5 possible reasons why your ex has become emotionally closed off to you are:
1. She can see that you don’t understand how to give her the type of attraction experience she really wants when in a relationship with a man
In most cases, a woman won’t break up with a guy before she’s tried (often several times) to make him understand what she really wants from him.
For example: A guy might get into the habit of breaking his promises to his woman (e.g. he tells her that he will take her to see her favorite show/to a romantic restaurant/on an exotic vacation, but he never follows through on his promise to her, or, he promises her that he will fix the leak in the roof/repair a broken window/mow the lawn, but he never gets around to doing it or only does it if she nags him continuously about it).
Initially she might say to herself, “I know that his finances are a bit tight at the moment, so he probably just doesn’t have the heart to tell me that he can’t afford the vacation right now,” or “That’s okay. He probably just forgot about how he promised to take me out to a show. I’m sure it was just a once off thing and that he won’t do it again.”
Yet, over time, if she realizes that he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t follow through on his promises, she will gradually start to lose respect for him.
She might then try to get through to him by saying things like, “I don’t like it when you say you’re going to do something for me and then you don’t. It makes me think that you don’t even care about me.”
If he then pays attention and starts sticking to his word, she will feel a big surge of respect and attraction for him for being man enough to change and her love for him will deepen.
On the other hand, if he just ignores her or tries to appease her by promising to do it some other time, she will start thinking, “He just doesn’t get it. He thinks that just because I used to really love him, I’m going to put up with his broken promises to me forever. Well, it doesn’t work that way. I can’t be with a man who can’t keep his word. He has no idea how to give me the attraction experience I really want in this relationship and it’s now becoming clear to me that he never will,” and she will usually break up with him.
If he then tries to get her back and she says something along he lines of, “No. It’s over,” or “I don’t want to discuss it with you anymore. Forget about me and move on,” he might then wonder to himself, “My ex girlfriend has become emotionally closed off to me. I don’t understand why is taking those things so seriously. I mean, I was a great boyfriend to her in all other ways, so what is her problem? Why is she being so closed off?”
Here’s the thing…
If you want your ex to open up to you again, she needs to see that you understand why she broke up with you, have learned from the experience and have become a better man as a result.
It’s not about telling her.
Instead, it’s about letting her see it and experience it for yourself when you interact with her.
If you try to tell her that you’ve changed and that things will be different, her guard will be up.
However, if you just let her pick up on the fact that you’re no longer like that and have fixed the things that caused her to break up with you (e.g. you were insecure or you took her for granted), her guard will come down and she will open back up to you.
Let her experience it for herself, rather than trying to explain to her that you’ve changed and that things would be different if she just gave you one more chance.
You can let her experience it based on the way you talk, think, behave and interact with her now.
She will see for herself that you’re no longer the same man she broke up with.
- If you were too much of a pushover before and let her dominate and control the relationship, you can now take control in a confident, assertive, but easy-going manner.
- If she felt like she couldn’t be herself around you because of how strict or sensitive you were, you can now show her that you accept her for who she is and that she doesn’t have to adjust her personality to suit your insecurities or sensitivities.
- If you became too emotionally feminine, you’re now emotionally masculine.
- If you didn’t keep your promises to her, you are now a man of your word.
When she can see and experience the new you for herself, it becomes difficult for her to remain emotionally closed off from you.
She then can’t stop herself from feeling respect for you again for being man enough to admit your mistakes and then take action to improve yourself.
When she can respect you, she will then be able to feel sexually attracted to you and when that happens, her guard comes down and she naturally opens herself back up to you again.
On the other hand, if you keep trying to get her back without first understanding the type of attraction experience she wants from you, she will continue to be emotionally closed off to you.
Another reason why your ex may have become emotionally closed off is if…
2. You’ve begged and pleaded with her too much
When a woman closes herself off after a break up and refuses to discuss anything about the relationship with her ex, it might come as quite a shock to him.
Not knowing what else to do to get through to her, he might then start begging and pleading with her to try and make her open up.
For example: He might try to get through to her (e.g. via multiple text messages, long e-mails, or by calling her on the phone) over and over again and say things like, “Please baby, don’t do this to me! I don’t know why you’re being like this. What did I do that was so wrong? I’m so confused. If you keep yourself emotionally closed off from me, how will I ever be able to make it up to you? Please give me a chance. I beg you! Please stop being so guarded. I love you and I’m sorry. Please see that. Things will be different this time around, I promise. Just give me a chance. Don’t walk away from us.”
He’s hoping that by begging and pleading, she will see how upset he is because of how emotionally closed off she has been to him lately.
He then hopes that she will feel that she has punished him enough and open back up to him again.
Yet, in most cases, rather than make a woman think, “Awww… my ex is acting like a sad little boy and it’s all my fault for shutting him out the way I’ve been doing. He’s even willing to beg to get me back. He must really love me so much,” she will be thinking, “Why is he being so emotionally wimpy? Does he think I’m going to forget that he had been turning me off with his behavior because he’s now begging and pleading for another chance? Doesn’t he realize that it only adds to the list of things that are turning me off and makes me want to have nothing to do with him even more?”
Even if she previously was in love with him, it doesn’t mean much or anything to her if he just isn’t able to make her feel the kind of respect and attraction that keeps a relationship together.
Most women just don’t want to put up with being in a relationship with a man that they can’t respect and feel properly attracted to (e.g. because he’s insecure, he takes her for granted, he’s too emotionally sensitive).
So, when a guy is begging, pleading and coming across as being lost and confused, rather than make her change her mind, a woman will usually close herself off from him even more.
By the way…
If you’ve already tried to get your ex girlfriend to open up to you by begging and pleading with her many times to give you another chance; don’t worry – you can fix it.
Start by not doing it ever again in any kind of way when you interact with her.
Avoid any type of communication where you are subtly or obviously conveying a “pity me” type of vibe.
Using a “pity me” approach just won’t work on a woman who is emotionally closed off to you.
If you want her to want you, it’s essential that you focus on being an emotionally strong, emotionally masculine guy during interactions with her, so you can quickly and naturally get her respect back.
Once she can see that you’re not going to become a lost, confused, desperate guy around her again, she will begin to drop her guard and open back up to you.
She won’t feel like she has to keep you at arms length anymore to protect herself from your begging and pleading.
From there, you have to keep making her feel respect and attraction for the new you every time you interact with her, so that the idea of staying emotionally closed off to you doesn’t feel right to her anymore.
Another reason why your ex may have become emotionally closed off to you is that…
3. It all seems to be about you getting her back for your own needs, rather than making her feel what she needs
When a woman is being emotionally closed off, a guy will often try to get her to see how much he cares about her in the hopes that she will open up again based on that.
For example: A guy might say things like, “You mean the world to me and the idea of being without you makes me not want to go on with this life anymore. Please, just give me a chance to make it up to you. I have never loved a woman in the way I love you. You are everything to me. I will do anything to make you happy if you will just give me another chance.”
Yet, she can see that he’s only really saying that to get what he wants from her.
He wants her back and is willing to promise that he will do anything to make her happy if she gives him another chance.
It’s all about him getting another chance and she can see that.
If she doesn’t give him another chance based on what he is offering via text, he might also send her flowers or gifts, in the hopes that she will realize how much he loves her and give him another chance.
Yet, what a guy like that doesn’t understand is that rather than make her think, “Why am I being so stubborn? My ex obviously still loves me. I’ve got to him another chance,” she will be thinking something like, “Me, me, me! That’s all he can think about… himself! He needs me. He can’t live without me. Not once has he stopped to think about how I feel or what I want.”
So, if you want your ex girlfriend to stop being emotionally closed off, you need to stop worrying about how you feel and put the emphasis back on making her feel what she needs to feel to actually give you another chance.
For example: The next time you interact with your ex (e.g. on a phone call, or in person) rather than react in your usual way (e.g. try to make her open up to you and want the relationship), you can instead say something like, “Hey, I know that I’ve been going on and on about our relationship and bugging you about being emotionally closed off to me and I’m sorry about that. I see now that I was only thinking about myself and how much I care about you and miss you. That was selfish of me. I never stopped to think about what you’re going through and how you feel. So, I’m sorry if my behavior caused you any stress. I now realize that I could have been much more mature about it and just accepted your decision to break up with me. So, I’m sorry for putting your through that. I don’t expect you to believe me, or to want me back, but I just wanted to say sorry.”
Then, from that moment onwards, you need to show her via the way you talk, think, behave, interact with her and respond to what she says and does, that you’re a completely different man now.
You’ve understood what caused her to become emotionally closed off to you and you’ve taken steps to change those things about yourself.
When she can see for herself that you’re putting her feelings first, everything changes.
The process of getting her back becomes a lot easier, because she is feeling open to you.
She starts to enjoy interacting with you again.
It feels good to her and she actually looks forward to talking to you, seeing you in person, hugging you, kissing you and getting to have sex with you.
Another reason why your ex might have become emotionally closed off to you is that…
4. You’ve been asking her to explain to you what she needs from you
When a guy is faced with an ex girlfriend who is emotionally closed off, he might say to her, “Just tell me what you need me to do and I’ll do it. Tell me what you want. Being closed off isn’t helping either of us. If you just say what it is that you want me to do, then I can do it and we can work things out. Instead, by being so closed off, we can’t change anything.”
Although that might seem like the right thing to say to an ex woman and a guy may even believe that it’s what she wants him to do, the truth is, asking a woman what she needs from you is never a good idea.
A woman doesn’t want to be responsible for shaping you into the man that you need to become.
If she tells you how to attract her, your actions and behavior just won’t feel real to her.
It will feel as though you’re putting on an act just to please her.
So, rather than telling you what to do, a woman will usually just close herself off even more and sit back to see if you’re man enough to figure things out without her help.
If you can do that, she will be able to respect you again.
On the other hand, if you continue to ask for her help, or try to get her to open up to you again by being nicer, sweeter and more romantic than ever before, she will simply disconnect herself from you even more and try to move on.
So, to stop your ex from being emotionally closed off, you need to show her that you have what it takes to become a more attractive man to her without needing her guidance and support.
Another reason why she may have become closed off is that…
5. You’ve been reacting badly to her cold, distant attitude
It’s only natural that when a guy is trying to get his ex back and she’s being emotionally closed off, he might become a little bit frustrated and possibly even get a little angry with her.
However, losing his cool, calling her names or accusing her of being stubborn or selfish, is definitely not going to make her open up.
So, rather than taking her cold, distant attitude too seriously and allowing it to make you do something you might regret later on, there’s actually a much easier way to break her out of that.
What is it?
By getting her to smile, laugh and enjoy herself when she’s interacting with you.
…especially, if she starts out being cold, rude, mean or distant.
Women are impressed by and attracted to men who don’t crumble under the pressure that women place on them.
So, when you interact with your ex (e.g. on a phone call and in person) and you make her smile and laugh (especially if she starts out being cold and distant towards you), she won’t be able to stop herself from opening back up to you, even if just a little.
No matter how determined she is to keep you at arms length by being cold and unemotional, all it usually takes is a little smile to crack her defenses and allow her to open herself up to you again.
When her defenses come down, she then begins to enjoy feeling respect and attraction for you again.
You become the guy that she wants, rather than the guy that she wants to get rid of.