Here are 5 things that you can do to regain control over your emotions and stop the stalking:
1. Don’t unfollow her or unfriend her from social media
Other people might tell you to unfollow your ex on social media, but unfollowing her or unfriending her isn’t going to help you.
For example: Well meaning friends might say things like, “If you unfollow/ unfriend her, you won’t be torturing yourself anymore when you see photos or videos of her smiling and having fun without you. Unfollowing/unfriending is the best thing you can do to start letting her go.”
Yet, that is not the solution.
That’s just putting a band-aid on a huge wound.
It’s not going to work.
If you can’t stop stalking your ex, you will probably just find another way to check on her.
For example: Go and look at her profile from the outside and obsess about her in that way instead.
Alternatively, you might drive yourself crazy because you can no longer follow her online and end up spying on her even in other ways, (e.g. lurking around at university, outside work, watching to see if she goes to the gym and even lurking around her neighborhood to get a glimpse of her), which is even worse.
You don’t want to end up doing those things.
It’s not good your emotional health and it’s definitely going to turn her off if she finds out.
So, don’t unfollow her on social media.
Be stronger than that.
Be a man about this.
If you unfollow her and are still obsessed by her, you’re probably going to check the profiles of her friends to see if she is in any photos.
That will cause you to feel even more obsessed and worry even more.
So, don’t bother blocking her on social media.
What should you do instead?
For just one day, clear your mind and allow yourself to feel good about life, even though your ex isn’t a part of it right now.
As much as possible, allow yourself to disconnect from wanting her by honestly imagining a great life without her.
Even if you don’t want to have a new woman ever again and only want her, just spend the day imagining yourself living an amazing life without her, with a new woman or enjoying loving relationships with new women.
It might be tough for you to do that, but it’s the first step to stop feeling like you need her.
You can still get her back.
No problem with that.
However, you have to stop the obsession.
So, give yourself a day to completely disconnect from her emotionally by imagining an amazing life without her.
That’s what you should do.
On the other hand, what you shouldn’t do is stay at home and focus on things like how much you miss her, how you can’t live without her or how you’re afraid that she’s going to meet another guy and move on without you.
Thinking like that is only going to make you obsesses over her even more, which may result in you stalking her online or in person.
So, for one day, clear your mind of her and force yourself to enjoy imagining an amazing life without her.
See yourself in love with a new woman and feel amazing with that new woman.
Feel love with her like you have never felt before with any other woman, including your ex.
When thoughts of your ex come into your mind, tell yourself, “I don’t need her. I am fine without her. So many other women would love to be with me. It’s easy to get a new girlfriend because I’m such a great guy. I don’t need my ex. I’m free.”
If you can honestly spend a day without her clouding your thoughts and making you worry, stress and panic, you will begin the process of getting her back.
Getting an ex woman back is mostly about becoming emotionally attractive to her again.
If you’re stalking her, it’s almost guaranteed that you’re going to be in an emotional state that is unattractive (i.e. you’re needy for her).
So, start the process of getting her back by mentally and emotionally letting her go.
Replace her in your mind by imagining yourself living an amazing life with a new, amazing woman or with a series amazing women that you enjoy passionate, loving, fulfilling relationships with.
Another thing you can do to regain control over your emotions and stop stalking your ex is…
2. Change your perception of her
Right now, you’re probably only thinking about how perfect she was for you.
However, if you are completely honest with yourself, you will likely realize that no one in this world is perfect, including your ex.
If you don’t believe that, have a think about all of her positive and negative qualities and try to focus on her negatives for the next few days.
Here are 10 examples of some positive and negative qualities to help you with your list:
|Positive qualities||Negative qualities|
|She has a good sense of humor.||She lies to me all the time.|
|She is beautiful and sexy.||She likes to create drama for no reason.|
|She is great in bed.||She is too self-absorbed.|
|My friends and family like her.||She likes to gossip about other people.|
|She is ambitious.||She’s very negative.|
|She is fun to be around.||She isn’t supportive of my goals and dreams.|
|She is a generous person.||She disrespects me in front of others.|
|She is loyal.||She is too demanding.|
|She is adventurous.||She is untidy.|
|She is confident.||She neglects me because she spends too much time on social media.|
While reading through the list above, you most likely found some positive and negative qualities that relate to your ex, right?
That’s a good thing.
Now try to add more items to your list of negatives about her and focus on that whenever you think of your ex in a positive way.
Make sure that for now, you only focus on the negatives, rather than clinging onto the positives.
When you switch your focus away from all the positives about her, you will likely realize that she had some faults too.
As a result, you hopefully won’t feel as tempted to stalk her, because you realize that even though you made mistakes, she made mistakes too.
That allows you to feel more equal to her, rather than putting her on a pedestal and worshiping her as someone who is more valuable than you.
She isn’t more valuable than you.
You are a valuable man.
You are good enough for her.
When you can honestly feel that way about yourself, getting her back suddenly doesn’t seem as impossible as you once thought.
You can then stop stalking her and start interacting with her and reactivating her feelings for you so that you can get her back.
Another thing you can do to regain control over your emotions and stop stalking your ex is…
3. Feel sorry for her that she has broken up with you and is missing out on being with you
One of the main reasons why you may have been stalking your ex is as a result of thinking thins like, “I was so lucky to have her in my life. She was the perfect woman for me and now she’s gone and I will never be able to find another woman as amazing as her.”
If you want her back, now time for you to start thinking in the opposite way.
Even though she may be a great woman, you’re also a great man, true?
There are many remarkable things about you that she’s losing out on because she’s no longer your girl, true?
When you can feel sorry for her for letting a great man like you go, not only will you no longer feel the need to stalk her anymore, but you will also begin to feel better about yourself.
When that happens, you can begin to stop thinking insecure thoughts like, “She’s too good for me,” or “She will never give me another chance. I blew it and now it’s over between us. I’ve lost her forever.”
So, focus on only having confident thoughts about yourself and about your value to your ex.
For example: Tell yourself…
- It’s her that will be lucky to get me back, not the other way around.
- I’m a new and improved man now and when she picks it up on that via the way I now talk, think and behave around her, she will automatically feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for me.
- I feel so much more confident now and I will continue to feel even confident when I interact with her, regardless of what she says or does to make me feel insecure and nervous around her.
When she sees that I’m happy and fulfilled in my life with or without her, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling attracted to me again.
From there, don’t sit around hoping your ex will discover the new and improved you by herself.
You need to contact her on the phone, or meet up with her in person, so she can then experience your newfound confidence and self-belief and feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you because of it.
Your confidence will come through in the tonality of your voice, your body language and in the way you behave and respond to her.
She will pick up on it.
She will sense that you have changed and have become more emotionally attractive (i.e. you’re no longer needy because you are happy, confident and emotionally fulfilled without her).
When she sees for herself that you are a much more emotionally attractive man now, she will naturally start to worry about losing you.
Some people may say that you’re a bad man for getting to the point where you have stalked her.
Yes, it’s not the best thing to do, but hey – everyone makes mistakes.
Likewise, other people don’t know what you and her have been through and what you have personally been through during your life that has caused you to end up feeling like you need to stalk your ex.
It’s best to stop stalking her of course, but don’t beat yourself up about it.
Just focus on regaining control of your emotions and being a more emotionally mature, secure man from now on.
Additionally, some people may think that it would be impossible for a guy to get a woman back if he’s gotten to the point where he’s stalking her.
Yet, the reality is that if your ex was with you, then she knows what you are like (i.e. you may have been needy) and she remained with you for quite a while.
She may not have liked who you became, but that doesn’t mean that she will hate the new you too.
For example: If she can see that you’ve gotten rid of your inner neediness that results in possessive, jealous behavior and she really did used to love you, she’s almost certainly going to be happy about that.
She’s going to be happy to see that the man she once really loved has gotten his act together and really has changed.
A guy who ends up stalking his ex might not be attractive to most women, so they might complain if they ever hear about it.
Yet, it’s none of their business that you made that mistake.
Likewise, you don’t need their approval to transform yourself emotionally and then feel good about yourself for no longer being a needy guy.
Everyone makes mistakes.
So, just use the mistake you’ve made of stalking her as an opportunity to transform yourself as a man and quickly become the kind of guy that your ex would love to get back with.
Don’t worry about what others may think.
This is your personal journey and you are going to stop stalking your ex and start re-attracting her because you’re going to become so emotionally attractive to her that she will feel compelled to give you another chance.
Another thing you can do to regain control over your emotions and stop stalking your ex is…
4. Start enjoying life with other people
Right now, you probably don’t want to be around other people and the idea of being able to actually have fun without your ex might seem impossible.
Being anti-social not only keeps you trapped in a negative cycle where you feel compelled to focus on your ex, but it also limits your chances of ever being able to re-attract her.
Women are instinctively attracted to the kind of men who are emotionally strong enough to handle whatever life throws at them (e.g. a difficult break up) and turned off by men who fall apart when something negative happens to them.
So, the more that a guy struggles to cope with a break up, the less attractive he becomes to her.
If she then also happens to catch him stalking her, rather than thinking, “Aww…he’s really having such a hard time coping. That must mean he still loves me. Maybe I should forgive him and give him another chance,” she feels turned off, disgusted and possibly even threatened by his actions.
As you can imagine, those kinds of feelings are not what will make her want to give you another chance.
This is why it’s so important for you to start having fun with other people, rather than keeping to yourself.
This doesn’t mean you have to date new women.
Of course, you can if you want to, but most guys who want their ex woman back don’t want to date other women.
You don’t have to do that.
Instead, just get out and enjoy fun times with other people.
- Join a group exercise class. It may feel a bit awkward to even think of going to something like that, but you will enjoy it if you do it.
- Try salsa dancing and immediately be around a whole bunch of women who want to dance with you. You don’t have to hook up with any women, but you can if you want to.
- Go on a weekend adventure with a travel group. You don’t even have to bring a friend. You can go alone and join the travel group.
- Take a cooking class. There’s usually plenty of women there. Talk to them and have fun. You don’t have to date any of them if you don’t want to, but let yourself see that women don’t hate you. You are loved and accepted. Everything is fine. You don’t need to stalk your ex. You won’t die without her.
After enjoying some fun times with other people, you can then call your ex on the phone, or meet up with her in person to say hi.
Let her experience the new, confident, emotionally strong you and see for herself that you’re not going crazy without her.
Instead, you’re actually getting on with your life and even having fun.
As a result, she will be able to relax her guard a little bit around you.
When that happens, she naturally starts to feel some respect and attraction for you again for being man enough to pick yourself up and improve, rather than losing your mind as you stalk her and obsess over her every post on social media.
When she relaxes and opens up, you can then build on her new feelings for you and make her want to try again.
Another thing you can do to regain control over your emotions and stop stalking your ex is to…
5. Understand what emotional attraction is and how important it is when getting an ex woman back
Most women are more excited by a man’s ability to attract them emotionally during interactions, than they are to other more superficial things such as his appearance, money or status.
Appearance, money or status can initially attract a woman’s attention, but what really attracts her and makes her want to stay with a guy is his ability to make her feel emotionally attracted as he talks to her and spends time with her.
Being obsessed with a woman to the point where you are needy and even stalking to her is not the way to make her feel emotionally attracted.
Even if you try to hide it, she will pick up on it via your body language, choice of words, tonality, vibe, behavior and actions.
Emotional attractiveness cannot be faked.
You have to be emotionally attractive on the inside (i.e. confident, emotionally secure) and it will then come through on the outside for her to see and feel attracted to.
Where Guys Go Wrong After a Break Up
Getting broken up and losing the woman you love sucks.
Yet, even though you might be feeling devastated right now, if you don’t regain control of your emotions, you may end up stuck in a rut for years or even decades where, no matter what kind of women you meet, you always miss your ex and wish you could get her back.
So, if you want to get your ex back, try to avoid making one of the following mistakes:
1. Focusing on her good qualities so much that she seems perfect
Chances are high that your ex was a great woman.
Maybe she was even the most beautiful woman you’ve ever dated.
However, even if she is amazing in many ways, she isn’t perfect.
You may want to say to yourself, “No, but she’s perfect for me” and try to justify how you feel about her, but it won’t help.
You have to be able to admit that she isn’t perfect.
No one is.
We all have some flaws and we all make mistakes sometimes.
So, if you want to stop stalking her or obsessing over her so you can become more emotionally attractive, you have to stop telling yourself things like, “I will never be able to find another woman as perfect as her. Everything about her was flawless. I was the one who wasn’t good enough for her and now I’ve lost her forever. No other woman compares to her. She is special. She is perfect for me. I could never find that kind of love again.”
Don’t waste time putting her on a pedestal and then focusing on how badly you messed up in the relationship.
You made mistakes, but she made some mistakes too.
So, focus on the fact that you are becoming a better man and are a better man every minute, hour and day now.
You’re on the up and up.
You are becoming more emotionally attractive.
You’re becoming more attractive than you ever have been.
You’ve got this.
It’s important to understand that you control your feelings by how you think and perceive yourself and the world around you.
When you stop idolizing her, you will realize that you are worthy of her and that will make you feel more confident.
When you feel confident enough, you can then take action to re-attract her and get her back.
However, if you keep putting yourself down while comparing yourself to her, you may remain stuck spying on her from afar, because you’ll never feel worthy enough to approach her and get her back.
So, start believing in yourself.
Start and then continue.
Quickly become very confident in yourself.
Know your value.
Believe in your value to her.
Believe in your value to other women.
Know that you are an amazing man.
Yes, you made some mistakes, but that was the old version of you.
The new version of you is reading this right now and he is a much better man, right?
Focus on that.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Focusing on how little other women make you feel compared to her
Regardless of how amazing your ex is, comparing her to every other woman you meet won’t help you heal and stop stalking her.
The truth is that every woman is unique in her own way and some women will be better than your ex and some won’t.
So, unless you’ve had a relationship with a new woman that you’re attracted to and have experienced loving moments with her, you’re not going to get the same feeling you got with your ex.
You can’t judge a book by its cover.
You have to get involved with the book and read it to experience the feelings that come with it.
In the same way, you have to open yourself up to the possibility of being able to be happy with another woman.
That doesn’t mean you should forget about getting your ex back.
Not at all.
It also doesn’t mean that you have to date another woman and fall in love with her.
Instead, you just need to understand that new women aren’t going to make you feel the same way your ex did because you haven’t had a relationship with them yet.
If you want to get your ex back, just understand that.
Understand that you don’t need the love that you got from her.
You want it back, but you don’t need it.
You won’t die without her love and presence in your life.
Yet, you can get her back.
You can get that love back and get her to want a relationship with you again.
You can turn things around.
You can amaze her with how differently she now feels about you.