If you want your ex to start acting normally with you again, so you and her can interact without feeling awkward or tense and then get back together, here are 12 tips that will help:
1. Let her sense that you’re not pushing her to make a decision about the relationship
A woman will close up and stop acting normally around an ex, when she senses that he’s trying to get her to give him another chance.
She doesn’t want to be pressured into making a decision to commit to a relationship or not, especially when she feels little to no attraction or love for him anymore.
A guy might feel as though he’s talking normally to his ex girlfriend, but she will sense that he’s trying hard to get her to like him enough to give him another chance.
Alternatively, she will sense that his main approach to getting her back is to hopefully get her to agree to give the relationship another chance.
Remember: Getting back into a relationship is the last step of the ex back process, not the first.
The first step is re-attraction, where you attract her to the new and improved you based on the changes you’ve made to yourself (i.e. You’re much more confident now. You’re more able to make her feel girly in comparison to your masculine approach, rather than being neutral like a friend or worse, too soft and gentle like a wimpy guy. You flirt with her to create sexual tension, rather than creating negative, stressful tension by sucking up to her, giving her too much power during conversations, being needy and so on).
You have to make her want you back due to renewed feelings of attraction, rather than trying to get her back by pressuring her to make a decision about the relationship, or hoping she will give you another chance if you are nice enough to her.
2. Understand that she doesn’t want to feel like she has so much power over you
A woman will usually follow along with the relationship dynamic that a man creates.
For example: If a guy interacts with his ex girlfriend and she is cold and aloof towards him, his reactions to her behavior will determine how she will behave from then on.
If he ignores or overlooks her coldness and uses humor and playful teasing to break her out of her mood, she will respect him and feel attracted to him for having the courage (or balls) to do that.
He is creating the new relationship dynamic by not allowing her mood (i.e. being cold) to negatively influence his actions (e.g. make him feel nervous, tense, uncomfortable) around her.
He is rising above her behavior to be a strong, stable, courageous, masculine man who is not intimidated by her and who loves her enough to get her out of her bad mood.
Now imagine the same scenario, but this time the guy gets upset when his ex is being cold and distant.
As a result, he creates a relationship dynamic filled with stress, disconnection and feelings of frustration.
He might also ask her what is wrong, be extra nice in the hope that she will snap out of it, or sulk and try to get her to take pity on him.
Essentially, he behaves like an emotionally sensitive guy, gives her too much power and she just goes along with it.
Yet, the unattractive relationship dynamic then changes her behavior and treatment of him (e.g. she closes up, doesn’t want to be around him, doesn’t show him the respect or love that he wants, easily becomes frustrated or irritated by him).
She also feels turned off because she doesn’t want to have that kind of power over him and his emotions and behavior.
She wants a man who remains confident, strong and in control of himself and the situation, regardless of how she behaves.
If he can do that (i.e. do what a real man does), she will then feel like a real woman (i.e. feminine, girly, free to be emotionally, completely focused on her love for him).
3. Let her sense that you understand the subtle stuff now
Sometimes a woman will avoid behaving normally around her ex because she doesn’t want to give him the impression that he can get her back without changing the subtle things that turn her off.
For example: Some of the subtle things that turn a woman off in a relationship, include…
- How a guy’s emotions are too easily influenced by her (e.g. He needs her to be nice, friendly and warm, otherwise he starts feeling insecure, irritated, upset or even angry. So, she can’t be a woman around him and needs to be emotionally consistent like a man, in order to avoid setting him off).
- How he’s emotionally insecure (e.g. unwilling to open up emotionally, unable to stand by his feelings if they’re not returned).
- How he’s confident in some areas of his life (e.g. at work, around his friends), but insecure around her (e.g. nervous in the bedroom, doubts his attractiveness to her, feels insecure if they make eye contact for too long).
- How he avoids building relationships with her family, or friends and tends to keep to himself even though he knows it’s important to her.
When you understand the subtle stuff and make changes in those areas, she will naturally start feeling sparks of respect, attraction and love for you again.
That then causes her to open up further and want to interact with you more, to explore her new, enhanced feelings for you.
4. Understand that she might be behaving in that way to protect herself emotionally
Sometimes a woman doesn’t know how to handle a break up and be direct and honest with her ex about her feelings, or what she wants from now on (e.g. for her ex to leave her alone, to stay friends, for some space so she can decide what she wants).
So, it’s possible that your ex is confused about her feelings and isn’t sure if she should show any interest in you.
She might also be trying to protect herself from being seduced back into a relationship with you, only for you to them dump her to get emotional revenge (e.g. after hooking up with her a few more times, making her show love or admit that she loves you).
Of course, you’ probably wouldn’t do that to her.
Yet, if a woman has experienced that before with an ex boyfriend, she will try to avoid it happening to her again.
BTW: Don’t say, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you” or, “Everything will be okay. You can’t trust me. I won’t dump you when we get back together.”
No need to say anything like that.
If you do, she will likely reject you and say that she’s not interested in a relationship.
Remember: A relationship is the last step of the ex back process, not the first.
5. Let her feel willing to forgive you based on the changes she sees in you
Some guys will plead, beg or ask for forgiveness or another chance with a woman and get rejected.
On the other hand, some guys will quickly make some real changes and adjustments, let the women experience it and will then be naturally forgiven by her and given another chance (i.e. because she’s attracted and wants him back, so she forgives him to get what she wants).
When a guy begs, pleads and asks to be forgiven by a woman, he comes across as desperate, which turns a woman off even more because women aren’t attracted to desperation or neediness in men.
It also gives a woman the impression he just want to get what he wants (i.e. get her back) and hasn’t actually changed yet, to give her what she wants (i.e. to feel attracted, respectful of him, in love with him).
6. Understand how a woman’s attraction for a man affects her behavior and treatment of him
When a woman has little or no attraction for an ex guy, she will usually behave in ways that reflects that.
For example: She might…
- Be cold and distant towards him.
- Not want to spend time around him.
- Not want to text back and forth, or get on a phone or video call.
- Avoid going to places where she knows she might bump into him.
On the other hand, a woman will behave differently when she still feels attracted to her ex, or starts feeling attracted to him in new ways based on the changes he has made.
For example: She might…
- Be open to interacting with him more often.
- Be happy and friendly when around him.
- Worry about missing out on being with a better version of him.
- Text him first, or quickly reply to his texts.
- Hint at wanting to meet up in person.
- Talk about good times they shared and how she misses them.
This is why, re-attracting your ex is the most important step of the ex back process.
7. Understand that she might be behaving very differently to turn you off
She could be hoping that if she behaves in a weird way, or makes you feel uncomfortable during interactions, you’ll lose interest and then leave her alone.
She can then move on and avoid being re-attracted back into a relationship with you.
8. Focus on what you are doing, rather than what she is doing
In other words, don’t sit around thinking about how your ex is acting and instead, focus on what you are doing to get her back.
Getting her back involves re-attracting her, which will mostly happen during in person interactions.
However, you can also re-attract her from a distance by posting up photos on social media of you having fun with other people.
To get photos like that, you can go out with your friends (e.g. to parties, clubs or bars, the beach, a park, a sports game, an event).
If your friends aren’t available to go out, just join or participate in group activities that automatically make you included and part of the group (e.g. salsa dancing so you’re up close and personal with new women, cooking class so you’re around mostly women and some men, martial arts, sports team, local meet up group).
Not only will that take your mind off her behavior, but it will also make her feel attracted to you, especially if you look confident, happy, included and welcome in the photos.
In terms of in person interactions, focusing on what you are doing, rather than on what she is doing means not following her around in circles, by focusing way too much on how she is behaving moment to moment.
Be emotionally independent as you interact with her (i.e. you feel confident, secure and have high self esteem, regardless of how she might behave to make you feel rejected or unworthy).
Focus on re-attracting her in that way and other ways (e.g. by flirting with her) and guide her back into a relationship with you.
10. Don’t ever seek pity from her about how her behavior is making you feel
Sometimes a guy will make the mistake of trying to make his ex girlfriend feel guilty for not behaving normally around him anymore (e.g. he sulks, whines about how difficult it is to interact with her now, pleads with her to just be normal, seems sad and asks why she is being like this).
Yet, seeking pity rarely, if ever, makes a woman change her behavior.
Instead, it simply annoys women and makes them look down on a man.
In terms of an ex girlfriend, she also sees it as desperate attempt to manipulate her into being who he wants her to be, so he can then feel better about himself.
However, she doesn’t want to do that for him because she doesn’t want to reward emotional weakness with love and devotion.
So, she will act weird, cold, bitchy, mean or even rude to hopefully let her ex know that she isn’t interested.
She can become interested, but he will need to change his approach from being unattractive to attractive.
11. Let her focus on the new you, rather than who you used to be
Don’t get into long discussions about how you stuffed up.
Apologize briefly if you haven’t already and then get on with being a new, more attractive version of you (e.g. more confident, more manly in your behavior and emotional state, more flirtatious rather than acting just like a friend, or worse, like a rejected ex).
Let her feel attracted and drawn to the new you and she will naturally begin to forgive and forget about the past, to give the new you a chance now.
12. Don’t make the mistake of cutting off contact for too long
When a woman stops acting normally around her ex guy, he might decide to back off and give her a lot of space to hopefully make her miss him and realize her mistake.
He will then cut off all contact with her, for 30 or even 60 days for example.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that when a woman doesn’t have much or any feelings for her ex anymore, him disappearing from her life won’t really affect her much at all.
Rather than missing and wanting him back, she focuses on moving on, which usually involves dating and sleeping with new men.
Then, by the time her ex contacts her again, she may be in a new relationship, happy and in love, so she will then tell him to leave her alone and respect her new relationship.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want your ex to act normal with you again, change how she feels by re-attracting her in new and exciting ways.
When you do that, she will feel compelled to give you another chance now to explore and enjoy her new, enhanced feelings for you.
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