Here are 4 different types of threats and why it can cause a woman to leave a guy:
1. Threatening to break up with her if she doesn’t change
Sometimes a guy will threaten to break up with a woman if she doesn’t stop nagging him and asking him to change, whereas other times a guy will threaten her with a break up to hopefully get her to change, improve and become a better girlfriend for him.
For example: If his girlfriend keeps pestering him to change and improve, he might say, “Stop harassing me all the time! This is who I am and I’m not going to change. If you don’t like it, then leave. Besides, if anyone needs to change, it’s you! You’ve become a constant nag and you’ve been driving me crazy lately. I’m fed up with you throwing tantrums all the time and telling me that you’re not happy. You need to change your attitude towards me fast, or I’m going to break up with you!”
He hopes that she will then respect him, change and stop nagging him to change things about himself that are annoying her or turning her off.
Yet, in most cases, a woman will say something like, “I can’t believe you’re actually threatening to break up with me if I don’t change, when you’re the one causing all the problems in our relationship! Well, here’s a big surprise for you – I’m dumping you! It’s over! Goodbye…and oh, don’t even try to get me back because I don’t want you. You can go and get stuffed. It’s over. Goodbye and don’t ever contact me again.”
In a case like that, a guy needs to maintain his cool and not panic that she is now threatening to break up with him and is actually going through with leaving him.
He then needs to calmly, confidently and honestly admit that he was making mistakes in the relationship and it wasn’t all her fault.
She might then calm down and stop going through with leaving him, but if she doesn’t, he needs to remain calm and let her cool down.
When she cools down, she will then realize that he admitted his mistakes, didn’t beg and plead for another chance and was completely reasonable about it.
As a result, she will either text him, call him or be open to replying to his texts or answering calls from him, so they can meet up, work things out and get back together.
Another reason why a guy might threaten his girlfriend is when she has been behaving badly or treating him unfairly in the relationship (e.g. she has a tendency to lie, she’s unreliable, she doesn’t help around the house, she’s always in a bad mood and takes it out on him, she isn’t affectionate and expect him to initiate everything).
So, a guy may then try to shock her into changing by saying, “If you don’t stop lying to me/letting me down when I need you/help out more with things around the house/stop being a pain in the butt, then I’m going to break up with you.”
If she loves him, wants to be with him and knows that she is in the wrong, she will likely apologize and want to change.
Yet, if she hasn’t been happy in the relationship for a woman, she might decide that she doesn’t care enough about him to put in the effort to change.
Alternatively, she might simply want to get revenge on him for threatening her with a break up, so she goes and ahead and breaks up with him instead.
Another threat a guy might make to his girlfriend that causes her to leave him is…
2. Threatening to hurt her physically if she doesn’t do what he wants
You probably already know that becoming violent and threatening to hurt a woman physically isn’t the answer in a relationship, right?
It’s pretty obvious.
Yet, when a guy uses physical threats to make a woman do what he wants, most self-respecting, modern women will react by walking away from the relationship.
Of course, there are some women who will stay in an abusive relationship for months or even years, but most modern women won’t.
It’s just not something that she feels like she has to do.
However, that said, if you did make the mistake of threatening her physically, you can recover from it and get her to forgive you.
Start by telling her that you understand what you did was wrong and it was stupid and immature.
Then, show her (via your actions, behavior and the way you interact with her) that she will actually be losing out if she doesn’t give you another chance.
For example: One of the ways to show her that is by maintaining control of your emotions around her no matter what she says or does to make you feel angry or frustrated (e.g. she accuses you of being a bully, screams, shouts and even hits you, acts like she’s too afraid to be around you by herself, says that she will get a restraining order out on you if you don’t leave her alone, says that she now fears for her life, calls you an idiot or some other name to hopefully annoy you and get you to show her that you are still angry and can’t control yourself).
However, when she sees that no matter what she does to provoke you and make you angry, you are able to maintain your cool and even laugh and joke around with her, she will slowly begin to trust and respect you again.
When that happens, she will also start to allow herself feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again.
She will see that you aren’t so bad after all and that you threatening to hurt her physically was just a silly mistake and not who you are deep down as a man.
Another threat a guy might make to his ex that causes her to leave him is…
3. Threatening to hurt himself, or even kill himself if she doesn’t stay with him
Sometimes, when a woman is saying things like, “Sorry, but this relationship isn’t working out anymore. I think we need to admit defeat and break up. I don’t want to be with you anymore” a guy might feel at such a loss of how to stop her from leaving him, that in desperation, he will threaten to hurt or kill himself, “No, you can’t leave me. If you leave me I will kill myself. I promise you. It will then be on your head and you can live with the guilt for the rest of your life, knowing that you could have prevented it and you didn’t. Is that what you want? Do you want me to kill myself?”
He hopes that if he threatens to kill himself, she will change her mind and give him another chance to avoid having to live with the guilt of his death for the rest of her life.
Yet, it just doesn’t work that way.
A woman doesn’t want to be manipulated into staying in a relationship with a guy, simply because he can’t deal with the idea of being dumped by her.
So, rather than think, “Oh no! I have to stay with him, or he will hurt himself” she will think something like, “How dare he try to force me to stay with him by threatening to kill himself! That is so childish and immature. In fact, his behavior has just sealed the deal for me and shown me that I’m better off without him. He’s definitely not the kind of guy I want to be with for life. I refuse to be blackmailed into staying with him. He can go and hurt or kill himself all he wants. I’m not staying with him that’s for sure.”
She then turns that tables on him and says, “Well, in that case, go ahead and kill yourself. I just don’t care! It’s over between us. Good luck! Enjoy the afterlife! Bye!”
Sounds pretty cold and heartless, right?
Well, it depends on how you look at it.
Most women know that when a guy says that he will hurt or kill himself, he’s just saying that as a last ditch effort to get her to stay.
Additionally, for those women who know that the man will probably hurt or kill himself, it’s still not enough of a reason for her to stay with him.
In fact, it just becomes another reason to leave him (i.e. because he’s mentally and emotionally unstable and may end up hurting himself and her).
So, if you threatened to hurt or kill yourself as a way of preventing your ex from breaking up with you, to regain her respect and make her open up to giving you another chance, you need to interact with her (preferably over the phone or in person) and then:
- Calmly and confidently apologize to her for reacting that way.
- Laugh at yourself with her and let her see that you were being silly and you can now look at your reaction as laughable and desperate.
- Show her via your actions, behavior, conversation style and the way you respond to what she says and does that you’re a more emotionally mature man now.
When she can see that you truly are at a different level now than you were before, she will automatically being to feel some respect and attraction for you again.
You can then build on those feelings and get her to the point where she opens herself up to the idea of getting back with you again.
Another threat a guy might make to his girlfriend that causes her to leave is…
4. Threatening to never speak to her again
Sometimes in the middle of a big argument, a woman might say, “I’m sick of this! I want to break up.”
In response, a guy might then say, “Yeah? If you break up with me, I will never speak to you again. So, it’s up to you. If that’s what you want, then fine – leave me,” only to be shocked when she retaliates by saying, “Fine! We’ll never speak again. Goodbye!” and then breaks up with him.
In most cases, neither of them really wanted to break up, but the argument just escalated out of control.
Then, she doesn’t want to reach out to him first and give him the satisfaction of winning (i.e. she breaks her words and speaks to him).
Likewise, he doesn’t want to make the first move either because he feels silly for threatening not to talk to her again and wants to try to stick to his word and wait for her to contact him first.
As a result, they both remain stuck ignoring each other out of stubbornness and not getting back together into a more mature relationship.
Instead, he or she ends up finding someone new and moving on, even though they could have gotten back together.
So, if you threatened not to speak to your girlfriend ever again if she broke up with you, don’t let the silence continue because you’re worried about looking weak.
Just call her on the phone, be confident and use some humor to diffuse the tension between you and her.
Then, apologize briefly for your silly reaction and proceed to reawaken her feelings for you by making her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to you again.
Then meet up with her, fully reactivate her feelings for you and get to a hug, kiss and sex.
Where Guys Go Wrong After Threatening a Woman When in a Relationship
Just because you threatened your girlfriend, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have any chance of getting her back.
You can get her back.
However, if you make the classic mistakes that other guys make when in a situation like yours, you will make the process of getting her back more difficult than it needs to be.
1. Apologizing over and over again
Sometimes a guy feels so shocked by his angry behavior and the fact that he threatened his girlfriend that he wants to apologize for it, over and over again.
Yet, even though he is sincere about his regret for threatening her, apologizing over and over is not the thing that will convince her to give him another chance.
Apologizing over and over again doesn’t actually get to the core of the problem.
Instead, he’s just saying how sorry he is, but he’s still stuck at the same level that he was at when she broke up with him.
So, if your girlfriend can’t see any obvious changes in you (e.g. you still feel annoyed when she talks or behaves in a certain way), your apology to her will seem like empty words.
As a result, she will keep pushing you away because deep down, she will fear you’d just end up doing the same thing again (maybe even worse the next time) if she gave you another chance.
So, don’t bother apologizing to her again and again.
Instead, give her one brief, sincere apology in a calm, confident and sincere manner and then focus in showing her (via your actions, behavior and the way you respond to her from now on) that you’re a new and improved man now.
Another mistake to avoid making is to…
2. Trying to get her to agree to a relationship before he has reactivated her feelings
Right now, your ex has likely disconnected from her positive feelings of respect, attraction and love for you and might be feeling negative emotions such as disgust, mistrust and anger.
If you try to get her to agree to give the relationship another chance right now, she’s probably going to reject you.
So, from now on, just use every interaction that you have with her (e.g. via text, social media, over the phone and in person) to make her laugh, smile and feel at ease around you.
Once she can feel relaxed around you in person or when talking to you on the phone, her defenses will naturally start to come down.
You can then build on her feelings and make her open back up to the idea of seeing where things go from there.
Another mistake that other guys often make when in a situation like your is…
3. Promising that things will be different if she just gives him one more chance
You’ve probably heard the expression, “Actions speak louder than words,” right?
In a case where a guy has threatened his girlfriend, no amount of promises are going to convince her to give him another chance.
Promising is seen as mere words, whereas showing her that he is different by way of his change in behavior, attitude and vibe are actions that she can believe in.
So, after being threatened by her boyfriend, a woman is going to be looking at how he acts and behaves around her, especially when she’s being bitchy and telling him that she hates him and never wants to see him again.
Will he remain calm, confident and use her bitchiness as an opportunity to create some positive feelings such as respect and attraction inside of her, or will he “lose it” again and turn her off even more?
Does he now have the ability to make her smile, laugh and feel good when talking to him, even when she is testing him by being difficult?
Actions like that have much more power than mere promises to change, if she gives him another chance.
So, if you want to convince your girlfriend to give you another chance, don’t waste time and energy trying to do it by promising her that things will be different this time.
Show her that things will be different by letting her experience the new and improved you for herself.
When she can sense the changes in you, her perspective of you will change and following that, her feelings will change.
She will open back up you, without you having to pressure her into it.
Another mistake that guys make when in a situation like yours is…
4. Giving her too much space and then losing her
When a guy threatens his girlfriend and causes her to leave him, chances are he will be experiencing a lot of guilt and remorse about it.
He may then decide that his best approach is to give her a lot of space to allow things to calm down between them.
For example: He will avoid her for weeks or even months, in the hope that when he finally gets in touch with her again, she will have forgotten (or at least forgiven) that he threatened her.
Yet, in most cases, a woman simply won’t sit around waiting for an ex she doesn’t have feelings for anymore.
Instead, she will usually feel relieved that he’s out of her life and will just focus on moving on.
Then, when he finally contacts her, she will say something along the lines of, “Why are you calling me? Did you think I was going to sit around waiting for you? Well, you were wrong. I’ve moved on and I’m with a man who would never threaten me in the way you did. I’m happy now, so please leave me alone.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
In almost all ex back cases, a week of space is more than enough time to allow for things to calm down between a man and a woman.
After giving her that little bit of space, you then need to contact her (preferably by calling her on the phone) and actively spark some of her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
Once you do that and you can see that her guard is down, get her to agree to a meet up with you in person.