If your girlfriend has asked you for time apart, you might now be wondering:
- Does this mean that our relationship is doomed?
- Will having time apart make her realize that she still loves me and wants to be with me?
- What if she meets another guy while we’re apart?
- How much time should I give her?
It’s fine to give your girlfriend 3 to 7 days of space, but if you spend any more time apart than that, a woman will usually start to get over you and may even completely move on with another guy.
If you give her 3 to 7 days of space, you must to use that time to quickly understand what it was that really turned her off and made her want to break up with you and then begin to improve those things about yourself, so she can experience the new and improved you the next time you interact.
When she sees that you have changed, she will look at you in a more positive light and become open to giving you another chance.
Do You Fully Understand What Has Made Her to Ask For Time Apart?
Right now, the most important thing that you need to do is understand what has really been turning your girlfriend off to the point where she has now asked for time apart.
Where many guys go wrong at this point of a break up, is to turn to their woman for a full explanation about why she is asking for time apart.
For example: A guy might say, “Why do you want time apart? What am I doing wrong? You don’t have to have time apart for me to change. Just tell me what you want me to fix and I’ll do it right now.”
Yet, that’s not how to get a relationship back together when a woman is dumping a man.
The reason why is that a woman will rarely tell a guy her exact, more subtle and even private reasons for wanting time apart.
Instead of being brutally honest, a woman will usually just say something like, “I don’t know…I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore. I need some time apart to think things through. I still care about you, but I just don’t know what I want any more” or, “My feelings for you have changed. I need space to figure out if I still want to be in a relationship.”
Why doesn’t a woman just come out and say exactly what she wants the guy fix?
Here are 3 main reasons why…
1. A woman doesn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings, and possibly even have to deal with him reacting in an overly emotional way (e.g. cry, beg her to stay, get angry or even become violent).
Even though we now live in a cilivized society with police, a supportive government, the court system and the media, some women still get beaten or killed by men as they try to break up with them.
Of course, you are most likely a really good guy and would never do anything to hurt your girlfriend, but women have a natural instinct to protect themselves from being hurt when they are breaking up with a man.
Other than violence, the thing that women worry about is the man breaking down and crying. She then feels sorry for him and it he notices, so he keeps going and ends up begging and pleading with her to give him another chance.
A woman just doesn’t want to be put in that position, she usually tries to just get out the relationship with a vague reason like, “I need some time apart for a while to think things through” or, “I need some time apart to find myself and work out what I want. Please respect that.”
2. She doesn’t want to give him the opportunity to talk her out of her decision.
For example: A guy might say, “Okay, so you want me to be more manly. I can do that. I will start right away. Give me a week to show you that I can be more manly, rather than being the insecure, needy boyfriend that I have become.”
If the couple is married, the man might say something like, “What about the children? We can’t do this to them. Do you not care about the effect this will have on them? They won’t have a father figure around and you might end up getting into a relationship with a man who treats them badly. How could you do that to them and to me?” or “We’ve just bought a new house together. What will happen if we split up now? We’ll lose everything.”
He might also try to convince to change her mind by promising to change, by saying things like, “Okay, I accept that I messed up, but I promise that I’m going to change. Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?”
He may even say something like, “Look…I’m a different guy from the guy that I used to be. I’ve changed now…you just have to stick around long enough to see it for yourself. Give me two weeks and I will show you.”
3. She doesn’t want to have to teach him how to be the kind of man who is attractive to her.
If she has to explain to him what he’s doing wrong now, she will feel like she’s taking on the role of his mother or teacher and will have to do it again and again throughout life.
Being in the teacher or mother role is not attractive to her, because a woman doesn’t want to feel like she has to hold a guy’s hand and guide him through life.
If she has to do that, she begins to feel more dominant than him in the relationship, which makes her lose touch with her feelings of sexual attraction for him.
For a relationship to be successful, the man has to maintain the dominant role so that the woman can relax into her feminine self and feel sexually attracted to his masculinity.
So, even if you don’t fully understand what it was that really turned your girlfriend off and made her want to break up with you, it’s important that you don’t ask her to explain it to you.
You need to figure this out without her help.
If you don’t, you will probably be making promises and offering to change things that she’s not really bothered about.
For example: You might promise to take her on holidays, clean the house or do the dishes, but what she really cares about is your lack of emotional masculinity and the fact that she can no longer and look up to you and respect you as her man.
How To Figure Out What is Turning Her Off Without Asking Her to Tell You
Some guys know exactly why their woman is asking for time apart and they then get to work on fixing that, so they can impress her by showing her the new and improved version of themselves.
Yet, many guys don’t know what they need to change or how to change and fix the problems that they’ve been creating.
In fact, for some guys it’s a complete shock to discover that their girlfriend (fiancé or wife) isn’t as happy in the relationship as they are.
So, if you’re saying, “I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong, and I don’t know how to figure it out by myself,” don’t worry, you can do it.
One of the quickest ways to tap into what is turning her off is by thinking back to the times you and your girlfriend had an argument or disagreement about something.
In most cases, she will have likely nagged you about a certain thing, dropped hints, or even started a fight with you over the same thing more than once.
For example: A woman might have repeatedly nagged her guy about not helping out around the house, as a way of letting him know that she was feeling taken for granted and neglected.
Alternatively, she might have hinted to him, “Why don’t you hang out with your friends sometime? Don’t you miss seeing them once in a while,” as a way of letting him know that he was being too needy and clingy around her, and was possibly even using his relationship with her to hide from his true potential in life.
In another example, a woman might have nagged her boyfriend about how much time he spends watching TV or aimlessly browsing social media, because she wanted him to get focused on a career or follow through on his big ambitions so that he could be a successful guy in the near future.
Whatever the case in your relationship, if you think back, you will likely recall an issue that cropped up more than once between you and your girlfriend.
That is the clue you are looking for, because once you understand what is causing your girlfriend to ask you for time apart, you will be able to improve those things about yourself.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was being too clingy, needy and dependent on her, he needs to show her that he has become more emotionally independent and has started to focus on goals, dreams, interests and friendships that are separate from his relationship with her.
Then, when he interacts with her (e.g. on the phone, or in person) she will be able to experience for herself that he is not the same, lost and unmotivated guy that she left behind.
Whatever the case is for you, it’s important that you take some action to begin improving or fixing what has really been turning her off.
Once your girlfriend sees that you have understood what caused her to want time apart from you and have also taken action to fix those things, she will begin to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you as a man.
When a woman feels respect and attraction for you, her guard comes down and it becomes a lot easier for her to then reconnect with her feelings of love once more.
Will Giving Her Time Apart Cause Her to Realize Her Mistake?
Not for all women.
Time apart will only work if your girlfriend still truly loves you and feels some respect and attraction for you, if she’s unable to deal with the pain of the break up, or if she can’t find a new guy to replace you with.
However, if she doesn’t feel much (or anything at all) for you, she will almost certainly use the extended time apart to move on and leave you behind.
So, don’t waste any more time.
You need to reactivate her feelings by interacting with her (e.g. via text message, e-mail, on social media, on a phone call, or in person) after giving her 3 to 7 days of space.
Where some guys go wrong is in thinking that the more space they give a woman, the more likely she will change her mind.
For example: A guy might think, “I give her 30 days or even 60 days of space, she’s more likely to notice how much I mean to her. She’ll miss how much I spoiled her and took care of her. She’ll then realize that she made a huge mistake and come running back to me.”
Yet, that approach only works about 20% of the time.
In the 20% of cases where it does work, it rarely results in the relationship staying back together because the guy hasn’t really fixed his issues and has simply been ignoring her.
When the woman comes back and sees he still hasn’t figured out what really caused her to leave in the first place, she just breaks up with him again.
So, not only has the guy wasted a lot of time waiting for his girlfriend to come to her senses, he’s also given her plenty of time get over him, and possibly meet and fall in love with a new man.
If you want your girlfriend to realize that she wants to be with you and that life just doesn’t feel right without you, then you’ve got to actively renew her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you by interacting with her on a phone call or in person.
Give your girlfriend time apart if she’s asked for it, but any longer longer than 3 to 7 days of space is usually just a waste of time.
Making Her Fall in Love With You All Over Again
It’s not the end of the world if your girlfriend has asked you for time apart.
In fact, you can use that time apart to prepare to reactivate her feelings for you and make her fall even deeper in love than she was before.
Here’s how you can do that…
Once you’ve given her 3 to 7 days of space, you need to use every interaction you have with her (e.g. via text message, e-mail, on social media, on a phone call, or in person) from then on as an opportunity to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
You can do that by making some adjustments and improvements to the way you’re interacting with her.
You can react differently to what she says.
You can respond differently to her.
For example: If your girlfriend says something like, “I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship with you anymore. My feelings for you have changed. I think it’s better that we break up,” rather than get upset and emotional about it, you can use it as an opportunity to make her feel respect and attraction for you instead.
A simple way to do that is by responding in an unexpected way and making her smile and laugh.
For example: You might say something like, “I bet you’re expecting me to get angry or annoyed right now aren’t you? Okay, here goes…” then playfully pretend to sulk or get angry.
You might laugh and say, “No way! We’re not having time apart. We have to see each other every day, 24/7” and in a playfully angry tone or, “Awwww, that’s not fair. I want to see you 24/7. please! Let’s see each other at least 3 times a day” in a playfully sulking tone and then laugh with her about it.
You can then say something like, “Seriously though, I get why you don’t want to be with me anymore. I did (mention to her that what you know you did wrong), but I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t expect you to believe me right now and that’s okay. We can have this space and if you don’t want to be with me any more, that is your choice. However, I think it would be good if we could say hello again as friends sometime soon.”
In this way, not only are you responding differently to the way she’s expecting you to, but you’re also making her smile and laugh by making a joke about your past behavior.
At the same time, you’re also acknowledging that you have been behaving in ways that are unattractive to her, while also making her feel heard and understood.
All of this means that you take the pressure off your girlfriend to come back to you right away, and you focus instead on letting her experience for herself the new and improved you at her own pace.
By making some adjustments to the way you talk and interact with her, she naturally begins to look at you in a more positive light, and becomes more open to giving you another chance.
Then, getting back together again becomes easy.
She begins to think to herself, “This isn’t how he usually behaves. What’s changed? He actually understands what made me to want to break up with him. I feel differently about him now. I don’t hate him as much. I kind of like him again. Why am I feeling this way? Maybe we can make things work between us after all,” and she then opens herself up to getting back together again.
Remember: When you renew her feelings of respect and attraction for you, her guard comes down and she naturally feels drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
From there, all you’ve got to do is to continue saying and doing the types of things that attract her while you confidently guide her back into a relationship.