The reason why she isn’t interested is that you currently don’t know how to make her experience the feelings needed to make her interested.
You can change that though.
Watch this video for some examples:
You can make her interested in getting back with you if you focus on re-attracting her, rather than trying to convince her to give you another chance.
If your ex girl is saying things like, “Please leave me alone, I’m just not interested in getting back together again,” or “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” or “You need to accept that it’s over between us,” it simply means that the way you are interacting with her, talking to her, and the way you come across to her isn’t triggering any desirable feelings inside of her (e.g. respect, attraction, love).
However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t start to trigger those feelings.
When you adjust the way that you interact with her from now on, she will naturally become more open the idea of getting back together with you.
For example: A guy might say to his ex girl, “I still love you. Please let’s try and work things out. I really want us to work this out.”
She might then respond by saying something like, “Forget it! I’m not interested in anything you have to say. It’s over between you and I. Please just leave me alone. I don’t feel the same way any more. You need to respect that.”
In the past, his natural reaction might have been to get upset about it and make her feel pity for him, or he might have even lost his temper and gotten angry at her.
Yet, those ways of interacting with her is not going to re-spark her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him, and will simply turn her off even more.
So, if his ex girl says, “Forget it! I’m not interested in anything you have to say. We’re finished,” he can adjust his behavior by responding to her in a calm and relaxed manner, and confidently saying something like, “Okay, I accept your decision about us breaking up. I understand why you feel this way right now and that is fine. You are entitled to feel however you want and you obviously don’t feel good with me any more. I’m not going to push you to get back with me. However, I do want you to know that still care about you. I know that you probably don’t care whether or not I care about you and love you, but I just want you to know that I’m not angry or upset and I accept your decision.”
Basically, by calmly accepting her decision to stay broken up, while being confident enough to admit that he still cares for her, he’s breaking the old pattern of communication between them (e.g. where she was rejecting him and he was reacting by getting upset or angry with her).
Based on his new approach, she gets to see him in a different, more positive light, rather than experiencing the same old guy that she broke up with.
He is now interacting with her in a way that shows her he has moved past the level he was at when she broke up with him.
This is attractive to her.
It triggers her feelings and she begins to feel drawn to him again.
That’s what you need to be doing if you want your ex to be interested in getting back together with you again.
If she currently isn’t interested, then what you’ve been saying and doing lately hasn’t been making her have desirable feelings for you.
Without making her experience desirable feelings like respect and attraction, getting her back is going to be a difficult, if not impossible process because she’s just going to keep on saying, “I’m not interested,” until you change the way you think, talk, behave and react to her.
So, if you’ve tried to get your ex girl back and she keeps saying “No,” it could be because you are making some of the following mistakes…
1. Thinking that if you show her how much she means to you, it will make her change her mind.
If a woman doesn’t have feelings for her ex, hearing him say something like, “How can you not see how much I love you? Do you really think you could ever find another guy who will love you as much as I do? You are my world. I would die for you. I would do anything for you. Just give me another chance and I’ll prove to you that my love for you is unbreakable,” isn’t going to matter that much to her.
Basically, if a woman has lost respect and attraction for her guy, she won’t really care that he still loves her.
To her, it’s just a bunch of words that he is saying and it’s not making her feel the kind of respect, attraction and love that would justify giving him another chance.
It might make her feel pity for him, but a relationship can’t be based on pity. It has to be based on respect, attraction and love.
As the old saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words.”
So, to successfully convince her to give you another chance, you must make her experience the type of feelings she wants to experience when she’s with you (e.g. respect, attraction, love), rather than going on and on about how much you care about her.
If you don’t make her have feelings for you first, she’s just going to keep saying, “I’m not interested,” because she’s not going to care that you care about her.
It just won’t matter to her.
However, when you trigger some of her feelings for you and then build on that, telling her that you care will sound good to her.
Her walls will begin to come down and she will enjoy hearing you tell her that you love her.
It will feel good to her and make her want to be around you again, even though she was previously uninterested in getting back with you.
So, don’t worry about telling your ex how much she means to you.
It’s fine to tell her that you still love her, but just make sure that you are actively making her have feelings for you, otherwise she’s not going to care about your feelings.
From now on, make sure that every time you interact with her, you make her experience the type of desirable feelings that will draw her to you and make her want to give you another chance.
When she feels more drawn to you than she ever has before because you are now making her feel attracted in new and exciting ways, the idea of getting back together again won’t seem that impossible to her anymore.
She will feel as though it would be a fun, interesting experience to get back with you, or that her newfound feelings for you might be a sign that you and her are meant to be together.
2. Thinking that because you shared good times together it means that she won’t want to lose you.
Another common mistake that some guys make when trying to convince an ex to get back together, is to try to get her to focus on all the good times they shared, in an attempt to re-spark her feelings of love again.
For example: A guy might say, “How can it be so easy for you to forget all the good times we had together? Sure we had some rough times, but don’t all the good times make up for that? Besides, all couples have problems sometimes. Doesn’t the love we shared mean anything to you any more? Was it all for nothing? Did I mean nothing to you all along? I believe that what we had together was special, and even if you say it’s over between us, I just can’t accept that. If you will just take a moment to remember how good it used to be between us, you will see that I’m right. We can’t let our love die… you and I were meant to be together forever. What he had was special and shouldn’t just be thrown away like this.”
All of that sounds really nice, but it doesn’t work if the woman’s feelings for the guy are now disconnected.
A guy needs to first make his woman reconnect with her feelings before he tries to get the relationship back together, rather than telling her to reconnect with her feelings so they can get back together.
When a woman has closed herself off from feelings of love, respect and attraction for her ex and replaced those feelings with negative emotions such as anger, resentment and pain, it’s not easy for her to feel good about how things used to be.
For example: She might think to herself, “Yes, you’re right, we did have some good times. That’s why it hurts so much now that things between us have gone bad. All I can think about is how badly you messed up, how badly you treated me and how you destroyed our relationship. I’m just over it now. I’m not interested in get back together again. I want space now so I can move on without you. I just don’t think that we are meant to be together any more.”
Essentially, by highlighting the good times and asking her to reconnect with her feelings because of that, the guy is also reminding her of how much he’s changed (in a negative way) from the guy she first fell in love with.
While he might have been a great guy in the past, she is unwilling to accept that he is any different now (even if he has changed a little bit) because he’s not doing anything to make her feel attracted to him again.
Unless you actively make your ex girl have feelings for you again, she’s not going to change her mind based solely on how good things used to be between you and her in the past.
That’s just not how it works these days.
In the distant past (e.g. 100 to 200 years ago) a woman would stay with a man for life, regardless of how bad things got between them.
However, in today’s world a woman can break up with her guy any time she wants to, if he’s not making her experience the types of feelings that she wants to feel in a relationship.
So, if you want your ex girl back, don’t waste a lot of time trying to convince her that she’ll lose a good thing if you don’t get back together again.
The main thing that will make your ex girl realize that your relationship is worth fighting for, is when you make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you based on how you now interact with her.
However, without getting to her experience those feelings for you, she’s likely going to keep on saying, “Yes, what we had in the past was great, but it’s over now and I’m just not interested in being with you anymore.”
3. Thinking that she has the answers to your problem about not knowing how to attract her.
When a woman breaks up with a man, he may feel shocked or even surprised about it.
He might then begin to wonder:
- What did I do wrong?
- Why has she suddenly stopped wanting to be my girlfriend (fiancé or wife)?
- Maybe if I ask her to explain what I’ve done to cause her to stop loving me, I can change and then we can get back together again.
Then, when he interacts with his ex girl he might ask her, “What do you want me to do to make you give me another chance? Just tell me what you want me to change and I promise that I’ll do it.”
Yet, rather than convince his ex girl that he’s serious about fixing himself for her, it turns her off even more. Why?
A woman doesn’t want to be a guy’s teacher in life about how to be a man.
She doesn’t want to teach him how to be the kind of man who is attractive to her and that she can look up to and respect for life.
If her guy can’t figure out what he needs to do to make her feel attracted, she will have to teach him now and possibly again and again in future.
Yet, by being his teacher, it causes her to take on a more dominant role (i.e. of being like his mother, big sister or teacher) in the relationship, which then causes her to lose touch with her feelings of sexual attraction for him.
So, if a guy makes the mistake of expecting his ex girl to give him the answers to how to be the kind of man she wants him to be, he’s basically letting her know that he’s unable to work it out by himself.
His actions are saying to her, “I don’t know how to be the kind of man that you need me to be. I am still trying to work out what it means to be a man, so you have been in a relationship with an immature guy all this time. I don’t even know what behaviors of mine are turning you off and how I could change it. Please, just tell me what you want me to say and do and I will begin doing it.”
Although he means well by being willing to grow up and be the man she needs, it’s just not something that she wants to get involved in.
She wants him to understand what caused her to break up with him (e.g. he was too clingy, needy or insecure, he took her for granted, he stopped moving through the levels of life like a real man) and fix those things without her having to teach him.
Learning from his mistakes to quickly becoming a better man as a result, is attractive to her because that is what a real man does when he makes mistakes in life.
Lost guys go through life making mistakes and blaming the world for their problems, seeking pity from others or hiding away from the world behind their relationship with a woman.
A woman wants to be with a man who continually learns and grows into the real man that he is destined to be, rather than remaining stuck at a boyish level of maturity for life.
When you quickly transform by learning from your mistakes to become a better man, your ex girl will notice that when she interacts with you.
She will see it in how you talk, how you react to her and how you use your body language.
When that happens, her guard comes down and she becomes interested in getting back together with you.
However, when a lost guy expects a woman to hold his hand and guide him through the steps of being a man, she will likely keep saying to him, “Look, I’m just not interested in getting back together with you. You need to deal with his on your own. You and I are finished. Leave me alone and give me the space I’ve asked for to move on. I don’t feel the same way about you any more and I need you to accept that.”
4. Thinking that you can make a woman want to stay with you by giving her reasons, rather than making her experience feelings.
Sometimes, when a man doesn’t know what else to do to get his woman back, he might try to convince her by giving her every random reason he can think of why they should be together.
For example: He might say to her, “All of our friends and family say we make such a great couple,” or “If you break up with me now, I’ll end up failing all my exams and flunking out of university” or “If you don’t give me another chance, I’m not going to be able to concentrate at work and will probably end up losing my job. Please just stay with me and let’s work this out.”
In the case of a married couple, he might say, “I can’t afford to pay the rent/mortgage all by myself,” or “What about the children? How can we let them become another statistic of divorce? Why would you want to do that to our family?”
Yet, regardless of whether his arguments are valid or not, a modern woman doesn’t have to stay with a guy out of a sense of duty, or because she feels guilty, or pity for him.
When a guy stops making a modern woman experience the types of feelings that are needed to keep a relationship together and she then decides to break up with him, then the main thing that will make her want to get back together with him is if he re-sparks those feelings in her.
It can’t just be all about him getting to be with her because a woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s doing a guy a favor by being with him.
She wants to be with him because she loves him and because he is the kind of guy she can respect, feel attracted to and depend on.
Feelings Can Change…and That is Good News For You
If you’re saying, “I want my ex girl back but she isn’t interested,” you might feel like it’s a hopeless situation and she will never have strong feelings for you again.
However, that’s not the case all.
When a woman is saying, “I’m not interested,” it simply means that right now, the way you are talking to her and the way that you’re interacting with her isn’t triggering her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
The good news is that you really can change the way you’re talking to her and interacting with her in a way reactivates her feelings and makes her feel interested in being with you again.
When you interact with her in ways that make her experience feelings of respect, attraction and love, everything changes.
Suddenly, she begins to think to herself, “Something has changed. I actually enjoy talking to my ex now, even though I wasn’t interested in him before. It’s fun being around him again,” and she opens herself up to the idea of getting back together again.
From there, you simply need to continue saying and doing the types of things that make her feel attracted to you and confidently guide her back into a relationship with you.