If you are feeling stuck because you’re unsure how to contact your ex to get her back, here is what you need to know…
Any type of contact like text, e-mail or social media message is fine, but it should be short and to the point.
The aim of sending her a short message is to get her on a phone call (not just chat as a friend), so you can then create a spark of attraction to reactivate some of her feelings for you.
Then, on that phone call, you need to get her to agree to meet up with you in person.
Don’t waste time texting back and forth with her if you’re not actually getting on a phone call to arrange a meet up.
Texting as a friend or texting about the relationship will not make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, so don’t do it.
If you want to get her back, you must focus on reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction for you and that is best done on a phone call or in person.
If you don’t want to meet up with her right now, then make sure that you only text her in a way that will get her smiling, laughing and feeling good to be interacting with you.
Try to avoid discussing the relationship via text and definitely do not ask for another chance via text because to increase your odds of getting her back, that has to be said in person.
In the meantime, here are the answers to some questions you might be asking right now about contacting your ex to get her back…
1. Should I Ignore Her For a Long Time to Make Her Miss Me?
Some guys believe that by avoiding contact with an ex for a few weeks, and in some cases, even a few months, when they finally do get in touch with her she will be more open to the idea of getting back together again.
For example: A guy might think, “Right now my ex isn’t opening up to me and isn’t interested in giving me another chance. It seems that every time I contact her she’s always going over my past mistakes and how much I hurt her. Maybe if I just stay away from her for a while, she will stop thinking about the negatives from relationship and will start missing me instead. Then, when I finally do contact her she will be more open to the idea of getting back together again.”
Yet, that only works on women who can’t move on or who are secretly hoping to get back with him.
In other words, if a woman can easily attract new guys or can easily move on without her ex, then she’s not really going to care about the fact that she’s not hearing from him anymore.
Likewise, if she has been saying things like, “Leave me alone,” or “Just accept that it’s really over between us,” or “Please stop contacting me, I don’t want you in my life anymore,” then not hearing from him for a few weeks or months is going to seem like a blessing to her.
She will simply move on without him.
Yet, what about the kinds of women who do want their ex back, but need to see if he deserves it based on how much he has changed and how he now makes her feel?
With those types of women, a guy needs to actively get her back rather than ignoring her.
If he doesn’t contact her, she will likely be thinking, “I guess my ex didn’t really love me as much as I thought he did. He’s obviously over me, so I guess I need to forget about him and move on with my life,” and will then begin to disconnect from her feelings for her ex.
When her ex finally contacts her after 30 or 60 days and she tells him that she has a new boyfriend, he will likely ask himself, “I thought ignoring her would make her miss me more! Why didn’t it work? Why does she now have a new guy in her life rather than getting back together with me? I read on the internet that ignoring your ex is the best way to get her back. Why didn’t it work for me???”
Here’s the thing…
When a woman breaks up with a guy who she no longer feels enough or any respect or attraction for, she will usually move on if he doesn’t quickly reactivate her feelings and then confidently guide her back into a relationship.
So, don’t waste time ignoring her if what you really want to do is to get her back.
You have to use every opportunity you get to interact with her (e.g. via text, on social media, on a phone call, or in person) to reactivate her feelings for you.
By doing that, you plant a seed of hope in her mind that things really are different now.
She then starts to wonder, “Why am I no longer feeling so angry with my ex? Why am I thinking about him all the time and even missing him? Something has changed here. I want to be around him more. Why am I feeling differently now? This must be a sign that we are meant to be together.”
Then, all you need to do is build on her feelings in person and quickly guide her back into a relationship with you.
Don’t waste time ignoring her. Get the job done now. Get her back.
2. If I Keep Apologizing, Will it Convince Her to Give Me Another Chance?
Here’s the thing…
It’s only natural that if you’ve done something bad to cause your ex to feel angry or hurt, you are going to want to apologize to her.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying, “I’m sorry” to your ex if you messed up, but where some guys go wrong is by apologizing over and over again and taking the blame for everything that went wrong in the relationship.
For example: A guy might say, “I’m so sorry for what happened. I know that what I did was inexcusable and I don’t blame you for being mad at me, but please forgive me and give me another chance. I need you to forgive me because I can’t bear the thought of you not loving me anymore. What can I say to make you forgive me and look at me the way you used to do? Please give me another chance… I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
A guy like that is hoping that by apologizing repeatedly, she will eventually accept that his remorse is genuine and will then be prepared to give him another chance.
Yet, in most cases this doesn’t work. Why?
In most relationships, the real reason why a woman breaks up with a guy goes deeper than she might let on.
For example: A woman might be tired of being with a guy who has no purpose or direction in his life and sits around watching TV or playing video games all day long.
So, when he says, “Please forgive me, I promise I’ll stop watching so much TV if you give me another chance,” he’s simply highlighting to her that he still doesn’t understand what she needs from him.
He doesn’t realize that she didn’t break up with him because of his TV or video playing habits, but rather that his lack of focus in his life made her lose respect and attraction for him as a man.
If he stops watching so much TV, he’s still going to be the same lost guy that she dumped and he will just take up another pointless hobby to fill in time, rather than growing up and being a man of purpose who follows through on his biggest dreams and ambitions in life.
So, when a guy is apologizing repeatedly and making promises to change things that really don’t matter to her, what he’s actually doing is highlighting to her that he hasn’t fully understood the seriousness of what went wrong between them.
She can see that if she gets back with him, he’ll still be stuck at the same level that he was at when she broke up with him, which won’t impress her or make her want him back.
If you messed up in your relationship, you can start the process of regaining your ex’s respect by apologizing to her for your mistakes.
However, if you want to get her back after the apology, the most important thing you need to do is make her feel that you understand the real reasons that caused her to break up with you and have already begun to fix those things by taking a new direction in life.
Using the example mentioned earlier where a guy is lacking focus and direction in his life, a way for him to apologize that will spark some of her feelings of respect for him, is by saying something like, “I’m sorry about what happened between us. I now see where I went wrong and understand why it was necessary for you to break up with me. I accept that, but I also want you to know that I’m not the same guy you broke up with any more. Naturally, you’re probably not going to believe me right now and that’s okay. However, over time you will see for yourself that it’s the truth because I’ve already started [insert whatever applies to you here e.g. a new course on management, a new job, exercising now that I’ve quit smoking, making progress with that project I always wanted to work on]. In the meantime, I accept your decision to break up with me and don’t expect you to want me back simply because I’m a better man now.”
From there, you need to use every interaction you have with her to continue building on that initial spark of respect and attraction she felt for you.
3. Should I Keep Texting Her to Stay On Her Mind?
Contacting your ex for the first time via text message is a good way to get in touch with her, especially if she is currently not very open to the idea of talking to you on the phone or seeing you in person.
However, texting should only be used as a way of getting her on a phone call so that you can properly spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, and then arrange to see her in person.
The main thing to remember is that your goal is to get her back into a relationship with you not to be her new texting buddy while she quietly moves on without you.
A mistake that a lot of guys make is to focus too much on texting back and forth in the hopes that by doing that, they will stay on a woman’s mind and she will then be more open to the idea of getting back together again.
For example: A guy like this might think, “I know that she doesn’t want to get back together with me right now, but if I stay in touch with her and text her every day, she will have to realize how much I care for her. She will then want to get back together again because she will see that no guy can love her and care about her in the way that I do.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a woman has broken up with a guy, most of her positive feelings about him (e.g. her respect, attraction and love) will be pushed into the background and replaced by more negative emotions (e.g. anger, pain, bitterness) as a way of moving on from the relationship.
So, imagine how a woman who is currently feeling all these negative emotions is going to perceive a text from her ex.
He contacts her with pointless texts like, “Hey, how are you doing today?” or “How was your day at work?” because he’s trying to stay on her mind and seem like he is just being a nice, friendly ex who cares about her.
Will she think, “Oh wow, that’s so sweet! My ex still cares about me so much that he wants to know how I’m doing every day. Wow! Maybe I was wrong about him! He’s such a great guy!” or will she be thinking, “Why does he keep sending me these pointless text messages all the time? Why can’t he just move on with his life and leave me alone?”
If you guessed that she might perceive his texts in a negative way, you would be right.
Why? Nothing about that type of text will spark her feelings for him.
It’s just boring small talk that doesn’t make her smile, laugh or feeling attracted to him.
Plus, because she currently doesn’t have feelings for him, she will almost always feel annoyed that she has to reply to him.
It will feel like a waste of time for her and she will wonder why he just doesn’t leave her alone because she doesn’t have feelings for him now.
In his mind, he will hope that the texts will make her think of him in a positive light because he is being so caring and thoughtful.
Yet, it rarely works that way when texting an ex who doesn’t want to give the relationship another chance. Why?
Countless scientific studies have determined that up to 90% of all communication between two people is non-verbal.
Since she can’t see your body language, hear the tone of your voice or experience your confidence via text, she will usually just assume you’re the same guy that she broke up with.
You might feel confident when sending the text, but if you were insecure and emotionally sensitive near the end of the relationship and when she broke up with you, that is who she will be imagining.
This is why I always recommend that guys call their ex or, if she doesn’t answer, use humor in a text or two to create a bit of a spark of attraction and then immediately transition to a phone call where he can then arrange to meet her in person.
What Are You Waiting For?
What is stopping you from contacting your ex right now?
Are you letting negative thoughts like, “I don’t know how to contact my ex to get her back,” or “What if I contact my ex and she tells me she’s not interested?” stop you from getting in touch with her today?
Stop worrying about what might go wrong and start feeling excited about what might go right.
It doesn’t matter how you initiate contact your ex (e.g. text, social media message, e-mail, in person) as long as you do it as quickly as possible.
Send her a text, a message via social media, or drop her a quick e-mail now so you can get her on a phone call with you as soon as possible.
Then, when you get her on the phone, you must reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you and then arrange to meet up in person.
When you meet up with her in person, you simply need to continue saying and doing the types of things that will reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you, and then guide her back into a relationship.
Guys from all over the world have done gotten women back after a serious break up and you can do it too.