If your ex cheated on you, here are 4 things to consider before you make your decision:
1. Will you really forgive her?
For a relationship to last, a couple must be able to trust each other completely.
If that trust isn’t there, it will eat away at the relationship by causing one or both people to behave in unloving, disrespectful ways.
So, the question you should be asking right now is not, “Should I get back with a cheating ex?” but rather, “If we get back together again, will I be able to honestly, truly forgive her and move forward in a new relationship together without me always bringing up what happened in the past or subconsciously holding it against her?”
If you honestly believe that you can forgive her and start over with a clean slate and build a relationship that is better and stronger than it was before (i.e. because you’ve both grown and matured from the experience), then yes, you can feel justified in making the decision to get back with your cheating ex and give the relationship another chance.
However, if you don’t feel like it’s possible for you to fully forgive her and deep down, you will always be wondering, “Is she going to cheat on me again?” or, “Did she enjoy kissing him or having sex with him more than she enjoys it with me?” and being suspicious of her actions, then the answer is “No,” you probably shouldn’t get back with her because it will just end up causing you more pain and heartache.
The truth is, even though you definitely have a good reason not to want to forgive your ex for cheating on you, if you decide to get back with her, you have to be able to fully forgive her if want the relationship to last.
So, before you get back with a cheating ex, make sure you can honestly forgive her, which will then allow you to stop holding onto the past and focus on the present and future with her.
Another thing to consider is…
2. Will you seek to get revenge later on?
You can do that to her if you want to, but will getting revenge by cheating on her when she loves you again get rid of the pain she made you feel, or make you lose the relationship and regret it later on?
It’s something to honestly think about.
For example: Sometimes, a guy will consider getting back together with a cheating ex just so he can make her fall in love with him and then cheat on her to get revenge.
Yet, he ends up falling for her charms again and loves her completely and she then goes and cheats on him again, breaking his heart for the second time.
So, before you get back with a cheating ex solely for the purpose of getting revenge on her, ask yourself this question: “Is she really worth wasting more of my time on her?”
You may be thinking that the answer is “No.”
Yet, if you honestly believe that the answer is, “Yes” then go ahead and get her back.
Don’t listen to what anyone else tells you.
If you want her back, get her back.
Enjoy a relationship with her again and then decide what you want to do later on.
Another thing to consider is…
3. Will she do it again?
Although there’s no excuse that makes it okay for a woman to cheat on her guy and is often her fault, in some cases, it’s the guy’s fault and he has essentially driven her to cheat.
For example: If a woman finds herself in a relationship with a guy who fails to make her feel respect, attraction and love for him (e.g. he treats her more like a neutral friend or big sister than a desirable, sexy woman, or he makes her feel more like a mother figure to him, or he stops paying attention to her and expects her to just stick around and put up with it), she may begin to get bored.
Then, if she happens to interact with a guy (e.g. at work, university, in her hobby group) who gives her the attention that she’s so desperately craving and makes her feel feminine and girly in contrast to his masculine vibe, it may become difficult for her to remain faithful.
If something like that happened with your ex, then her cheating on you once doesn’t mean she will do it again.
It may have just been a mistake that she now regrets and she never intended to do it.
She just felt bored because you weren’t making her feel the way a woman wants to feel in a relationship, so she stuffed up and fell for some guy’s charm at a bar, party or wherever.
So, if you want to get her back, you’ve got to make sure that you can now make her feel attracted in the way that was missing in the relationship (e.g. if you were insecure, you are now very confident and can make her feel girly and feminine in comparison to your masculine vibe and confidence).
Yet, here’s the thing…
A woman cheating isn’t always the guy’s fault.
There are some women out there who enjoy lying, cheating and breaking a guy’s heart.
Sometimes, women like that do it to make themselves feel better because they were once cheated on.
It keeps happening until they finally meet a guy who makes them want to be totally committed.
You can be that guy, but you have to be willing to try a different approach to attraction and the relationship (i.e. you have to create a dynamic in the relationship where she is trying to impress you and wants to treat you well).
Yet, before you do that, you have to decide whether or not you want to give her another chance.
So, the question is…
Did your ex make a mistake, which she now regrets and desperately wants to make up for, or is she just a woman of bad character?
If you can’t be sure that she will remain faithful to you the next time around and you still want her back, you need to seriously ask yourself why.
Could it be because you lack confidence in yourself and in your ability to find another (even better) woman other than her?
If that is the case, then it’s more important for you to start believing in yourself and improving your ability to attract other women as you talk to them (i.e. so you can enjoy your choice of women), than it is to get her back.
Another thing to consider is…
4. Have you fixed the things about yourself that turned her off in the first place?
When a woman cheats on her guy, it’s often because she is desperate to experience the type of sexual attraction that she feels is lacking in her relationship with him.
For example: If a guy gets into the habit of treating his woman more like his best friend or ‘one of the guys,’ she will naturally stop feeling like a feminine, girly woman when she’s with him.
When that happens, she might start looking outside of her relationship with her guy, to find a man who is more emotionally masculine and can make her feel the way she wants to feel in a relationship (i.e. feminine and girly).
Another example is where a guy wasn’t affectionate enough (e.g. he never told her he loved her, he avoided touching or kissing her unless it was during sex).
This type of behavior will cause her to lose respect and attraction for him over time and feel as though they aren’t in a loving, supportive relationship.
She will then hook up with a guy who gives her the attention and affection that she craves.
So, if you want to get back with your ex, you should focus on quickly fixing the things about yourself that caused her to cheat on you with another guy.
- Becoming more emotionally strong if you became emotionally weak in the relationship.
- Becoming more loving and emotionally open, if you became closed off, selfish and aloof in the relationship.
- Becoming more masculine in your behavior, if you fell into the habit of behaving in a less masculine way in the relationship.
3 Mistakes That Some Guys Make When Thinking About Getting Back With a Cheating Ex
Before you make your final decision about whether or not to get back with your cheating ex, be sure to avoid the following mistakes…
1. Not blaming her if it really was her fault
If she is a bad woman who can’t be trusted in a relationship with any guy, then you shouldn’t be blaming yourself for the cheating.
Unfortunately, many guys don’t learn what you are now learning, so they blame themselves and try to convince themselves that she really did just make a mistake this one time and would never do it again.
For example: A guy might say, “She really seemed remorseful for what she did. I’m pretty sure that if we got back together again, she wouldn’t do it again. Besides, everyone makes mistakes. That is her mistake and maybe it will even bring us closer together and make our relationship rock solid. After all, when she sees that I am willing to stick with her no matter what, she will see how serious I am and want to commit to me. She will know that she will never find another guy who loves her as much as I do.”
So, the question for you now is this: Do you think it was just a mistake and she wouldn’t want to do that again, or do you think that she is the kind of woman who would cheat on pretty much any man she was with?
If she made a silly mistake, then you can forgive her and not worry about it, but if your gut instinct is telling you that she would do it again, then don’t invest your heart and mind into a relationship with her again.
You can get her back to have sex with her a few more times, but just don’t commit to her emotionally.
The next mistake to avoid is…
2. Not blaming yourself if it was your fault (or at least partially your fault)
In a relationship, it’s the man’s responsibility to create a relationship dynamic that makes his woman want to nurture and deepen the love between them.
Based on his approach to the relationship, the woman will either feel motivated to contribute to the relationship and be good to him, or she will feel like pulling away, being closed off and treating him with less and less respect over time.
The fact is that a woman is at her happiest in a relationship when she has a man who is good to her, but who also makes her feel motivated to be good to him, treat him well and make him feel loved.
Where so many men go wrong in a relationship with a woman, is by either putting in way more effort than her into the relationship to hopefully get her to love him and treat him well, or not putting enough effort into the relationship and causing her to feel like she is being taken for granted.
The best approach is a balanced approach where you create a relationship dynamic that causes her to want to be good to you, treat you well, be affectionate and be loving towards you, while you also treat her well at the same time.
When that happens, both of you don’t ever feel the need to break up. You only want to be together with each other in a committed relationship because that’s when you feel the best, most fulfilled, most loved and happiest.
So, what are some examples of a bad relationship dynamic that will bring out the worst in a woman?
Sometimes a guy will become overly controlling and jealous towards his woman, which may then cause her to become angry, resentful and closed off towards him.
She may then start lying to him and doing things behind his back (e.g. interacting with guys on social media in secret, going out after work with friends or colleagues without telling him) because she feels smothered by his jealousy.
He might then try to control her even more (e.g. by forbidding her to go out, checking up on her whereabouts, reading her messages and e-mails, getting her to unfriend any guy on social media that isn’t a family member).
As a result, she becomes so angry at him and the dynamic he has created that in the heat of the moment, she cheats on him with another guy as a way of asserting her independence.
How about you?
Is it possible that you pushed your ex to act out in a way that went against her fundamental nature?
Is she a good woman who really wouldn’t want to have to cheat on a man in a relationship, but you essentially pushed her to do it by making her put up with an unhappy, annoying relationship dynamic for too long?
If so, then you need to accept some of the responsibility for her cheating.
It’s not all your fault of course, but if you did make her feel compelled to do it, then it’s good to accept your part of the blame for what unfortunately happened.
Then, if you decide to get back with her, you need to make sure that you’re not going to behave the way you did in the past.
You’re going to be a new man that she wouldn’t want to cheat on and you’re going to bring out her good girl side, so she wants to treat you well, be loyal to you and love you no matter what.
The next mistake to avoid is…
4. Not improving your ability to keep a woman happy in a relationship
If you decide to get back with your cheating ex, you can’t just assume that everything will be okay now because she apologized and said she won’t do it again.
If you want the relationship to work this time and for her to be faithful, you need to improve your ability to keep a woman happy in a relationship.
The first step is to understand what was missing in your relationship with her (e.g. Were you too insecure or needy? Did you treat her too much like a friend rather than making her feel like a sexy woman? Did you allow her to dominate you emotionally?).
If you don’t take that first step and just get back with her, she will almost certainly break up with you or cheat on you again in future.
So, if you want to get her back, make sure that you approach it in a way that increases her attraction for you and makes her feel grateful to be getting another chance with such a great man as yourself.