Here are 5 steps for making peace with your ex, which then also allows you to get her back if you want to:
1. Get clear on how the break up changed you in a positive way
A good way of doing that is by thinking about how you’ve learned from your past mistakes and how you’ve become a better man as a result.
For example: You might realize that…
- You’re now a lot more confident than you were before and this allows you to feel good about yourself regardless of what other people say or do. In other words, you no longer need your ex’s approval, or anyone else’s approval to feel worthy.
- You’re less insecure and self-doubting now, which means you don’t feel the need to get jealous or clingy when you’re with a woman. You know that you’re good enough and that any woman is lucky to have you.
- You’re more emotionally independent, which means that even though you want her back, you don’t need her back to be able to live a happy and fulfilling life.
- You’ve learned that to create a relationship dynamic that makes a woman want to stick around and treat you well; you don’t have to suck up to her and let her walk all over you. Instead, you can be ballsy and still be a good guy.
When you realize how much you’ve changed and improved since the break up with your ex, you will no longer blame yourself, or her, for what happened.
You will understand that everyone makes mistakes in a relationship sometimes and as long as you learn from them and become better as a result, there’s no reason not to make peace with your ex girlfriend.
When you interact with her and she sees for herself that you’re no longer the man she broke up with, she won’t be able to hold on to her negative perception of you anymore.
She will then want to make peace too, because it will feel like the right thing for her to do.
2. Spend an hour feeling grateful for her, the relationship and the break up
Regardless of how things turned out with your ex, when you take the time to be grateful, you will realize how much you gained along the way.
For example: By being grateful for the relationship you will be able to remember all the good times you and her shared together.
You will also recall many moments of laughter, happiness and love that will always be a part of you.
You will understand that you and her will always share a special and unique connection and that no matter what happens, she will always be a part of you because your life and hers have intertwined (even if briefly) and she helped you experience things that would never have happened without her (and visa versa).
Of course, things didn’t turn out as you may have hoped for, but even the break up is something you can be grateful for.
For example: You can be grateful that you’ve leveled up as a man because of breaking up with your ex and as a result, you can now easily re-attract her if you want to, or get another high quality woman (and keep her) if you prefer.
When you look at things in that way, you will naturally want to make peace with your ex girlfriend, because you will genuinely feel grateful for having had her in your life.
3. Get clear on what you would say and do to re-attract her and start the relationship again
For example: Do you need to apologize to her, or you have you already done that?
If not, then make sure that when you do, the apology is brief and sincere, not long, complicated or overly emotional.
Additionally, make sure that you don’t plead for another chance (it will make you look desperate, which is unattractive to women), or totally blame yourself (or her) for what happened.
Just briefly apologize for not living up to what she expected you to be, letting her down and causing her to have to go through a break up with you.
BTW: Don’t try to do the apology via text, email or social media.
Apologies are best done in person, or at least over the phone (on a phone call, or video call) because the woman can sense the sincerity in what you’re saying, rather than seeing a bunch of words on her phone or computer and having to guess at how you might be saying it.
So, try to get the apology done on a call, or in person.
Then, if you want her back: After apologizing to her, make sure that you focus on saying the kind of things that will re-spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you, so she feels motivated to make peace with you.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Keeping the conversation light-hearted and fun, so she finds herself laughing and smiling rather than frowning and looking for ways to get away.
- Adding in some playful teasing now and then to create some sexual tension between you.
- Showing her by the way you respond to her that you’re now a different man to the one she broke up with (e.g. more confident, ballsy, able to stand up to her).
- Passing her confidence tests by not getting upset if she creates fake drama and blames you for everything that happened.
When you approach her in that way, she naturally drops her guard and opens up to making peace with you and possibly even being with you again romantically and sexually.
4. Begin preparing yourself to be able to make her feel an undeniable spark with you again
It’s very important that you prepare yourself to properly re-attract her when you contact her, so she starts to feel a spark between you again.
In other words, you need to be able to attract her in the ways that she really wants.
For example: Sometimes a guy will contact his ex girlfriend and try to make peace with her by sending her flowers, writing her a soppy card, buying her a special gift, or some other gesture that he hopes she will see as being sweet and romantic.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that romance is only enjoyable to a woman if she respects him, feels attracted to him and is either falling in love with him or is in love with him.
So, rather than be impressed by his romantic gesture, she’s instead acts cold towards him and doesn’t seem interested in making peace at all.
This is why it’s so important that you prepare yourself to make your ex feel attracted in the ways that matter to her.
In other words, interact with her and make her feel truly attracted to who you are now.
Don’t try to sell yourself by telling her how much you’ve changed.
Let her experience the new you for herself, by listening to how you talk and observing your body language and actions.
When she does, even if she tries to hide it or pretend that she’s not feeling it, she will be feeling a flood of renewed sexual and romantic attraction for you.
She will then want to make peace with you for her own reasons.
5. Contact her and get her to agree to catch up and say hi as friends
Once you’ve prepared yourself to re-attract her, go ahead and give your ex a call.
Start off by using some humor to lighten the mood and make her feel relaxed and happy to be talking to you again, especially if she’s initially cold and unfriendly towards you.
Then, after a few minutes of light-hearted conversation where you reactivate some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you, you can say, “Hey, it’s been good talking to you. I feel so proud of us for being so mature about things and being able to laugh again together. I think it would be fun to catch up as friends and say hi in person. Of course, it’s not about getting back together again. It’s just two mature ex’s having a cup of coffee together and making peace after everything that happened. So, how about it? Which day suits you best?”
If you’ve made her feel attracted, she will likely say, “Yes,” but don’t be too disappointed if she doesn’t.
Most women don’t agree right away.
The important thing is that you maintain your confidence and then tell her that it’s no big deal and that it’s just two friends saying “Hi,” over some coffee.
She will then likely agree (especially if you’ve been making her laugh and smile during the conversation with you), because she will want to see for herself if you really have changed or not.
You can then meet up with her, fully reactivate her feelings for you and get her back if you want to, or make peace with her so you can both move on and make a fresh start with someone else.
5 Mistakes to Avoid Making if You Truly Want to Make Peace With Her
1. Trying to make peace by sending her a long letter, email or message
If your ex is refusing to talk to you over the phone or in person, you may feel tempted to make peace with her via a letter.
Yet, in almost all cases, a letter doesn’t get the results a guy is hoping for.
The main reason for that is because when a woman has disconnected from her feelings for a guy, she’s prone to view everything he says or does in a negative light.
So, if your ex can’t see your body language or hear the tonality of your voice, rather than give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re being confident, mature and sincere, she will likely assume that you’re too afraid to call her and make peace with her in person.
She will then lose even more respect for you for not being man enough to face her and say what you need to say.
2. Telling her, in detail, about all the things you have learned and gained as a result of being with her
It might look like you’re complimenting her for being a great girlfriend to you, but from her perspective, she feels as though she came out of the relationship a loser (i.e. because you gained from her but she didn’t get anything back in return).
She then feels resentful, used and annoyed.
So, don’t try to trick your ex into wanting you back by pretending that your letter is just an innocent expression of gratitude and that it’s all about her and that you don’t have an ulterior motive for sending it.
Most women aren’t stupid and can easily see through a guy’s intentions.
If she senses that you’re trying to suck up to her so she will forgive you and give you another chance, she will perceive you as being selfish and immature and then focus on moving on without you.
3. Asking her to make peace with you so you can get closure
Once again, that seems selfish to her and if she isn’t attracted to you, she’s not going to feel motivated to want to do it.
So, if you want to make peace with your ex, focus on doing it in a fair and balanced way.
She needs to feel as though she has also benefited by being with you and that forgiving you and making peace with you will be in her best interests as well, rather than it only being about you getting what you want.
4. Holding onto anger about your ex and it then ruining your future relationships with other women
The angrier you stay with your ex, the higher the chances of you becoming bitter and jaded.
You may then begin thinking that all women are the same (e.g. disloyal, drama queens, unable to commit).
Then, when you interact with other women, that belief will come through and make you either treat women like they can’t be trusted, settle for women that you don’t feel attracted to and won’t fall in love with, or avoid women altogether.
As a result, you never find a high quality woman to be with and you go through your life with feelings of anger and disappointment.
5. Wanting her back, but using a slow, ineffective approach and then regretting it for many years later
If you want your ex girlfriend back, then ignoring her, waiting for her to contact you, or waiting for her to forgive you before you make a move is a waste of time.
Not only does it slow things down, you also stand the risk of losing her to another man who comes along and makes her feel strong feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for him.
That’s why, you need to take action now.
Re-spark some of her feelings for you.
Make peace with her.
Get her back if you want to.