Here are 5 possible reasons why a woman tell her ex boyfriend (or recently dumped boyfriend) that her heart is now closed off to him…
1. She has given him plenty of chances, but he still hasn’t been able to change
A woman will usually give her guy more than one chance to change and improve before she makes the final decision to break up with him.
For example: She might say things like, “If you don’t change, I’m going to leave,” or “I’m really tired of all the fighting and arguing. I’m sick of trying to make things work between you and me. If we don’t sort things out right away, I’m going to break up with you for good.”
Naturally, most guys in the world are good guys and they don’t want to see their woman unhappy, so a guy will usually say something along the lines of, “Yes, I promise that this time, things will be different,” or “I don’t want to hurt you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right between us.”
For a little while, he may even try really hard to please her and do whatever she says to keep the peace.
However, if eventually he starts to slip back into his old pattern of thinking and behaving, she will then decide to break up with him.
To make sure that she can move on without him, she will begin to close her heart off to him and get ready to open herself up to meeting new guys.
When her boyfriend asks for another chance, she will say something like, “No, it’s too late. You had your chances. It’s over now. You have to accept that.”
Not knowing what else to do, a guy will often start begging and pleading with her, by saying something like, “I’m sorry! I know that I stuffed up again, but I promise that if you give me just one more chance, I won’t let you down this time. You mean everything to me. Please don’t do this. I love you. Just give me one more chance.”
Unfortunately, by that stage, a woman is usually thinking, “No way. How many times does he think I’m going to fall for the same promises and excuses? He’s had more than enough chances and I’m not going to put myself through that kind of pain and disappointment again.”
So, no matter what he says, she will try to remain disconnected from her feelings for him and not care about losing him.
When he notices that she’s not giving him another chance, a guy might then pour his heart out in a long e-mail, letter or text message (e.g. telling her how much he loves her and how much she means to him, talking about the past and how good things used to be, promising to change and become a better man if she takes him back) in the hopes that he can soften her up and make her change her mind.
Yet, that approach rarely works.
Why?
When a woman has closed the door to her heart, he needs to first re-spark her feelings of respect and sexual attraction before she will consider reopening that door.
Her feeling that way about him can only happen if he can now show her (via his actions and behavior) that he really has changed.
More importantly, she really does feel differently when she interacts with him now.
She feels respect, attraction and love and feels hopeful about how good a relationship together could be now and in the future.
That’s what you need to make your ex feel.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys “jump the gun” or “put the cart before the horse” or “try to get the end result (a relationship) before putting in any work to truly change themselves and become more emotionally attractive to her,” by just asking for another chance right away without even changing.
When a woman has gotten to the point where she has broken up with her, she won’t want to be convince to give him another chance based on the promise that he will change in the near future.
Some women will give a guy that chance, but not if he’s done it once, twice or many times before.
There’s only so much that a woman can take before she thinks, “I deserve better than this. I’ve got to move on.”
What your ex will want to see is that you have already improved and become a better man than you were before.
You’ve got to let her experience the changes in you for herself, rather than just telling her that you’ve changed.
Words are meaningless to her at this point, unless they come with a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
When your ex girlfriend can see that you remain confident and in control, regardless of what she does to throw you off and make you revert to your old behavior, her negative opinion of you will begin to fade.
She will start looking at you as being a new and improved man.
As a result, the idea of opening her heart to you again will start to feel good to her.
Another reason why a woman might tell her ex that her heart is closed off to him now is that…
2. She has met someone else who makes her feel more respect, attraction and love
When a woman breaks up with her man, it’s usually because her wants and desires in the relationship don’t match what she’s actually getting.
As a result, her feelings of respect, attraction and love begin to fade over time.
For example: She wants a man who is confident, assertive and emotionally independent, but her guy is just too insecure, needy, clingy, timid or self-doubting.
As a result, they never get to experience the kind of love that lasts a lifetime.
Watch this video for more information…
To make a woman want to be with you for life, you have to be able to give her the kind of attraction experience she really wants in a relationship.
Otherwise, you won’t get to the Blissful Love stage of a relationship and will break up after the relationship gets boring by remaining stuck in the working stage for too long.
Here are some more examples of not giving a woman the kind of attraction experience she really wants…
She wants a man who is more emotionally dominant than her, but her guy tends to be too nice, easily manipulated and who allows her (and other people) to get away with pushing him around and treating him badly.
She wants a man who has a definite purpose and direction in life, but he doesn’t really care about succeeding or achieving things and just wants to spend time with her and waste time on hobbies (e.g. video games).
She want a guy who is emotionally masculine and emotionally mature, but her guy often acts too childish and makes her almost feel like his parent.
She wants a guy who genuinely loves her and cares about her, but her guy stopped being like that after being with her for a few months.
He was nice at the start, but slowly started turning into an irritable, angry, selfish boyfriend who took her for granted.
So, when a woman finds herself in a relationship that isn’t providing her with the kind of attraction experience she really wants, it’s only natural that she will eventually decide to break up with him.
She will then close her heart off to him and attempt to move on without him.
If he changes, she will open back up to him, but if he wants to keep her without changing, her heart will remain closed off.
Not knowing what else to do to get her back, some guys become very emotional and begin making all sorts of mistakes that only make the situation worse.
For example:
- Crying to her and saying things like, “I can’t live without you,” or “My life is a mess without you. I haven’t been able to function since we broke up. I need you”).
- Begging and pleading (e.g. saying things like, “Please forgive me. I’ll do anything you want me to do. I promise to change if you just give me one more chance”).
- Writing her a long letter, e-mail or series of text messages to express how he feels and how much she means to him.
- Promising to wait as long as it takes for her to be ready to open her heart up to him again.
Although the above actions might seem okay because it’s based on his love for her, it’s not okay for the woman.
Women are not attracted to emotional weakness or emotional dependence in men, so his desperation for her is a turn off.
Additionally, because she no longer feels respect and attraction for him, she isn’t interested or impressed by his declarations of love for her or his promises to change.
For romance to be enjoyable and welcomed, the feelings have to be mutual.
It cannot be one sided.
If a man has feelings for a woman (i.e. he is sexually attracted to her, respects her, loves her), but she doesn’t have feelings for him, she isn’t going to enjoy his attempts to get her to commit to a relationship with him.
Until the feelings are mutual, a relationship is not an option.
So, if you want your ex to actually care about you and want to be back with you, it’s essential that you make her have feelings for you again.
By the way…
If you ever feel the urge to be emotional and show her how upset or hurt you are about the break up, don’t do it!
It never, ever helps with getting a woman back who has closed her heart off to you because women are not attracted to emotional weakness or desperation in men.
For a woman to feel respect and attraction for a man, she needs to be able to see that no matter what life throws his way (e.g. a break up, a financial crisis, raising a family, trouble at work), he is always man enough to remain mentally strong and in control of his emotions.
Of course, a woman is fine with a man temporarily feeling negative emotions when faced with problems, but the important thing is that he then gets right on with fixing the problem or finding a solution like a man.
He doesn’t lose control of his emotions, cry or seek pity from people around him like a woman would.
He approaches life like a real man and keeps pushing forward with confidence, no matter what life throws at him.
That’s what women really want in man.
If a guy refuses to be like that and just expects his ex girlfriend to give him another chance just because they used to be in love, she’ll close herself off from him and say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but my heart is closed off to you now. Please accept that it’s over between us and move on.”
In many cases, a guy will then feel heartbroken by her rejection and go on to develop a real fear of relationships with women.
It will literally begin to eat away at his confidence around women and as a result, he will struggle to re-attract his ex girlfriend and, if he tries dating again, he will struggle to attract and keep a quality woman.
He will force himself to accept a lower quality woman because he fears that any other type of woman wouldn’t want to stay with him in the long run.
He is wrong.
He is good enough for his ex and he is good enough for a high quality woman.
The problems in his life arose when he used the wrong approach when trying to get her back (e.g. trying to convince her to give him another chance, seeking pity from her, expressing his feelings for her).
That’s not what gets a woman back who has closed her heart off to a man.
What does work?
Fixing the core issues about himself that have been turning her off (e.g. insecurity, lack of emotional masculinity, giving her too much power during conversations and interactions), so she can then feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new and improved him.
Yet, that’s not what most guys do.
Most guys aren’t willing to man up and start being the kind of man that their ex girlfriend can naturally feel respect and sexual attraction for.
Most guys want their ex girlfriend to give them another chance out of pity, or because of how in love they used to be.
That just doesn’t cut it.
It’s not good enough.
You have to be a man about this and get her back properly, or else you will suffer the consequences (i.e. she will reject you, you will most likely lose confidence in your attractiveness to women, it will cause you to feel insecure in your next relationship and potentially get dumped for that).
Another reason why a woman might say that to a guy is because…
3. She knows that he doesn’t understand the missing pieces to the attraction experience she seeks
A woman will rarely admit the subtle reasons why she is breaking up with a guy, because she doesn’t want to help him understand how to get her back.
Not knowing what to offer her, a guy will often focus on all the wrong things and mess up his opportunity to get her back.
For example: He might try to open her heart with romance, by…
- Sending her bunches of flowers with a sweet card saying something like, “I’m so sorry for hurting you. I will give my life to make it up to you.”
- Writing her a long letter expressing his feelings for her and talking about the special connection they shared.
- Calling his local radio station to dedicate love songs to her.
- Enlisting friends and family to get her to a surprise romantic dinner he’s planned.
- Sending her a gift.
Here’s the thing though…
Although a woman might appreciate that her ex is going to a lot of trouble to make it up to her, if she perceives his actions as being superficial (i.e. he’s trying to be romantic, but isn’t getting to the core of the problems between them), she will just keep saying, “I know you mean well, I’m not going to change my mind. My heart is closed off to you now.”
This is why you have to get to the core reasons for the break up and begin to fix those things, rather than trying to bribe your way back into a relationship by offering her superficial things that won’t really matter to her at all.
If you’re unsure what her real reasons for breaking up with you were, here are some questions to help you find out…
- Did you stop being the confident guy she first met and instead became insecure, needy and clingy in the relationship?
- Did you stand up to her and put her back in her place in an assertive, but loving way when she disrespected you, or did you put up with her bad behavior and let her walk all over you?
- Did you laugh at her in a loving way when she tried to intimidate you by being mean and nasty during a conversation, or did you get upset and angry at her most of the time?
- Did you get along well with her friends and family, or were you too shy, anti-social or jealous of the other people in her life?
- Did you stop being emotionally masculine around her and instead started behaving more like her friend, or worse, started to behave in a feminine kind of way at times?
- Did you remain emotionally strong throughout the relationship, or did you become emotionally sensitive and need her to be gentle and nice to you, or else you would become upset, irritable or moody?
- Did she mature a lot faster than you?
Once you understand what she really wants you to change about yourself to be able to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, it then becomes easier to get her back.
You can target the areas that really matter and then get ready to show that to her the next time you interact with her.
On the other hand, if you waste your time changing things that she doesn’t care about (e.g. being more romantic, improving your physical appearance, being extra nice to her) she isn’t going to be impressed because it isn’t why she really broke up with you anyway.
Another reason why a woman tell her ex boyfriend (or recently dumped boyfriend) that her heart is now closed off to him is that…
4. He has broken her trust one too many times in the past
In a relationship, a woman needs to be able to trust her boyfriend (or husband) to be a man of his word all the time.
It’s not enough to just be honest for the first few months, or even most of the time.
You have to be a man of your word at all times, so she can put her full trust in you.
So, when a guy behaves in ways that erode a woman’s trust, she will naturally start to disconnect with her feelings for him.
Initially, she might try to convince him to change by saying things like, “I don’t like it when you promise me thing and then do another,” or “If you lie to me again, I’m going to break up with you. I can’t be in a relationship where I don’t fully trust a guy.”
If the guy keeps breaking her trust in him (e.g. because she doesn’t take her warnings seriously), she will eventually break up with him.
To get her back after a break up due to trust issues, you’re going to have to get her trust back first.
How can you do that?
Not by saying, “I promise to never do that again! You can trust me this time, things will really be different,” because it’s unlikely that she will believe you now, after all she’s been through with you in the past.
A better way to go about it is by changing the things about yourself that eroded her trust in the first place and then passing her tests when you interact with her.
For example: Imagine a woman broke up with a guy because he was disrespectful of her ideas and opinions.
As a result, she could trust him to be nice to her, supportive and loving when she came up with ideas.
She then had to keep things hidden from him because she didn’t want him talking down to her and making her feel stupid.
She warned him not to talk down to her anymore and to be a more supportive boyfriend, but he didn’t listen.
He always ended up making her feel stupid or naïve in comparison to how smart and wise he was.
As a result, she stopped being so open with him for a while and hoped that he would change.
He didn’t.
She got to the point where she realized that she could trust her family and friends to be loving and supportive, but not her boyfriend.
This made her feel as though the relationship just wasn’t beneficial or fulfilling for her anymore and she decided that she was going to give him one more chance to see if he could change.
So, to test him, she said something that seems completely ridiculous to see if he would snap at her and call her an idiot, like he used to in the past.
For example: She’s a hairdresser and didn’t do very well at school.
All of sudden, she said to him, “I’ve decided to go medical school to become a doctor. What do you think?”
He then laughed and said, “You? A doctor? You’re not smart enough for that,” and shook his head at her as though she was stupid.
That’s not what a woman wants.
What a woman wants is for her man to be supportive by allowing her or even encouraging her to look into it further.
She can then find out for herself that she probably wouldn’t be smart enough to be a doctor.
Even though it might sound silly to her boyfriend and a complete waste of time, it’s not something that he should attack her about.
For example: Maybe she didn’t do well at school because she didn’t want to learn back then, but she really could become a doctor if she put her mind to it.
If she couldn’t, maybe it would lead her along the path of becoming a nurse, which would then make her just as happy.
Maybe that’s what she was destined for all along.
That’s why it’s always better to just be a supportive boyfriend and let your girlfriend make mistakes as she goes along, rather than making her feel stupid.
You never know what might happen if you follow a path that you seem interested in.
New doors open, you learn new skills and you find happiness in ways that you never thought possible.
Trust in a relationship comes in many forms.
It’s not just about keeping your word to a woman.
It’s also about keeping your behavior, your love and your support.
So many guys are nice and supportive for the first few months, or maybe even for the first couple of years, but they can’t sustain it after that.
If you want to keep a woman in a relationship with you for life, you’ve to do it for real.
You have to be a man that she can rely on all the way.
If you do, she will stick to you like glue and never let you go.
By the way…
I know this because I’m happily married to my sexy, young wife.
I met her when she was 20 and I was 35.
Despite the age difference, our relationship gets better and better every year that we are together.
That’s how it’s supposed to be.
That is what you can have with your girlfriend too.
It’s totally possible and it’s actually very easy to do, if you know what mistakes to avoid and the right way to do things.
A final reason why a woman might say, “My heart is closed off to you now” to her ex boyfriend is because…
5. She’s just talking about how she feels now
Right now, your ex might be saying things like, “My heart is closed off to you now. Just accept it and move on.”
Yet, that doesn’t’ mean her feelings can’t change.
Feelings change all the time.
Think about it…
There was a time when you were a complete stranger to her and she felt nothing for you because she didn’t know you.
Then, there was a time where you and her met and she was thinking things like, “He’s so cute. I really like him. I wonder if he might be the one for me.”
As your relationship progressed, she probably felt love for you and may even have said something along the lines of, “I love you. I want us to be together forever.”
Yet, after an argument or fight, she might have thought to herself, “He’s such a jerk! I hate him!” only to change her mind minutes or hours later (e.g. when she calmed down, you changed or improved the thing that caused her to feel angry).
Likewise, there is the time now where you’ve caused her to close her heart off you to.
As you can see, your ex’s feelings for you have changed multiple times, which means they can easily change again.
When you reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to the new you again, even if she tries to resist the feeling or hide it from you.
Something inside of her will switch back on.
She will feel like the relationship between you and her isn’t over and as a result, her heart will open back up to you.
She will then be yours once again.
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