The ex back process can be confusing if you try to work it out on your own while feeling so much pain and rejection after the break up.
Follow this starter guide to begin the process of getting her back.
1. Understand Where You Really Went Wrong
To begin with, you have to know the real, true reasons why your ex has broken up with you.
You then need to make quick changes in those areas so she can see that you are no longer the same guy that she dumped.
Watch this video for more info…
If you are unsure of what you really should be changing, you might end up promising to change things about yourself that she doesn’t even care about.
For example: A woman might want her ex to take the lead in the relationship and be more of a masculine, ballsy man around her.
Yet, if he doesn’t realize that, he could be saying to her, “I promise to take better care of you. You can have whatever you want. I will treat you so much better now I promise. Just tell me what you want and I will do it,” which isn’t what she actually wants from him.
So, the first step to getting your ex back is to fully understand where you went wrong in the relationship.
However, don’t expect her to tell you exactly what she wants you to change.
A woman will rarely tell a guy the real, more subtle reasons why she’s breaking up with him, and will usually just say something like, “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” or “I need some space to figure out what I want to do with my life,” or “I’m not sure I if I want to be in a relationship right now.”
She doesn’t want to be his teacher in life about how to be a man, or have to guide him along to become the type of man that she needs him to be.
If a woman has to explain exactly where he has been going wrong, she will fear that she will need to keep teaching him again and again in the future.
That’s not attractive to her, because a woman wants to be with a man she can look up to and respect, not look after like a mother or big sister would a little boy.
When a woman doesn’t feel respect for a man, she will find it almost impossible to feel sexually attracted to him.
Without respect and attraction, she will find it difficult to connect with her feelings of love for him and the relationship with fall apart.
So, an important part of getting your ex back is to discover the real reasons why she broke up with you (e.g. you weren’t manly enough, you had become too insecure, you lacked purpose and direction in life, you lost touch with how to make her feel sexually attracted to you).
You then need to at least begin to make some improvements in those areas so that when you interact with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person), she can pick up on how differently you think, talk and behave now.
When that happens, she will feel that you now understand her and she doesn’t have to teach you how to be the man she wants and needs, which then brings her guard down and makes her begin to open back up to you.
She then can’t help herself from feeling drawn to you again, even though she previously might have thought that she was completely over you and didn’t want anything to do with you any more.
2. Improve Your Ability to Attract Her
When some guys hear about needing to improve their ability to attract their ex, they automatically assume this means they have to improve their physical appearance.
Yet, they are wrong.
A guy like that might then think to himself, “Cool, I can do that. I’ll go out and get myself some new clothes and then I’ll go to the gym and build some muscles. The next time she sees me, she won’t be able to recognize me. I will look so attractive and she’ll see that I’ve changed in a positive way.”
Yet, that’s not how a woman’s attraction really works.
A man’s physical attractiveness is not as important to a woman as his emotional attractiveness (e.g. his confidence, charisma, emotional masculinity, charm).
A guy might change his physical appearance (e.g. get new clothes and shoes, change his hairstyle, lose weight), but if he is still the same insecure guy deep down, his ex is going to be able to pick up on that and it will turn her off.
So, if you want to improve your ability to attract your ex, you need to remember one thing…
A woman’s attraction to a man’s physical appearance isn’t as powerful as her emotional attraction to him.
If you can make her smile, laugh and feel good when she interacts with you, she will instinctively feel more attracted to you.
A good way to check how you are making your ex feel, is to ask yourself the following questions when you are interacting with her while on a phone call or in person.
- Does she feel feminine and girly in my presence, or does she feel emotionally stronger than me?
- Can she look up to me and respect me as a man, or does she look down on me?
- Is she feeling happy to be talking to me, or is she looking for ways to get away quickly?
- Am I making her feel turned on, or is her body language, or the tone of her voice telling me that she is feeling closed off?
- Am I reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction for me (e.g. via the way I’m talking to her, my body language, my attitude and the way I respond to her), or is she feeling turned off by me?
As long as you focus on displaying traits that make you emotionally attractive, she will begin to warm back up to you and really like the new you.
3. Contact Her and Reactivate Her Feelings of Respect and Attraction
If your ex is currently saying things like, “Please accept that it’s over between us. I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” or “You need to let me go. There’s no way the two of us can get back together again,” it simply means that the way you are currently talking to her isn’t making her connect with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t change that.
What you need to do is contact her and actively work towards making her feel respect and attraction for you again on a phone call or in person.
Where many guys go wrong, is that when their ex says, “Leave me alone,” they quickly back off and give her loads of space.
For example: A guy might think, “She said she doesn’t want to see me. If I keep pushing her she might get even angrier with me and I might blow my chances to get her back. Maybe if I give her some space, she will realize that she misses me and then she will contact me herself.”
He then stops contacting her; sometimes for up to 30 or even 60 days.
Then, when he doesn’t hear back from her, he begins to wonder, “Why isn’t she calling me? Hasn’t she realized that I’m the right guy for her yet? Doesn’t she miss me? Why isn’t she initiating contact and trying to get me back? Was our relationship all for nothing?”
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that most women are passive when it comes to dating and relationships.
In other words, men lead and women follow along.
Some women do lead at times and some women like to lead all the time, but all women feel respect and attraction for men who have the balls, emotional masculinity and maturity to lead the way.
Here’s the thing…
If you’re not actively present in your ex’s life and using every opportunity that you have to interact with her and reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you, then you’re only giving her more time to get over you and meet someone else.
So, don’t sit around hoping that by ignoring her she will suddenly realize how much she misses you and then come running back.
That will only happen if your ex is still in love with you, is unable to handle the emotions of the break up, or can’t find another guy to replace you.
In almost all other cases, not contacting a woman for anything longer than 3 to 7 days is a total waste of time.
You need to get this done now, before it’s too late.
For example: If a guy decides to give his ex 30-60 days of space and wait for a sign from her, it’s unlikely that she’s going to wake up one morning and think to herself, “Oh, I miss my ex so much! Why hasn’t he called me?” if he hasn’t done anything to renew her feelings for him since the break up.
So, don’t waste any more time waiting for her to give you a sign that she’s open to talking to you again.
Instead, get her on a phone call and get her smiling and laughing.
Make her feel curious and happy to meet up with you in person, so she can see the changes in you that she is now experiencing over the phone (e.g. your newfound confidence, emotional masculinity, charisma and charm).
4. Meet Up With Her and Build on Her Feelings
When you meet up with your ex, you’ve got to continue saying and doing the types of things that will build on her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
You can do that by making some adjustments and improvements to the way you are talking to her and interacting with her.
For example: Imagine that you’re having a cup of coffee with your ex, and she says something like, “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” or “Why can’t you accept that it’s over between us?”
In her mind, she might be testing you to see if you will react to what she is saying in negative way (e.g. by getting angry with her, getting upset, begging her to give you another chance, becoming insecure, looking rejected).
However, rather than reacting in the way that she is expecting, you can remain confident and self-assured instead.
You can respond by saying something like, “I know you that don’t want to get back together with me right now…and that’s okay with me. I know that I can’t convince you with words that I’m a different guy to the one you broke up with, so I’m just going let you see for yourself that I’ve changed. Maybe you’ve already noticed it a bit while we’ve been talking. I don’t expect you to want me back because I’ve changed, but I have changed. I accept that we’ve broken up. If you don’t have feelings for me any more, I accept that too.”
She will then likely begin thinking, “Hmm…that’s not what I was expecting. I thought he would react in the same way that he used to when we were together. Why is he behaving this way? What has changed? How has he changed so quickly? I kind of like the new him…why am I feeling this way” and she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you.
When she realizes that you really are a different guy to how you were when she broke up with you, her resolve to stay broken up will begin to weaken.
From there, you just need to continue saying and doing the types of things that will build on the spark of respect and attraction that she is feeling for you until you turn it into a raging fire of love, respect, attraction and desire.
As you are doing that, simply guide her back into a relationship with you by remaining confident, relaxed and in control.
Some Pitfalls to Be Aware Of
As you can see, getting your ex back is not really that difficult as long as you have an idea of how the ex back process works.
Many guys lose their woman by not finding a guide to follow, or by not following through on it completely.
A guy who has been dumped is usually in a lot of emotional pain and often can’t stop himself from making some, or all, of the following rookie mistakes.
1. Over texting
Some guys feel that constant texting is a good way stay on her mind, and therefore she will be less likely to move on.
However, if a guy isn’t actively reactivating his ex’s feelings of respect and attraction on a phone call or in person, then getting random texts from him isn’t going to convince her to change her mind about getting back together with him.
Texting an ex is completely fine to do as long as it’s used as a way of getting her on a phone call, where she can notice the changes in you by listening to the tone of your voice and experiencing your confidence, charisma and charm.
On the phone call, you need to arrange a meet up with her, where you can then fully reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you in person.
2. Pouring his heart out
When a guy gets broken up with, he might feel that his only chance of getting another chance is to convince the woman how much he cares about her.
He might say to her, “I love you more than anything in the world. I can’t imagine a life without you in it. Please don’t give up on us. Don’t you remember all the good things we shared? Please just give me one more chance to prove to you that I’m the only guy who can make you truly happy.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
A woman doesn’t care how much a guy cares for her if she doesn’t have feelings for him any more.
He has feelings for her, but she doesn’t have feelings for him, so his words feel empty and unimportant to her.
If you want to get your ex back, you need to make her have some feelings of respect and attraction for you first, otherwise she’s not going to care that you still love her or want to be with her.
3. Promising to change
If a woman is currently saying things like, “I’ve had enough. I just don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore,” because she doesn’t have feelings for a guy, she’s doesn’t want to hear his sincere promises that he will change.
The thing is that in most cases, a guy will usually have already made some promises to her before the break up that he didn’t end up keeping.
For example: During a argument with her, a guy might have said, “Okay, I get it. You want me to stop doing that. I promise I won’t do that again.”
Yet, after a while he slipped back into the habit of doing whatever he promised to her that he would not do again.
So, when she eventually breaks up with him, a woman is then less likely to believe any of his promises to change and become the type of man that she wanted and needed all along.
If you want to get your ex back, remember that your actions will speak louder than your words.
When you interact with your ex from on, don’t waste your time or her time making promises about changing.
Instead, focus on making her feel respect and attraction for you by showing her that you now understand what really went wrong between you, and you that have already taken steps to change those things in yourself.
4. Pleading with her to change her mind
It’s only natural that a guy will feel upset, betrayed, rejected or hurt when his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) breaks up with him.
When this happens, he might try to plead with her to change her mind by saying things like, “Please baby! I still love you! I’m so sorry for hurting you. Please forgive me! Just one more chance is all I’m asking for.”
However, in most cases, rather than make the woman change her mind, his begging and pleading turns her off even more.
Women are attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, strength of character, masculinity) and turned off by the emotional weakness (e.g. desperation, neediness, clinginess).
So, when a guy pleads with a woman for her to give him a second chance, she will perceive him as being emotionally weak and then want to distance herself from him even more.
Getting Her Back is Easy When You Follow the Right Guide
In the past, a break up was considered permanent and if a guy asked, “What can I do to get my ex back?” the only advice he would get was, “Forget about her and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
People used to think that a break up was permanent and there was not way of getting an ex back.
Thankfully, that’s no longer the case.
In today’s world, couples get back together all the time.
Couples getting back together after a break up is happening more and more every day thanks to the help that people can now find on the internet (e.g. the proven to work ex back method that I teach in my program, Get Your Ex Back Super System), rather than the unhelpful, “Don’t worry, you’ll find another girl one day” advice that family and friends tend to offer.
The fact is, when you re-spark your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you, she begins to drop her guard and becomes open to the idea of getting back together again.
From there, you just need to guide her into deeper feelings of love and attraction for you, until she can’t stop herself from wanting to be back in your arms again.