Here are 5 common reasons why an ex girlfriend will say that she likes who she is without you:

1. She was never able to be her true self around you

She was never able to be her true self around you

If a woman is normally very confident and sociable, but her boyfriend ends up becoming shy and introverted, it can cause her to feel as though she’s not being her true self anymore.

Another example is where a woman is usually a bit feisty or challenging, but finds that she has to suppress that side of herself because her boyfriend is too emotionally sensitive and starts to sulk and complain if she isn’t nice, sweet and gentle with him all the time.

Girlfriend not able to be her true self

Another example is when a guy lacks drive and ambition in life and encourages her to be the same.

She then holds herself back (e.g. doesn’t aim to get a promotion at work, doesn’t get the degree she always wanted, spends most of her time relaxing, drinking, getting high, browsing social media, hanging out with him and his friends), because she doesn’t want to make her boyfriend feel as though she is leaving him behind in life.

By suppressing her true self (i.e. the ambitious, forward-thinking side to herself), she ends up settling for being less successful than she would be if she was on her own, or if she were in a relationship with a different man.

If she realizes that she isn’t being her true self in the relationship, she might get to the point where she resents her boyfriend for holding her back or making her be someone that she doesn’t want to be.

She then breaks up with him, so she can be free to be who she really wants to be.

Her ex boyfriend might then say to her, “Why are you doing this? I still love you. Please let’s try work things out between us again. How can you just turn your back on me…on us?” only for her to reject him, by saying something along the lines of, “Sorry, but I like who I am without you. I haven’t felt this happy in a long time.”

Here’s the thing…

For a woman to want to stay in a relationship with a man, she needs to feel as though he is bringing out the best in her, not the worst.

If a guy can’t do that, she will eventually break up with him at some point.

If a guy can change and allow her to be her true self, she will be happy with him again and won’t want to leave.

Likewise, if a man has been dumped by his ex girlfriend in a case like this, he can get her back by interacting with her and letting her see that she can now be her true self around him.

He should not say something like, “I will let you be your true self” or anything like that.

Instead, he has to interact with her on a phone call or in person and let her see for herself that she really does feel differently when she talks to him now.

She likes who she is with him now and she wants more of it.

Another possible reason why an ex girlfriend will say that she likes who she is without you is because…

2. You and her got into the blame game

The blame game in relationships

Most relationships have their ups and downs, but the couples who stay together are the ones who understand that no-one is perfect and that arguments, disagreements and mistakes will happen along the way and it’s not a reason to turn and run from the relationship.

When a couple doesn’t have that mutual understanding, they will often end up blaming each other for the problems in the relationship, until one or both of them end up feeling tired and stressed from the relationship and wanting to leave.

Eventually a woman might start thinking things like, “I hate who I have become in this relationship. We’re always nagging, whining and blaming each other. There’s just no peace and understanding between us anymore. I’m not the happy go lucky woman I used to be. I used to be so sweet, nice and loving. Now, I just feel like crap. Maybe it’s because of him.”

She may decide to just walk away and try to find a new man, rather than putting up with a relationship has become emotionally toxic.

So, if your ex is saying that she likes who she is without you, it could be because you and her kept making the same mistakes over and over again, without either one of you taking responsibility for your actions (i.e. getting into the blame game).

To get her back, you need to be the more mature person and show her (via your actions and the way you interact with her) that you’re not that guy anymore.

Let her see that you have learned from your past mistakes and are a better man now.

Another possible reason why an ex woman will say that she likes who she is without you is because…

3. You were too controlling

You were too controlling

Women do like to be with a man who is dominant, but they don’t like to be with a man who is controlling to the point where she ends up feeling as though she’s not her true self.

For example: A woman’s boyfriend might stop her from seeing her single friends, he might check her phone/e-mail/social media to see who she is interacting with, forbid her to talk to/hang out with any guys at work and even insist that she wear only the types of clothes that he approves of.

Sometimes guys do that because they are insecure and sometimes they do it because they just don’t know how else to behave when in a relationship with a woman.

For example: A guy might think, “This is how my father treats my mother and they’ve managed to stay together. Yes, they aren’t the happiest, most in love couple in the world, but they are together, so I should be doing the same thing. Besides, isn’t being jealous a clear sign of how much I love her? She should be flattered that I care so much about what she does, what she wears and who she hangs out with. She is lucky that I love her this much. She needs a man like me to take care of her. Without me, her life would be a mess. ”

Yet, here’s the thing…

A woman will always be happier, more in love with, more respectful of and more attracted to a man who lifts her up and trusts her, compared to a man who brings her down and is suspicious of her.

Whether a man is being controlling because he is insecure and is worried about losing her, or because he doesn’t know how else to behave in a relationship, it really doesn’t matter to the woman.

What matters to a woman is how she feels in the relationship.

If a woman doesn’t feel like she can respect her man, then she won’t be able to feel attracted to him anymore and as a result, she will fall out of love with him.

It won’t matter how much he tries to control her, or how much he tries to suck up to her after she breaks up with him.

If she can’t respect him as her man, the whole thing falls apart.

This is why, to get her back, your first priority must be to regain her feeling of respect for you by interacting with her on a phone call or in person and letting her see that you really are different now.

So, if your ex girlfriend is saying that she likes who she is without you because you became too controlling, you can recover from that.


By turning your past controlling behavior into something you and her can laugh about together and as a result, she will naturally begin to believe that you really have made some changes to your thinking and approach to her and to women in general.

For example: If she says, “I like who I am without you,” you can jokingly say, “What are you talking about? Do you mean to say you didn’t like being controlled by me, told what to wear and who to hang out with? Who wouldn’t want that?” and then have a laugh with her about that.

By using humor to laugh at yourself and your past behavior, it shows her that you now understand where you went wrong.

It also allows her to feel some respect and attraction for you again for having the balls to acknowledge your past mistakes (i.e. your controlling behavior), rather than acting like it was fine or it never happened.

She then begins to think to herself, “Wow, he’s actually admitting that he was controlling in the relationship with me. I can’t believe I’m thinking this, but maybe he really has changed. Maybe if I did end up giving him another chance, things would be different this time. Am I crazy to be thinking this way? Should I see him? Why do I feel like I want to?”

She will then drop her guard a bit and allow herself to interact with you some more (over the phone and in person) to test whether you really have changed, or if you were just putting on an act and will quickly return to your old, controlling ways.

Another possible reason why an ex woman will say that she likes who she is without you is because…

4. One of you is a lot more mature than the other

At the beginning of a relationship, a couple will usually overlook obvious flaws in each other (e.g. they are very different people, one is more of a jealous type than the other, they don’t get each other’s sense of humor, they don’t have the same kinds of friends, one of them seems to be a bit selfish or self-centered), because the spark of new love and lust is so strong.

So, rather than look at the other person with a more critical eye, a man and a woman will usually think something like, “He/she is okay! We don’t see eye to eye on some things, but I’m sure we can iron that out in the future as long as we love each other enough” or, “We’re not a perfect match, but this is fun for now. Besides, we both enjoy the sex, so why not?”

Yet, after the initial thrill of being with someone new wears off, the flaws or unappealing traits of the other begin to become more obvious and sometimes even annoying.

For example: If one person matures a lot faster than the other, they will naturally start to grow apart and one or both of them will realize that they’re no longer a good enough match.

So, if a woman matures faster than her man (e.g. she stops partying all the time and wants to focus more on her studies or career, whereas he prefers to hang out with friends and be more carefree. She becomes more serious and goal oriented, while he prefers to do things day-by-day. She wants to get outside and do things on the weekend with friends who are in relationships too, but he just wants to stay home and drink or get high and play video games or watch TV), she will eventually begin to feel that she is being forced to suppress her true self for the sake of the relationship.

Before long, she will start to resent him for not growing up and reaching for experiences at different levels of life (e.g. getting promoted at work, having children, getting married, getting a house together, hanging out with friends who are also leveling up in life).

If he doesn’t listen to her when she expresses her dissatisfaction to him, then the respect, attraction and love that she originally felt for him will begin to fade away.

Of course, sometimes it happens the other way around.

For example: A man might grow up and mature faster than his woman and that may cause him to try to change her (e.g. by forcing her to be more responsible than she wants to be, expecting her to follow along with him even though she doesn’t want to, pressuring her to get married or get pregnant, pushing her to work harder to get a promotion at work).

Either way, there comes a point where a woman may start to think, “I used to feel good around him, but now it just feels horrible. I’m not happy anymore. I can’t be my real self with him. It’s so forced. I have to leave him. I have to take care of myself and how I feel. I’ve had enough of this.”

She then breaks up with him and focuses on being the person she wants to be, rather than the person she was being forced to be when with him.

3 Common Mistakes to Avoid in Your Situation

Regardless of what your ex is saying right now, you have to understand that you really can change how she feels.

You really can reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you, make her love the new you and and make her miss being in a relationship with you.

To ensure that you are successful at getting her back, try to avoid making one or more of the following mistakes…

1. Asking her if she will ever change her mind

If a guy hears his woman say that she likes who she is now without him, it can be a real punch in the stomach.

It’s like he has no value in her life anymore and is no longer necessary.

So, when a guy is feeling like there is no hope, or if he doesn’t actually know that he can actively change her mind by reactivating her feelings, he might ask her something like, “Do you think that you will ever be able to change your mind and give me another chance? Can you at least promise you’ll think about it before you decide to move on forever?”

Deep down, he hopes that she will realize how much he cares for her and then agree to get back with him again based on that.

Although it would be nice if a woman’s psychology worked in that way, it doesn’t.

When a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy and he isn’t doing anything to fix that (i.e. by interacting with her and reactivating her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him), she won’t feel motivated to change her mind.

In fact, she will probably try to move on from him even faster to avoid being pulled back into a relationship out of feelings of guilt for the pain he is experiencing.

So, if you want your ex to change her mind, you have to make her change it by reactivating her feelings for you.

The more you interact with her and make her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you again, the more she will naturally begin to miss you and want to be around you.

However, if you just sit back and do nothing to change her mind about you, she will probably move on with a new guy and forget about you.

The next mistake to avoid is…

2. Telling her that you will wait for her

When a woman says that she likes who she is without her ex boyfriend, he might think she’s just going through a phase and will eventually snap out of it and come back to him.

So, he might say to her, “That’s fine. You deserve to have time to yourself. I promise that I will wait for you no matter how long it takes.”

Yet, once again, that’s not what a woman wants to hear.

Him waiting for her is not going to change how she feels (i.e. turned off by him).

If he wants her back before she falls in love with a new guy and gets into a serious relationship that last for years or a lifetime, he has to do something about it, rather than taking a back seat and hoping that she comes back on her own.

Sometimes a woman will come back on her own, but it’s such a low success rate approach that it’s not recommend for men who actually want to get their woman back quickly and keep the relationship together.

If a guy doesn’t care about getting her back, then great – just wish her the best and if she comes back on her own, you can then decide if you want to give her another chance.

Yet, the chances of a woman going back to a man that she no longer fully respects, feels attracted to or loves is pretty much close to zero.

So, if your ex girlfriend isn’t going to be missing you like crazy and running back to you, it’s important that you make her feel attracted to you again, so she actually has something to miss.

The next mistake to avoid is…

3. Asking her what you need to change to make her happy to be with you

When a guy has no idea how to re-attract his ex-girlfriend, he will often make the mistake of asking her to tell him what he needs to change.

Asking a woman what you need to change is the worst thing you can do.


When a guy says, “Just give me a chance. Tell me what you want me to change and I’ll do it, I promise” what a woman actually hears is something like this, “Please teach me how to be the man that you want me to be, because I don’t have a clue. I need you to take the lead me through the ex back process, so I can get you back. Tell me what to do and how to do it. I will then be a good little boy and do whatever you say. You have all the power now. I will do whatever you want.”

The woman then feels turned off by his desperation, cluelessness about how to attract a woman and lack of masculinity (i.e. inability to come up with a solution, or learn a solution and then use it to fix the problem between him and her).

She then says something like, “You just don’t get it. Please, just accept that it’s over” and then stops wanting to talk to him anymore.

A guy might then feel angry and ask himself, “Why can’t she just tell me what to do? Wouldn’t it make things easier for both of us? She would get what she wants from a man and I won’t be annoying her or turning her off anymore. Why can’t she just tell me? She has the answers. Why won’t she help me?”

One of the main reasons why is that a woman doesn’t want to have to try to make things work with a guy who doesn’t yet understand how to be a man.

She wants to be able to relax and be a feminine woman who is naturally in love with her man, rather than having to teach him, help him and guide him until he eventually becomes one.

Additionally, if she has girlfriends who are happy in their relationship, she will know that there are men out there who understand how to be the man in a relationship and make a woman feel happy, in love and attracted.

She doesn’t feel like it’s fair that she has to be stuck trying to help her guy man up or create a more enjoyable relationship dynamic.

So, if you want to convince your ex to give you another chance, you need to change and improve some of the things that turned her off before you interact with her again.

Don’t waste months doing that.

Get it done in the next few days and then contact her and start the ex back process.

If you waste time and just hope that she comes back, you will almost certainly be disappointed when you see that she is happy and in love with a new guy.

She is your woman, so do something about it.

Get her back.

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