In fact, most guys don’t heal during the NC period and end up developing insecurities about their value to their ex and other women.
The best way to heal after being dumped is to build up confidence in your ability to re-attract your ex.
Doing so allows you to realize that you are a cool guy, you are valuable and you are worthy of her.
Here are 3 things you should do right now to speed up the healing process and get her back faster:
1. Get clear on exactly what issues are most important to her
Wanting to fix your issues is great, but if you waste time fixing the wrong things it will only end up pushing your ex away even more (i.e. because she will feel that you don’t understand her).
So, your first step to healing is to understand what really caused your ex to break up with you and why?
A woman might break up with a guy and say, “You’re too clingy. I feel smothered by the relationship. I need time for myself.”
She hasn’t fully broken up the relationship and he feels like he still has a chance because she just seems to need time for herself, so he accepts it.
Then, to show her that he’s fixed his issue of being clingy, the guy might then ignore her (e.g. for 30 to 60 days) and pretend to be more independent.
Yet, the deeper issues that caused his clinginess (i.e. insecurity, feeling unworthy of women in general, immature approach to love and relationships) are still there.
If she knows him well enough, she will know that he probably hasn’t fixed that and is just trying to impress her by cutting off contact.
She will assume that if they did speak again and she gave him another chance, he would simply be covering up his clinginess with an act of confidence and emotional independence.
Then, when they settled back into a relationship, it would begin to creep out again via jealous, controlling or insecure behavior.
At that point, she would have to go through the break up again.
So, rather than going through all that again, she just decided to move on while he is giving her space (i.e. using the no contact rule).
Meanwhile, during the no contact period, her ex is thinking things like, “What if she meets someone else while we’re apart and decides to completely dump me? What if she cheats on me? I know I shouldn’t be clingy, but I hate not knowing who she’s with and what she’s doing. I can’t lose her!”
Rather than actually being emotionally independent and enjoying life without her during the no contact period, he ends up becoming more and more insecure and clingy.
He looks through old photos, replays old memories of them together in his mind and tries hard to not worry about her potentially cheating on him.
Yet, no matter how hard he tries, he can’t stop worrying and stressing about potentially losing her to another guy.
So, what should he do to heal quicker and avoid having to wait 30 or 60 days to then contact her (by which time she will have most likely already moved on with a new guy)?
He needs to understand is that his clinginess is not really the issue, but rather a symptom of his insecurity about his value to her and other women.
By building up confidence in his ability to make her (and other women) feel attracted, he will stop feeling so unworthy of her and will stop worrying about another guy potentially taking her.
He will know that he is a cool, confident, valuable man that she and pretty much any other woman would feel attracted to if given the chance.
When he builds up that skill (it can be done in days), he will have truly fixed the thing that matters most to her.
He will have finally become a truly confident guy who can make her feel attracted at will, rather than clinging onto her and hoping that she doesn’t leave him or get bored of him.
Another example is if a woman breaks up with a guy because he spends too much time playing video games.
To show her that he’s changed and is no longer addicted to gaming, the guy might get rid of his gaming console and say, “Okay, I’m not playing video games anymore. I’m done with it.”
However, once again, he’s only addressing the problem on a superficial level and is failing to understand that to his woman, his gaming is only a reflection of his lack of purpose and direction in life.
She doesn’t really care about the games.
She wants him to offer her a feeling of security based on his determination to succeed in real life, rather than trying to succeed in a virtual world.
So, if he wants to fix that issue, rather than stop gaming (which will likely make him unhappy and may even cause him to start resenting her), he needs to find balance between playing games and striving towards achieving goals in the real world.
In the same way, once you fully understand where you really went wrong in the relationship with your ex, you will then be able to make the correct changes to your thinking and behavior.
She will then see that you truly understand her and as a result, she will be able to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you right away.
Not after 30 or 60 days.
Pretty much right away.
The next thing you can do, rather than just cutting off contact for 1-2 months, is to…
2. Ensure that you are 100% ready to properly re-attract her on a phone call and in person
On a phone call and in person is where the ex back process really speeds up, because you can quickly make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
On the other hand, if you just use the NC rule and hope that she misses you, she will most likely move on and fall in love with a new guy instead.
This is especially true if your ex dumped you because she no longer felt enough respect, attraction and love to justify sticking with a relationship.
If that’s the case, then she’s almost certainly just going to move on if you cut off contact.
This is why it’s so important that you are ready to re-attract her on a phone call or in person.
Do you know how to make her feel respect and attraction for you when you interact with her, or are you hoping that No Contact will make her miss you so much that it won’t matter?
Sometimes a guy will ignore his ex for a few weeks, or even months as a way of hopefully re-attracting her.
He’ll be thinking something like, “If I take some time apart to heal myself and fix my issues and then contact my ex, she will not only be impressed that I changed, but she will also have had plenty of time to miss me. So, she will then be glad to give me another chance.”
Of course, that’s if she doesn’t sleep with a new guy (or guys) and move on by getting into a new relationship.
At the end of the day, cutting off contact isn’t the solution for making a woman feel respect and attraction for you after a break up.
For example: If a guy cuts off contact and eventually texts or calls his ex after 30 or 60 days, she isn’t going to feel motivated to get back with him if he’s still making the same old mistakes (e.g. still giving her too much power during conversations, still doesn’t know how to make her feel feminine, girly and turned on during a conversation, still hasn’t become as confident as she wants him to be).
As a result, she rejects him and he is then left feeling heartbroken and lost about what to do next.
This is why it’s essential that you use any time after the break up to rapidly improve your ability to attract her and make her feel good to be talking to you again.
That way, she has a reason to get back with you when you call, rather than having a reason to reject you and continue moving on.
Another question to ask yourself is…
Have you actually changed and improved the things that matter to her, or have you only changed what you think she wanted you to change?
If you try to get your ex back by offering her the wrong things about yourself, she will feel as though you just don’t understand her, which will then make her feel even less respect and attraction for you.
For example: A woman might break up with a guy because he’s too emotionally sensitive and is unable to handle the pressures of life without falling apart, sulking or getting angry.
To get her back, he might then decide to not contact her as a way of showing her that he’s fixed his issues and healed himself from the break up.
Yet, that’s not what she wants.
She wants him to man up and handle the challenges in his life without running away from them.
Using no contact is just another example of him running away from issues, rather than being man enough to handle them head on.
So, rather than see his no contact in a positive way (i.e. that he’s using the time apart to change and improve), she will assume that it’s just another way for him to hide from his issues, or avoid facing up to what actually needs to be done (i.e. re-attract her and seduce her back into a relationship).
She may then think, “He clearly doesn’t get it. He’s still the same guy that he was before and if I give him another chance, he’s not going to change. I need to make it clear to him once and for all that it’s truly over between us. I then need to find myself a new man as soon as possible.”
She then cuts him out of her life (e.g. by blocking his phone number, unfriending him on social media, stops answering his text or calls) and focuses on moving on.
So, if you want your ex to give you another chance, don’t just ignore her and hope that it works to make her miss you like crazy and come crawling back.
Instead, focus on changing and improving what she really wants and then let her experience the new you when you interact with her.
That’s how real men get their ex woman back quickly and painlessly.
3. Know that she might be a bit reluctant initially, but you can change how she feels
Initially, your ex might be a bit reluctant to give you another chance.
She might even say things like, “I don’t know if this is such a good idea. What if we get back together and I end up being hurt all over again? I’m not sure if I want to risk that happening. I’m doing fine now on my own.”
If you try to convince her that the relationship is worth saving, by saying things like, “We have to give our relationship another try. I just know in my heart that we’re meant to be together. If you only give us a chance, I’m sure we can make it work. Even if you don’t feel a lot of love for me right now, I have enough love for the both of us to pull us through. Please take a chance. I promise you won’t regret it,” she probably won’t go for it.
The feelings have to be mutual for her to care about the relationship as much as you do.
It can’t all be about how much you want a relationship with her because it feels right for you.
It needs to feel right for her too.
The way to do that is to focus on making feel rushes of sexual and romantic attraction as you interact with her, rather than desperately trying to convince her to give you another chance.
For example: Use humor, be very confident, be emotionally manly, make her feel girly and feminine in comparison to how manly you are being and flirt to create sexual tension between you.
If you approach interactions in that way, she will naturally stop focusing on the negatives and open back up to you.
However, if your ex is a very stubborn woman and keeps saying, “I’m not sure. Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” just relax.
You can calmly and confidently say something like, “I know that you’re not sure about how your feel right now and that’s perfectly fine. We don’t have to decide on anything yet. Instead, how about we just hang out as friends? No pressure. We can get to know each other, based on the people we have become since our break up, rather than who we used to be before. Then, if you decide you never want to see me again, I’ll accept your decision and never contact you again. On the other hand, if you decide that you like the new me, we can see where things go from there. No pressure though. We don’t have to rush or decide anything.”
By saying something like that, you ease her concerns and she doesn’t feel like you are forcing her to make a decision that she might not be ready to make.
She then relaxes around you and opens herself up to seeing you as the new man you have become.
From there, just make sure that in every interaction you have with her, you are actively making her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you.
Important: Don’t behave like a nice, neutral friend and hope she will eventually want you back because you’re being so patient and nice.
It’s totally fine to be her friend, but just don’t be a nice, innocent friend who isn’t interested in her sexually or romantically.
Make her feel sexually attracted to you and flirt with her, so she knows that you feel sexually attracted to her too.
Soon enough, her guard will come down and she will be the one giving you signs that she’s ready to get back together again.
3 Mistakes to Avoid Making While Healing and Fixing Your Issues After a Break Up
It’s perfectly fine to take some time (3 to 7 days is usually enough for most guys who get help. Guys who try to fix their issues alone often need months) to heal from the pain of a break up and fix your issues.
Unfortunately, where a lot of guys go wrong is by making one or more of the following mistakes:
1. Waiting 30 days and not healing, so deciding to wait another 30 days
When a guy is confident in his ability to attract women, it doesn’t take him long to heal after a break up because he knows that he could easily get a new, attractive woman if he wanted to.
Whether he wants his ex back, or he decides to move on and find another even more attractive woman than her, 3 to 7 days is enough time for him to heal and get ready to interact with his ex and get her back.
On the other hand, when a guy is insecure about himself and his value to women, no amount of time ever seems to be enough for him to heal and fix his issues.
For example: A guy like that might do 30 days of no contact, only to realize that, despite waiting all that time, he’s still not feeling better about the break up or himself.
So, he decides to ignore her for another 30 days in the hope that this time he’ll be ready to get her back.
Yet, waiting longer doesn’t fix his insecurity about his value to her or other women and, by the time he contacts his ex, she has already moved on.
He is then left feeling heartbroken, alone and lost.
If he’s like most guys in that situation, he will lose even more confidence in his ability to attract new women.
So, months or even years of being single and alone (or hooking up with women that he isn’t very attracted to) will follow.
All the while, he will be missing his ex and regretting having taken way too long to fix his issues, contact her, re-attract her and get her back.
The next mistake is…
2. Telling her that you are trying to heal or recover
A woman doesn’t want to be part of your journey to self-discovery, confidence or manhood, especially when she has broken up with you.
She just wants you to figure it out and be the kind of man that she can naturally feel respect, attraction and love for.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t realize that and think that it might help to tell her that he is working on fixing himself, healing and becoming a better man.
For example: If a guy’s ex asks if she can contact him or remain friends, he won’t give her that option.
Instead, he will say something like, “I can’t deal with just being friends. I still care about you deeply. I need some time apart to heal from this break up. I will call you when I’m ready. In the meantime, if you change your mind and want to be with me again, just call me. I’ll be there for you.”
Secretly he’s hoping that she will feel sorry for him and then decide to give him another chance.
Yet, that is rarely the result he gets.
Women aren’t impressed by emotional weakness.
They want to be with a man who is emotionally stronger than themselves, not a guy that they need to take care of and be gentle with.
Additionally, a woman doesn’t want to be in a sexual relationship with a guy just because she feels sorry for him.
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t bother trying to make her feel sorry for you by telling her that you need to heal or that you couldn’t handle being friends for now.
Instead, just use any interactions that you have with her to reawaken her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
Allow her to see you as the man she wants you to be (e.g. confident, emotionally strong, emotionally mature, brave, emotionally independent, manly).
The more you display those types of qualities, the more naturally attracted she will feel.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Waiting so long to make a move that she moves on
Even if a woman still has some feelings for her ex, if she doesn’t hear from him for a long time (i.e. 30 to 60 days), she will eventually get fed up and move on.
She may think something like, “Well, he’s obviously moved on. I guess I didn’t matter to him that much after all. I’ve been a fool waiting for him all this time. Well, I’m not going to wait anymore. I’m moving on with my life as of right now.”
She then closes her heart to him and looks to find a replacement guy as quickly as possible.
Then, by the time he calls her up (i.e. when he eventually feels healed enough or ready to talk) rather than hear her say, “I’m so glad you called me! I’ve missed you so much,” she says something like, “Sorry, but I thought you’d moved on. I’ve met someone else now and I’m happy. Please don’t call me again.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
You don’t need to heal for many weeks, months or years to get her back.
You just need to take 3 to 7 days to quickly heal, improve your ability to attract her and then contact her to get the ex back process started.
Most guys are able to get their ex back right away by using that approach.
In more difficult cases, some guys need to interact with their ex woman 2-3 times before she is feeling enough attraction to give him another chance.
Yet, it works.
That approach is so much better than waiting for weeks or months and missing her the whole time and then interacting with her and turning her off.
Get ready to attract her, contact her and attract her, hook up with her and get her back.
That’s how a real man does it.
It’s easy, fast and you get what you want.
You get her back.
So, decide now to take control of the situation and do what it takes to get her back as soon as possible.