If you can’t stop checking your ex’s social media, here are 11 healthy tips that will help you:
1. Stop thinking of it as stalking
These days, most people secretly check on their ex’s social media every now and then, often for many years after a breakup.
A person will check to see how their ex is doing, will want to briefly think about the good times, or even be reminded of why they broke up with them.
So, checking your ex’s social media is nothing to be ashamed of, especially if you’re only doing it on occasion.
Unfortunately, some people make themselves feel very guilty about it, without realizing that pretty much everyone does it.
A person like that may even feel like they’re a crazy, obsessed or bad person.
Yet, they’re just like everyone else who occasionally check up on an ex, via social media.
Of course, if you’re checking daily, or hourly, then yes – you’re going overboard and should try to leave a few days, then weeks and then months in between the times you check her social media.
On the other hand, if you want her back, you should start going through the ex back process and get her back, rather than waiting on the sidelines, checking her social media and missing her for the rest of your life.
2. Don’t unfriend or block her
If you unfriend her, or block her because you can’t stop stalking her social media, then you’re just treating yourself like a child.
Yet, you’re a grown man.
So, look at yourself as a grown man who is capable of handling the challenges of life, rather than treating yourself like a child who needs things taken away from him, or hidden from him in order to cope and not fall apart.
Additionally, if you unfriend her or block her, it’s highly likely that you will regret it and not be able to stop thinking about her anyway.
You might then try to refriend her and get rejected, or unblock her and discover that she has blocked you.
On the other hand, if you remain friends with your ex on social media, you can re-attract her from a distance, by posting up new photos of you looking confident, happy and enjoying life around other people.
When you do that, she will be much more likely to reply if you contact her, because she will see that you’re not desperate and lonely without her.
3. Admit to yourself that you still have feelings for her and there’s nothing wrong with that
Just because the relationship is over, it doesn’t mean you have to suddenly stop caring.
You do care about her and that’s fine.
She was an important part of your life and you might even see her as ‘the one’ for you.
That’s fine, but when you admit to yourself that you still care for her, it’s also important to understand that it’s possible to get her back.
Once you understand that…
4. Make a clear decision now whether you’re going to get her back or move on
Sometimes, the reason why a guy can’t stop stalking his ex on social media is that he feels stuck and doesn’t know what to do.
His heart is telling him that he misses his girlfriend and wants her back, but his mind is saying that it’s over because she doesn’t want him anymore and he probably just needs to accept that and move on.
Yet, here’s the thing…
When you make a clear decision, it changes how you feel, your actions and your behavior.
For example: You suddenly start feeling happier and more optimistic because you know what to do.
If you have decided to move on, you might then go out with friends to meet girls.
You might then go on dates, have sex with a few new women and begin a new relationship.
Before long, you might fall in love again and be happy with the new woman you’ve selected.
Alternatively, you might make a clear decision now that your ex is the woman for you.
You can then start going through the ex back process and get her back, while you still can.
5. If you want her back, let her see you looking confident, happy and enjoying life without her
It’s important for your ex to see you looking confident, happy and enjoying life without her vs. lonely, confused or stuck.
Sometimes a guy will worry that his ex girlfriend will assume he’s over her and is no longer interested in getting back together, if he seems to be confident, happy and enjoying life without her.
Yet, the reality is that women are always more attracted to men who can be confident, happy and forward moving in life with or without a girlfriend at their side.
So, don’t be afraid to let your ex see you looking confident, happy and enjoying life without her.
One of the ways you can do that is by posting photos of yourself having fun with other people, or hanging out with friends (e.g. at a party, at the beach, at a park, at an event).
If she’s like most people, she will also be checking your social media to see what you’re up to.
BTW: If she’s not your friend on social media, or isn’t following you, just make sure that the photos are ‘public’ so she can see them from the outside.
When she sees that you’re not being a lonely, sad, rejected guy who can’t handle life without her, she will naturally feel drawn to you and want to interact again to find out what made you change.
If she asks, just say, “I’m just living life. Of course I still love you and care about you, but I totally accept your decision to be broken up” so she then feels confused about what she wants.
She is feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, but you aren’t pushing for a relationship, so she then begins to feel rejected or left behind.
To stop herself from feeling the pain of being rejected or left behind, she opens back up to you and starts showing interest.
6. If you don’t want her back, start increasing the number of days in between not checking her social media
If you feel the need to check up on her, tell yourself that you’ll look at her profile(s) tomorrow instead.
Then, after you’ve achieved that, increase it to two days in between checkups.
Then build up to every third day and then once a week.
During that time, get on with enjoying your life without her.
For example, you might do one or more of the following:
- Focus on your biggest goals, dreams and ambitions in life and start making some progress. You don’t have to achieve a lot right away, but start, make some progress or renew your focus on those things if you didn’t give them enough attention while in a relationship with her.
- Do something that involves meeting new people (e.g. join a group sport team, try martial arts, participate in salsa dancing so you are up close and personal with new women, join a photography club, take a cooking class. Alternatively, go to bars or nightclubs and approach and meet new women).
- Try to arrange a party at your place, a friend’s place or a bar or venue and invite as many people as possible. Then, take plenty of photos and enjoy the night.
- Reconnect with old friends that you might have neglected because of your relationship, or make new friends.
When you are genuinely happy about your new life without her, you will feel less of a need to check your ex’s social media.
7. If you do want her back, contact her after updating your social media profile and get her to meet up with you
Before you contact her, be sure to delete any recent photos of you on your own, of your pet, or memes with depressing themes and replace them with photos of you having fun with other people, looking confident, happy and content.
Important: Your recent photos must be of you with other people, smiling and looking happy (no sunsets, your coffee, your lunch, etc).
Once you’ve done that, send her a quick message like, “Hey, ex girlfriend. I thought I’d get in touch as a friend and say hi. How have you been?”
If she hasn’t heard from you since the breakup, she will almost certainly look at your social media profile to see what you’ve been up to (e.g. have you moved on? Are you happy? Are you missing her? Do you seem lonely without her?).
When she sees that you’ve been enjoying life without her, she will naturally feel more comfortable replying to you, because she will assume that you’re not lonely, desperate and needy for her.
She will also feel curious as to why you’ve become so confident since the breakup, or why you’ve been able to handle things so well.
8. If you don’t want her back, improve your ability to attract other high quality women and start dating them
If a guy is unable to attract new, quality women, he will usually remain stuck thinking about and missing his ex, because she was the best he could get.
So, if you want a woman who is equal to, or even better than your ex, you need to understand how to make her feel attracted during interactions.
The reason why is that what matters most to a woman, is how a guy makes her feel during interactions.
- Is he confident, or insecure when talking to her?
- Is he charming, or awkward?
- Is he emotionally manly, or too nice, agreeable, soft or emotionally sensitive?
- Does he make her feel sexy and desirable, or neutral (i.e. because he acts like a nice friend), or turned off (e.g. because he’s being insecure, doesn’t know how to flirt, is giving her too much power during the conversation)?
When you understand how to attract women during interactions and then do that, you will see that many of the quality, attractive women you meet want to date you.
You can then start dating them, having sex and enjoying new love and relationships.
You will then feel less and less of a need to check your ex’s social media.
9. If you do want her back, prepare yourself to successfully get her back, rather than just winging it
For example: A guy might just randomly start texting his ex, in the hope that she misses him, enjoys texting with him and then hints at wanting him back.
Yet, since he just sticks to texting because he doesn’t have the courage to call her, or arrange a meet up, she becomes bored, loses interest or even moves on with another guy behind his back.
Another example is where a guy decides to ignore his ex woman for 30 or 60 days, in the hope that she will miss him and come back.
Yet, because she’s no longer attracted to him, she doesn’t care and just continues moving on without him.
10. If you don’t want her back, start living an enjoyable life with a new woman
Don’t just sit around missing her, or wasting time playing video games, watching TV, or hanging out with friends.
If you want to get over her, then start enjoying life with a new, quality woman.
If you do that, you will naturally begin to care less about your ex and focus more on your new, beautiful girlfriend.
11. If you do want her back, don’t take too long to make a move
Some guys fear being rejected by an ex, so they continue avoiding the opportunity they have to get her back (i.e. contact her, re-attract her, get her to meet up, attract her more, make her want to get back together).
So, he will just wait and wait and wait.
Then, she gets pregnant, engaged, or married and he regrets not manning up and making a move, while he still could.
If you want her back, make a move, rather than just watching her life from the sidelines and missing her.
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