Here are 4 essential tips for writing a love letter to your ex wife, which help cause her to second guess her decision to leave you:
1. Keep it brief and to the point
Women don’t appreciate long-winded, emotional letters from men that they are not romantically in love with.
So, getting a letter from you going into detail about how much you love her and why you believe that you and her share a special connection and how you feel it would be a mistake to lose all that forever, is unlikely to impress her as much as you might be hoping for.
Instead, she will probably feel turned off by what she perceives as your neediness and emotional softness, especially at a time when she really needs to see that you’re being manly and in control of yourself.
So, be sure not to get all soppy and emotional and hope that it will make a difference to her.
The best approach is to keep your letter brief and to the point, while still being interesting and fun to read.
In that way, you will make her feel curious about you and she will then open up to talking to you on the phone, or seeing you in person.
It then becomes a lot easier for you to reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back, compared to if you tried to achieve all of that in a love letter.
2. Use some humor to keep it light
Humor is always an effective way to break down a woman’s defenses and make her feel less closed off and defensive.
So, don’t be afraid to use it in your letter to her.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should write jokes or anything like that.
Instead, while you’re telling her how much you value what you and her shared together, you can then throw in a joke about something she used to do for you to make her reconnect with some positive memories from your marriage together.
For example: You might say, “I really miss your laugh,” you can then use some humor by saying, “Especially when I burn dinner and you’re not there to make fun of me anymore!” and if appropriate, add a smiley face or an “Lol” to let her know that you’re just teasing her.
When you use humor and get your ex wife smiling and laughing, it becomes a lot more difficult for her to hold on to her negative feelings about you.
Instead, she starts to feel some respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, it becomes a lot more difficult for her to remain closed off.
She then naturally becomes open to interacting with you over the phone and in person to see how she feels (i.e. does she feel attracted to you again or do you turn her off with your attitude, conversation and behavior).
So, don’t be afraid to use humor to break the ice when you write a love letter to your ex wife.
Just make sure you don’t overdo it and come across as being too silly and non-serious and end up turning her off instead.
3. Say sorry, but keep it brief and sincere
It’s important to apologize for the one or two main things that you know really matter to her.
- If you allowed everyday stresses and bothers (e.g. running a home, taking care of expenses and bills, looking after your children) to come between you and her and cause you to become emotionally distant and preoccupied all the time, apologize for that. Let her know that you now understand how she felt left out and alone in the relationship because of how you closed yourself off in that way.
- If you took her for granted (e.g. by expecting her to do all the housework even though she also has a job, not pulling your weight with the children, not making time to do things together anymore as a couple, not appreciating the efforts she made to be attractive for you), then say you’re sorry for that.
- If you put more value in the opinions of your boss, friends, or family and disregarded her feelings time and again over theirs, let her know that you now see how that made her feel disrespected and undervalued.
Don’t go on and on about it though.
Just mention the problem briefly, add that you now understand how it made her feel when you did that thing and say you’re sorry.
By calmly apologizing to your ex wife, while being confident and emotionally mature enough to admit your mistakes, you’re showing her that you’re no longer the same man she divorced.
You have learned your lesson and are taking positive steps to become a better man than before.
This is attractive to her.
It automatically re-sparks some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you and brings down her guard, thereby opening up the way for you to seduce her and get her back.
4. Leave her wanting more
By keeping the letter short, to the point and making her laugh, you’re essentially giving your ex wife a taste of the new and improved you.
She then feels curious about the changes in you and she then becomes more open to talking over the phone and meeting up with you in person to experience them for herself.
So, make enough of an impression on her to motivate her to want to find out more about you, rather than revealing too much about yourself, your feelings and what you’ve been up to since the divorce so she feels like there’s nothing left to say.
5 Love Letter Mistakes That Can Turn Your Ex Wife Off
1. Going into a lot of detail about your relationship problems
A guy might do that in a love letter to his ex wife, because he wants to show her that he’s serious about her and wants to fix things so they can get their marriage back together again.
Yet, what he doesn’t understand is that as his ex tries to read through the pages and pages of problems, the opposite of what he’s hoping for happens.
She quickly realizes how troubled their marriage was and may begin to believe that it would be impossible to repair.
She then starts to close herself off from him even more.
Here’s the thing…
When you send a love letter to your ex wife, you have to focus on making her feel attracted and happy to be hearing from again, rather than stressing her out by focusing on all the problems you experienced as a couple.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with apologizing for a mistake or two, but you shouldn’t dwell on the problems and turn it into something that pushes you and her further apart.
Instead, make sure that the main focus of your letter is to make her smile, feel good and open her up to wanting to talk to you over the phone and see you in person again.
2. Constantly putting yourself down in the letter to hopefully gain her pity
In most cases, a woman can see right through a guy’s secret intentions (i.e. he’s putting himself down to make her feel obligated to forgive him and give him another chance out of pity).
Yet, women don’t want to be with a guy out of pity.
As a result, she will lose even more respect for him for trying to manipulate her in that way.
She will then likely decide that she’s better off discouraging him by being cold, distant or even ignoring him, rather than give him false hope that there’s a chance of them getting back together again.
Here’s the thing…
Putting yourself down a little can work, especially if you were taking her for granted, but she will already pick up on the fact that you’re sorry based on the one or two main things you apologized for.
However, from there, you need to leave her wanting to know more.
You can then apologize further in person, where it really matters.
3. Hinting at or directly asking her to reconsider her decision for the sake of the children
Even if getting back together will be the best thing for you as a family, the fact is that a modern woman doesn’t want to be forced into a relationship with a man out of a sense of duty.
This takes the romance out of the marriage and turns it into an obligation.
That only creates a relationship dynamic where he’s happy to have her back and she feels resentful, trapped and like she’s missing out on being happy and in love with someone else.
Remember: A woman wants to be with a man because she loves him and because he’s someone she can look up to, rely on and respect.
So, if you want your ex wife back, you need to make her want it too based on how you make her feel when she’s with you, not blackmail her into it out of feelings of guilt.
Remember: Even if your ex wife decides to give your another chance for the sake of your children, if nothing about you has really changed or improved, she will leave again and this time it will likely be permanent.
So, don’t waste your chance to get her back.
4. Telling her that you want her to be happy, when you really don’t
Lying about the fact that all you want is for her to be happy now, even if that means her moving on and finding a new man to be with, is not a good idea.
Remember, your ex wife knows you well enough to know what you would be thinking (i.e. that you want her back for yourself and you definitely don’t want her having sex and being happy with another guy) and the usual tricks you would use on her to keep her around.
So, don’t lie.
There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you still miss her from time to time, as long as you’re being confident, mature and emotionally strong when you say it.
By being open and honest with your ex wife in a strong, emotionally masculine way (rather than a needy, insecure, emotionally weak way), you’re building on her feelings of respect for you.
The more she respects you, the more she will feel attracted to you and with those two emotions building up inside of her, it then becomes easier for her to reconnect with her feelings of love for you.
That’s how it works.
Respect comes first, then attraction and then her love for you begins to flow back into her heart.
So, focus on that and forget about trying to trick her into opening back up to you by lying to her.
That will likely only backfire on you, especially if she contacts you and says, “Great news! I’ve met someone else and I’m happy now,” and you then have to pretend that you’re excited for her.
5. Using the same old approach to attraction that she became bored of in the marriage
If you try to re-attract your ex wife by using the same approach as before, (e.g. being too pushy and controlling and not taking her feelings into consideration, or being too soft and giving her too much power over you by letting her call all the shots, or trying to convince her to want a relationship even though she no longer feels sexually attracted to you and instead has neutral feelings for you), she will most likely reject you.
This is why, you need to start creating feelings of sexual and romantic attraction inside of her instead, so she naturally opens back up to you.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Showing her your confidence and emotional strength every time she pushes you away and acts cold and indifferent towards you.
- Bringing back the fun and laughter in your interactions with her rather than being so serious all the time.
- Teasing her in a ballsy, flirtatious way so she starts to feel desirable in your presence again.
When you do that, her sexual and romantic feelings for you naturally begin to resurface, whether she wants them to or not.
You can then build on those feelings and get her back, without her even realizing she’s falling in love with you all over again.