If you don’t do what it takes to re-attract her during the trial separation, there’s a high chance she will want to go through with a divorce.
So, here are 5 things you can do while you still have a chance to save your marriage and get her back:
1. Let her sense that you honestly accept the trial separation and although you will miss her, you respect her need for space
Even though you probably just want to be back with her as soon as possible, or right away, it’s best to let her sense that you do respect her need for space and trust that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.
Where a lot of men go wrong is to give the impression that they are panicking, worried and stressed that the trial separation will definitely lead to a divorce.
It won’t because you are going to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and when she feels that, she will naturally begin to reconnect with her romantic love for you.
More about that later.
For now, here’s another thing you can do to save your marriage and get you and her back together…
2. Agree not to talk to each other for a week and to then say hi after that
A week is a long time for a married couple not to speak and that’s the point really.
When she agrees not to speak to each other for a week and starts missing you, or wanting to reach out to you during that time, she will feel the pain of not having you in her life anymore.
So, say to her, “Let’s start by giving each other some space for about a week. No calls or even texts during that. After that, I’ll give you a quick call to say hi. No pressure, or even questions about us getting back together again or anything like that. Just us having a friendly chat. So, it’s bye from me for now and I’ll chat to you in a week.”
Then, stick to your word, give her a week of space and allow things to calm down between you and her and for her to start missing you a little bit.
After a week, make the call and be sure to use some humor to ease the tension and make her feel happy to be talking to you again, rather than having a serious, sad, or distant type of conversation with her.
By using humor and remaining calm, confident and relaxed while you’re talking to her, she will naturally feel good to be talking to you again.
As a result, she will be much more likely to say “Yes,” when you suggest catching up to say hi.
When you catch up, you can then re-attract her by being confident, emotionally masculine, flirting with her and using humor.
You can start to get the spark back between you and her and as a result, she will realize that she still loves you and doesn’t want to be separated from you anymore.
3. During the week apart, rapidly improve your ability to spark feelings of attraction inside of her
If you interact with her again and are using the same old approach to attraction that she has become bored of, then she’s probably not going to be interested in getting back into a romantic, sexual relationship with you.
She might just decide to continue with the separation and go through with a divorce, so she can get out there and find herself a man who will make her feel attracted (e.g. she will go for a man who is more of a challenge or bad boy, if her husband was a pushover or nice guy).
This is why, you need to use the time apart from her wisely by preparing to give her an upgraded attraction experience, which will make her feel excited to be getting back with you.
So, what should you change about your approach to attraction with her specifically?
That depends on who you are, what mistakes you made in the relationship and what your wife really needs to experience around you to feel enough attraction to want to give the marriage another shot.
For example: A wife might want to see some of the following changes in her husband…
- He maintains his confidence when she tries to make him feel insecure by teasing him about things, rather than being emotionally sensitive like he has been in the past.
- He is more loving, caring and attentive towards her now, but doesn’t suck up to her in a desperate way while doing it.
- He uses humor to snap her out of a bad mood, rather than getting upset with her and losing control of his emotions.
- He makes her feel like she’s still the sexiest, most desirable woman in the world in his eyes, rather than letting the spark die between them and allowing every day routines and responsibilities turn them into roommates, rather than lovers.
- He stops doing the things that have been annoying her and pushes himself to take on new, more attractive and appealing behaviors.
- He makes her feel happy to show him respect and treat him well, rather than sulking about her treatment of him and trying to guilt-trip her into treating him better.
- He stops being so serious and stressed around her and starts being more easygoing, lighthearted and relaxed.
- Whatever you do, just don’t catch up with her and essentially make her feel the way she did in the recent past.
She is tired of the old relationship dynamic and you need to put in an effort to change your approach, so she can feel differently around you and want to keep the marriage together.
4. Use any interactions you have with her (after giving her a week of space) to reactivate her feelings of attraction for you
Rather than getting into serious conversations with her about the marriage, or only talking to her about your mutual responsibilities (e.g. the house, the kids, or pets), focus instead on making interactions with you feel fun and enjoyable.
Make your wife to feel like she did when she was falling in love with you the first time (e.g. ‘butterflies’ in her stomach, feeling excited about the sparks flying back between you and her, wanting to be around you more and more, looking at her phone all the time, in case she missed a text or call from you).
5. Let her see that you are confident, happy and enjoying your life without her, but be well-mannered about it
For example: Rather than telling her how happy you are without her, let her make that assumption by seeing photos of you on social media hanging out with other people and having fun.
Sometimes a man will be afraid to post up photos of himself having fun around other people out of a fear that his wife will get angry and say something like, “Well, you didn’t waste any time to start living your life without me, did you? I guess our marriage wasn’t important enough to keep you home during our trial separation. Well, don’t let me stop you from enjoying the good life. In fact, once the divorce is through, you can have all the fun you want!”
Alternatively, he worry that family and friends will comment and ask where she is, or why he didn’t invite her along.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Even though your wife probably won’t admit it, she will definitely feel more attraction for you for being emotionally strong enough to get on with enjoying life without her, compared to just sitting around feeling sad, lonely and depressed.
It might hurt her, but in many cases, that is what is needed for a wife to realize that she does love her husband and doesn’t want to go through with the divorce.
As for family or friends commenting and asking where she is, he can simply say that she was busy, or ‘wasn’t able to make it’ and leave it at that.
However, he shouldn’t avoid doing what will make his wife want him back, merely because a friend or family member might ask where she is, or think badly of him for having fun without her (i.e. if the family or friend knows that they are going through a trial separation).
So, don’t worry if she pretends to be angry or upset that you seem happy without her and don’t worry what friends or family might think.
Just do what works.
The reality is that women feel more attracted to emotionally independent, confident men than emotionally dependent (i.e. needy), insecure men, so you will be making her feel attracted by being strong enough to get out and enjoy yourself and seem confident and happy, despite what you and her are currently going through.
Believe me, I know that it sounds risky to post up photos of yourself having fun with others, but I’ve been helping new men get women back for many years now and I know what works.
You’ve got to make her feel the pain of potentially losing you, even if it results in her pretending to be offended, insulted or angry at you for having fun without her.
At the end of the day, when she feels the stinging pain of seeing you confident and happy without her, it will make her realize that she does care about you and doesn’t want to lose you.
As a result, she will want to cancel the trial separation and get back with you, to avoid continuing to feel that kind of pain and despair.
Of course, some men think, “But, what if she goes out and does the same thing back to me?”
That could happen, but the reality is that when she sees you looking confident, happy and enjoying life without her, it will make her feel respect and attraction for you for having the strength to do that without her.
It will also make her feel a little worried that if she doesn’t get back with you, she might end up losing you to another woman and will then regret it for the rest of her life.
3 Mistakes to Avoid Making When Going Through a Trial Separation
1. Forbidding her to talk to, flirt with or date other men during the time apart
If you make a point of trying to get your wife to agree to not flirt with other men during the trial separation, it will simply make her want to do it more because she will feel turned off by the fact that you see other men as being better than you, or more attractive than you.
Women are always more attracted to a man when he doesn’t see other men as competition, so don’t make her think that you feel threatened by men who might have a crush on her.
If you do, she will naturally feel more attracted to those men if they seem more confident and sure of themselves than you do, which can lead her to want to explore her feelings and see what it’s like to sleep with one of those men.
Additionally, if you try to prevent her from flirting with other men during the separation, she might feel more motivated to do it just to spite you for trying to control her (especially if one of the core problems in your marriage).
So, if you want your wife to remain faithful to you during the separation, don’t act like an insecure guy who is worried about another man being better than you.
Instead, let her see that you believe in yourself and in your value to her, regardless of the circumstances you’re in at the moment.
You are the man, end of story.
No other man compares.
That’s how you should be thinking of yourself.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Not using the time to figure out the core problems in the relationship, rather than the surface problems
Some men make the mistake of looking at the surface problems (e.g. arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings) and assume that fixing those things will make the relationship work.
Yet, there are usually deeper issues that lead to surface problems in the relationship.
For example: The spark has died and as a result, it feels like they are just sticking for because of the kids, to not have to go through the embarrassment of a divorce, because they are paying off a house together, or can’t afford to move out on their own.
So, if a husband and wife are going through a trial separation and the husband just hopes that things will fix themselves and the marriage will get back together, he will often be shocked and disappointed when his wife says that she wants to go through with a divorce.
To avoid that happening to you, make sure that you get clear on what the core problems in the relationship are and prepare yourself to give her a different experience around you the next time she interacts with you.
You’ve got to be able to make her feel as though things really would be different if you got back together, based on how you now talk to her, react to her, behave around her and get her to behave around you.
Don’t tell her that things will be different.
Let her feel it based on the adjustments you make to how you approach interactions with her.
That is what works.
3. Accepting her requests for more and more space, without realizing what she is really up to
In many cases, a woman will ask for more and more space and time during a separation to get over her husband and possibly even meet a new man to get into a relationship with.
Then, when she’s over him and ready to announce her desire to divorce, or when she’s found a new man and has decided to have a relationship with him, she can then confidently say to her husband, “I’ve made up my mind. Our marriage isn’t going to work and I want a divorce. I’m sorry to have to do this, but it’s for the best.”
She can then move on without too much trauma because she’s already prepared herself emotionally for it, or because she has a new man who is making her feel safe, secure and wanted.
Meanwhile, her husband is left behind feeling rejected, stressed, sad and lost without her in his life.
Don’t let that happen to you.