Here are 4 optional approaches you can use to save your marriage after a separation:
Option 1: Make her miss you and feel worried that you’re moving on without her
If your wife is the one who initiated the separation, she may assume that you’re going to be sitting at home alone, missing her and maybe even feeling lost and hopeless without her.
What she probably won’t be expecting though is for you to be happy and forward-moving in your life without her.
Although it might seem like it would work to sit around and seem lost, lonely and sad without her, what actually makes a woman feel attracted is when a man is emotionally strong and emotionally independent enough to get on with enjoying life with other people.
Women are attracted to the emotional strength of men, not the weakness, so you need to show strength.
This is why, when your wife notices that you’re not behaving in the ways she is expecting you to (e.g. chasing after her and begging her to change her mind, asking her what it will take to make her come home, being sad and desperate without her), she will begin to feel like she is losing you.
That’s what you need to make her feel if you want to save your marriage now that you’ve separated.
Getting her back is about her feeling drawn to you and not wanting to lose you.
That is what works.
When she begins feeling drawn to you and doesn’t want to lose you now, she will naturally begin to think something along the lines of, “This isn’t how it was supposed to be. I thought it would be over. I thought I was done with him. I also thought he would keep trying to make me change my mind. Yet, he’s not doing that. Instead, it looks like he’s getting on with his life without me. He looks happy, he seems confident and in good spirits. Now I’m the one missing him. Why do I suddenly feel so jealous and protective of him? Why am I worrying about another women finding him attractive now? He could sleep with her and fall in love with her. I don’t know if I want that. The idea of losing him for real is freaking me out now. Maybe this separation was a mistake. I want my husband back.”
She then becomes open to the idea of trying to work things out with you, without you ever having to try to convince her.
Instead, you focused on the most important thing of all: Her feelings of attraction and desire for you.
That is what saves a marriage and gets a wife back after a separation.
It’s about her feelings, her wants, her desire and her fear of ending up regretting losing you.
When your wife sees that you’re not being a needy, insecure, emotionally broken man without her, she will automatically begin to feel respect and attraction for you again, even though she might not openly admit it to you.
As a result of feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she then feels motivated to work things out because the idea of losing you scares her now.
She worries that she will end up regretting it because, clearly she still has feelings for you.
That is what works.
By the way…
Here are a few ways that you can make your wife miss you, feel jealous and feel worried that you’re moving on without her:
a) Go out and have fun with your friends, but try to make sure that there are women around too.
It doesn’t mean that you need to kiss, have sex or start dating any of those women.
Instead, you need to talk to them and have some fun with them (e.g. at a club or party dance with them, at the beach enjoy a group activity like beach volleyball, bowling, Frisbee at a park, hiking, dinner party, drinks).
b) Join a group activity that automatically includes other women (e.g. cooking classes, dancing lessons).
Make sure to take photos so you can show them to your wife when you catch up, or you can send via message or email.
Essentially, you want to say or send something like, “Hey, I hope you’re doing well. I was always a clumsy dancer, so I’ve been getting some lessons. Good fun.”
If you look confident and happy in the photos and if you’re around other women, she will worry that one or more of the women there will find you attractive.
Although your wife might never admit it, seeing you like that will make her feel more attracted to you and increase her desire to get back with you.
Of course, like many women, she might act as though she is angry, annoyed, offended and so on.
Yet, you can’t let a woman’s fake anger control you.
If you want to save your marriage and then keep it together, you really have to understand how a woman’s attraction works and then use that to make your wife want you more than ever.
Women are attracted to things about men that they will rarely admit because if they do, other people may negatively judge her, or in a marriage, her husband might judge her for it.
So, women will often say that they just want a man to be nice, sweet, kind, sensitive and so on all the time, but in reality, what attracts a woman to a man is when he is a good man, but has some balls and makes her feel a little challenged.
Additionally, when a woman feels the need to impress her husband, maintain her looks and treat him well, it makes her love him, respect him and feel attracted to him so much more, especially if he’s a good man.
Yet, women can’t go around saying, “I want a man to make me feel like I could lose him if I don’t impress him enough.”
Everyone would tell her, “No girl, he has to impress you all the time. He has to treat you like a princess and so on.”
So, she keeps it a secret.
A man who knows how a woman’s attraction really works will easily get laid, get a girlfriend and if he marries, easily maintain his wife’s attraction for life.
I know this personally because I lived a player lifestyle with women for over a decade and have been with my wife now for almost 8 years as of writing this article.
Even though my wife was incredibly attracted to me initially, she is more attracted now and continually puts in effort to make herself look good and treat me well.
That’s how a marriage can be when you truly understand how a woman’s attraction works.
In terms of your wife, make sure that you’re not afraid to show her that you are confident, happy and enjoying life without her.
I know it might seem cruel, but it’s what works.
Sometimes a woman needs to feel the emotional pain of potentially losing her husband to another woman, to then feel motivated to give him another chance.
It really depends if you are willing to do what it takes to save your marriage, end the separation and make her feel more attracted and committed to you than she was before.
If you are willing to do what it takes, you might also want to:
c) Join a group travel club for people your age.
There are a lot of single, separated or recently divorced people who join groups who travel or go on adventures together.
It can include domestic or international travel, as well as tours or trips to tourist attractions within your state.
Whatever you do though, make sure that you take lots of photos of yourself having fun with the new people you meet along the way.
Then, make sure that your wife will find out about it, either via mutual friends, via social media, or when you message her or email her and let her know.
For example: You might say, “I always wanted to do a bit of travel to [wherever you went]. It has been a lot of fun. We’re planing on going to [wherever the next trip is to] next. Good stuff. Anyway, I hope you’ve been well.”
She will naturally feel a bit sad that you are doing things like that without her.
After all, she is your wife and you’ve been together for so long.
It’s a tough thing for her to see, but it works.
BTW: Make sure the photos are of you looking confident and having fun with other people.
Don’t take photos of you on your own, you looking self-conscious or you seeming like you aren’t really included in the group.
Only take photos where you look happy, confident and included.
That is what works.
Then, when your wife is aware of the fun you’ve been having, arrange to catch up and say hi in person (if you’re not already doing that automatically due to the kids).
When in person, continue to build on her feelings of respect and attraction for you by being confident, emotionally strong, making her feel girly in your presence (very attractive to women) and by having the balls to crack some jokes and flirt with her.
The more attracted to you she feels, the more your wife will want to get back together and make the marriage work.
Another option to save your marriage after separation is…
Option 2: Give her a week of space and during that time, rapidly improve your ability to attract her. Then, interact with her, re-attract her and get her back
Rather than chasing after your wife and making things worse by trying to convince her to give you another chance, (e.g. begging and pleading with her to change her mind, promising her that you will change anything that she wants if she will just give you one more chance, telling her that you meant it when you vowed to love her ‘till death do you part’, crying to her), just give her a week of space for now.
By giving her a week of space, it allows things to calm down between you and her after the separation.
She can see that you’re not being a pain and annoying her with pleading requests to give you another chance.
She’s on her own now (or on her own with the kids).
That’s not a nice feeling after being married.
So, during the week of space, she has a chance to calm down and possibly even begin to miss you and just want to forgive you, so you and her can get back together.
Yet, be careful…
Don’t give her too much space before you contact her and re-attract her.
So many men make the mistake of using the one-size-fits-all, No Contact Rule and ignoring their wife for 30 days.
In cases like that, a woman will often feel determined to go through with the divorce because he clearly doesn’t care and is just being reckless when it comes to their marriage.
So, don’t go overboard with giving her space.
Give her a week and then focus on interacting with her and re-attracting her, so you can get her back, rather than having to go through a costly (both financially and emotionally) divorce.
The fact is, when you reawaken your wife’s sexual and romantic feelings for you, she has a reason to want to get back with you that feels good to her.
As a result, she naturally opens herself up to working things out so that you can save your marriage, or at least get back together for a while to see how things go.
To reawaken her feelings, you need to change the approach that you’ve been using in the marriage.
What you need to change really depends on what mistakes you were making in particular.
For example: Here are some of the changes that your wife might want to see first, to make her feel motivated to get back together:
- You’re now a lot more attentive, loving and caring towards her, but you aren’t being those things just to get her back. Instead, you really have changed and you enjoy being that way with her now. Additionally, you’re not sucking up with her with attentiveness. You’re doing it out of genuine love and appreciation of her. You really do feel she deserves it.
- You now maintain your confidence around her at all times, rather than letting what she says or does make you feel insecure, unsure of yourself, angry or jealous.
- You now focus on your own goals, dreams and ambitions in life, rather than making her the centre of your world and causing her to feel smothered and as though she can’t make a move without you.
- You’re more emotionally dominant than her now, rather than allowing her to push you around or get away with disrespecting you or behaving badly (e.g. throwing too many tantrums, expecting way too much from you, being very unreasonable about things). Of course, you’re still a good man and you still treat her well, but you simply don’t accept bad treatment from her anymore and know how to put her back in her place in a loving, but dominant way. Women love that when it’s done right. It’s not about being a bully. It’s about being dominant in a loving way. Big difference.
- You are a more emotionally masculine guy now and as a result, she feels more feminine in comparison to you, which makes her feel more attracted to you. She no longer feels like a roommate or someone you share the bills with. She feels like your girl again and it’s exciting.
- You now have a clear purpose and direction in life that you’re working towards, rather than behaving in an immature or irresponsible way that makes her feel unsafe in the marriage (e.g. spending too much time watching TV or playing video games, hanging out with friends who are a bad influence on you, not making progress in your career).
When you have begun to make some adjustments (i.e. you don’t have to be perfect or have achieved everything. Instead, you just need to have begun to make some progress), you are ready to begin re-attracting her and getting her back.
If you can’t meet up with her in person, get her on a phone call with you and use some humor to bring down her defenses.
Then, get her to open up to seeing you in person.
In person, she will be able to fully notice the changes in you by observing your body language (e.g. you’re calm, confident and relaxed, rather than nervous, tense and insecure) and by seeing your reactions to what she says or does to tick you off.
When she realizes that you really are different now, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect and attraction for you again, even if she initially tries to deny it to herself.
Attraction is an automatic reaction that happens without a man or a woman having to do anything.
Additionally, it happens even if you try to fight it or hide it.
It’s an automatic reaction.
So, when you are interacting with her in a much more attractive way, she will automatically feel some attraction for you.
As a result, her defenses will come down a little and she will then begin to open back up to giving the marriage another chance.
Another option to save your marriage after separation is…
Option 3: Move on with a new woman and be happy, so she feels like the rejected one. Then, give her another chance if/when she tries to get you back
This option might feel weird or even cruel to do when you’re still her husband.
After all, you married her and you really want to be back with her, so the thought of being with a new woman might not be appealing to you at the moment.
Yet, if your wife really doesn’t want to be with you anymore and is planning on going through with the divorce (i.e. you are losing her), then sometimes, it can be helpful to make her feel like she is losing you.
One of the reasons why, is that in most cases, a woman will start dating new men while she is still separated to help herself move on from her husband, rather than going back to him.
If your wife does that to you, then you will probably feel devastated when you find out.
Not only did she want a separation, but now she’s dating new men.
It’s a double rejection and can cause some men to become severely depressed and stressed.
It feels like a huge punch in the guts.
After all you and her went through, she starts dating new men during your separation.
Why would she start dating so quickly though?
One of the reasons women do it is to protect their own emotions from being hurt.
Many women fear that, while separated, her husband will find a replacement woman and move on before she’s had a chance to move on first.
She will then feel like she is being rejected and left behind, which will often make her want her husband back.
Of course, she won’t want him to know that because she doesn’t want to encourage him to start dating new women.
Yet, she will be checking up on him on social media or talking to mutual friends about him as a way of keeping tabs on him.
This is why, if you want to save your marriage after separation and your gut instinct is telling that she is just going to go through with the divorce and move on, then you might want to begin moving on with a new woman to make your wife jealous.
Not only does it make her jealous, but it also makes her feel more attracted to you, especially if the woman is pretty.
Of course, it’s a big move to make, especially after being married.
Yet, if you don’t do it and the separation goes on for months, then she will almost certainly do it.
Then you will have to deal with the image of her sleeping with a new man, while you try to get her back.
By the way…
If you decide to use the option of making her jealous by moving on, you need to do it for real, rather than just pretending to.
If you pretend to be moving on just to make your wife jealous, you stand a big chance of getting caught out in a lie.
If she finds out that you were lying, then it will backfire and cause her to lose even more respect and attraction for you.
So, don’t lie to your wife about moving on with another woman.
Only tell her about it if you’re actually dating a new woman for real and are genuinely beginning to move on without her.
Then, when she asks you about it, you can honestly say, “Yes, it’s true. That doesn’t mean I don’t still love you of course, or that I don’t want our marriage to work, but you don’t want to be with me, so I’m just moving on.”
She then realizes that it was her fault for pushing you away.
She feels like she is losing you.
Even though she may appear to be upset and angry with you at that point, she will secretly feel attracted to you again (women always feel more attracted to men who other women are attracted to. It’s a natural reaction that women have) and want you back.
By the way…
If you don’t like the thought of getting involved with another woman, then focus on just having fun with other people, including other women and letting your wife find out about it (e.g. via social media, through mutual friends).
It will have a similar effect on her, without you needing to get involved with another woman and then having to break up with her when you take your wife back.
Another option to save your marriage after separation is…
Option 4: Use your interactions with her to fix the relationship problems and make both of you feel good about starting over again
One of the best ways to save your marriage after separation is by showing your wife (not telling her) that you’re serious about ironing out your problems with her and making the marriage feel better than it ever has.
However, it’s important to understand that there is a big difference between telling a woman that you will change and actually changing and letting her experience it.
One is a maybe type of promise that could end up being a stressful, frustrating experience for her and the other is refreshing, exciting and enjoyable for her.
So, don’t promise to change.
Instead, let her see that you are changing and more importantly, let her experience new, more enjoyable emotions in your presence.
Now, if you’re going to use this option (I recommend this option the most), make sure that you don’t ask her what you need to change, so you can then change it and show it to her.
A woman doesn’t want to be responsible for shaping her ex husband into the man that he needs to become.
So, when a man asks his wife to tell him what she wants him to do to be a better husband, it usually only highlights to her that he doesn’t have a clue what he’s been doing wrong all along.
As a result, he needs her to hold his had and teach him how to be the man that she wants him to be.
That’s not attractive to her, or to almost every woman on the planet because it makes her feel like she is taking on a mother or big sister role in his life.
That doesn’t turn a woman on.
A wife wants to feel like her husband’s girl.
Of course, she will rarely admit that, but simply look at the women who are the happiest in their marriages and the woman will be the man’s girl.
She will feel girly and feminine around him because he is so emotionally strong, confident, emotionally masculine and clear on his role as the man.
Unfortunately, a lot of men don’t ever get taught that growing up, or they do know it, but they lose it over time in a relationship or marriage with a woman as a result, the woman falls out of love with him.
So, rather than explain to her husband why she feels turned off, a woman will usually just decide to continue with the separation and being looking for a man who already knows how to be a man without her help or guidance.
This is why, you need to change your approach when interacting with her from now on, so she can see for herself that you really do understand where you went wrong and have already begun to improve in many, subtle ways that she now finds attractive and appealing.
- If you were previously emotionally weak and insecure in the relationship, you have now become more emotionally strong and emotionally independent.
- If you were closed off, selfish and aloof in the relationship before and it made her feel taken for granted, you’re now more loving and emotionally open. Yet, you haven’t turned into a wimp who is sucking up to her. You’re still a manly man, but are simply being more loving, affectionate and kind.
- If you fell into the habit of behaving in a less masculine way in the marriage and it made her feel more emotionally dominant than you, you are now more masculine in your attitude, thinking and behavior.
- If you treated her like a friend or roommate for a long time in the marriage, which caused her to lose interest in having sex, you now flirt with her to build up the sexual tension between you and make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman again.
The more your wife can see that if she got back with you, things really would be different this time, the more open she becomes to giving your marriage another chance.
Remember: It’s about how she feels when she interacts with you now.
That is what counts.
2 Mistakes to Avoid if You Want to Save Your Marriage and Get Her Back
Although a separation can seem like it’s the beginning of the end for your marriage, it really doesn’t have to be that way.
Millions of men all over the world separate from their wife and manage to get back together.
You can do it too.
You can get her back.
However, if you make one of these classic mistakes, she might end up moving on and going through with a divorce:
1. Cutting off contact and waiting for her to do all of the work to get you back
Sometimes, a man will put the responsibility of getting back together on the woman’s shoulders.
Essentially, he thinks, “She’s the one who wanted the separation, so I’m going to give her space to make her miss me. She will then come back to me. If she doesn’t, then it wasn’t mean to be. It’s up to her.”
He may then cut off contact with her and wait for her to make the next move.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Although cutting off contact and waiting can work if a woman feels embarrassed about going through a separation and wants to get her husband back, it can also backfire pretty badly.
For example: If a woman is tired of her marriage and is no longer attracted and in love with her husband, him cutting off contact is usually the confirmation she needs to convince her that the separation was a good idea.
She thinks, “Well, he obviously doesn’t give a crap. He’s not even trying. So, I’m going to move on in the meantime to make myself feel better.”
She might then try to move on (e.g. hook up with a coworker who has always had a crush on her, use Tinder to line up dates, tell her friends to introduce her to single men) and begin starting a new life without her husband.
If she meets a new man and falls in love with him, then it can become difficult to get her back.
So, if you want to save your marriage, don’t waste time ignoring your wife.
Instead, interact with her, reawaken her feelings for you and get her back.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Going to marriage counseling
3 main reasons why marriage counseling is usually a bad idea for a husband that wants his wife back after a separation:
In most cases, the counselor takes the woman’s side and ends up making most things sound like the man’s fault.
The recommendations are usually ones that go against what is actually attractive to women (i.e. the man is told to be nicer, more gentle, softer, to listen more, to be more helpful and so on).
The counselor also digs in and finds more relationship problems that the wife probably wasn’t aware of, which makes her more determined to move on.
Of course, that doesn’t mean counseling never works.
It can work for some couples.
Yet, in most cases, it just causes more problems for the man because he doesn’t get any honest advice on how to re-attract his wife.
He just gets told to be nicer, to listen to her more and give her time.
Then, because he’s not behaving in a way that re-attracts her, a wife often decides that she wants to go through with a divorce.
So, be careful about going to counseling.
Instead, focus on what you can do to re-attract her, so she wants to get back with you.
Remember: The most important thing is how she feels when she interacts with you now.
That is what counts when getting a woman back and it’s what has saved countless marriages all over the world.
Re-attract her and get her back.
You can do it.