with her and reactivate her feelings
Even if your ex is currently saying things like, “Forget it! I never want to be your girl again. You need to accept that it’s over between us and move on,” it doesn’t mean that her decision is final.
So, don’t just accept what she is saying and wait around for her to hopefully change her mind over the next 6 months to a year.
Make her change her mind NOW, or at least within the next week or so.
You really can do that.
To reverse roles so your ex wants you back, it’s absolutely essentially that you interact with her as often as possible (over the phone and preferably in person, rather than text), so she can experience the new and improved you for herself.
When she can see that you don’t lose your confidence even when she’s being cold, distant or even hostile towards you, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling respect for you again.
When she starts respecting you again, she then also begins to feel sexually attracted to you again.
When those two emotions are reactivated, it becomes difficult for her to stay closed off towards you for very long.
She feels drawn to you and realizes that what you and her have isn’t over.
There is clearly still a spark between you and her and she felt it when she interacted with you.
If she didn’t agree to get back with you right away, she will have gone away thinking about you, feeling drawn to you and beginning to miss you.
When that happens, her defenses come down and she then becomes open to talking to you more, seeing you in person and seeing how she feels about being your girl again.
Another tip to help you reverse roles so your ex wants you back is…
4. Don’t ask for another chance
Sometimes, a guy will see that things are going well with his ex (e.g. she responds to his texts, she is friendly over the phone, she agrees to meet up with him for coffee, she seems open to interacting with her), so he then goes ahead and asks her for another chance at a relationship.
That can work if she is fully re-attracted and wants him back, but if she isn’t, a woman will usually say, “Sorry, but I don’t feel that way about you anymore. We can be friends if you want, but nothing more than that. Please accept that. If you can’t, it might be better if we just stop seeing each other altogether.”
He almost had her back, but he asked for another chance too early and she ended up playing hard to get.
Additionally, to reverse the roles and make an ex want you back, it’s always best to make her feel so attracted to you that she begins to hint at or suggest getting the relationship back together.
Then, it’s about you giving her a chance to be with you, rather than you trying to convince her to give you another chance.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t realize that until it’s too late.
A guy will approach the ex back process in a way that essentially says to the woman back, “I still have feelings for you and therefore, I want another chance.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
For a relationship to get back together, there needs to be mutual feelings between the man and the woman, or at least close to mutual feelings.
It can’t all be about the guy wanting her back because he loves her and needs her.
That is one-sided.
So, if you want your ex woman back, make sure that you fully reactivate her feeling for you first, before anything else happens.
Initially, all it usually takes is a spark and most women will begin to open back up to talking to you and seeing you in person more often.
When you have that opening, you can then guide her through the rest of the ex back process and get her back.
Another tip to help you reverse roles so your ex wants you back is to…
5. Give her 3 to 7 days of space
If your ex is being closed off towards you right now and saying things like, “Just leave me alone!” or, “I don’t want you back. You need to accept that and move on,” it’s perfectly fine to give her a few days of space (i.e. 3 to 7 days) to let things calm down between you.
Then, after a few days have passed, go ahead and contact her and reawaken some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be hearing from you again, by flirting with her to build up sexual tension, by making her feel girly and feminine in comparison to your masculine approach to the conversation, by maintaining your confidence if she is being cold or distant to test you).
You then need to get her to agree to a meet up with you in person.
At the meet up, you need to re-attract her sexually and romantically so she starts wanting to be around you again.
From there, just use every interaction that you have with her to build on her feelings of respect and attraction for you and guide her back into a relationship.
Where Guys Go Wrong When Trying to Reverse Roles With an Ex to Make Her Want Him Back
Everything you say and do from now on is either going to be making your ex want you back, or convincing her that she’s better off without you.
So, if you want to be successful at getting her back, be sure to avoid making any of the following mistakes:
1. Thinking that ignoring an ex for 30 or 60 days will work on any woman
This is one of the biggest myths out there when it comes to getting an ex back…
The truth is that not all women respond well to being ignored by an ex for 30 or even 60 (or more) days.
In most ex back cases, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s because she no longer feels enough respect, attraction or love to want to be in a relationship with him anymore.
So, when she doesn’t hear from him for a month or more, rather than thinking, “Oh no!!! Why isn’t he calling me? I miss him! Does him not contacting me mean found someone else? I wouldn’t be able to cope if he has. He is my man! I want him so bad! I’m going to call him right away so that we can get back together again before it’s too late!” she usually thinks something like, “I wonder what my ex is up to? He must have moved on. Yay! Cool, I’m so relieved that it wasn’t a messy break up with him trying to get me back all the time. It has made getting over him so much easier.”
During the time that he wasn’t contacting her, she was free to go out and party with her single girlfriends, use dating apps to line up dates or sleep with the guy that had a crush on her while she was in a relationship (e.g. a guy from work, university or that she knows through friends).
As a result, cutting off contact for 30 to 60 days was a completely ineffective strategy and absolutely backfired.
So, let me make this 100% clear for you now…
Unless your ex is still secretly in love with you and is hoping that you and her will get back together, or if she is struggling to find herself a replacement guy, ignoring her for weeks or months is not going to make her come running back to you.
If your ex girlfriend doesn’t have feelings for you anymore, ignoring her for 30 or 60 days will just give her more time to completely get over you and move on.
If you want her back, you should actively re-attract her, rather than waiting around and hoping that she comes back to you just because you aren’t contacting her.
The next mistake is…
2. Not improving your ability to attract her and your understanding of what really attracts a woman to a man
When trying to get an ex back, a lot of guys make the mistake of using the same old approach that they used before (e.g. being really nice to her, listening and trying to understand her feelings, buying her flowers, chocolates and other gifts, being her friend in the hopes that she will see how dedicated and kind he is to her).
Yet, that approach rarely works to get a woman back.
When a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because something about his attitude, behavior, actions or way of life had turned her off.
She got to the point where she just didn’t feel enough respect, attraction and love to justify continuing a relationship with him.
So, if he wants to get her back, he has to improve his ability to make her feel attracted in new and more interesting ways (e.g. making her feel feminine and girly in comparison to his masculine vibe, using ballsy humor to break down her defenses and make her feel good to be interacting with him again, turning the tables and making her feel like she needs to impress him or live up to his standards).
If he tries to get her back without changing any of the things that turned her off (e.g. he remains needy, insecure, unmotivated, wimpy), nothing that he says is going to convince her to give him another chance.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Not interacting with her to reactivate her feelings
Sometimes, when a woman says things like, “Leave me alone. I know you want us to get back together again, but I don’t want you back. It’s over. Leave me alone” it’s only natural that a guy will assume he no longer has a chance.
So, rather than annoying her, he will pull back and just wait for her to cool down and hopefully open back up to him one day.
Essentially, he’s hoping that she will eventually make the first move (e.g. text him to say hi, suggest catching up, call him out of the blue to talk, send him a message on social media to apologize) when she’s ready.
He then sits around for weeks, months and in some cases even years, waiting for her to contact him, only to be devastated when he finds out she is dating someone else or in love and happy in a committed relationship.
If you don’t want that to happen, you have to be strong enough to change how she feels by interacting with her.
Don’t worry – she’s not going to be annoyed if you interact with her and make her smile, laugh and feel good to be interacting with you again.
She’s not going to be angry if she feels attracted and drawn to you again.
She might initially act that way, but if you have the confidence to withstand her initial coldness (it may last anywhere from 10 seconds to 5 minutes), then you can re-attract her and get her back.
So, call her on the phone or meet up with her in person and show her that you are now the man she always wanted you to be (e.g. confident, self-assured, determined, emotionally independent, emotionally mature).
Don’t tell her that you are; show her.
Let her experience it for herself and decide that you really are different now.
The more she experiences and enjoys the new you, the more she will associate positive feelings with you, rather than holding onto her negative feelings about you from the past.
As a result, her guard will naturally come down and she will become open to the idea of getting back together again.
On the other hand, if you don’t interact with her because you’re worried that she might get annoyed or angry, she will most likely move on and forget about you.
The next mistake to avoid is…
4. Pretending to be happy without her when you’re not
Although being genuinely happy and moving on with your life can impress your ex (because women love the idea of being with a man who wants her, but doesn’t need her to live a great life), pretending to be happy without her when you’re really not, isn’t a good idea.
In most cases, all a woman has to do is say something along the lines of, “Oh, okay…I see that you’re over me now and are enjoying life without me. Well, that’s too bad. I really thought I mattered to you, but now I’ve seen how easy it was for you to move on without me, I realize that you didn’t care about me after all. I honestly thought we could get back together again, but now it’s too late,” to catch her ex guy out in a lie.
If he tries to convince her that he isn’t happy and has been missing her the whole time, she will know that he was acting as though he was happy to trick her into wanting him back.
She may then start dating a new guy to protect herself against being hurt by her ex’s mind games again.
So, don’t pretend to be happy without your ex if you’re not.
Instead, be genuinely happy without her (e.g. by focusing on and making progress on your big goals in life, going out and having fun with friends, meeting and interacting with other women, pursuing your hobbies and interests).
You don’t have to begin dating other women to get your ex back, but at least be open to simply interacting with other women, to help yourself see that you can attract other women and aren’t doomed without your ex.
When you do that, it brings out all the positive traits that women respect in a man (e.g. confidence, masculinity, self-belief, assertiveness, emotional independence) and as a result, you automatically become more attractive to your ex.
Then, when you interact with her and she senses (via your tonality, body language and the way you think, behave and react) that you are now very confident, happy and have been getting on with your life without her, she will naturally begin to feel drawn to you again.
Of course, don’t shove it in her face and try to make her feel bad about the fact that you’re happy.
Just let her sense it based on how you think, talk, behave and act when interacting with her.
Women find men like that very attractive and appealing, so don’t be afraid to make her see you in that way.
She will then begin to look at you in a new light because you are behaving like the kind of man that she can look up to and respect.
Then, without you having to convince her, the roles reverse and she starts wanting you back.
You can literally achieve that within the next week.
You can make her want to be back with you and then give her a chance to be with you.
Alternatively, you can use an approach that gets her back today, tomorrow or within the next few days…