If you’re wondering, “What can I do to make my ex want to get back together with me now?” here is what really works…
Reactivate her feelings by interacting with her and letting her experience the new and improved you.
For example: When you interact with her (e.g. via text, e-mail, on social media, on a phone call, or in person) make sure that what you are saying and doing is creating positive feelings of respect and attraction inside her.
If you’re not interacting with her in ways that spark positive feelings of respect and attraction, she’s most likely going to remain closed off to you and won’t be willing to give you another chance.
From now on, ask yourself questions like these:
- Will this text message or e-mail that I’m about to send her make her smile, laugh and feel happy to hear from me, or will she feel annoyed and think something like, “What does my ex want? Why doesn’t he just leave me alone?”
- Does she sound happy and excited to be talking to me over the phone, or is she saying things like, “Look, I really have to go now. Please give me space like I asked you to do before” or “I’m really busy, I can’t talk right now”
- Does she now feel as though she can look up to me and respect me as a man, or is she feeling turned off because I’m displaying unattractive traits like self-doubt, insecurity, desperation or neediness?
Asking yourself those questions will keep you focused on what matters most, which is that you are actively making her feel respect and attraction for you during every interaction, so she opens herself up to the idea of getting back together again.
However, don’t expect her to want to take you back just because you want her to or because you’ve changed and now feel so much better about yourself.
You have to make her feel like she is gaining something by getting back together with you, not like she is doing you a favor.
For example: She is gaining the experience of seeing what love and a relationship feels like when the problems are fixed and the couple gets to go back to how they felt in the beginning.
She’s also gaining a better man who can now make her experience feelings that she couldn’t experience with him before.
Impressing your ex to make her want to get back together with you now is not about putting on an act and pretending to be someone that you’re not (e.g. suddenly wearing expensive suits or designer fashions, if you are normally a denim and t-shirt kind of guy).
In fact, if she gets the sense that you’re hoping to impress her, it will actually make her feel turned off by your insecurity about your attractiveness to her.
To impress her, just relax and confidently allow her to experience the new and improved you when you interact with her.
Don’t force it.
Just be the new, improved man that you now are whenever you interact with her.
This allows her to feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, which reactivates her feelings and makes her guard come down.
Once her feelings are reactivated and her guard is down, she will then become open to forgiving you and giving you another chance.
Changing the Way That You Interact With Her
Just because your ex is currently saying that she doesn’t want to get back together with you, it doesn’t mean that her emotions can’t ever change.
When you begin to interact with her in a way that makes her feel good (e.g. making her smile, laugh and feel attracted to you again), she will naturally begin to drop her guard and be more willing to re-connect with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
However, if you continue behaving in ways that turn her off (e.g. being insecure, needy, desperate, always wanting to discuss the relationship), then getting her back is going to be very difficult because she’s just going to continue saying things like, “I’ve already told you that I don’t want to get back together with you. When are you going to face the fact that it’s over between us? You need to just leave me alone and move on with your life. I don’t feel the same way any more. When will you understand that?”
So, make sure that you change the way that you interact with her to ensure that she is experience a range of positive, desirable emotions (e.g. happiness, attraction, excitement, surprise, respect) when she interacts with you.
Focus on doing that so you can reactivate her feelings and then quickly guide her back into a relationship.
4 Mistakes That Slow the Ex Back Process Down
Here are some of the behaviors that turn a woman off when a guy is trying to get her back, which then slows the ex back process down or even brings it to a complete stop where the guy loses his chance with her.
1. Trying to get her back by promising to do anything that she wants.
It’s only natural that when a guy is trying to get his ex back, he’s might be feeling a little bit desperate to get her back before she fully moves on with another guy.
When a guy is in that panicked state, he might make the mistake of showing her that he would be willing to do anything to convince her to give him another chance.
He might say to her, “I know I messed up and I’m so sorry about it. Please give me another chance and I promise you I’ll do whatever it is you want me to do. I don’t care what it is – I will do it. I will do anything you want if you just give me another chance with you. Please don’t leave me like this. I love you and you mean everything to me. Just tell me what you want and I will do it, I promise.”
In some instances, a guy might even promise to change things about himself that he doesn’t want to change just to please his ex.
For example: During the relationship, a woman might have said to her guy, “You’re always hanging out with your friends drinking and partying. I’m sick and tired of waiting around for you. If you don’t change, I’m going to break up with you.”
Then, in a desperate plea to show her how much he cares, he promises to never see his friends again and never party with anyone ever again.
He might say to her, “I get it! I didn’t listen to you when you told me I was spending too much time with my friends. I promise if you just give me another chance, I’ll spend more time with you. I don’t care about my friends. You are what matters to me. Please just give me another chance.”
From his point of view, he is giving her what she wanted all along, so he assumes that it should be enough to make her want to get back together.
Yet, that’s not how it works.
For example: If a woman is saying that a guy spends too much time drinking and partying with his friends, it could just be her way of saying that he is wasting his true potential as a man, and that she needs him to man up and be someone she can look up to and feel proud of.
She doesn’t mind that he has friends, but she is disappointed that she’s ended up with a guy who has no real ambition in life and is wasting so much time just hanging out with people who might not even be in his life 5 or 10 years from now.
So, if he promises to change the wrong things about himself (e.g. stop hanging out with his friends), she will feel as though he doesn’t understand what she really wants from him and it will turn her off even more.
Here’s what you need to get clear on…
If you want to make your ex want to get back together with you now, you need to be offering her what she really wants, not what you think she wants.
Rather than make any promises, focus instead on saying the types of things that will reactivate some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
For example: You can say something like, “I know I messed up. I now understand where I went wrong, and I’m truly sorry for hurting you. However, everyone makes mistakes sometimes in life and as long as they learn from those mistakes, they become a better person as a result. I’m not happy with what has happened between us, but I have learned from those mistakes and I’m a better man as a result. I don’t expect you to believe me right now, and that’s okay. I accept that you’ve broken up with me, but I want you to know that I am now making real progress with [insert whatever applies to you here. For example: Your career, a project, a business, an ambition you’ve always had] and am only spending a little bit of time with friends.”
You’re not asking her to take you back and are simply making her feel understood, which is a great way to start reactivating her feelings of respect for you again.
2. Asking her to explain her deeper reasons for the break up.
One of the most common reactions that guys have when they get broken up with is to ask for all the reasons why.
For example: A guy might ask his woman something like, “Why are you doing this to me? How could you break up with me when I love you so much What is the reason for this?” or “Please tell me what I did wrong so that I can change it.”
In his mind, he is likely thinking, “I’ve messed things up, but if she tells me exactly what she wants me to fix and I do it, then everything should go back to the way it was and we won’t have to break up.”
Yet, that’s not how it works.
A woman doesn’t want to explain to a guy what he did wrong, because she doesn’t want to be his teacher in life about how to be a man.
If she has to explain to him what he has to do to make her happy and be the man she needs, it will mean that she needs to on a more dominant role in the relationship (e.g. like a mother to a son, or big sister to little brother), which will then cause her look down on him and lose her feelings of sexual attraction for him.
Think about it in this way…
If a woman takes on the role of being a man’s teacher, mother or big sister, she becomes the leader in the relationship.
She then feels like she has to hold his hand, guide him and even protect him from the difficult things in life, rather than being able to relax into his masculine direction and feel protected by him.
Taking on this dominant role causes her to stop feeling feminine in his presence, which then causes her feelings of sexually attraction to fade.
So, if you ask your ex to tell you what you did wrong and to teach you or explain to you how to be the kind of man she needs you to be, she will withdraw from you even more.
This is the main reason why it is so important for you to figure out what went wrong between you and your ex without seeking her help.
You need to take responsibility for the ex back process with her, rather than expecting her to take care of you and guide you back into a relationship with her.
When you take on the role of the man in the ex back process, she will naturally begin to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, which will bring her guard down.
She will begin to feel good about getting back with you because she likes the changes that she sees happening in you.
3. Seeming desperate by pleading with her.
When a guy is in love with his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) and she breaks up with him, he might make the mistake of pleading with her for forgiveness, to change her mind or to give him another chance.
Yet, a man pleading in a desperate way is a huge turn off for women.
It shows a woman that he doesn’t have his life in balance and has been placing way too much importance on her, to the point where she has become the main part of his identity and sense of security in this world.
In other words, he’s a needy guy. He needs her love and attention to feel good about himself in this world, which is a huge turn off for women.
A woman does want a man who wants her love and attention, but not a guy who needs it for his sense of identity and security.
A typical needy guy will often use every chance that he gets to interact with his ex (e.g. via text message, e-mail, on social media, on a phone call, in person) to plead with her for a second chance.
He might say something like, “Please don’t do this to me! I can’t live without you. You mean everything to me. Please forgive me for what I did to you! I beg of you…please. I love you so much. Let me have one more chance. Without you I am nothing. You are my everything.”
Sounds like something that should work, right?
After all, doesn’t something like that always seem to happen in romantic Hollywood movies and sitcoms?
Of course, but in the real world, pleading and begging with a woman rarely works.
Unlike in the movies, women in the real world are not attracted to the emotional weakness in men (e.g. insecurity, lack of self-confidence, putting the woman in the more dominant position).
Women are instinctively attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, masculinity, being the dominant one in the relationship) and are turned off by the emotional weakness.
So, when a guy pleads and begs with a woman for her to give him another chance, she will naturally perceive him as being emotionally weak and it will turn her off even more.
By the way…
If you’ve already pleaded with your ex to make her change her mind about getting back together again, don’t worry about it.
What happened in the past is over.
As long as you have learned from it, you simply have to now focus on being emotionally strong whenever you interact with your ex, so you can make her feel respect and attraction for you again.
Watch this video for more info…
4. Losing confidence in his ability to make her feel attracted.
When a guy tries everything that he can think of to convince his ex to get back together with him (e.g. begs, pleads, promises to change whatever she wants), and she keeps saying things like, “Just stop! I don’t have feelings for you anymore and nothing you say and do is going to change my mind,” or “You’re not what I want in a guy anymore. Please move on,” he might begin to doubt himself as a man.
For example: A guy might start thinking, “I’ve tried everything to get her back and she keeps saying no. Maybe I’m just not attractive to her as a man now. Maybe I have to let her go. Maybe she has higher standards now that I just can’t live up to.”
He might then decide that his last hope is to go to the gym and get big muscles like the male models in magazines, or to get himself a new, expensive wardrobe of clothes to impress her and trigger her feelings of attraction for him again.
Yet, here’s the thing…
The majority of women are more attracted to a man’s ability to attract them emotionally, than they are to big muscles, looks or expensive clothes.
A woman’s emotional attraction to a guy is mostly based on how he makes her feel when she’s with him, not on the brand of shirt he is wearing or how big his muscles are.
Some women are very impressed by muscles, money and social status, but when it comes to relationships, the majority of women fall in love and stay in love with a guy based on how he makes her feel by the way he talks to her, behaves, thinks and takes action in life and around her.
When a woman is considering breaking up with a guy, she might ask herself questions like this:
- Does he make me feel like a real woman when I’m around him (e.g. feminine, girly, attracted), or does he make me feel emotionally more dominant than him because he is insecure, self-doubting and lacks confidence now?
- Is he someone that I can look up to and respect now and for the rest of my life, or is he someone who needs me to hold his hand and show him how to be a real man?
- Does he have the confidence to make me smile, laugh and enjoy being around him (especially when I test him by being cold and aloof towards him), or does he crumble at the first sign of resistance from me?
If a guy is mostly making her feel negative, undesirable emotions and she’s not happy in the relationship, it’s only a matter of time before she says, “I want to break up.”
Likewise, when a guy is trying to get a woman back and is making her feel negative, undesirable emotions, she’s going to be saying things like, “Sorry, I just don’t feel the same way about you any more.”
She won’t explain to him what he needs to fix or how to fix it, so if he doesn’t work out how to change and be the man she wants, she will just move on.
So, if your ex is currently saying, “I don’t have feelings for you anymore,” don’t make the mistake of thinking that it’s because you don’t have big enough muscles, expensive enough clothes or handsome enough looks.
Your ability to attract your ex back is based mainly on how you make her feel when you interact with her.
When you start behaving in the types of ways that actively trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for you again (e.g. by being confident around her, making her smile and laugh, making her feel feminine and sexy in your presence) it makes her defenses come down and she becomes more open to the idea of forgiving you and giving you another chance.
On the other hand, if you lose confidence in your ability to make her feel attracted, and possibly start thinking things like, “She said she doesn’t want to get back together with me now. What if it’s because she has met a guy who is better looking than I am? What if I’m not man enough for her?” you will likely push her away even more because women are turned off by emotional weakness and insecurity.
If you want to make your ex want to get back together with you now, you must be confident.
You must be confident as you guide her back into a relationship with you.
You can do it.
Don’t waste any more time doubting yourself. You can make her want you back now.