If you’re asking, “Is it possible to get my ex girlfriend to change her mind about me?” the answer is yes.
However, it’s important that you understand that you can’t change her mind by talking to her about the relationship, telling her how much you’ve changed, or trying to make her realize that she will regret it later on.
To get her to change her mind, you’ve got to change the way you make her feel.
You’ve got to focus on making her feel desirable emotions (e.g. respect, attraction and love) that will draw her to you, rather than making her feel undesirable emotions (e.g. resentment, disgust, hate).
- Have you been recently turning her off during conversations by being insecure?
- Does she feel like she is the more dominant one in the relationship and that she can no longer look up to you and respect you?
- Would she be able to get the type of attraction experience that she really wants in a relationship if she got back with you? (e.g. your ex might want you to be a bit more ballsy, but you’re just too nice. She might also want you to joke around with her more, but you’re too serious and sensitive about things all the time).
If your ex is currently saying things like, “You need to accept that it’s really over between us. I’m not going to change my mind about you,” it means that the way you’re coming across to her now is still making her feel the same way that she felt when she broke up with you (e.g. a lack of respect and attraction, anger, disappointment).
So, if you want to change your ex girlfriend’s mind about getting back together with you, you have to show her that you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you.
You can do that simply by making some changes and improvements to the way you are talking to her and interacting with her.
When you interact with her in ways that spark her feelings for you again, it then becomes possible to get your ex girlfriend to change her mind about you because she is now feeling more open towards you.
However, if you continue to behave in the same ways that you did before the break up with her (e.g. being insecure, letting her push you around or dominate you, always trying to discuss the relationship or your feelings) she will just keep saying, “Sorry, but it’s over between us. I don’t feel the same way as you do.”
4 Things That Won’t Change Her Mind
At this point of the ex back process, your girlfriend has most likely disconnected herself from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, so almost anything that you say and do will either be perceived in a negative, or a positive light by her.
Don’t worry though; her current negative state of mind is not permanent.
When you actively get her to reconnect with her feelings, she will stop thinking of you in such a negative way.
All of a sudden, she will begin to think, “Hmmm…my ex has changed now. This is different. I wonder if things would be different between us if we got back together again?”
On the other hand, if you interact with her in ways that turn her off (e.g. always trying to discuss the relationship and your feelings even though you haven’t gotten her to reconnect with her feelings first), she will likely keep saying she’s not interested.
So, if you want to change your ex girlfriend’s mind about you, here are 4 common mistakes to avoid making:
1. Giving her endless reasons why the relationship is worth saving.
When a guy still loves his ex, he will usually try pretty much anything to get her back, including giving her a list of endless reasons why their relationship is worth saving.
For example: A guy might say something like, “I know I messed up, but we’ve had so many good times together too, right? How can you forget that now? The bad times don’t outnumber the great times we shared,” or “I still want to be with you. Doesn’t that count for something? If you ever really loved me you would at least give me a chance to make things up to you. Love isn’t supposed to be thrown away like this” or, “Your family and friends used to really like me. I know I messed up, but I’m still the great guy that they originally liked. Just give me a chance to prove it to you.”
Yet, although what he is saying is true, when a woman has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, she will usually only focus on the negatives to help herself move on from him.
For example: If a guy (who had become needy, insecure and controlling in the relationship) tries to reason with his ex girlfriend by saying something like, “Remember all those times we locked ourselves in my apartment for the whole weekend watching movies, talking and making love,” she can easily twist that around and turn it into a negative.
She might think, “Yeah! I should have realized back then how needy and insecure you would really become. The warning signs were there in the beginning when after a year of being together, you’d abandoned all your friends, given up on pursuing your career and just wanted to spend all your time with me. No way! I don’t want a guy like that. I want a man who lives a balanced life and rises up to reach for his true potential, rather than hiding from the world behind me and a relationship. If I knew what kind of clingy, needy and controlling boyfriend you would become in the end, I would have saved myself the pain of falling in love with you and having to go through this break up.”
He might continue on and say, “I love you so much. I would do anything for you. Isn’t that reason enough to give me another chance?”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that she has seen the needy, insecure and controlling side of him and she knows that he hasn’t even changed.
If she gives him another chance based on his reasons, she fears that he would just end up becoming the same old controlling boyfriend he was in the past.
So, if you want to change your girlfriend’s mind about you, make sure that you are actively changing her negative perception of you, otherwise she’s not going to care about your reasons why you think you and her should stay together.
When you trigger positive, desirable feelings inside of her based on the new way that you now talk to her and interact with her, she will change her mind about you on her own without you having to convince her.
She will then see for herself that the relationship is worth saving, or at least giving a little more of a chance to see how it goes.
2. Telling her how much you care about her and how much she means to you.
Sometimes, a guy makes the mistake of thinking that if he tells his ex girlfriend how much he still loves her, it will make her change her mind about getting back together again.
Although that tends to work in Hollywood movies and TV sitcoms, it doesn’t work on most women in real life.
When a woman has disconnected from her feelings for her ex boyfriend and he says something like, “I care so much about you. You mean the world to me. I don’t want to imagine a future without you in it. Can’t you see that we were meant to be together?” she’s not going to care that he cares so much about her.
She might even be thinking, “So what? Who cares if you still love me? You hurt me. I don’t care that you still have feelings for me. I’m moving on.”
If a woman currently perceives her ex in a negative way, she won’t be able to reconnect with the love in her heart until he actively makes her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
So, rather than waste a lot of time telling your ex girlfriend how much she means to you, focus instead on using every interaction you have with her (e.g. via text message, e-mail, social media, on a phone call or in person) as an opportunity to re-attract her and show her that you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was too insecure and clingy, he needs to remain confident and self-assured when he interacts with her, regardless of how cold her attitude is towards him.
If she tests him by saying things like, “It’s over between us. I’m seeing someone else now,” or “It’s so much fun being single. I’ve been partying every weekend with my friends,” rather than react by getting upset or feeling threatened, the guy needs to remain calm and relaxed.
He might respond by saying, “That’s good to hear. You deserve to have fun, especially after all the crap I put you through” or “I still care about you, but I’m glad that you are happy.”
When she sees that he’s no longer the same insecure, needy guy she broke up with, her defenses immediately begin to come down.
A woman will then realizes that he’s not desperately trying to get her back and often begin showing signs of interest, to see if he will react and become excited.
If he remains calm and doesn’t act like he’s just won the lottery now that she’s showing interest, her respect and attraction for him grows stronger.
Even though she was previously turned off by him, she now begins to feel respect and attraction for the way he is behaving.
She begins to wonder, “What just happened here? Why do I feel like I like him again all of a sudden? He’s changed…I like the new him. Maybe we should hook up one last time to see how I feel.”
Getting her to have feelings for you is what needs to happen to make it possible for your ex girlfriend to change her mind about you.
So, don’t bother telling her how much you care about her, because it’s not going to make her change her mind.
When you make her reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you, she will find herself opening up to you again, even if she initially tries to fight it or hide it.
3. Thinking that you can win her back by being extra nice to her.
Often, the only way a guy can think of to make his ex realize what she’s going to be losing out on if she doesn’t change her mind about him, is to be extra nice to her (e.g. he does whatever she wants him to do, pays her bills, buys her expensive gifts, is available to her 24/7).
In his mind, he hopes that she will wake up one morning and think to herself, “I’ve been such a fool to break up with my ex. Look how wonderful he is to me. I will never be able to find another guy who loves me like he does. He’s always taking care of me, spoiling me and doing whatever I want. It must mean that he and I are meant to be together” and then she comes running back into his arms.
Unfortunately, life is not a scripted romantic Hollywood movie, and in the real world, a woman who has lost respect and attraction for a guy will rarely change her mind about him just because he’s being extra nice to her.
Naturally, there’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, but when a guy is being so desperate to please her and she can see it, it might make her feel like she is too good for him.
If a woman feels more valuable than a man, she then can’t look up to him and respect him, which makes him seem less attractive and appealing to her.
A woman doesn’t want to be with a guy out of pity or guilt.
Instead, she wants to feel like she is lucky to be with him because other women would love to be with him too.
As you may know, nice guys who suck up to women and try to impress them are not in high demand.
The type of guy that women find most attractive is a good guy with balls.
This kind of guy treats women very well, but he doesn’t suck up to them by putting on an extra nice guy act.
He is confident, emotionally masculine and can handle the challenges of life, but he’s not arrogant or aggressive.
Men like that are very rare and when a woman finds one, she doesn’t want to let go.
However, nice guys who suck up to women are the majority because most guys have no idea how to be a confident, emotionally masculine man that women can feel attracted to and look up to and respect.
Most guys in this world simply try to suck up to women to get a chance with them and women hate it.
This applies to meeting new women, when in a relationship and when getting an ex back.
So, to get your ex girlfriend to change her mind about you, make sure that you’re not being super nice to her to the point where you are sucking up to her.
Be a good guy, but don’t let her push you around.
4. Thinking that he can win her back by doing whatever she claims that she needs (e.g. she asks him to give her a month of space because she “needs time,” so he does it and hopes that it will work to get her back).
Sometimes, when a guy keeps calling up his ex and trying everything he can think of to get her back (e.g. begging and pleading, promising to change, offering to do whatever she wants him to do), a woman might then ask him for some space as a way of letting him down easy.
She might think to herself, “If I can just make him go away for a month or so, I will be able to move on with a new guy. In the meantime, hopefully he’ll lose interest in getting me back, or he’ll meet someone else and I won’t have to put up with him hounding me anymore.”
However, when the guy is desperate to get her back, he might take her request for a month of space as a sign that she’s open to getting back together again.
He might think, “Maybe if she misses me during that month, she will change her mind about me and will be happy to have me back when I contact her after 30 days.”
Yet, that’s not how it works in almost all ex back cases. Why?
If a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy, having more time apart from him is usually only going to make her forget about him even quicker.
In fact, while her ex is counting down the 30 days on his calendar, she will likely move on with her life and possibly even meet another guy and fall in love with him instead.
So, even if your ex is saying, “I need time apart to figure things out,” or “I need some space to see if I still have feelings for you,” you must have the confidence to persist and get her to meet up with you, so you can then re-attract her and get her to reconnect with her feelings for you.
The most space that you should give her (before contacting her and arranging a meet up) is 3 to 7 days.
Any more time than that is usually a complete waste of time because it gives her time to move on and forget about you.
To get her back quickly, you need to focus on triggering her feelings of respect and attraction for you every time you interact with her from now on, (e.g. via text, social media, e-mail, over the phone or in person).
She will then start to wonder, “I know that I said I want some space, but I don’t feel like I need that anymore. In fact, I’m beginning to miss my ex when I don’t hear from him. Why am I feeling this way? Is it a sign that we’re meant to be together? Maybe I should just catch up with him again and see how I feel.”
From that moment on, all you’ve got to do is to continue saying and doing the types of things that will attract her, as you confidently guide her back into a relationship with you.
Unlike in the past, where a break up was considered permanent, these days couples get back together all the time.
In fact, according to an American study, the number of couples who get back together again after a break up is as high as 50%.
Of course, that number would be a lot higher if more guys used my advice, but that statistic should at least show you that it is possible.
You really can change her mind about you and get another chance with her.
So, if you’re asking, “Is it possible to get my ex girlfriend to change her mind about me?” the answer is almost certainly, YES.
As long as you focus on making her reconnect with her feelings for you, getting her back becomes easy.
When you make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, her guard comes down and she reconnects with some of her old feelings for you.
As the minutes go by while you and her talk, her feelings come back stronger than ever and she feels magnetically attracted to the new and improved you, even if she tries to hide it from you.
When that happens to her, she naturally changes her mind about you and the break up because she now feels good around you again.
To her, getting back together with you suddenly feels like the right thing to do and a good thing to do.